They say smell is the sense tied the closest to memory, and I tend I to agree. I think of her, every time I catch a soft whiff of vanilla on a gentle afternoon breeze. I can see a pretty brunette, standing on the sidewalk, biting her bottom lip nervously, the way she use to, and not think of her. But as soon as that subtle scent, caresses my nostrils, I'm lost.
At first I thought about her all the time. The pout of her lips, deep, chocolate brown of her eyes and the shine of her silky hair. I was consumed with my longing to have her back. But after some time, I was able to get things under control. I could sleep at night without rolling over, expecting to find her beside me, then breaking down in tears when she wasn't.
Now I really only get that God awful, lost an lonely feeling, when it comes to vanilla. She never was one to be into strong perfumes, and the smell of flowers made her crinkle her nose. So she always were, this body spray, that complimented her. Delicate yet sturdy, womanly but not too girly.
I saved the bottle when she went away. For a while, I'd spray the apartment with it. Using the odor to cling to the past, as if she wasn't gone. But soon the contents was empty and the cologne gone. But still her essence lingered as if she was making certain I didn't forget her. As if I ever could.
It's been a year now. One long year to the day, since I lost her. It still doesn't hurt any less. I've lost close to fifty pounds since then, and I'm lucky to get more then two hours sleep a night. I know everyone's worried about me. But I'm surviving. Though I wonder if you can die from a broken heart.
I remember the day I got the news. I was at the rink, screwing playing around with Charlie and Banks when I caught a sudden trace of her aroma, just as the smell reached my nose, Adam's cell-phone rang and I felt a chill run up my spine.
"Are you sure?" He'd asked before hanging up and looking at me. "Guy, I'm so sorry."
I felt the color drain from my face. "No." I whispered shaking my head. "She can't be, I can feel her. I can smell, she's here somewhere. The vanilla, can't you smell the vanilla?"
I was overwhelmed with an almost dizzyingly thick cloud of the fragrance, it threatened to choke me, as I crumbled to my knees. Then it was gone, I could breathe again, but I didn't want to. I lay there on the ice, tears pouring down my cheeks, longing for that sweet smell again.