THE MAN SHE REALLY LOVED
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN OUR GIRL. THIS IS ONLY FOR FUN.
Georgie felt apprehensive as she entered the British Army Rehabilitation Centre in Warwickshire.
Even as she walked through the entrance, she wondered if it was a good idea to go and see captain James alone in person. She remembered only too well how he had expressed his feelings for her during their desperate ordeal in the forests of Belize.
She hoped that Captain James would keep things professional when she visited him, now that he was back in the UK and recovering from his injuries. But when she thought of the text messages he had sent her over the last couple of days, asking to speak to her, she was worried that the captain would try to express his romantic feelings for her again.
As she walked along the corridor, her anxiety grew and she considered turning round and going back. She did not want to start a romance with a member of her unit. And she definitely did not want to be the reason for a split between Captain James and Molly, both of whom had great respect and affection for.
However, despite her misgivings, she was determined to go ahead with the visit. Captain James had suffered a lot in the last few tours and she felt duty bound to provide as much support for him as she could. After all, she was the only one who could truly relate to some the recent trauma and anxiety he had experienced. If he brought up personal matters, she would deal with that in the appropriate manner.
When she entered the gym, captain James was cycling on an exercise bike while listening to music. He didn't see her at first, but as she approached, he turned off the machine and climbed off.
"Hi, sir." She said, trying to smile formally.
"Hi, Lane. It's good to see you." He said while towelling himself down.
"How are you?"
"Recovering well." He said. "It won't be long until I get a medical discharge."
"That's good, sir." Lane handed him the get-well card she had brought with her.
"You couldn't afford a stamp." He smirked as he opened the envelope.
"Have you seen the cost of stamps these days?" She replied. "It's cheaper to drive here myself."
Captain James opened it and read some of the comments left by the members of 2 section.
He chuckled. "Cheeky, bastards."
Georgie smiled at his reaction.
Captain James put the card down on a cabinet and looked at her.
"Did you get my messages? I tried to contact you. Why didn't you respond?"
Georgie stayed silent, not knowing what to say.
"Why did you ignore me? I needed to talk to you about what happened in Belize."
"I didn't ignore you. I was busy." She replied coldly.
"But I needed to clarify things with you. I needed to tell you how feel in person. I needed to talk to you about what happened between us."
George put her hand to her head. This was just what she feared. "Nothing happened between us."
"We can't ignore what happened out there, Georgie. It's important to both of us. We need to talk about it."
"No, sir. I just can't hear this. You need to go back to, Molly."
"That is what I need to talk to you about. It can go on like this between us. We can't be together..."
"I don't want to hear this, sir." Snapped Georgie. "I won't come between you and Molly."
"You don't understand, Georgie."
"I understand perfectly. I shouldn't have come. I should have bought a stamp after all."
"Lane, please listen."
"I have to go now."
Georgie turned and walked away.
"Lane." She heard Captain James call after her.
"Lane!"
Georgie reached the door and turned the handle.
"Georgie, please."
Georgie opened the door and moved to leave.
"It was all a mistake." Cried Captain James.
Georgie found herself stop half way through the doorway. His words seemed to have frozen her in place.
"It was all a big mistake in Belize, Georgie. My mistake."
Georgie turned to face Captain James.
"That is what I wanted to tell you." He said.
Georgie stood in the doorway, and looked back at the captain. He was still beside the cycle machine, looking at her with pleading eyes.
For a brief moment, Georgie wondered if it was all a ploy to get her back in the room. But she quickly dismissed that thought. Captain James had always been straight with her and she couldn't believe that he would try to manipulate her. Having decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, she closed the door and walked back to where Captain James was standing.
She stood in front of him and folded her arms. "Go on."
Captain James brushed his finger through his hair, as he often did when he was pondering a difficult situation. He looked down at the floor.
"I went mad in Belize, Georgie. I said things I should never have said." He looked back into Georgie's eyes. "I declared feelings for you I didn't really feel."
Georgie nodded. "So you don't believe you have.. romantic feelings for me after all then?"
Captain James composed himself and sighed. "No, Georgie. I don't. It was all a big mistake. That's why I wanted to speak to you so desperately. I wanted to tell you the truth and clear the air between us."
Georgie let out a big sigh of relief. But she immediately saw from the concerned expression on captain James' face that he had misunderstood her reaction.
"Please don't misunderstand me Georgie. I have a huge regard for you. I have always admired and respected you. You are one of the finest soldiers and medics that I have ever served with. You are dedicated to the well-being of your unit. You care for the people around you. And you risked yourself to save my life. I owe you my life. I appreciate and am eternally grateful for that. But that is where it ends."
"Don't worry captain." Georgie smiled up at him. "I understand. I truly do."
Captain James shook his head. "I'm ashamed of what I did out there. What I said to you was inappropriate and irresponsible. I put you in danger. I put 2 section and the special forces in danger. I put myself in danger. And I put the lives of innocent civilians in danger."
"Don't blame yourself, sir." Georgie reached out to gently touch him on the shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."
Captain James flinched away from her, avoiding her touch.
"But it was all my fault." He said bitterly. "I let my emotions get the better of me. I'm always telling others to not get emotionally involved. But that's exactly what I did. I treated you badly and endangered the lives of everyone. It was unprofessional and selfish of me."
"No, sir it was not your fault." George stepped forward and placed her hand on his shoulder again. "You were badly injured in a dangerous environment. You were dehydrated. You were in shock. You were delirious from pain and blood loss. You were in fear for your life and you were worried about the people around you. It's no surprise that your emotions would become confused."
Captain James looked down and shook his head. "What I said to you was unforgivable, Lane. I subjected you to sexual harassment. And in doing so, I betrayed both you and Molly."
"Listen to me, captain. What you said was understandable. Now I understand what you were going through. I didn't before, but I do now."
Georgie patted him gently on the shoulder.
"It was a very intense situation, sir." She said. "I was the one protecting and caring for you in a dangerous environment. It is no surprise that you imagined feelings for me that you didn't have. I sometimes develop intense feelings for the soldiers I treat, but I am used to dealing with the them. Belize was no different. So I understand what you went through and the things you said."
Captain James looked down at the floor and shook his head.
"Look, sir." Said Georgie. "In the army, men and women serve together under very intense conditions. It is no surprise that emotional bonds can develop between us. We just need to understand what these feelings really mean and recognise their limitations. And that is exactly what you are doing now."
Captain James nodded and smiled in recognition.
For a moment, they stood in an uncomfortable silence, not knowing what else to say.
"So are you back with Molly, sir?" Asked Georgie.
"Yes. She was given compassionate leave when her commanding officer received news of my injuries. She has been looking after me at home." Captain James smiled. " I forgot how sweet, caring, tender and funny she can be."
"That's good, sir." Georgie felt her eyes go moist as she spoke.
"We have spent a lot of time together. I only realise now how much I missed Molly, how much I truly love her. It horrifies me, that I could have thrown all that away. That…that I could have lost her. But everything is good now. Just as it should be."
"Yes, sir." Tears started to well up in Georgie's eyes. Captain James noticed the change in her emotional state.
"I'm so sorry, Georgie." He said with a concerned expression on his face. "I've been insensitive. I know the trauma you have experienced recently. I have thought only of myself. I shouldn't have brought this up."
"No, sir." George wiped her eyes as tears flooded down her cheeks. "You did the right thing."
"It looks like I have made another error of judgement." Said Captain James bitterly. "I misjudged Azizi. I acted inappropriately in Belize. And I cause the death of Elivis. And now this."
"No, sir. It wasn't your fault." Georgie struggled to speak between sobs. "None of it is your fault."
"And now I have upset you unnecessarily. I'm so sorry, Georgie."
Georgie shook her head as she wept. "No you don't understand, sir. I'm not upset. "She looked up him as the tears continued to run down her face. "I'm just glad to have the old captain James back."
Captain James looked at her a bit disconcerted. "But I have messed up so badly recently." He said.
"But you have the self-awareness to recognise your errors and correct them. You have demonstrated you care about your position as a British Army officer and the people under your command." Georgie wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And you have shown how much you care for me as a friend and colleague."
Captain James stood a moment looking at her. Then he nodded. Georgie noticed that his eyes were also starting to go moist.
"I better go now, captain." Said Georgie, wiping her eyes again. "There are things I need to see to."
Captain James nodded. "I understand. I hope that recent event events will not lower your opinion of me too much, Lane. I understand if you wouldn't want to serve with me again."
"It would be a honour to serve with you again, sir." Georgie dried her hand on sleeve and held it out to Captain James. He smiled with relief and they shook hands formally.
Georgie smiled and turned to go.
"Will you come back with the others when they come to visit?" Asked captain James.
"Yes, of course, sir." She replied. "I'll be here."
"Good." He said. "Kingy will need some support in keeping these cockwombles in line."
"Yes, sir." Georgie half laughed, half sobbed.
She walked to the door and looked round. He gave her a informal salute. She smiled and saluted back in the same way before walking through the door.
Georgie left the gym and walked down the corridor. Now she was alone, she could not stop the tears pouring from her eyes in a torrential flood. She stopped and leaned her back against the corridor wall, sobbing uncontrollably with her hands hiding her face.
A passing female nurse stopped beside her, a concerned expression on her face.
"Are you ok, corporal?" The nurse asked.
"It's, ok. I'm fine."
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?"
"No really, everything is fine." Georgie tried to compose herself as she wiped away the tears. "Everything is good."
The nurse didn't look convinced. But didn't press the matter. "As long, as you're ok."
"Yes, really. I promise you. Everything is ok. I'm fine."
The nurse shrugged and carried on walking down the corridor.
George wiped her eyes again. "Yes, I really am fine." She said to herself.
And she really was. Georgie really did feel fine. The tears were not of despair and sorrow, but of relief and joy.
After all, she was part of a story of true love. She was not the protagonist. But that did not bother her. Captain James and Molly would stay together, and she was part of that. Indeed, the events in Belize may even have strengthened the bond between them and that pleased Georgie.
But that was not the main source of Georgie's newfound happiness. The real reason she was happy was because she'd got the old captain James back. And that is all she had truly wanted.
She reflected on the old captain James from before; the officer who was dedicated to serving the British army; the CO who cared for the well-being of the men and women under his command; the mentor and paternal figure she looked up for advice and reassurance; the loving husband who was faithful to his wife; the man who recognised his errors and strived to correct them; the friend and colleague she could rely on; the man who always strived to do the right thing.
Georgie did not need or want Captain James as a lover. He was never meant to take that role. She did not love him that way. And she was happy that both she and Charlie understood that.
Georgie wiped the last tears from her eyes and smiled.
Yes, the old captain James was back and all was good in the world.
For in that traumatic moment in her life, that was the man she truly needed.
And that was the man she really loved.
THE END