A proposal of marriage, in which ever universe you prefer. I'd like to think this would have happened in the My Little Soldier Universe, before Theo, but I know there are some inconsistencies (age, personality, the way they speak). Then again, I began "My Little Soldier" when I was much younger, so I guess the "voices" of these character variations have grown with me as well.
I think I will be posting this as a one shot as well, but for right now, consider it a little glimpse into the lives of Tris and Tobias pre "My Little Soldier" and "Two Idiots and A Baby," (which I am currently working on updating if anyone still cares).
Life is going on, my dudes, college is starting, big changes are happening – I just hope I can find consistency with this site and this story.
Hope you enjoy! And sorry it's not a TIAAB chapter. I just didn't know where else to insert this - it didn't feel like a oneshot to me, I feel like it needed context.
PLEASE REVIEW MY FRIENDS, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND THANK YOU FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT.
Again, sorry for any typos and errors – I find that I only am able to write at ungodly hours so grammar and spelling has to suffer a little bit.
Disclaimer: When Uriah stops calling Tobias's back tattoo a tramp stamp, I'll own Divergent. Until then, Veronica Roth is still God.
ALSO this has a bit of bad language and some references to mature content ;))) but nothing in detail.
He wanted to marry her.
She knew it. She didn't know how, but something about his face and eyes changed between breakfast and lunch, and Tris just knew.
She sighed as she stared blankly at the spray coming from the waterfall, her legs drawn in so tightly to her body that her knuckles were turning white.
She was hiding – fucking hiding – from Tobias, and for what? Just because he had looked at her differently that afternoon?
Tobias stood higher up on the ledge, watching her silently, because while she had never voiced any reason of being upset with him, her quiet behavior from earlier in the afternoon seemed to send of warning bells in his head.
Tris can almost hear those bells chiming in his head, even over the spray of the waterfall, and she silently berates herself for not choosing to go hide out on the roof like she normally did when angry with him.
"I'm not right for you, you know." Her voice is small, but it's firm, and she hates that the only time she is able to be confident in herself is when she is doubting everything else.
Tobias's head snaps up, but Tris stays stone still with her back still facing him. She knows he heard her, and he knows that too, but he can't help but stumble out a startled "what" before composing himself.
"I'm not right for you."
Tris struggles to put it into words – to tell Tobias that there was no reasonable explanation that someone like him – someone so beautiful and powerful and gentle and sweet – should be stuck with someone like her. She tries to tell him that there's a hole in her chest – a gaping hole much larger than the chasm that's eating her from the inside out because she's scared that one day Tobias is going to wake up and "smell the fucking roses" and realize that the Tris he fell in love with was nothing more than a silly little fling.
Tobias is angry with her – offended even – and doesn't even say anything to her for what seems like hours, his arms folded tightly across his broad chest and his gaze fastened hard and fast on the falling water ahead.
Tris takes this silence as agreement, though, because while the two of them both know, deep down, just how stupid she was being, Tris was also still occasionally swirling around in the mindset of insecurity and inability to see that in the moment.
She tries a different approach – one with metaphors and similes – because she knows that Tobias actually really loves literature (she found a small case of worn out books in the corner of Tobias's old apartment and had smiled at every dog eared page), but she also knows that she's shit at these things so it comes out incredibly so odd and funky that it snaps Tobias out of his stare.
"You make me feel yellow."
"I make you feel yellow?"
"Yeah."
"Is that a good thing, or? – ,"
"Of course it's a good thing. You make me feel yellow. You make me feel all full and happy, like, you know, sunshine and daisies - ,"
They both grimace at Tris's words because while they were fairly optimistic people, they both chose Dauntless over Amity for a reason. Tobias slowly lowers himself down next to Tris, making sure that his left arm brushes right up against her right. Tris may have felt emotionally distressed at the moment, but Tobias's physical reminder of who they are to each other almost makes her snap out of her haze – almost.
"Look, what I'm trying to say is that you make me feel all these things – these incredibly, amazing things that I can't explain." Tris voice trembles a little, because she doesn't exactly know why she's trying to push Tobias away, but she continues on anyway, stubborn and persistent as always.
"You're just so – so passionate about what you do, and you're strong and handsome and you're voice is very - ," Tris clears her throat as a blush spreads down her neck, "you know, sexy. And you're powerful and confident but gentle and sweet and I know you've had a pretty fucked up life – an extremely fucked up life – and mine isn't even comparable to yours, but I'm seeing a therapist - ,"
Tobias's eyes widen slightly because that was news to him. Tris didn't like to talk feelings – neither of them really did – especially not willingly, so therapy was extremely something out of the ordinary for them – for anyone in Dauntless, really.
"And she seems to think that I'm emotionally unavailable which, personally, I don't think I am. I mean, if I'm emotionally unavailable, then you must be, like, a rock or something – but, that's not the point."
Tris takes a deep breath in, and Tobias feels like he needs to too, because the speed at which Tris is talking is making his head spin in circles.
"The point is you're like this whole package wrapped up with a shiny bow and I'm – I'm like a lump of coal that only the naughty kids get at Christmas. And you don't deserve that – you don't deserve a lump of coal, Tobias. You deserve candy and presents and the whole fucking cookie jar. You need someone who makes you feel how you make me feel – who makes you feel happy and full and yellow, not some mucky orange or - ," Tris's face twists in disgust, "or beige."
"You need someone to make you feel like you make me feel," Tris repeats firmly, her eyes fixed on the stones in front of her, "and I don't know if I can do that for you because I'm not a yellow person – I'm a-a beige person – a boring, dull, beige person and - ,"
"Tris."
Tobias wants to pat himself on the back, because where he wanted to take a staple and snap Tris's mouth shut, he instead gently places his hands across her frowning lips.
"Tris, please just – just shut up okay?"
Tris's eyes widen a little – not because of the brashness of his words - Tobias had always had a tendency to say whatever the hell came to his mind while drunk or agitated (or while fucking – especially while fucking) – but because of the way his eyes seemed to say so much more than just "listen."
"I want to marry you."
A small whimper of protest slips past Tris's lips and Tobias swipes his thumb firmly over her mouth as he leans in closer.
"I want to marry you – I want to put a ring on your finger and make you mine. I want to stand at the alter and kiss you under an arch and promise to love you forever in front of everyone we know."
The waterfall around them seems to quiet as Tobias's words pick up in intensity, and while Tobias didn't like talking emotion either, he needed Tris to hear this.
She can see people moving around in the Pit above from where she sits, and it's then she realizes that she has been looking around at everything but Tobias.
Her eyes snap back to him, and Tobias's eyes darken as he tugs on Tris's lower lip, his voice lowering to a husky whisper.
"I want to fuck you every day and every night until you can't speak – I want everyone to smell me on you so that they know that you are mine. I want to make you come over and over and over again so that the only thing you'll know how to say is my name."
Tris's breath is coming quickly now, and she knows that he knows that she's thinking of this morning, when Tobias had her pressed up against the bathroom countertop shaking and trembling around him far past the time they were supposed to meet the others in the dining hall for breakfast. She thinks he's about to lean in for a kiss, but he pulls away at the last second, his hand straying away from her mouth to tenderly caress her face.
"I want to wake up next to you," his voice is soft now, almost scared, like a child confessing his darkest fear, and Tris thinks she's about to get whiplash from how quickly Tobias went from dominating to domestic. "I want to watch you brush your hair and prepare for Faction meetings with your huge collection of those damn highlighters. You're not perfect Tris," – Tobias lets out a small laugh as Tris narrows her eyes at him, "God you're not perfect by any standards. You leave the bathroom light on, and you hate cleaning, and you never seem to understand that alarms are supposed to wake you up and aren't meant to be thrown across rooms."
Tris lets out a small huff, but she can't help the small tears forming in her eyes because when she had sat Tobias down ready to give him her little speech about her being so incredibly wrong for him, a small part of herself had convinced her brain that Tobias would actually agree with her, and that scared the hell out of her. But this – Tobias's firm grip on her face and his eyes already darkening to that black that Tris only ever sees when Tobias is serious – this insistence of his love scares her far more in all the right ways.
"And don't even get me started on your obsession with only eating the damn tops off of muffins," Tobias chuckles.
"You're not perfect, Tris, but you're so fucking imperfectly perfect that somewhere that all seems cancel out and I'm left with you. I don't fucking want yellow, Tris – I don't want sunshine and daisies and birds chirping and frankly, if I wanted that, I think I would have been better suited for Amity but - ," Tobias shakes his head, "but that's not the point either. I want you, Tris. I want your stubborn, dull, boring, imperfect, beige ass. I want you to punch me in your sleep and mutter whatever the fuck you mutter when you're thinking. I want to watch you paint your toenails and trip over your pairs of shoes and listen to you complain about Uriah and Christina - ,"
Tobias knows she gets the point by now, but it feels like a dam has broken inside his chest and he wants – needs – to let her know that he finally, finally has found something in this world that makes him feel fucking yellow, and while he knows good things never seem to last for him, this is one moment he'll make damn sure he won't fuck up.
His thumb brushes away the small tear that has strayed down Tris's face, and he gives her a small smile as his voice softens.
"I want to make love to you, and tell you you're beautiful, and cherish you every day. I want to have babies with you and start a family, and be a father – a good father - ," Tobias swallows hard, and now it's Tris's turn to wipe away the tear falling down Tobias's face. Tobias's casts his gaze down as he continues, his voice growing raspy with emotion and Tris takes his hands in hers.
"I want to hold your hair back when you have morning sickness and I want feel 'em kick for the first time. I want to argue over baby names and what color to paint the walls, and go the store at some ungodly hour to get you some ungodly craving. I want you to curse and scream at me when they're born -,"
Tris smiles at the word "they're." At least they both agreed that a big family was something they wanted.
"I want a son with your smile, and a little girl with your eyes. I want to watch them grow and teach them how to walk and read and I want to build a family with you, Tris. I want to build a life and grow old with you and I want to love you every single day of forever if you let me.
I want so much, Tris, so fucking much – but only if it's with you. Because being you – loving you – that's what makes me feel yellow.
"Okay."
"So please, Tris, just – just marry me."
"Okay."
"Marry me and I – , wait, what?"
"I said okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Okay as in yes you'll marry me or Okay as in - ,"
Tris takes her turn to slap her hand over Tobias's mouth, laughter reaching her eyes in full. Nothing can keep Tobias's mouth shut though, because his smile is far too bright for any dimming.
"So," Tris begins, her eyes flashing down briefly before snapping back to his own, "What was this about fucking me every day and night - ,"
Tobias can't help it now, and he lets out the bubble of laughter in his chest that had been swirling with ecstasy and love and happiness for the woman with the lopsided grin in front of him. He pulls Tris flush against him as her lips find his, and for a second they are both teenagers again sharing their first kiss under the spray of the waterfall.
They pause to take a breath as they rest their foreheads against each other, Tris's thumb pulling softly at Tobias's lower lip, and Tobias only gets a glimpse at her eyes before she pulls him in for another kiss – a less innocent one, this time.
Tobias pulls her into his lap and leans back against the stone of the waterfall. He smiles as his arms wrap tightly around her body, groaning quietly when her lips start trailing along his jaw, and he can't help but think about how fucking incredible the color yellow suddenly seemed to be.