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The kiss is still fresh on his mind when he walks into his room. He had never kissed her before, not like that. Before, at other kisses, the word "interesting" escaped him, now that word seemed inadequate, obscenely so, magnificently so.
He could taste her on his lips still, the memory fresh. He sits on the bed and notices when he closes his eyes he could still feel her lips pressed firmly to him. He licked his lips unconsciously at the memory, well not quite a memory, more of a sensation rising through him, making his chest feel light and his stomach turn into a caucus of knots.
Her lips against his, his lips against hers.
He was angry wasn't he, but that melted away, so fast, not even a memory of it just a knowledge. It melted away as he melted into her. He didn't expect that. This unfamiliar feeling, a passion he has never felt towards another person, a passion so different from any he felt before.
Surprise was a strong emotion he felt then, surprise at his own action; so quick and unrehearsed. Surprise mostly at how good it felt, how natural. His fears of intimacy; his fears of anything emotional, anything confusing and unknown and scary and all his fears toward Amy and the way he felt towards her, melted, vanished completely from him in that moment. That wonderful, blissful, intoxicating... that was the word "intoxicating." He tests the words slowly in reference to her, her scent, her taste, her very presence against his lips and finds that the word fits perfectly. "Perfect" was another word that fit.
He remembers telling Penny about his desire to one day be intimate with Amy. He remembers playing dungeons and dragons with her in his room, telling her that he thought what they had was extremely intimate. That seems inadequate too.
He examines another emotion he felt on that train. Something he never felt so strongly, would never admit to feeling, not to anyone except for Amy, if he found the bravery or the strength. He never expected to feel that emotion. But the surprise and the passion, the heat of the kiss. It felt so right, like it never did before. He tried to give a name to that emotion, searched though his memories of books and movies involving romance, hoping to find the word.
But he doesn't need to search, he already knows the word. He opens his eyes with a sharp intake of breath before he says it.
"Want" the word feels strange on his tongue, at least in this context. He examines it closely but he can't deny it; such a human emotion. Want, desire, a tension building up in him begging for growth and release, but of course he ignores the sensation, only barely acknowledging it.
He's on his feet though, pacing his room. A change in him took place on that train. A change he cannot deny.