Catch Me in the Dark
Post '3-17' AU. Canon divergent.
oooooOOOooooo
It began with the dreams. The Nemeton- walking to the school in the dead of night. The chanting told him to go there. He could be dreaming of any random thing, then the chanting, the voices, the flashes of hands making sign language.
Now it seemed like more than a dream. He'd somehow gotten the key to the chemistry lab and left directions for that psycho Barrow, except now the key was gone too.
It was obvious now what was happening. He was obviously wandering off in his sleep. These weren't dreams. The voices were in control. The signing hands had made him write that code in his sleep. He was sure of it.
Once he realized that he had to stay awake. He didn't know who he was anymore. For all he knew, he was leaving directions for their greatest enemies. Maybe he'd left directions for Jennifer on who to sacrifice. Maybe he'd somehow brainwashed Jackson into being the Kanima. Who knows what all he'd done in dreams?
Part of him knew perfectly well that was ridicilous, but really, who was he anymore? Maybe he was evil. Maybe the darkness he'd taken into himself had only opened the door to what he'd been all along.
The worst part- he couldn't tell anyone. They would never understand. What was to tell- that he believed he might be some dark spirit inside a teenage body? He might not have a soul, might not even be human?
Stiles didn't know, he just didn't know. Even now his hands shook as he poured himself another cup of coffee. He couldn't go to sleep. The drugs Melissa had given him at the hospital had done the trick, and fortunately he hadn't sleep-walked off somewhere and done something else. It was those figures he couldn't forget. They'd come out of the dark...
Those glowing eyes had made a kind of panic arise in him. He wasn't sure why he'd thrust out his hand in some kind of defense, creating that explosion of yellow light. Had he really done it, or was it yet another command from the other presence inside his body? Stiles just didn't know.
Then those other two had lunged at him. They'd exploded into black mist, but not before throwing themselves at him with lightning speed. Were they gone? Were they inside of him now too, or had they failed?
Stiles shakily raised the cup to his lips, letting the bitter liquid wash down his throat slowly. At least he could still taste it. His grip on reality had definitely been shaken. He had to keep drinking it or else he'd go to sleep...
oooooOOOooooo
Scott hesitated, pulling his hand away from the metal handle. Did he actually want to go through with this? Did he actually want to confide his suspicions, his fears in Derek?
Derek would know he was standing out here now. His sense of smell would tell him that much. Was the former alpha waiting for him to take that plunge? Waiting for him to step forward or to turn tail and run away?
Scott inhaled for courage and grabbed the handle, pulling back the sliding metal door. Sure enough, Derek was standing in the loft, facing the door with his arms folded, scowling in acknowledgement of Scott's arrival.
"Took you long enough," he muttered, scowl evening out into a frown.
"I'm sorry dude," Scott replied quickly. "I'm just really, really scared... for Stiles."
"Why, what happened?" Derek asked, tone a little less hostile. He knew Stiles was like Scott's brother.
"I went to find him after our run in with those strange creatures," Scott explained. "After Kira didn't turn out to be the dark spirit. I had a... a dreadful thought."
Derek's frown deepened, but a hint of realization was suddenly in his eyes.
"You thought maybe... Stiles was?"
Scott merely nodded, face becoming more worried.
"He hasn't been sleeping Derek," Scott said quietly, looking down at his sneakers in a tone that said he'd failed his best friend. "He didn't even tell me. My mom said he came to her to talk, and... he's sleep-deprived. All she'd tell me is he was sleeping, but I could put two and two together... "
Derek's eyes now reflected his own worry. Scott noticed the former alpha even looked a little scared.
"Derek, Stiles... can't be our enemy. Can he?"
Derek inhaled and closed his eyes, shocking Scott to the core when two tears slid beneath his eyelids and down his cheeks. Derek's heartbeat suddenly sounded... off.
"Derek?" Scott asked carefully.
"I'm sorry," Derek managed in a rough whisper. "I don't know the answer to that, and it... "
Derek looked away for a long moment, face becoming a stony mask.
"It scares me too," he admitted quietly.
"You care about him too," Scott stated. "Derek... "
"More than I like to admit... "
The silence stretched between them for a long moment. Scott had to get on with why he was here. Stiles might need them now more than he'd ever needed anyone.
"What are we gonna do Derek?"
The question was like a knife cutting suddenly through a wall of tension.
"What happened at the hospital?" Derek asked, tone composed and authoritative once more.
"I heard what sounded like a fight, something knocked over, but Stiles was alone. He said he... he said he was fine. What if it is him Derek?"
Derek seemed to think a long moment, expression suddenly anxious, eyes wide with a nervousness he rarely ever let people see.
"And you said he claimed to be fine?"
"That's what he said," Scott nodded.
"Right then," Derek replied like he knew what needed to be done. "I'll go talk to him."
"You sure?" Scott asked carefully, or was it nervousness? "He hasn't seen you yet."
Derek only smirked slightly.
"I'd say its about time... "
oooooOOOooooo
Stiles held down the backspace key on his laptop, sighing and rubbing his eyes with his fingers. He felt exhausted, but he definitely wasn't going to sleep. Nope, not him...
He yawned and decided to try a different query. He typed the word demon into google search, a sudden loud rapping sound making him jump. He looked over at his window, and exhaled shakily in relief at the familiar eyes.
Suddenly he was filled with an excitement he hadn't felt in weeks. This was the first time Derek had come to visit him since he'd come back. What did Sourwolf want?
He unlocked and pushed up his window, catching Derek in an embrace as the werewolf tumbled into his bedroom.
"I missed you Sourwolf," he whispered, delighting in the other man's arms snaking around him reluctantly in return.
They pulled away after a long moment, and Stiles actually managed a grin.
"Aren't you a sight for this sore eyes, Derek Hale?" he joked playfully. "Finally!"
Derek just kept eying him with that half-frown that was neither hostile or friendly.
"You look normal to me," he decided, frown deepening.
"Huh?" Stiles asked confusedly, not sure where that had come from.
"Scott made it sound like you weren't you or something," Derek went on pointedly. "You seem like the same person to me."
Stiles' smile vanished immediately, but he felt something he hadn't felt in weeks at Derek's words- hope. Derek said he sounded like himself...
"To be honest Sourwolf, I'm not sure I'm me," he said seriously. "Do you have any idea... "
"I'm sure you're gonna tell me," Derek cut in with a playful upturn of his lips that wasn't exactly a smile.
"Yes I am if you'll let me finish," Stiles retorted, some of his old exaggerated sarcasm returning. "Right, now where was I? Oh yeah! First you leave without telling me one word! Then I start having these crazy ass dreams and hallucinations- not that you'd know because you never even bothered to text! Then I find out I somehow left a coded message for a serial killer... "
"WAIT," Derek cut in, knowing Stiles would keep rambling on if he was allowed. "Wait right there! Scott didn't say anything... "
The hyperactive teen cut him off.
"What, about me leaving coded directions to murder Kira?" Stiles blurted as casually as though they were discussing the weather. "Yes! He doesn't believe me. See the key to the chem lab kinda vanished... "
"And you know this wasn't just another dream?" Derek asked pointedly. "For sure?"
Stiles frowned.
"Well no, admittedly... " he said quietly, sighing. "Its just... how do I explain it? It all adds up in a strange kind of way. In my first dreams I always went to the school. These voices... chanting in my head, and then I'd be at the school. I never really remembered... going anywhere after that... "
"I get it," Derek replied strangely, face dead serious, so at least Stiles knew he was listening. "You think you left directions for Barrow in your sleep."
Stiles nodded, eyes widening in fear.
"Don't you see Derek?" he whispered. "I'm being controlled. I can't stop it. Or maybe... maybe this is who I always was."
"Don't be ridicilous Stiles," Derek replied, suddenly irritable. "This isn't you. You're... a good person."
Stiles looked into Derek's eyes with genuine surprise, never imagining the former alpha could ever be nice like this. Derek went further by placing a careful hand on his shoulder.
"You aren't a killer Stiles," he went on. "This is the darkness playing with you. We knew it could happen."
"And yet, where were you?" Stiles asked, voice suddenly accusatory and hurt. "Where were you when I needed you?"
Derek winced like he'd been slapped.
"Did you ever think maybe I needed you?" Stiles went on angrily, voice becoming bitter. "I saved you once, but where were you Derek?"
Derek's lips parted slightly. Stiles words went directly to his core, and all he could do was shake his head like he didn't understand, except he did. For once he finally did understand what Stiles was saying, and his obvious need- his cry for help.
"You're right Stiles," Derek admitted, voice breaking in guilt. "You have a right to be angry with me. I failed as an alpha, and now... I've failed you."
Those words went directly to Stiles' heart, making his stomach clench uncomfortably. Bile rose when tears slipped down the former alpha's face, and his hand flew to Derek's arm on some sudden impulse.
"I'm sorry Derek," Stiles managed, inhaling through his own tears. "You haven't failed me. Please don't think that..."
Derek just eyed him sadly and shook his head.
"Don't make excuses for me Stiles. Its what I'm best at. I fail people. I failed Paige, I failed my family, failed Jennifer, and... "
"Don't say you failed me," Stiles said fiercely. "You're here now. Its me that should be sorry. You shouldn't even be around me."
He looked away, voice dropping to a whisper.
"I don't even know who I am anymore."
A gentle hand was on his shoulder suddenly.
"That's ridiculous," Derek repeated, this time much more gentle. "I know who you are. You're Stiles Stilinski... "
"I'm not," Stiles denied, shaking his head. "Stiles is slowly fading away."
"That's not true," Derek insisted.
Wide whiskey eyes turned toward him, and Stiles so desperately wanted to believe it... wanted to believe he was still...
"I know who you are," Derek went on. "Because you're the man I fell in love with. The man I couldn't get out of my mind the whole time I was away. The man I tried to avoid because I couldn't bear to face you. I love you, Stiles Stilinski. I won't lose you. The darkness can't have you because you're mine."
Stiles' felt his mouth fall open in shock. His lips moved, but nothing came out. Derek loved him?
Panic rose, except it wasn't like the panic of those figures coming out of the dark. It was him, Stiles, and he was fighting against what was inside him.
"Not me," he whispered frantically, pressing his fingers to his forehead. "This isn't me... get out of my head. I won't be your pawn... "
"Stiles!" Derek said in concern.
"I have to beat it," Stiles whispered, clutching the sides of his head with his hands. "Have to cast it out. Get out of me! You can't control me!"
"Its alright Stiles," Derek told him, cupping the boy's face in his own hands. "Focus on me. I'm not leaving you. You can beat it. I'm here to help."
Stiles felt something well up in him. He hacked furiously, and then let loose a single exhale of breath. Something lifted off of him. Something he'd carried for weeks...
"Its gone Derek," he said, his old wide smile returning. "I felt it leave."
Derek exhaled relief and wrapped his arms around his Stiles... his treasure.
"I won't leave again," he promised.
"Derek I want to say something. At the rave a girl asked me if I liked guys."
Derek released him, looking at Stiles with a frown. It had never occurred to him that Stiles might not feel the same way...
"No its not like that," Stiles said quickly, seeing Derek's expression. "I mean I didn't answer, but the truth is, yes! I do like guys, and I'm glad you told me Derek, because... I kinda like you too."
Nothing was said after that. Derek held his gaze for what seemed a lifetime before moving in, capturing his lips before one of them changed their mind.
Stiles pressed back against those lips with feeling, exhaling as his fingers played across Derek's sculpted shoulders, and up his neck.
Derek held the kiss until he felt like he might just let Stiles take all the oxygen out of him, pulling back slowly, gazing into the boy's now lust-clouded eyes.
"I'll stay," he whispered, hand cupping the back of Stiles' neck. "We'll beat those dreams together."
"I'd like that," Stiles managed, moving in to steal another kiss.
It would be the first of many to come.