The POTO Characters . . . GO UNDERWEAR SHOPPING! *dun dun DANUN*
By Shekiah and Alunaer
DISCLAIMER: May we be dragged down into the catacombs with Erik (Our lovely sexy Erik . . . *drool*) and fed to the evil La-Carlotta-Beast-With- Horribly-Huge-Implants-And-An-Even-Bigger-Crush-On-UBALDO Piangi if we own POTO or any other things said here that we obviously do not own!
______________________________
One cold and rainy day, the entire cast of POTO were bored out of their My Little Pony underpants (at least in Raoul's case . . . well maybe Carlotta's, but this has yet to be confirmed). In fact, they were so bored that they were down in the catacombs with our astonishingly sexy Erik watching, of all things, Dark Shadows reruns.
"I'm so bored that I'm down in the catacombs with their astonishingly sexy Erik watching, of all things, Dark Shadows reruns," commented Philippe.
"Me too," shouted Raoul entirely too loudly.
"Shut the heck up FOP!" Erik whispered. "You don't want to wake up . . . LA CARLOTTA!"
A loud growl is heard from the next room.
Erik added hastily as all heads turned towards him, "Meg Giry and La Sorelli formed a two-person SWAT team and captured her . . . I mean, it . . . yes, it. I let them keep . . . IT . . . down here in the catacombs where . . . IT . . . couldn't do any harm."
Christine coughed rapidly, trying to disguise her laughter. "Good . . . I thought that YOU had had to . . . PERSUADE . . . it to come willingly with you."
Everyone stared at the operatic midget in the sheer horror of this statement.
Raoul broke the horrified silence by screaming, "I WANNA SEE IT! I WANNA SEE IT, I SAY! I DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE ME, THE VISCOUNT RAOUL DE SHAGME, TO SEE IT!"
Erik strode over and, managing to be casual and sexy at the same time, Punjabbed him (unfortunately, the fop is hanging onto life by, well, a Punjab lasso). "First off, Monsieur le Foppo, your . . . name . . . is . . . NOT . . . SHAGME." He looked at 'Monsieur le Foppo' with extreme disgust.
Raoul looked up, his eyes bulging, at Erik. "I was talking to Christine, not you!"
Christine gagged and bolted. Loud retching sounds were heard from the next room over, whereupon she emerged looking rather green and worse for the wear, poor girl.
Erik looked back at Raoul with sincere detest. "Second, you do NOT want to see . . . IT."
"YES I DO!"
Erik opened his mouth to protest, but suddenly got a devious look in his menacing yellow eyes.
"Of COURSE you do," he said slyly, grinning back at Raoul and letting him loose.
Raoul grinned back with a childish look in his eyes. "Really? You'll take me to see . . . IT?!" He said the last word with an unnecessary sense of drama.
"Of course I will . . . RAOUL." Erik gagged at the use of the fop's name.
Raoul squealed like a Barbie-obsessed three-year-old girl. "WHEE! THANK YOU, BESTEST BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE OPERA WORLD!" Raoul leapt on Erik and gave him a big hug. Erik turned green, motioned for Nadir (we almost forgot about him . . . then again, he DID help the fop. But he's cool anyways) to grab a crowbar and pry Raoul off, and ran to the room previously occupied by a retching Christine.
When he returned, Nadir ran in. Let's forget about him for a bit and turn to Raoul and his "bestest bestest friend" Erik, shall we?
Well, Erik dragged Raoul over to the rattling meter-thick steel seven- bolted door. Erik whirled around to face Raoul. "Answer me, Monsieur, and answer me truthfully. Do you really have a desire to see . . . IT?"
"Yessir, bestest bestest friend!"
"I must inform you, however, the management of the catacombs – a.k.a ME – is not responsible for soiled undergarments at viewing of . . . IT . . . understood?"
"Yah-huh! All I have to do now is find out what all that stuff means . . . "
Erik laughed his creepy laugh that every phangirl loves *swoon*. "Excellent, good Monsieur! Go on in!"
Erik undid all the locks and Raoul pranced in, singing the theme song to "My Little Pony". There was continued humming, but it suddenly all came to a stop. A terrible silence was heard for the next 30 seconds while . . . IT . . . took a moment to realize that it had company.
Suddenly a high pitched 200 decibel girly scream that even Christine would have been proud of escaped the rattling meter-thick steel seven-bolted door, followed by some gruesome shredding sounds and grotesque, angrily screeched operatic notes.
A barely half-clothed Raoul de . . . SHAGME . . . eurghhhh . . . emerged screaming with tears in his eyes followed by one angry . . . dun dun DANUN . . . LA CARLOTTA . . . who was clothed in a soiled Hannibal costume. Carlotta nearly reached the trembling Raoul when she was yanked back by a steel collar. She screeched evilly as she slammed into the chamber and the door locked behind her.
Christine ran over to trembling Raoul.
"Oh my dear, are you hurt? What did La Carlotta do to you, sweetheart?!" All the mushiness was beginning to crack Erik. A vein above his left eyebrow began to twitch into dangerous proportions. He turned the most impressive shade of puce yet shown that evening and ran to what will henceforth be referred to as 'the retching room'.
Meanwhile, Christine ran back to where Raoul stood, shaking.
"Are you going to be okay?!" she sobbed uncontrollably. Raoul sniffed.
"She ripped my 'My Little Pony' UNDERWEAR!"
Christine ran to join Erik in 'The Retching Room'. We sincerely hope they did nothing besides retch. Then again . . . they did stay there an awfully long time . . . and we all know that it does not take three days just to hurl. However, if something did happen, then we will personally make sure that Christine's children will live to tell the story.
____________________________
Our forgotten Nadir, whom we have now remembered, looked up thoughtfully. "You know, I've been thinking that I need some new underwear, too." And now, we will promptly forget him again.
Everyone nodded to our previously remembered Nadir's suggestion.
"Good idea!" shouted Christine, stepping out of the Retching Room with a rather disheveled Erik whose mask was hanging at an odd angle.
"We can all go to the new store that opened 2.34 miles away from here!" Philippe shouted.
"THE UNDIE MAX!" they chorused together in an uncanny harmony (hey, it happens when you hang around someone like Erik for too long . . . even though that is usually a good thing).
So they all loaded into the Erikmobile and sped off the whole 2.34 miles to the UNDIE MAX!
___________________________
Will our heroes find undergarments that fit? Or will it be a waste of their precious time? *nods over winking at Erik and Christine* WE WILL SOON FIND OUT! *Dark Shadows theme song plays*
___________________________
*funky floaty message thing pops up* A MESSAGE FROM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY AUTHOURESSES! *disappears*
*Shekiah pops up* Alfrighty then. Alunaer and I have something to say . . .
*Alunaer pops up in front of Shekiah, trying unsuccessfully to block her view considering that Shekiah is nearly six inches taller than she is* Well, anyways. All you members of the RPA—
Shekiah: a.k.a members of the Raoul Protection Agency—
Alunaer: We of the RKA—
Shekiah: a.k.a members of the Raoul Killers' Association (which by the way needs more members)—
Alunaer: Stop interrupting . . . well, we would like to say to you all . . .
Shekiah and Alunaer: BITE ME!
DISCLAIMER: May we be dragged down into the catacombs with Erik (Our lovely sexy Erik . . . *drool*) and fed to the evil La-Carlotta-Beast-With- Horribly-Huge-Implants-And-An-Even-Bigger-Crush-On-UBALDO Piangi if we own POTO or any other things said here that we obviously do not own!
______________________________
One cold and rainy day, the entire cast of POTO were bored out of their My Little Pony underpants (at least in Raoul's case . . . well maybe Carlotta's, but this has yet to be confirmed). In fact, they were so bored that they were down in the catacombs with our astonishingly sexy Erik watching, of all things, Dark Shadows reruns.
"I'm so bored that I'm down in the catacombs with their astonishingly sexy Erik watching, of all things, Dark Shadows reruns," commented Philippe.
"Me too," shouted Raoul entirely too loudly.
"Shut the heck up FOP!" Erik whispered. "You don't want to wake up . . . LA CARLOTTA!"
A loud growl is heard from the next room.
Erik added hastily as all heads turned towards him, "Meg Giry and La Sorelli formed a two-person SWAT team and captured her . . . I mean, it . . . yes, it. I let them keep . . . IT . . . down here in the catacombs where . . . IT . . . couldn't do any harm."
Christine coughed rapidly, trying to disguise her laughter. "Good . . . I thought that YOU had had to . . . PERSUADE . . . it to come willingly with you."
Everyone stared at the operatic midget in the sheer horror of this statement.
Raoul broke the horrified silence by screaming, "I WANNA SEE IT! I WANNA SEE IT, I SAY! I DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE ME, THE VISCOUNT RAOUL DE SHAGME, TO SEE IT!"
Erik strode over and, managing to be casual and sexy at the same time, Punjabbed him (unfortunately, the fop is hanging onto life by, well, a Punjab lasso). "First off, Monsieur le Foppo, your . . . name . . . is . . . NOT . . . SHAGME." He looked at 'Monsieur le Foppo' with extreme disgust.
Raoul looked up, his eyes bulging, at Erik. "I was talking to Christine, not you!"
Christine gagged and bolted. Loud retching sounds were heard from the next room over, whereupon she emerged looking rather green and worse for the wear, poor girl.
Erik looked back at Raoul with sincere detest. "Second, you do NOT want to see . . . IT."
"YES I DO!"
Erik opened his mouth to protest, but suddenly got a devious look in his menacing yellow eyes.
"Of COURSE you do," he said slyly, grinning back at Raoul and letting him loose.
Raoul grinned back with a childish look in his eyes. "Really? You'll take me to see . . . IT?!" He said the last word with an unnecessary sense of drama.
"Of course I will . . . RAOUL." Erik gagged at the use of the fop's name.
Raoul squealed like a Barbie-obsessed three-year-old girl. "WHEE! THANK YOU, BESTEST BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE OPERA WORLD!" Raoul leapt on Erik and gave him a big hug. Erik turned green, motioned for Nadir (we almost forgot about him . . . then again, he DID help the fop. But he's cool anyways) to grab a crowbar and pry Raoul off, and ran to the room previously occupied by a retching Christine.
When he returned, Nadir ran in. Let's forget about him for a bit and turn to Raoul and his "bestest bestest friend" Erik, shall we?
Well, Erik dragged Raoul over to the rattling meter-thick steel seven- bolted door. Erik whirled around to face Raoul. "Answer me, Monsieur, and answer me truthfully. Do you really have a desire to see . . . IT?"
"Yessir, bestest bestest friend!"
"I must inform you, however, the management of the catacombs – a.k.a ME – is not responsible for soiled undergarments at viewing of . . . IT . . . understood?"
"Yah-huh! All I have to do now is find out what all that stuff means . . . "
Erik laughed his creepy laugh that every phangirl loves *swoon*. "Excellent, good Monsieur! Go on in!"
Erik undid all the locks and Raoul pranced in, singing the theme song to "My Little Pony". There was continued humming, but it suddenly all came to a stop. A terrible silence was heard for the next 30 seconds while . . . IT . . . took a moment to realize that it had company.
Suddenly a high pitched 200 decibel girly scream that even Christine would have been proud of escaped the rattling meter-thick steel seven-bolted door, followed by some gruesome shredding sounds and grotesque, angrily screeched operatic notes.
A barely half-clothed Raoul de . . . SHAGME . . . eurghhhh . . . emerged screaming with tears in his eyes followed by one angry . . . dun dun DANUN . . . LA CARLOTTA . . . who was clothed in a soiled Hannibal costume. Carlotta nearly reached the trembling Raoul when she was yanked back by a steel collar. She screeched evilly as she slammed into the chamber and the door locked behind her.
Christine ran over to trembling Raoul.
"Oh my dear, are you hurt? What did La Carlotta do to you, sweetheart?!" All the mushiness was beginning to crack Erik. A vein above his left eyebrow began to twitch into dangerous proportions. He turned the most impressive shade of puce yet shown that evening and ran to what will henceforth be referred to as 'the retching room'.
Meanwhile, Christine ran back to where Raoul stood, shaking.
"Are you going to be okay?!" she sobbed uncontrollably. Raoul sniffed.
"She ripped my 'My Little Pony' UNDERWEAR!"
Christine ran to join Erik in 'The Retching Room'. We sincerely hope they did nothing besides retch. Then again . . . they did stay there an awfully long time . . . and we all know that it does not take three days just to hurl. However, if something did happen, then we will personally make sure that Christine's children will live to tell the story.
____________________________
Our forgotten Nadir, whom we have now remembered, looked up thoughtfully. "You know, I've been thinking that I need some new underwear, too." And now, we will promptly forget him again.
Everyone nodded to our previously remembered Nadir's suggestion.
"Good idea!" shouted Christine, stepping out of the Retching Room with a rather disheveled Erik whose mask was hanging at an odd angle.
"We can all go to the new store that opened 2.34 miles away from here!" Philippe shouted.
"THE UNDIE MAX!" they chorused together in an uncanny harmony (hey, it happens when you hang around someone like Erik for too long . . . even though that is usually a good thing).
So they all loaded into the Erikmobile and sped off the whole 2.34 miles to the UNDIE MAX!
___________________________
Will our heroes find undergarments that fit? Or will it be a waste of their precious time? *nods over winking at Erik and Christine* WE WILL SOON FIND OUT! *Dark Shadows theme song plays*
___________________________
*funky floaty message thing pops up* A MESSAGE FROM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY AUTHOURESSES! *disappears*
*Shekiah pops up* Alfrighty then. Alunaer and I have something to say . . .
*Alunaer pops up in front of Shekiah, trying unsuccessfully to block her view considering that Shekiah is nearly six inches taller than she is* Well, anyways. All you members of the RPA—
Shekiah: a.k.a members of the Raoul Protection Agency—
Alunaer: We of the RKA—
Shekiah: a.k.a members of the Raoul Killers' Association (which by the way needs more members)—
Alunaer: Stop interrupting . . . well, we would like to say to you all . . .
Shekiah and Alunaer: BITE ME!