This is something that kinda happened over Facebook chat with the lovely madmatchstick, inspired by 's "Laws of Friendship" (which is fantastic, by the way). This takes place in my happy fantasy land, where everyone lives together in the tower. Because I said so.
Rated T for language and suggestive humor.
Marvel owns all the cool stuff, the ridiculousness is all me.
-uuu-
It happened so gradually, Tony wasn't quite sure when exactly it began.
Tony fiddled with the controls to his big screen TV on the common floor of Avengers tower, while Pepper tapped away on her Starkpad beside him. His brow furrowed and he exhaled suddenly in annoyance, earning a quick glance up from his girlfriend.
"When the hell did that happen?" he muttered to himself, looking slightly bewildered.
"When did what happen?" Pepper replied, still half distracted by her work.
"This," he gestured vaguely at the room around them, "all of it. When did my tower stop being my tower?"
Now it was Pepper's turn to furrow her brow as she looked up at him again. "What are you talking about?"
Tony jumped up and started pacing in front of the couch. "When was the last time we threw a raging party?"
"One could argue that every day with all you superheroes here is already a raging party," Pepper's voice was dry, "but aside from that, maybe New Year's last year?"
Tony waved impatiently at her. "Yes, and do you remember what happened with that?"
"I do," Pepper smirked, "you don't. You and Clint got trashed and started trying to see how many people you could bounce a ping pong ball off of in a row, 'for research'. Which was fine until you coated them with different colored paint-"
"Barton was cheating!"
"- and then Tasha knocked you both unconscious."
Tony scowled and rubbed his head as if remembering that part. "Exactly, knocked out at my own damn party. No respect at all. And that's the only one we've thrown in, what, a year and a half?"
Pepper tilted her head thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose so. Why?"
"I'm getting to that. When was the last time we had a guys' night in?"
Pepper smiled, "That would be last time we had a girls' night out."
"Do you remember what happened when you got back?"
Pepper frowned. "Well yeah, same as always. We came back to find the place trashed, so I had Friday lock you all out of the gym and the labs until you cleaned up after yourselves. What are you getting at?"
Tony's scowl deepened as he muttered something like locked out of my own lab and turned to face Pepper again. "That's only the beginning. I hardly ever get to have a drink anymore. Steve has stopped wearing old man sweaters. Thor hasn't broken anything in weeks. Clint stopped dropping by the lab with prank ideas. And anytime I bring any of this up in front of Bruce, he just looks away and changes the subject!" He threw his hands up in the air. "Don't you see what's happening?"
Pepper just looked at her boyfriend, one eyebrow delicately raised. "So?"
"So?" Tony repeated, clearly frustrated as he ran his hands through his hair.
"Miss Potts," Friday's smooth lilting voice interrupted, "Happy is ready for you with the car."
"Thank you, Friday," Pepper locked her Starkpad and stood , smoothing down the crisp business skirt she'd worn to work earlier that day. "I have to go, but I'll see you after dinner. Be good while I'm gone." She kissed him quickly on the cheek and immediately headed for the elevator, which Friday had waiting.
Tony stared after her until the closing doors blocked his view.
An arm dropped onto his shoulder with a soft chuckle, and he jumped.
"So," Clint started casually, handing him a beer, "you finally started to figure it out."
Tony tossed him a dirty look but took the beer gratefully and took a healthy swig.
"Did I hear that right? Is Tony finally catching on?" Bruce called from the hall as he walked in, balancing his Starkpad atop a tall stack of reports.
"Seems like it," Clint responded as he took a swig of his own beer.
Tony's head whipped back and forth between the two of them as Bruce made a beeline for the couch. "I'm catching on to what now?"
"Hopefully, the fact that Pepper basically runs your life," Clint grinned and saluted with his beer bottle right before he drained the last of it.
"With Natasha's help, of course," Bruce added helpfully. "And possibly some of the other women. We're still not sure on that one."
"Don't worry buddy, it's not just you," Clint slapped Tony's shoulder in solidarity before moving towards the bar.
"What, Pepper runs your lives too?" Tony snarked as Clint began pouring drinks.
"Pepper, Natasha, same difference," Bruce shrugged as he started flipping through his reports. "They're both perfectly capable of keeping us more or less in line. But together? We're fucked."
"Did Tony finally figure it out?" Sam asked as he walked in and headed for the kitchen. "You're lucky they're not here, by the way. I could hear you from down the hall."
"Eh," Bruce shrugged, "they've got no problem with me as long as I stay out of their way. You two, on the other hand-" he looked pointedly at Tony, then Clint- "are troublemakers. Lost causes, both of you."
"Hey, I resemble that," Clint smirked as he handed Tony a drink and proceeded to down half of his own.
Tony squinted at the glass. "Is this my good bourbon?"
"Hell fucking yes it is." Clint saluted him and downed the rest of it.
"What the fuck Barton, don't you share?" Sam called over the sound of pans clanking in the kitchen.
"Nope! Get your own, Fly-boy," Clint called back. "Tony's is a one-time deal. It's not every day you have an epiphany like this one."
Sam tossed as glare in Clint's direction as he passed by to get to the bar. "Fine. No stir-fry for you."
Clint shrugged. "I'm feeling Mexican tonight anyway. You coming Cap?"
Steve looked over at Clint as he entered the room, his eyebrow going up as he noticed the empty glass in his hand. "Sure. I'll meet you there? Just text me the address. "
"Will do. See you there." Clint grinned and waved. Steve just shook his head and got in the elevator. There was a pause.
"Ten bucks says he already texted Natasha and Pepper to tell them you're both drinking before noon again," Bruce said as soon as he was sure Steve was gone.
"Twenty says they already knew about it, somehow" Sam interjected, glass in hand as he headed back to his stir-fry.
"Ten says they will not bring it up until tomorrow," Vision joined in as he phased through the wall next to the door, making Tony jump and almost spill his drink.
"What makes you say that?" Tony asked, taking a hasty sip.
Vision shrugged. "It's just a hunch."
"Well, whatever. Works just fine for me. Looks like I'm off my new leash tonight, boys. We're going to need more tequila."
Clint just grinned and did a fist pump. Bruce sighed and shook his head. "I have a terrible feeling about this."
-uuu-
A figure sat in a dark room, legs crossed casually before a wall of holoscreens. The blue light from various security feeds illuminated the contrast between glossy crimson curls, porcelain skin, and smirking ruby lips. A click of heels at the door drew piercing green eyes away from the screens to rest on the tall strawberry-blonde woman approaching. Her heels clicked to a stop beside the chair, and she rested one manicured hand on the arm of the seated woman.
"How's progress?" she asked, blue eyes flicking between screens.
The ruby smirk widened. "Things are coming along as expected. Looks like no one will be home this evening."
"Perfect," the smirk was returned, "because those last minute spa passes were tricky to get. I don't know what I'd do without Friday."
"Believe me, the feeling is mutual Miss Potts," the AI replied immediately. Pepper shot a warm smile up at the ceiling.
"And while we're off having girl time, you can explain to me exactly how much of this plan was a response to Clint's taunts about being able to beat you in a prank war." Pepper raised an eyebrow at her friend.
Natasha raised an eyebrow in return, her face completely blank. Pepper held her gaze until she finally blinked and turned back to the screens.
"Oh, fine," she sighed, "stop smirking at me. This was partially your idea too."
"That is true," Pepper conceded with a solemn nod and a squeeze of her friend's arm. "I'll meet you downstairs?"
"Yeah, I'll be right there." Natasha studied the screens for a moment as Pepper's steps left the room and faded down the hall. Her eyes caught on the living room footage just in time to see Clint down his glass of bourbon. He smirked directly up at the camera and mouthed 'Game on.'
"Oh, it's game on all right," she murmured as a wicked smirk stole across her face. "You boys won't know what hit you."
-uuu-
"So remind me why we're still here again?" Pepper was laid back against the edge of the hot spring, hair tied in a knot atop her head. She fingered a flyaway lock that had escaped next to her face -the air was humid enough that it was starting to curl a little.
"Because this place is fantastic, and you could use it after the week you've had," Natasha replied, eyes closed and a look of bliss on her features. Some of her curls were beginning to escape their knot too. Pepper idly wondered if she'd remembered her straightener.
"A better question would be why am I here," Maria sighed as she stretched out fully, letting her legs float a little. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you. This place is amazing."
"Bribery, " Natasha said dryly, cracking one eye open to gauge her friend's reaction. "I'm hoping to buy your non-interference with some plans I have in place."
"Hmmm," Maria sighed, "I figured. If it's for what I'm thinking, you have my cooperation."
"Excellent." Natasha's smile was slightly predatory. "They should be waking up after their binger right about now. Friday promised to send us the highlights of their reactions."
"You're getting footage too? Excellent," Maria smiled appreciatively. "Can I send it to the director? He enjoys this kind of thing more than he'll admit."
"After," Natasha waved her hand dismissively. "We'll have a better compilation by then anyway."
"True," Pepper nodded with a smirk. "Anyone else hungry?"
-uuu-
The day at the tower was starting out much less relaxing.
Clint groaned his way to the land of the living at about 11am. His head was pounding but the room wasn't spinning, so he considered that a win. He was facedown on the floor of the rec room, which had surprisingly comfortable carpeting. Maybe not so surprising, he reconsidered as he heard distinctly Tony-like snores coming from somewhere off to the side (he didn't want to risk turning his head to look). Tony probably passed out on the floor in here a lot.
Clint cautiously lifted his head. It throbbed, but not worse than a concussion (yay assassin pain thresholds) so he carefully pushed himself into a sitting position. The first thing he noticed was that his clothes smelled like tequila and sick (eww). The second thing he noticed was the game screen on the wall, which was currently filled with the pink-themed hearts-and-flowers pause screen for -oh god- a japanese love-love yaoi dating sim, if the suggestive graphics in the bottom corner were legitimate.
"What the actual fuck." He winced at the dryness of his own voice - apparently drunk Clint hadn't been kind enough to keep him hydrated.
"Wussat," Tony mumbled from behind the couch. Clint heard him shift around and groan horribly. His head probably hurt too.
"Tony…" Clint said cautiously, noticing for the first time the two player names twirling in flower petals across the pause screen.
Something in his tone must have made it through the fog of Tony's hangover, because an arm immediately appeared over the top of the couch. With another groan of pain, Tony managed to haul himself (mostly) upright. "Mnn?" he asked articulately, eyes still bleary and hair sticking up all over.
"Tony." Clint said again, finger pointing to the screen.
Tony thought about it a moment before his eyes finally followed the direction his friend had indicated, blinking slowly at the screen. There was a pause. Then a sudden look of horror came over him.
"What-!" he nearly squeaked, his disbelief apparent.
There, on the screen before him (and every other screen in the tower, if the little icon in the top corner was to be believed), were the usernames TheIron_Hammer and TheIron_Hand.
Clint snorted in amusement.
"Friday, delete that!" Tony's face was red with embarrassment, and he still looked rather ill. Clint almost felt bad for him.
Silence.
"Friday?" Tony was starting to look really concerned now, moving towards the table console. He pulled up the holoscreen and froze in shock.
Floating across the screen was a neatly written message: Thanks for the day off, Mr. Stark. Please remind Agent Barton that he only has that game license checked out for two more days. I will notify you when I get back. - Friday.
Clint started laughing now, despite how it made his head throb worse. Tony stared at him in confusion as he pulled himself to his feet with a wince.
"Touche," he told the ceiling with a smirk and a shake of his head. "Crap, where do we keep the painkillers."
-uuu-
So here's chapter 1! There will be more once I manage to kick my muse into gear. I have plans. Evil plans. *laughs*
Reviews/feedback welcome!