A/N Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I should work on stories I start & not just put them off until later while starting more. But hey, I'm just getting started on here, 'Kay? Gimme a break. ;-D
"Maya."
Nothing.
"Maya, look at me."
Still nothing. He tilted her chin up, but she just averted her eyes.
"Why do you do this? Why do you build walls around your heart? They close you in as much as they close us out. Do you seriously enjoy closing yourself off to any and all happiness in your life? Why can I never make you happy?"
But you do, she thought.
"I've tried so hard to get through to you. But every time I get past a wall there's another one behind it. I'll climb to the tops of mountains for you, and as soon as I reach the top of one I'll see another ahead. When will you stop being so isolated? Let yourself have something good, Maya! Damn it, just stop being so stubborn for once in your life!"
She didn't even blink; she just stood there, as still as a statue. I won't cry, she thought.
"Say something. Say anything. Break a wall yourself. Fight with me, Maya. Do something to prove you care at all about me. About us."
She wanted to say "I'm sorry." She wanted to shout "Please don't go."
"I would've thought by now you would trust me. I've never done anything to break your trust. I trusted you with everything I had. I guess that was a mistake. Say something."
Her heart was banging in her chest, screaming "I love you, I need you, I trust you" until it was hoarse. But Riley had control of her mouth. Maya could never say anything that could hurt her. If she said anything now, Riley would be hurt. Maya would take a million times the pain to stop Riley from feeling it.
"Maya…"
Her face was stoic, but inside she was breaking down. Her heart was spazzing with the suppressed emotion held inside it. Her eyes held back a thousand gallons of tears, and if her lips opened even the slightest bit she would spill all of the feelings waiting behind them.
He didn't say another word. He just turned and walked away. The door closed, and suddenly she was caught in a flashback from twelve years ago.
…
Her mother and father screaming at each other across the room. Bowls and plates being thrown from both sides. She cowered behind the couch, holding her ears to try to block out the noise. A glass shattered against the wall above her head, the pieces hailing down into her back. She squeezed her eyes shut tight.
"It's all your fault! If you hadn't gotten drunk I never would've gotten pregnant!"
"My fault? You're the one who decided to keep it! Now we're stuck with a kid!"
"I never wanted it either! You were just too caught up in your goddamn self-centered life to drive me to a hospital! You had nine months!"
"How is this my fault? You're the one who never got a driver's license!"
"It doesn't matter! We only have one car!"
"Well because of you, we have one kid, too!"
"So? I don't want it! There are orphanages around here, right?"
"You decided to keep it, so don't make the orphanages raise it! I'm leaving!"
"You better take that kid with you, 'cause I'm not taking care of it!"
"Well I'm not taking care of you!"
"Get out!"
Slam.
…
That slam of the door echoed in her mind, eerily similar the one she had just watched in front of her.
...
"Mommy?" She timidly peeked her head out from the couch.
Her mother glared at her.
"This is all your fault. Get out of my life."
Her mother stomped to the door and left, causing another bang of the door on the doorframe and click of the latch.
...
Maya stared at the door, the Riley part of her hoping for Lucas to open it, smile, hug her, tell her he was sorry, and everything would be alright…
But the Maya part of her knew it was hopeless. He wasn't the one who had to apologize. This was her fault. It was her fault then, too… her father hadn't come back. Her mother hadn't come back. Social Services… they'd come back. Time and time again. Each time to tear her away from a new life and ship her off to an even newer one.
She only realized she had been walking backwards when the backs of her knees hit the bed and she fell onto it, sitting there, watching the door. She felt numb. Life was bleak. She couldn't cry. It was as if all the tears had drained from her body, leaving her empty. She'd lost the only person she could talk to, the only person she didn't need to talk to, the only person who understood her better than herself. But he didn't understand this. He didn't understand how she loved him so much it hurt, and losing him hurt so much she was numb.
He was gone. They all were.