Disclaimer: Most of these characters belong to the great J.K. Rowling. One of these characters belongs to BBC (The Stig). I do not own any of them.

Author's Note: A non-Harry-Potter character appears as a minor character in this short story, and he is named The Stig (from Topgear). You do not have to know who he is to enjoy this story.

Chapter 1

"However, I must warn you, this year we have included a special provision in the Triwizard tournament rules to ensure that Harry Potter does not single handedly win fame and glory for Hogwarts as he has in the previous three years. Appropriate charms will be cast by the Potions Master, Severus Snape. I also welcome back Hogwarts graduate Dr. Moody as this year's DADA professor." Dumbledore took a seat and the feast began.

Ron was relieved that Harry wouldn't be putting his life on the line for the Triwizard Cup as he had done for the Philosopher's' stone, the Chamber of Secrets, and Sirius Black over the past three years alone. Then again, the 1,000 galleon prize was a lot of money. Harry was a generous person, and Ron was sure that he would've been able to get himself a 30% cut.

Harry was also delighted with this particular addition to the Triwizard Tournament rules. This way he could keep face without entering his name into one of the most dangerous competitions in Magical Europe. With his adventures at Hogwarts forcefully put behind him, perhaps he would have some free time to visit Hagrid, maintain correspondence with Sirius, and follow the Cannons.

Hermione was also in a good mood. The pumpkin pastries were especially good this year.

Ron went to sleep in the dormitories, and dreamed of having 1,000 galleons, doubling his fortune on the muggle stock market, and buying chocolate frogs.

Harry and Hermione were dreaming about jelly tarts.

"OW!" Harry yelled as he walked into a wall. At least, it felt like a wall. Ron and Hermione had walked into the entrance of the great hall without any such problems, and at this exclamation turned around to face Harry.

"Harry what are you doing now?" Hermione demanded as Harry pressed against the air separating the hallway from the great hall.

"I can't get through. It feels like a wall."

"Ten points from Gryffindor for blocking the halls Mr. Potter," Snape drawled, and walked in to get his breakfast.

"Professor, do you know why Harry can't get into the great hall?" Ron asked McGonagall as she walked by.

"It appears that the goblet has begun accepting names from students. Professor Snape must have accidentally made the anti-Harry-Potter charm more powerful than necessary. It serves you right for so overtly attempting to put your name in the goblet Mr. Potter." McGonagall left, obviously disgusted with Harry's lack of ingenuity.

"Don't worry Harry, I'll get you some toast," Ron said, and walked over to the Gryffindor table with Hermione. The two ate a hearty breakfast of eggs, toast and bacon before returning to Harry.

Ron handed Harry half a slice of whole wheat toast, unbuttered. "Sorry mate, but Hermione ate the rest."

"Well, I wouldn't have if you hadn't eaten all the bacon!"

Harry ate his toast in silence, and eventually stood up. "I hope the tournament ends soon, and that goblet goes back wherever the fuck it came from."

"Dumbledore must know the counter-charm. I'm sure he knows how to fix this." Hermione wandered off, in search of the Headmaster.

Dumbledore didn't.

Outside of classes, Ron and Hermione spent most of their first day researching in the library for the anti-anti-Harry-Potter charm. Ron finally found it, only minutes before the drawing of the goblet. Not only did it get rid of any existing anti-Harry-Potter charms, but it also caused the charms to have no affect against the caster. (Which would only be helpful if Harry himself cast it.) Harry cast the simple charm, and they ran to the great hall to watch the drawing of the names from the goblet of fire.

"Fleur Delacour!"

"Viktor Krum!"

"Ronald Weasley!"

Chapter 2

"HOLY SHIT!" Ronald screamed, much to the amusement of his older siblings.

"Relax Ronald, Hermione has a plan," Harry assured Ronald. He shot Hermione a look.

Hermione looked confused for a moment, but then said "Ahem, yes. Uh, I got the idea over the summer, to use if we ever got a horribly bad DADA teacher like Lockhart again." Hermione explained slowly. "We can make a study group, for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Maybe some other students will want to join as well!"

Ugh. Hermione sounded especially happy towards the end of that sentence, Ronald thought.

"We can call it TR, for teach Ronald," Hermione continued, oblivious to the expression on Ronald's face.

Unsurprisingly, it turned out that nobody else wanted to spend an hour a day studying DADA materials outside of class.

"Well, that was a surprise," Hermione said, "We'll just have to teach Ronald on our own."

Harry nodded solemnly. "Luckily, I know of an unused classroom on the 7th floor. We can meet there."

In their first session, Ronald practiced stunning Harry, while Hermione instructed. In the second session, they all practiced the summoning charm. By the 11th session, Ronald had all but perfected it, and he summoned pillows to scatter around Harry before they continued practicing the stunning charm.

Hermione ended every session with a comment on their progress: "Today we taught Ronald the stunning curse," or "Today we taught Ronald how to summon pillows."

They began dueling soon after.

"Bow to each other." Hermione commanded.

Ronald and Harry bowed, and Harry mused "Why have I been feeling so stiff lately?"

"Begin!"

"STUPEFY"

"PROTEGO"

Harry's stunning curse cut through Ronalds shield like a knife through butter, and violently threw him back twenty feet. "HA! I knew it would work. After being your practice dummy for two weeks, I decided to save my magic for this duel. I haven't cast a single spell in the past week. My grades may be dropping, but it was worth it!"

Several days later, Ronald woke up and won his first duel. Not to let up on him, Harry and Hermione started to team up on him in their daily duels. Meanwhile, they extended their study sessions another hour during which they searched the library for curses and jinxes, and practiced together. After realizing that Professor Binns didn't take attendance, Ronald began spending two more hours a day practicing these spells. Harry would have also skipped History of Magic, but Hermione insisted that it would be wrong, and it was only acceptable in Ronald's case because of the matter of his life being on the line. Two months later Ronald finally won his first two on one duel.

"Congratulations mate! By the way, Hermione and I didn't want to make you too nervous, but the first task is tomorrow. Good night!" Harry ran off to bed.

"Er, it was Harry's idea not to tell you," Hermione lied and went to the Girls' dormitories.

Chapter 3

Ronald scrambled back from the flames, and ducked behind a boulder. The Hungarian Horntail turned away, bored with Ronald's games.

"ACCIO," Ronald whispered (as quietly as one can whisper a spell). The golden egg began to move very slowly across the field. The Horntail, oblivious, put her head down and closed her eyes.

Hermione yawned, and Harry said "Even the dragon is bored silly with Ronald's performance."

"CONFRINGO," Ronald threw a dozen explosive spells at the Horntail, grabbed the golden egg, and turned towards the audience to explosive applause. There, that should earn him a ten, having released the explosive power of a jet strike on the stadium. Harry shouted something at Ronald. Hermione just stared, speechless, with an increasingly horrified look on her face, evidently terrified by the destructive power of magic.

Ronald felt something sharp pierce his body, and looked up to see the enraged Horntail looking down at him. He fell to the ground and looked up at the sky. He saw blue and then he didn't see. He heard Dumbledore say "Is this part of the show?" All he felt was the breath of the dragon on his face.

"Well, are you gonna do it, or should I?" Hermione asked, breathing down on Ronald's sleeping form.

"His nerves are probably on edge. If I wake him he'll curse me. You're the only one of the two of us who knows how to defend herself well enough to risk it," Harry explained, looking at his shoes. "Oh, it looks like he's waking up by himself," he added with a hint of relief.

"Ronald?" Hermione asked tentatively.

"STUPEFY," Ronald shouted and threw a stunner that ripped through the air and hit Harry. He tried to follow with a punch to Hermione, but she pinned him to the ground.

"Gerroff me Hermione."

Hermione got off him. "What's with you?"

"I just had a bad dream."

"Well it's 7 am. There are three hours till the competition."

Then followed a lengthy conversation about the different possibilities for the first task, and how Ronald could win, or at least survive.

"Well it's already eight. You should try to eat something. Harry and I brought you this breakfast." Hermione smiled as Ronald forgot about the Tournament and ate bacon.

Several minutes later Ronald asked "Where is Harry anyways?"

"Oh, it looks like he's still out cold."

"ENERVATE"

Harry stood up slowly, and said "Well we only have three hours left, we should talk strategy. The way I see it, there's a few possibilities. It could be a sumo wrestling contest to the death, in which case you have a good chance against Fleur, but you should try to avoid Krum. It could be a three-way duel to the death, in which case I recommend hiding it out in the bathroom and waiting for Fleur and Krum kill each other. Dumbledore could give you each an army of house elves and have you fight it out in the great hall until there's one survivor, and then crown the winner, elf or human. The last option of course is that you participate in a friendly Quidditch match."

"We've already gone through all of those possibilities Harry, and there's only two hours left. Try to keep up." Hermione exclaimed angrily.

All of Hogwarts along with the foreign students were assembled along the lawn in front of the lake.

"To the west we have the lake, but to the east I have just finished constructing the first task, along with the headmasters of Durmstrang and Beauxbatons." Dumbledore looked at the blank looks the students wore and added, "ah yes." He waved his hand and the disillusionment charm disappeared.

Hundreds of students collectively gasped.

"What is it? Why don't I see anything?" Harry asked. He wiped his glasses on his shirt and looked up again. "WOW!"

Standing in front of them was a life size model of Hogwarts.

"We had initially planned for the first task to have five parts, but after our wards detected a leak among the students we cancelled the sumo-wrestling, dueling, elf-battle, and quidditch aspects. Each participant may choose one of their friends to be a partner, and then they may take any position in the castle they want. In fifteen minutes, the gong will ring, and the fight will start. The use of unforgivables and any spell which results in the death of another student will be prosecuted by the ministry. Also, please be aware that the battle castle has anti-apparition and anti-summoning wards." Dumbledore looked at Krum, who was approaching Karkaroff and said a bit sharply "The participants must choose a student from their school to be their partner."

"I choose… Harry," Ronald decided.

"What? I have more practice dueling, and I'm more experienced in hand to hand combat!" Hermione exclaimed, not abashed in the slightest to be singing her own praises.

"Yes, but Harry is the chosen one, therefore I choose him." Ronald walked off towards the castle with a confused Harry.

Harry and Ronald took positions in the Astronomy tower, where they commanded a view of the entire castle.

"Huh, I didn't realize how empty Hogwarts could feel with only six people in it." Ronald said more to himself than Harry.

Harry moved over and touched Ronald's face. "Does this hurt?," he asked.

"Um, no."

Harry took his hands away and looked out the window. "Have you seen Fawkes around? And do we have any time turners?"

Ronald sighed. This was gonna be a long day.

Chapter 4

Dozens of magical curses streaked across the courtyards of the castle. "I've never seen such an intense duel," Neville whispered to Hermione.

"Yes, I hope that Harry and Ronald are alright," Hermione responded anxiously.

As Krum and Fleur fought it out above, Harry finished fixing Ronald and himself a couple of fried eggs. "Blimey, I had no idea that the kitchens were so well stocked," Ronald said in between bites of egg. "But don't you think you should turn off the gas stove now that you're done cooking.-"

"No, I think we should run," Harry replied.

Ronald, who hoped his blind trust in Harry was not misplaced, ran as he had never ran before, up the stairs and out into the courtyards of Hogwarts. He and Harry exchanged a few curses with Krum and his mate as they sprinted across the courtyard. They reached the other side of the courtyard and kept running.

"DUCK AND COVER," Harry yelled at Ronald. They jumped into a pair of nearby thorny rose bushes and covered their heads.

"Ouch. Why exactly did you have us run out from the safety of the warm kitchens here to the cold wet thorny bushes?" Ronald exclaimed angrily.

"Ah, it seems I forgot the order of events," Harry admitted thoughtfully. "Could you cast an explosive curse on the kitchen Ronald?"

"CONFRINGO," Ronald's spell cut through the air and hit the walls of the great hall and the kitchens below.

"ALRIGHT, NOW DUCK AND COVER" Harry screamed at Ronald.

BOOM. A huge explosion shook the building, and the great hall teetered on its very foundations. "Sometimes you just don't know your own power," Harry told Ronald with a straight face. "Now we run like hell."

Hermione watched in horror as a huge explosion rocked the great hall. "Oh no. Krum must have unleashed fiendfyre on Hogwarts."

"Really?" Neville asked unsurely.

Hermione checked to make sure that Dumbledore wasn't muttering any incantations before confidently replying, "Yes, the kind of power that was in that explosion can only be achieved through dark magic."

Harry and Ronald ran like hell as the buildings around them began to collapse. The other four contestants also began to run like hell as they realized their predicament.

"It wasn't actually you Ronald, you see gasoline is very explosive," Harry explained.

"Oh," was Ronald's disapointed response.

They reached safety, and watched as the other four competitors emerged, coughing and exhausted, from the smoke. Ronald made quick work of stunning the lot of them, and they seemed to just be happy that he was firing red spells and not golden explosive ones. The first task was over. Ronald was victorious.

"Krum did it," Ronald explained. Ronald shivered in the cold November air in front of the whole school. "He cast fiendfyre on the great hall and it started a chain reaction that blew up the whole school."

Krum stirred in his sleep.

Dumbledore nodded sympathetically. "It was just a replica, but still. The board has given Mr. Krum a warning, and he will be expelled from the tournament if this behavior continues."

"Congratulations!" Hermione squealed with pride and joy. She wrapped Ronald in a bear hug. "I have taught you well."

All of the Hogwarts students broke into explosive applause as they realized Ronald had succeeded. The whoops from Gryffindors and sulking looks from the Durmstrang students made Ronald's day.

Chapter 5

"Ronald, your incompetence will one day lead to your disgrace. That day is today. This potion is abysmal." The potions master drawled.

"Yes, sir-"

"Do not interrupt me you red haired moron. You think because you are the pride of Gryffindor, you can neglect your studies in potions. Clearly, fame is not everything Mr. Weasley," Snape spit. "20 points from Gryffindor."

Yay! Finally, I've surpassed Harry as Snape's most hated wizard, Ronald thought. This was a mark of true success.

Malfoy grinned ear to ear. He would finally have a more formidable arch nemesis in the Gryffindor house than the incompetent Potter.

The winter holidays came, and soon Hogwarts was little more than an empty husk. The foreign students had gone to their native countries to celebrate, and most of the Hogwarts students were gone as well. Ronald, Hermione, and Harry all stayed at Hogwarts to continue their extensive TR program for Ronald. Hermione had wanted to go home, but she knew it was important to teach Ronald.

Around forty students stayed at Hogwarts, and the only remaining Gryffindors were Harry, Hermione, Ronald, Neville, Luna, Ginny, Fred, George, and a couple of second years.

"Say Ronald, do you reckon we could join the TR. My grade in DADA is a T, and I don't want to fail the O.W.L.s next year?" Neville tentatively asked Ronald at the Gryffindor breakfast table.

"I don't see why not."

"Can I too? I have no friends," Luna asked.

"Luna, I'm your friend!" Ginny exclaimed.

"You can join too Luna," Ronald responded.

"Can I also join? I want to destroy Malfoy," Ginny said with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"Er, yeah I suppose so," Ronald replied. "Is there any specific reason you want to destroy him?"

"He's a prick," Ginny explained.

"I heard that!" Malfoy yelled over.

Chapter 6

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" the general began before a blinding green light shattered his shields and struck him down.

"And thus concluded the Battle of Shadoxhurst during the Goblin-Wizard War of 1753. After the death of General Slane, the wizards retreated in one of their most costly losses of the war," a deep voice narrated.

"Constant vigilance! Does anybody know why the study of History of Magic is extremely important to the study of DADA?" Moody asked.

Nobody raised their hand.

"By examining how our magical ancestors have failed, in that they have died, we can learn from their mistakes!" Moody barked.

"But sir, what exactly is it that we can accomplish with constant vigilance?" a brown-haired hufflepuff asked.

"Immortality! The only way to truly defeat a powerful enemy such as Voldemort is to outlive him. What was General Slane's mistake?" Moody barked.

"He made assumptions about his enemy," Neville answered confidently. "He underestimated the Goblins' aim, and it cost him his life."

"Incorrect. General Slane made no false assumptions," Moody barked with a hint or sorrow.

Hermione's hand shot up. "General Slane, who was part giant and weighed about seven and a half tons, was roughly 20% larger than the average African male Elephant."

"Indeed!" Moody proclaimed. "His size is not apparent in the video because of the barren landscape, but he was quite large. Large targets, including dragons and giants do not succumb easily to stunning curses. In fact, their mass helps them tolerate these curses. However, their size only makes them a larger target when defending against the killing curse."

"Which is why it would be easy to target you Ronald, since you're so tall and muscular!" shouted Malfoy. Ha! This witty insult would make it clear to both Slytherin and Gryffindor students that Weasley had overtaken Potter to become Malfoy's new arch nemesis.

A few students laughed, and most gave Malfoy a strange look.

Hermione, Harry, and Ronald retired to the library after the DADA class, and they began to continue their study of the numerous spell books in their attempt to teach Ronald. It was there that they heard of Dumbledore's announcement that was to take place in the Great Hall in five minutes.

"Hello students, teachers, countrymen," Dumbledore began. "I would like to begin by announcing that the second task shall be a corn maze which all three contestants will have to navigate, followed by a 5 mile open stretch that the contestants will have to cross to reach the finish line of the second task. Unlike the previous task, the contestants will not be allowed to bring any wizards or witches with them to complete this task. Also I'm getting married!" he gleefully shouted before strutting off stage.

"You know, I'm not so sure that technology actually malfunctions around magic!" Harry exclaimed.

"What?" asked a confused Hermione as the trio sat in the commons.

"Well, think about it. I went back to my house last summer and none of the electronics there stopped working, and we have electronic clocks all over Hogwarts which work perfectly!"

"Holy shit," Ronald interrupted. "You didn't actually believe Dumbledore when he told us that, did you?"

"Er-" Harry began to mumble incoherently.

"Dude, just because most wizards prefer to go old school doesn't mean technology doesn't work at Hogwarts! Seriously, did you not notice that Hermione got a smart phone at the beginning of this year." Ronald guffawed.

Soon Ronald and Hermione were rolling on the floor in laughter.

"Jesus Christ Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as she laughed hard and rolled dangerously close to the fire.

A couple of seventh year wizards had overheard them and couldn't contain their laughter anymore. "Oh man, wait until I write home to tell my family about this. The 'chosen one' thought that you couldn't use technology at Hogwarts!"

Ginny looked up just in time to heard the seventh year's last sentence and also began to laugh uncontrollably and roll on the floor.

Harry decided to call it an early night.

Chapter 7

Ronald went to breakfast late the next morning with men's lipstick on his lips.

"Bro, you have lipstick on your face," said Harry between bites of toast.

"Really? I didn't know Draco wore lipstick," Ronald replied as he ate piece after piece of bacon.

"You've been making out with Malfoy?" Hermione raised her eyebrows before lowering them again as she looked down at her heaping plate of bacon.

"Yes." Ronald said and took a gulp of orange juice.

"I guess now's as good a time as ever to tell you that I've been making out with your little sister." Harry said quickly.

Ronald stopped drinking orange juice.

Hermione's jaw dropped and her fork slipped out of her hand.

Mcgonagall got up from the head table.

"Darn, I didn't think that would be more of a surprise then Ronald being gay." Harry said embarrassedly.

"Dude, that is not ok," said Ronald.

"We're the same age since I'm born in the summer and we're both responsible teenagers-" Harry began before he was cut off when Hermione whacked him on the head.

"What's the matter with you! That's his little sister you idiot!" Hermione didn't let up on her barrage of blows for some while.

Mcgonagall walked by. "Potter, you are an imbecile! Gryffindor is all about loyalty and respect. I walked over her to applaud Mr. Weasley for forming inter house relations when I hear about your newest fling with his little sister. You should be ashamed of yourself. Detention after class."

Harry returned from detention to the TR classroom where Ronald and Hermione were already laying out a plan for the coming challenge. Neville, Ginny, and Luna looked over to watch Harry walk in before returning to their spellbooks.

"That's brilliant!" Harry remarked.

A full week passed as they worked out the details of their plan for Ronald to win the second task. After a long night's work they were about to retire to the dormitories.

"By the way Ronald, the second task is tomorrow!" Harry exclaimed gleefully.

"Really?" Ronald asked. At least one week had passed since Dumbledore's announcement, but was it really already the eve of February 1st?

"No, but I really had you going, didn't I?" Harry guffawed.

"My god Harry, that is despicable. First you take three years to realize that technology and magic work together, and now you lie to your own best pal about the date of the second task," Hermione told Harry off.

"Not to mention this comes after your fling with my little sister," Ronald continued.

"Just try to get your act together Harry," Hermione finished.

"We are just so sick of your antics!" Ronald exclaimed angrily.

All three of them began laughing at their own ridiculousness. "We're just messing with you Harry," Hermione explained. "And of course we don't mind you and Ginny dating."

"Yeah, Ginny is her own person. I don't get to tell her who to date." Ronald admitted.

"And we really don't know why Mcgonagall gave you detention, though she might have been mad that Dumbledore publicly announced their wedding."

"Alright, now that you lot have had your fun and games, I just have one thing to say." Harry began.

"Yeah?" Ronald asked.

"The second task actually is tomorrow!" Harry and Hermione guffawed at the dumb look on Ronald's face and went off to sleep.

Chapter 8

Ronald Weasley's body floated to the surface of the lake with a merman's spear run through it.

Several students gasped, and Dumbledore began to chuckle before having a violent coughing fit.

"Wait a minute, is that real?" he asked Mcgonagall, his wife to be, after finishing his chuckles.

"I believe it is, dear."

This time Hermione took preventive measures. She pinned Ronald to the bed before letting Harry come closer to wake him up.

"Ronald? Are you awake?" Harry asked tentatively.

"STUPEFY," Harry collapsed to the floor as the bright light hit him.

Ronald struggled with all his might, but Hermione's Aikido pin was too strong.

"Ow, that hurts!" he managed.

She let go. "What was it this time?"

"Bad dream," Ronald replied.

Hermione and Ronald grabbed two heaping plates from the great hall and had a lengthy discussion of battle tactics for the upcoming task while Hermione ate both plates of bacon. Something tickled at the back of Hermione's mind while she chowed down on bacon. Oh Damn! Not again.

"ENERVATE" Ronald looked on as Hermione brought Harry out of his magical sleep.

Not wanting to break the news to Harry that they had forgotten about his unconscious form a second time in one year, they pretended he had only been out for a few seconds, hid Hermione's plates of bacon, and repeated their exact same lengthy discussion about battle tactics and Ronald's plan. Thus, the last hour before the task was wasted.

Ronald stood quivering before the massive 50 foot tall corn maze. "Oh dear…" Ronald remembered how much he had grown as a wizard during the TR sessions, and his stance solidified a little.

The gong set off, and the task began.

Ronald froze. He couldn't remember the plan for the life of him. All he could think of was that he wanted to get through the maze and finish the second task as soon as possible.

Ronald yelled "ACCIO FERRARI!" A Ferrari came whistling over the town of Hogsmeade and landed on the Hogwarts lawn. Unfortunately, inside the convertible Ferrari was a muggle. The muggle was wearing a full white racing suit and a white helmet with a black visor.

"Holy…" Ronald stammered "Are you The Stig?"

The Stig did not move. Instead he pressed a button on the Ferrari's dashboard. The roof began to come up. He revved the engine. Ronald jumped into the passenger seat, The Stig released the clutch, and the car jumped forward to 60mph in about three seconds.

Ronald was pressed back into his seat and managed to close the passenger door before a tree came by that would have closed the door for him. He struggled with his seat belt buckle as they approached the maze wall. Buckling himself in just in time, they went through the corn maze wall with a crunch.

This continued for some time as the rear wheel drive Ferrari struggled to find traction on the flat wet grass before lurching forward to reach high speeds just before crashing through another barrier. The Stig was interested in getting the fastest time from the start to the end of the task, and he was oblivious to the fact that Ferrari had already lost its left hand mirror. If The Stig didn't care how many pieces the Ferrari was in when he finished the track, he certainly didn't care how many pieces Ronald would be in. Thus Ronald decided to hide under the glove box.

The Stig drifted around a startled Fleur and was soon out on the open 5 mile stretch. Krum cast the fiendfyre curse at the Ferrari. Now that he had the reputation of a dark wizard, why not embrace it? The Stig dodged the curse by setting the Ferrari on race mode and drifting away, momentarily driving on two wheels.

Ronald finally had a use. He rolled down his window, to The Stig's annoyance as the Ferrari's fabulous aerodynamics where shamefully degraded. He began exchanging curses with Krum, which was harder than it looked going at triple digit speeds. Meanwhile Fleur put Krum out cold with a terrifying scarlet colored curse.

The Stig was happy to see Ronald shedding weight off the car. The Stig did not know where the green and red flashes of light were coming from, but he was happy to see them leave his lovely Ferrari.

At this point Fleur had summoned a high speed racing broom and was beginning to catch up. Ronald tried to open the convertible's aluminum roof, but it wouldn't open while the car was moving. Thus he found himself slightly leaning out of the window in order to exchange curses with Fleur.

The Stig once again disliked Ronald. Did the boy have any concept of air resistance? Unfortunately, he had more important matters on his mind. The flying brown thing above was about to overtake him. The Stig did not like being overtaken. That's why he avoided driving near air force bases where he inevitably lost the drag races that he challenged jet fighters to. That's why he wore sweatpants under his racing costume so that he could begin to sprint whenever a jogger began to overtake him on the sidewalk. Being overtaken made The Stig very mad. When The Stig gets mad, he starts trying to kick things. Specifically, he kicks the accelerator. The Stig shifted into the next gear and left the broom in the Ferrari's dust.

The Ferrari drifted across the finish line. Ronald was kicked out of the moving car, and landed just over the line. Ronald rubbed his sore back and watched as The Stig drove away in search of pavement.

The party that night in the Gryffindor commons room was even better than the one in November.

Ronald hobbled to breakfast the next morning and took a couple of Advil, which is both easier to use and more effective than its magical counterparts. As he finished his massive plate of bacon, he glanced over at Hermione's copy of The Daily Prophet, which had a massive headline reading:

THE STIG UNMASKED AS RONALD WEASLEY

Chapter 9

The next few months seemed to zip by. Ronald continued to study at TR, and Harry and Hermione continued to eat bacon. But one day in late May, this pastime was brutally brought to a halt. The kitchens ran out of bacon.

Chapter 10

"I have some important news to announce," rambled Dumbledore. "Voldemort is back! Oooh! Ooooh!" He imitated a ghost. "This seventeen year old student here, Cedric Diggory," Dumbledore paused to point to a seventh year Hufflepuff, "has seen him return. Ooooh! Ooooh! We must all run for our lives! As headmaster of this school I will assume control over the Ministry of Magic and all of Magical Europe. Unfortunately, I am the only person qualified to lead our great nations in this time of crisis. Of course, the last task has been cancelled, and as leader of Magical Europe I give you our victor, Harry Potter!" Dumbledore paused to let the Gryffindor house explode in confused applause. "I will now go off to fire Cornelius Fudge, dissolve the Wizengamot, and end elections in Magical Europe!" Dumbledore cackled and ran into the dungeons.

The End