Present season. I guess it's a follow-up for the first episode "Karma to Burn." It's about time Gil comes home! This is the season, I can feel something brewing in my bones. Or at least I hope for an appearance. Do not own CSI. Only this idea. Enjoy :)
"Because I want to"
Nick was headed towards the break-room when he saw the door ajar. Seeing as a light was on, he stuck his head in, "Hello?" Sara was facing away from him, her head in her hands. "Sar?" Her shoulders instantly tensed and he could just make out a sniffle. She dabbed her eyes as she turned around.
"Nick...I uh thought everyone left. What are you doing here?"
He pointed towards the break-room. "I forgot my jacket. Are you ok?" Streaks of mascara and smudged eyeliner were hard to conceal.
"I'm fine. God, I don't understand why you had to come in here." Fresh tears were on the brim of falling. "You know, I'm able to go home at night and cry freely without anyone barging in on me!" Sara huffed in utter despair. "Can you just go?" She pleaded with him.
"Sara—" Nick made his way to her side. He attempted to hug her but she pushed him away.
"No—no. Please go. I don't want to talk about this." With both hands, she tried shoving him to the side. After that failed, she tried running into him, hoping to break free.
"Come on, sweetie, talk to me. I'm not letting you go like this. Something's not just fine." Nick held her firmly by the shoulders. His eyes pleaded with hers. She gasped. The tears that were threatening to fall made their way down her cheeks. As her body gave way, she fell into Nick. He caught her and squeezed with all his might. He could feel her heart beating a mile a minute. Her gasps turned to sobs as her tears continued to fall. He rubbed her back until her breathing calmed and she leaned back in her chair.
"I'm sorry," she said. He handed her some tissues. She nodded her head in acknowledgement. Her eyes darted away from his and he thought it was best to shut the door and pull over a chair.
"You don't have to apologize. I'm glad you let it out. I knew you weren't ok from the moment I walked in the room. Now really, what was that about crying at night? You're missing him a lot, aren't you?"
"What do you think?" She snapped. After a sniffle, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with me—"
"This isn't dealing," He took her hand. "We're a family. This is because I want to."
This caused Sara to smile. "Thank you. It's just I do, I do miss him terribly."
"Have you been crying every night, though?"
"No, just, you know after some long nights where I don't get a lot of sleep. Or the nights where I don't get any because of a double or triple. It's those nights where leaving here to go home to an empty house isn't the least bit appealing."
"What brought this on?" Nick gestured to the way Sara was hunched in her chair, head back in her hands. At this, she straightened up.
"I guess it was the recent case. I don't know. It got me thinking how much I hurt Gil and you guys when I left. But at the time I felt I had no choice, though I clearly made one. I had to get out of here and clear my head. And I eventually came back. But...Gil's been gone for years. The past two and a half years it's been seeing each other once or twice a month. Almost three years, Nick! You know I went with him because I love him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I'm so, so happy he's doing what he's wanted to do. I just thought it would be a year or so then we'd end up back here. Like getting it out of his system, you know?"
Nick was shell-shocked. Sara was a private person to begin with—an even more private person where Gil was concerned. He'd never heard this much come out of her mouth at once. Ever. Except for last week when she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. He leaned back and she continued.
"And this, Vegas, with you guys, is our home. I couldn't imagine moving. It wouldn't be the same. I'm truly happy here with everyone. My dream job. I've never had an interest in teaching or anything like that. We've lost too many over the years. I couldn't put you through me leaving again." She finally paused for a much-needed breath. "I can't live like this anymore, Nicky. I'd hate to crush Gil's dreams, but I was alone for far too long. It took me years to break though to him. He was an emotionally unavailable man." Sara could recall what Catherine's reaction had been concerning Gil's mother. "We finally got together, but at times, when I'm crying, it feels like all we've worked for is gone. I miss him. I want to spend more than three days with him during the holidays!" The pools in her eyes were growing. She snatched a tissue from her desk and swiped her eyes. "I don't want to sound selfish, but I need him." She blew her nose. "Geez, I must look like a drowned rat! I need a washcloth and a beer."
Nick chuckled. He took Sara's hand again and patted it. "You needed this. It's been bottled up long enough. Does Griss know how you feel? Do you know how he feels?"
Sara pondered this question for a few seconds. "He loves what he's doing, he doesn't even need to tell me that—"
"What about you?"
At this point, she was twisting her wedding band. She closed her eyes and took a breath. "I've told him to go, not to let me hold him back. He deserves this. I said to go for it and I'll be here waiting and supporting him."
"So that's a no."
Sara looked at Nick. She shrugged her shoulders while shaking her head yes.
"You have to tell him. You're not being honest with yourself or him. He needs to know how this makes you feel. It's been eating you alive!"
"I know, I know." She blew out another breath. "But it's hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. For whatever reason, believe me I've tried."
"Well, that just means you got to try, try again!"
Sara stood from her chair and wrapped her arms around Nick. "Thank you. A best friend would listen because he wants to."
"I care about you like you wouldn't imagine! I would hope that you'd feel the same about me!"
Sara nudged him in the ribs. "For that, I'll talk to Gil, but there won't be any guarantees of a visit from him when he comes home!"
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