It had been six months since she last came to visit. Her work load was intense as ever and she couldn't squeeze in a trip that matched their time off. A part of her hated the fact that she was here because of what happened…of what was about to happen. But as she walked into the dimly lit room and spotted the fragile looking figure lying in a much too big bed, she knew she had to be here…needed to be here and there wasn't anywhere else in the world she belonged at the moment.
Tears rushed to her eyes as she watched him struggle to breathe. Emily knew this day was coming but she didn't expect it to be here so quickly and it broke her heart that there was nothing she could do about it.
"Emmy?" a small voice broke through her thoughts as her gaze finally met the little boys. "You came," he smiled softly which made Emily feel guilty for not being here all along.
"Hey Jack," Emily beamed as she rushed over to the hospital bed where the young boy laid tied up to wires and tubes. She knew she couldn't cry. That wouldn't benefit anyone, but in the end she knew that would be the toughest thing she's ever had to do. "Mind if I lay with you?"
Jack slowly shook his head and Emily gingerly got into the bed beside him. Her arm wrapped around his shoulders as her other one wrapped around his waist as she moved as close to him as she dared.
"How are you feeling?"
"Tired."
That one word brought tears back to Emily's eyes and she was thankful Jack couldn't see her face. "I know you are baby," she whispered as she kissed the side of his head. Suddenly Emily became angry. Angry at everything, how could this happen? Why did bad things always happen to the Hotchner family? How could something so horrible happen to such a sweet boy? How was Hotch supposed to make it out of this one? He had already lost so much and now for his son to lose a fight she saw he was struggling to win made her want to cuss at the Gods for not doing something. For letting this happen to such a sweet kid. For letting it happen to this family.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here as much as I should have been Jack." That was going to be her biggest regret. The moment she found out three months ago what he was diagnosed with she should have been on the next plane, and yet she let everyone tell her there was nothing she could do. But in her heart she knew it might have helped both of them.
"You were here. You called, you wrote, you Skyped," Jack told her which caused Emily to laugh. Jack placed his hand over hers and Emily latched onto his and never wanted to let go.
"I guess you're right," she chuckled softly, "we did Skype." Jack started to cough and Emily hated the sound. The rattling in his chest, how he struggled to get his breath back once it was over. Part of her wanted to tell him that if he was in pain, if he was tired, to just let go. That he didn't have to fight anymore, but that wasn't her place and she'd never want him to give up, even though she knew his fate was inevitable.
"Make me a promise?" Jack asked softly once he got everything under control.
"Anything, love."
"Look after my daddy. I'll have mommy to look after me, but he won't have anyone." Jack turned his head to look at her and she saw the look of sadness in his eyes, and she knew, even at such a young age, that he was blaming himself for that. "You were always able to get him to smile. So promise you'll make him smile."
Tears were threatening to come flooding down her face at his determination. "I promise," she whispered.
Jack returned to his position of looking straight ahead and a single tear escaped Emily's eye. "I think I need to take a nap now," he sighed, "but I don't want to because I don't want you to not be here when I wake up."
Emily's heart broke at his confession. "I'm not going anywhere, even if I'm not in the room I'll still be here." There was a long pause as Emily struggled to get her emotions under control. "If you're sleepy then you should sleep baby."
"I'm sorry I couldn't be a better superhero for everyone…I tried," Jack whispered and Emily couldn't believe her ears.
"Don't ever say that," Emily said as she pulled him closer to her and she sighed into his hair. "You are an amazing superhero baby. Better than I am. I wish I was as strong as you."
Emily could feel her heart breaking and she didn't know what to do…or say. What else was there to say? There was only one more thing she needed to let him know before she let him sleep.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?" He mumbled half asleep already.
Emily moved her mouth next to his ear so she was sure he was going to hear her. "I love you so much, do you remember how much?"
"To the moon…and back," he breathed out slowly.
"That's right baby. I love you to the moon and back. Always." Emily couldn't stop the tears from coming now and she just let them fall. The world sucked. She was witness to that everyday on the job, but sometimes life just wasn't fair and for such a young boy to lose his life to such a powerful force was devastating to her. Just as she was about to say more she saw a shadow out of the corner of her eye and looked up to see Hotch standing in the doorway.
Emily quickly wiped at her tears, knowing that it was too late and he saw her complete breakdown. There was so much sadness in his eyes but there also looked like there was a tinge of happiness. Maybe he was happy she finally made it. Made it in time.
"Look who's here," Emily whispered and Jack opened his eyes slowly and a small smile formed on his lips when he spotted his father.
"Hi daddy."
"Hi buddy! I see your favorite person came to see you," Hotch said as he stood at the end of the bed, still not wanting to intrude on their moment.
"Yep," Jack smiled, "my favorite girl."
Emily stared at the little boy and she knew she was close to losing it and that if she didn't get out of the room pronto Jack was going to witness it, and she didn't want that. "Well, I'm going to go grab a coffee so you can sleep a while okay?" Emily ran her hand down his smooth cheek and kissed his temple. "Rest baby, I'll see you in a bit," she promised.
Emily got off of the bed and headed for the door. She would talk to Hotch later; right now he needed to spend time with his son. Emily reached the end of the bed when Jack's voice halted her.
"Emmy?"
She turned to look at the small boy again in the huge bed. "Yeah baby?"
"I love you too…to the moon and back."
Emily couldn't control the sob that escaped her lips. She leaned forward and placed her hand on his leg. "To the moon and back Jack, to the moon and back. Always." She gave his leg a squeeze before she stood up straight and placed her hand gingerly on Hotch's arm then let it slide down to grasp onto his hand for a fleeting second, before releasing it and walked out of the room.
Once the door shut behind her she couldn't stop her emotions from escaping. Emily leaned against the wall and cried. She cried for Jack who was going to lose his battle to cancer at any moment, for Hotch who has already been through enough. Emily cried for the moments she missed with Jack because she thought London would be a better place. She cried for everything. As Emily slid down the wall, when her legs couldn't hold her anymore, she realized how much she loved that little boy. It was more than just to the moon and back. It was endless. And there was never going to be another Jack Hotchner. Of that she was certain.