Hello everyone! This is my first time posting a story here. I love being silly, and this is what this story is all about. Be forewarned though, this might be too silly for some. And I don't think I've seen another Mario fic that uses his Italian accent. It's used here, so you might not stand that as well. But I wrote this with my heart put into it.
I present..Mario Goes Crazy!
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"Are you sure, dude? You don't have to race if you're not feeling well."
"Hahaha, no need to worry-a-DK. A silly sickness won't-a-stop me from winning the-a-team battle game coming up soon! Besides, I don't-a-think it feels that-a-bad.."
Indeed, Mario had felt a little sick nearly all day. It started when his head began to heat up, but that was soon washed away with that one feeling that he was about to throw up food he'd eaten, though it never happened After that, the strangest symptom of all came crashing down. He wanted to do really unusual things.
Like that one Toad janitor's mop. At times he felt like covering it in gravy and eat it, then while chewing the last of it, he'd perform a classic rhapsody that would transfer the mop pieces into Yoshi, who'd get so fat, HE'D GET A POROAOAMITION!!!1
That never happened either. And he resisted the temptations, though they got stronger with every thought. He was so close to showing Toad the ways of magical pants…
He only told DK and Yoshi about his problem, though leaving out the thoughts about the whole fat promotion thing to the latter.
"If you say so. If you're really not feeling up to it, you could always go to that nurse. Seeya, Mario!" flashing a shiny grin and giving a thumbs up as he walked away, Mario waving all the way with thanks.
"Hmm..well, I'm-a-sure I'll be fine! I haven't had a urge in over an-a-hour! I'd better get ready for the-a-match! It starts in fifteen minutes!"
His mind settled, he knew he'd be A-okay.
He was horribly wrong.
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"Alrighty then, contestants, we'll just fill in the balloons and you'll be on your way to another hit battle!"
Mario looked around, just to review who was on what side.
He was on Blue Team, otherwise Peach, who he was allied with, wouldn't have that Toad pump blue balloons on her kart. He looked to his left to see ROB ready to go, the two had been becoming fast friends lately, so he didn't mind. The only problem was Wario, who's snickers annoyed him had been annoying him more than usual, plus there was the whole rivalry and his utter distaste of him.
Red Team was composed of Daisy…and a Dry Bones that had been a famed racer from another part of the Mushroom Kingdom. "He-a-sure lives up to the-a-hype!", he thought as he remembered barely winning the close struggle for 1st place in the 100cc Special Cup.
Then there was Luigi..which would make for some more fun brother rivalry. He silently cheered as he saw Bowser filling up his reserved red balloons. He hoped he'd make a mockery of him again as he did on Pipe Plaza not so long ago.
He then snapped to reality as he heard someone make the "click!" on the panel leading to the reserved balloons.
"Okay everyone! You probably know this battle will take place in Block Fort!", four doors sliding open behind the Toad coach, "so we're going to have to make that position! Two in each door! Let's go!"
On cue, the contestants drove into the doors in two. Luigi and Peach, Bowser and ROB, Mario and Daisy, Wario and Dry Bones.
They did not know what awaited them as they drove through the tunnels, most of them gloating about how their team was going to win.
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So there he was, between the Red and Yellow fort blocks.
And the timer was about to go off..
BWEEP!!! 3..
He could've sworn he heard a similar timer nearby..
BWEEP!! 2
He could barely hear it from the sound of this one though…
Bweep! 1
CLICK!
BERNEEEEP!! GO!!!
In case you're not familiar with Block Fort battles, usually
the contestants do one of these two things first. Either they'd back up in their own start area and pick up the item boxes, or cross over to another's side, making sure to avoid others.
It seemed like Mario chose the latter, though he drove through in a straight line without a care in the world, crashing into Bowser and Dry Bones, causing odd looks from anyone who took that path (and of course, annoyed ones at said crashed into persons).
He went for the item boxes..
Going going going…
Went right through the left one..
Crashed into the wall.
Blank.
Mario began to take special note of the music running through from the speakers in the walls..unbeknownst to him his eyes began to turn red..
DUN DUN DUN dunna dun doun!!
DUNN A DUNNA DUN DUN
Dodododoo-dodooo!
Bumma bumma do do-KILL KILLL KIILALLLL THEM ALLL!!111
COME ON YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BLOW ALL DEM UP!!!
DUNNA DUNNA SLICE SMASH
BUP BUP BUPPA DANCE THE DEATH DANCEEEE!!!11
It began to repeat over and over and over..BAMABAAMAMAMA BAM!11 SNAP SNAP!!1
IT STARTED. QUICKLY MARIO TOOK OFF THE OVERALL BUTTONS CHEWING ON THEM AND WENT RAWWWR!111 DRIVING WITH HIS LEGS SMEPAKKAKAKCAKAKMF#EeLOP
Quickly, he drove to Blue fort to find Dry Bones. Before the boney lizard could say anything, Mario triumphantly raised his arms into the air and yelled out:
"I AM THE LORD!!!! I AM THE BLOOD!!! I AM….THETRUEENTITY!!!"
Then, Matrix style, he back flipped off his cart and did a very nice sweep kick that knocked his kart away. Dry Bones screamed and sped off somewhere. Mario didn't care though, he wanted hunger..revenge..OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS!1
He ran to Blue fort to find Wario, speeding away and laughing his head off while leaving behind a bewildered Daisy.
"Uh..Mario, are you feeling ok-"
"Break the law on MY watch, will you!?!? THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!!"
Bowser just so happened to drive by, checking to see all the ruckus, when he was suddenly grabbed from his kart by his tail by none other then the now-crazy plumber.
"Mario! What the-WOAH!!OWOAOAOAAOAAOWOWOOAOAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRWAAWWWR!!!!!!", Mario had swung him so hard he was just a speck in the sky.
While Daisy was somewhat distracted, he took out three green shells, which he got from the item box earlier, stuck in some grenades, and threw them all at Daisy. She yelped and tried to run off, but it was too late. All of them exploded and it ended up blowing off a chunk of Red Fort and landing the princess under the rubble.
Unfortunately for Bowser, he happened to land on the explosion and was blown away into Yellow Fort.
"I NOW HAVE THE POWER OF THREE GENTLEMEN!1111 YOOOHAWWWWWWW!!"
Jumping away, he encountered Peach driving by Red Fort, who happened to see what Mario did. (OBVIOUSLY!111)
"Mario! Why did you do-"
"Peach! Peach! I've made an amazing breakthrough! I now know what I really am!"
"Uh, Mario-"
"I am…A FISH!!!"
And with that, he began to flop and flop and flop on the floor and away from a very confused Peach.
"What's gotten into him..?"
Mario continued to flop around like a fish on land, and bumped into ROB.
"Hey Mario..why are you doing that?"
Just then, Mario stopped flopping, stood up, and glared at the very confused robot.
"ROB..have you ever tasted..peanut butter?"
"Well, not rea-"
"AND I DON'T MEAN THE REGULAR KIND EITHER!! I mean the moist, rubbery kind..the one that you dip in soy sauce with a fork and you begin to lick yourself like a cat in anticipation..the kind that tastes like a thousand eggs..the kind that just makes you feel..ALIVE!?!!?!?!"
"..you're scaring me, Mario."
"YOU HAVEN'T, HAVE YOU!!"
"Well, no, but-"
"Well then.." AND THAT'S WHEN A GIANT FIREY AURA POWERED UP AROUND HIM AND HE'S LIKE ALL RAWWWWWWWRRRRR BWHAHAHABAAHAHAHAAAHA "IM GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Before poor little ROB could do anything, Mario jumped behind him, opened a plate, and pressed the 'off' button. ROB went down immediately.
"I'm victorious! Now, I must-"
"MARRRIO!!!"
Mario instantly recognized the voice and looked behind him to see Luigi, followed by Peach and a freaked out Dry Bones.
"Mario! Is this true what I'm hearing! That you've been causing all this?!?"
"Luigi…"
"What?!?!"
"…my own brother.."
"..yes?"
"…BETRAYING ME!?!?
"..what?"
"Looks at you! Wearing the mark of the enemy! Why did you side with them brother? Of course, the signs were obvious.."
"Enemy? Mario, wha..are you talking about the balloons?"
"Yes, why traitor? SPEAK YOUR REASONING!!!"
Now Peach spoke out, "Mario, it's just a game! Stop this nonsen-"
"GAME!?!? YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?!?? MY BROTHER, THE ONCE HEORIC LUIGI, HAS BETRAYED THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, AND YOU CALL THIS A GAME!?!?! You're siding with them too, huh Peach? Just haven't gotten your little color of evil, huh?"
"MA-"
"ENOUGH! I challenge you Luigi…TO A LIGHTSABER DUEL!!!"
Mar
And with that, Mario suddenly grew this really cool black cape, and swiped out of nowhere red light sabers. Luigi's eyes grew as big as saucers.
"Now then, shall we start?"
"Everyone, RUN FOR IT!!!!!!!!"
Pushing the pedals, they quickly turned around and sped away for their lives onto the nearest fort (Yellow), leaving Mario to stare at the spot they once occupied.
"They may be traitors, BUT THEY'RE COWARDLY TRAITORS!! I'll get them all EVEN IF I HAEF TO SHOEV THESE LIGHTSABER HANDELS INTO MAH MOUF AAAAAWWWYEWHEWBEWYEHWYWYEWHAYEAYEHGMFFMFMFMFMFMMFFFABWWBWHWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Running on all fours with said light sabers forced into his mouth, he ran at them, rampaging up the slope. He located Dry Bones driving on the bridge to Red fort. He quickly made an impressive leap in front of him, scaring the life out of him. He tried to turn back, but Mario was too quick for him, as he made a cool 3607838343009309538 degree backwards turn and sliced off the bridge with the in-mouthed light sabers.
Dry Bones had no time to react as Mario pounced on him and proceeded to thrash him.
After he was done with him, he growled and scanned the area for Luigi and Peach, and spotted them driving on top of Blue Fort.
Mario giggled to himself madly, pulled out a walkie talkie, and garbled gibblish into the device. He soon ended and grinned as a fat plane came from nowhere and bombed the whole place (Yes, all of the arena). He jumped off the fort, ducked, and covered as a mass explosion swept up the whole battlefield.
Moments later, all of the forts, bridges, and walls had crumbled and fallen apart from the devastation of the bomb. Mario popped himself out of the rubble, yanked out the light sabers from his mouth and sheathed them, walked into the middle of the arena, and laughed triumphantly. Complete with a creepy pose.
"BOHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NOW THE WORLD IS UNDER MY CONTROL!!1YAYAYAAYA"
"Ooooooooh no it's not! Hehehehehe.."
Mario looked behind him to see Wario, who had somehow escaped all of Mario's rampages, and only had dust covered on him from the explosion. He walked up to him laughing away.
"Oh man..HAHAHAHAHA!! That was so priceless! The way you just mauled everyone..hoohohoho, I want to laugh so much more, but I've tired myself out! Oh..hahaha, this worked out the why Dr.Crygor said it would!"
"HUH? What thing, Wafatto!?!?"
Wario pulled out a potion and pointed to it.
"Allow me to explain. A while ago, the good doctor made a potion that makes whoever drinks it go crazy! It didn't take long for me and Waluigi to think of you to take it! We had to wait at the right opportunity though, and this battle just seemed so perfect! WE WAS RIGHT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"..you mean..I'm ?"
"Oh, well uh, for you uh..I guess?"
"NOOOO!!!!!!! I CAN'T BE A LIE!! I'll take you DOWN, lier and fatso! Prepare to be…eaten. YAQAAAH!!11" He ran at Wario, but then noticed as he CHUGGED DOWN AN INSTANT VERSION OF THE POTION
"NOT IF I DRINK THIS POTION AND EAT YOU FIRST!!11 CHCUIAHGAALALAOWOLWOOAAAHYEYAH!11"
IT WAS ON !! THEY STARTED TO MAUL EACHOTHER WITH THE FURY OF 634 GOOMBAS AND THEN WARIO COSPLAYED AS COLETTE FROM TOS AND TRIPPED, INCLUDING WITH A HIGH PITCHED, "WHOOOOOOOOPS!!!!" THEN MARIO GROUND POUNDED HIM AND HES LIKE MEWOEOEMWEOWEOOW until Wario grew 10X fatter and slapped that dawg 'round yo.
Then the belly OF THE FAT OEN GREW A FACE AND WAS LIKE ALL RAWWRR AND ATE MARIO and then chewed on him before he realized he tasted like old socks and spat him out AND IT RETURNED TO THE NETHERWORLD WHERE HE HANGED OUT WITH THAT ONE KID FROM ROCKET POWER N-N-N-NARLY!!!
Then MARIO's like all NEEEH and playing gameboy wairo CAN I PLAUY mnario goes NO and therw the gaem boy AT HIS FACE LOL BWWOWOANB!!mYASTUP
It was a long, horrible fight, and it came down to the climax, with Wario on his knees, gasping for breath.
"No..you can't be.."
"YES Wario…I truly realized who I am..I am THE TEAL WOLF THAT WALKS WITH BEAVERS WHILE CHEWING ON THEM, and not only do I need extra rocks, THAT MEANS I POSSESS….THE LUCKY WALNUT!!!"
"NOOOOO!!!!!"
Then Mario ran at him like those cool Japanese sword movies and made that cool pose after he ran through him with the lucky walnut and then wario felll lol
Mario's eyes suddenly turned back to blue, and he wiped his forehead.
"Hoo…man, I feel..uuhhh..tired.."
He fell asleep.
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So what happened after that?
Well, I could say that it took two months for the arena to be rebuilt, for Mario to be well enough to come back, and for Wario and Waluigi to be rid of their suspension. But that wouldn't be fun, would it?
So let's just say everyone was shocked at what happened to the Block Forts, then they got on with their lives and forgot about this embarrassing incident and everyone and the Block Fort was magically healed. Yay.
Oh, and it turns out that Mario isn't really the Teal Wolf that walks with Beavers while Chewing on them. What a liar.