(A/N: First chappie! WOOTNESS! This ficcy goes out to my authoress bud, Yargy the Pirate Queen! This one's for you! And with that being said, READ ON!)
The Internet is my pal. You might call it an fixation. I call it….well an obsession. It provides me entertainment like fan fics, Gaia Online, iTunes, Youtube, downloading music illegally…blah-blah-blah, you get it.
However, at the moment, I was hating my laptop with a fiery passion. It was a Christmas present and some brand I had never heard of, but that wasn't why I was currently clutching the piece of machinery in a white knuckled grip and wishing the stupid thing would snap in half.
No, the reason I was so bent was the fact that I had been caught playing Bejewled in Math and was now sitting in the principal's office, staring at an abnormal splotch on the ceiling that looked a lot like a cow as the P-Man himself clacked away on his keyboard, probably entering this happy little incident forever into my permanent record.
I began to wonder about the cow splotch: where was his herd? Had he wandered away from the tour and gotten lost? That would be a shame. Of all the places to get lost, he wound up in Monsieur Prince-E-Pal's chamber o' doom. But wait, if it was a cow, wouldn't that make it a girl? I had to wonder. Ever since those bastards at Pixar made BARNYARD, the whole matter of male cows complete with udders now seemed very likely.
I began to think up as many scenarios as I could of as to how Ms./or Mr. Cow Splotch managed to find his way from whatever happy life he /or she must have been living amongst the other cow splotches to find her/ or his way to this god forsaken place from which light will neither leave nor enter.
But as I was thinking upon the gender confused Cow Splotch, and the perils he/she must endure to find his/her way back to the herd, I unconsciously sighed a bit more noisily that Grand Master P-Dizzle would have liked. I knew that by the rather miffed look I caught him wearing as he finally caught on to my glazed expression fixed wholly on the ceiling.
I knew what I had done was stupid, but I'm sure that Mr. Decette wouldn't appreciate me singing the Oscar Meyer Bologna song in a round. I mean, this really seemed a bit harsh to me. I had finished the assignment and for some unfortunate reason, I had not been born with the academic over-achiever gene, so moving on to the next assignment never crossed my mind
A light tapping noise came from my right. I ignored it at first until it became more persistent. I glanced to my left and nearly shrieked for joy. The Calvary had arrived in the form of my bestest bud in the whole wide world, Megan Roxbury.
She grinned in at me and gave me a thumbs-up before darting out of sight. About ten seconds later, the fire alarm sounded shrilly, making the principal levitate about a foot off his chair.
Apparently, the thought of going up in flames in THIS particular building managed to help him forget the fact that I was there as he ran out of his office and didn't look back make sure I was following. And here I thought the guy didn't care.
Megan came ambling in about two minutes later, looking very proud of herself as I waas erasing everything Mr. Prince-E-Pal had entered into my file, clicked save and turned the blasted clunker off.
"Shall we?" Megan asked, grinning broadly as she motioned towards the door.
"Sounds good t' me." I chimed hopping off the rolling office chair so quickly that if flipped backwards, "Let's head t' my house!"
"Can George come?" Megan asked, pointing towards her breast pocket; Megan had found her buggy buddy about a month ago. He's really cool, he even gave me a 92 on the Coolness Factor scale! But I swear, it's a wonder the little guy's survived as long as he has. Megan you see is a klutz, which makes me wonder from time to time why she insists on keeping George in her front pocket where he could so easily be smushed.
"What do you think Chuck Norris?" I asked the non-existent leprechaun on my shoulder, "Chuck Norris says it's cool, dude." Unlike George, Chuck Norris was a complete figment of my twisted imagination, created with one sole purpose in mind: to freak out the normals.
"Sweeeet." Megan smirked as we strode out of the office and out of the school, making our way unnoticed through the sea of students as we walked off campus.
Yes at our school, we're known as the Weird Sisters. Not that we're actually related in any way shape or form. It was sucha silly thing to say really. I mean, you could tell when we stood next to each other: I have black hair and tan skin, Megan has white skin and light brown hair.
Even our eye color is different: I have amber eyes, she has green, and even though we're both pretty tall for girls, I'm still about an inch taller.
So if Megan is indeed my sista, she's mah sista from another mista! Which would mean my momma cheated and is a no good, dirty whore. Which I highly doubt as my momma blushes at just the word 'sex' so lord only knows how I was conceived. I have a theory that she didn't really have me, but found me in a cornfield as the spaceship was pulling away.
But to get back on topic, we were walking to my house. I had engaged in my usual habit of flipping the top of my Zippo open and close. Not that I smoke or nothin'…I just like the clicky-clicky sound it makes – and setting things on fire.
She was the only person I knew of who could stand this tendency of mine. The click-click sound drove my parents nuts after about five minutes. But then again, Megan was already comfortably insane so I guess its all relative.
We chatted the entire time we walked about conspiracy theories we had thought up last detention. I mean, we couldn't talk about them then or we would have been slammed with more detention, which would suck because it would mean writing more pointless essays entitled, 'what education means to me.'
"Seriously, you know how Manhattan kids are like, pod children?" Megan asked as we ambled along the side of the road, "Well, that's the base of operations! That's where they bio-engineer cheerleaders!"
"That would explain a few things." I replied as we crossed the street, "But what about the MALE cheerleaders? They're even worse! And the whole lot of'em have microchips for brains I say!"
"I knew it! And those little chippys broadcast subliminal messages through their cheers!" Megan hissed fiercely, opening her breast pocket, "George! You getting all this? It's important! Keep those antennae perked, boya!"
"That's right!" I declared, flicking the lid of my lighter faster, "Why do you think that rednecks and the elderly have the highest voter rating? Because the cheerleaders tell them who t' vote for!"
"That explains George Bush Jr.!" Megan cried, as we swerved into my driveway and took the steps two at a time, "There's no way he could possibly get voted in a second time without outside help!"
I opened my front door and made my way to the kitchen. I knew the principal had taken the liberty of calling home so…I calmly deleted the message and asked Megan what she wanted for lunch.
She wanted her usual pizza and mayo combo, which even I, as a upstanding citizen of the Weirdo Community found gross…but then again, I was gunning for Kraft mac & cheese with apple sauce slathered all over it so I really couldn't talk.
So while Megan took her leftover pizza and flipped on the T.V., I got my macaroni water on the stove and turned the element on high.
I knew I had at least a fifteen minute interval before I could add my noodles so I joined Megan in the living room, sitting on the floor and watching as she lazily channel surfed.
"I can't find anything." Megan sighed after awhile, tossing the remote down to me, "You pick something."
"M'kay." I said, automatically flipping to a Maury repeat; y'know – preteen girls who wanna have babies? Yeah. One o' those. White trash enough for ya?
It had just reached a high point, where two of the delusional preteens were ganging up on one of the moms when the screen started digitizing, blacked out and made six feeble attempts to come back before eventually snowing out.
I inwardly hoped it was just the channel and started pressing the channel up button, but when all I got was snow channel after channel, I drop kicked the remote to vent, and stormed back into the kitchen to pour the noodles in, Megan following me to get more mayo for her pizza.
I was so pissed that I didn't hear the weird noises from the living room…but Megan did.
"Uh, Fluke?" she said politely, squeeze bottle of mayo in hand and eyes glued in the direction of the living room, or if you want to get all specific, the T.V., "You might wanna turn around."
"Why? Is the T.V. working again?" I snorted, ripping the top off my mac 'n' cheese box before following her finger…and dropping macaroni all over the floor.
There was an arm, an ARMuh phasing out of my television screen. Another arm soon joined it, followed by a shock of red hair that was all too familiar.
"Numba Ate." I said in a deliberately poor Asian accent as Axel tumbled out of the T.V. with a yelp, followed shortly after by none other than Demyx in all his pseudo-hawked glory, who had the decency to land on top of him.
Soon after, Marluxia's pinky-brown head and shoulders phased through the television's glass screen, looking down at them with a look of pure vexation.
"Oh real graceful." He snorted, placing both hands on either side of television frame and hoisting himself easily into the living room, "Way to ruin a dramatic entrance."
"Hey, Yargy?" I asked, looking at her out of the corner of my eye, as I pulled my Zippo out of my pocket and began flicking the lid open and closed, "Remember how your mom said that video games turn your brain to goo?"
"Yeah. I know." Megan sighed, setting the mayo bottle down on the counter before hefting herself on to it, "I can feel my brains dribbling out my ears too."
"Well, so long as we're in agreement." I shrugged, continuing to flipping the lid of my lighter open and close with my thumb as I watched Demyx and Axel haul themselves to their feet.
"Well, now that you two are back on your feet, we can get down to business." Marluxia said evenly, turning his pale brown eyes on us.
"You two Megan and Anchal?" Axel asked in an I-Don't-Care-If-You-Are-Just-Tell-Me-What-I-Wanna-Hear tone of voice.
"Say whuh?" Megan deadpanned; I'm not used to anyone calling me anything but Fluke. It's been my nickname since the second grade. And…well…hearing this really hot, but really cocky game character say Megan's name was kinda bizarre – even for me! It tied for second with Yargy's sick, mayo-on-the-pizza thing!
"Let's see here." Demyx said casually, trying to play it off like he hadn't had a giant spaz attack only seconds before, "Anchal Tilak, 18, black hair, amber eyes, 5'11"; Megan Roxbury, 18, brown hair, green eyes, 5'10". Force may be used if the subjects resist."
"So…are ya, or aren't ya?" Axel asked, also trying to play it off like he hadn't just fallen head first out of a television and onto his head only moments earlier by switching himself into a comfortable slouch, "What're your names?"
"The label or title by which we are addressed." I drawled out, knowing in the back of my mind that I was being a complete R-tard fucking around with Organization XIII, but my inner spite sprite was practically screaming "GO FOR IT DUDE!"
"…no. Seriously, what are your names?" Marluxia asked, not looking miffed in the slightest at the way I had so casually para para-ed around the question.
"The word or phrase by which we are called." Megan smirked lazily; apparently, Yargy's spite sprite was also up and about…something that Axel didn't seem very happy about as he set my mom's treasured Vicus plant ablaze; no doubt whom she'd blame for the death of the plant either as I'm the resident pyro.
"Oh my god! You killed Kenny!" I cried, clasping the sides of my face with my hands eyes locked on the charred remains of the plant.
"You bastard!" Megan yelled, shaking her fist at Axel.
"...who's Kenny?" Demyx asked, looking very confused.
"That was Kenny!" I cried in mock outrage. pretending to cry.
"May his spirit live on forever!" Megan said passionately, clasping her hands together in prayer.
"...let's try this again. Are you, or are you not Megan Roxbury and Anchal Tilak?" Axel asked in a laid back tone of voice that was completely offset by the impatience flashing dangerously in his eyes as he chose to blindside our random outburst.
"Wellll…hey, Yargy, who are we today?" I asked carelessly, thinking I had slipped from 'comfortably insane' to 'oh-golly-gee, where-is-that-nurse-with-my-happy-pills?' and was gonna push these guys as far as I possibly could without my house going up in flames…with me and Megan in it.
Axel already looked like he was deliberating setting my head on fire and was probably trying to do so without Marluxia noticing; I only thought that because my hair started smoking a little.
Megan decided to have one of our rare, rational moments and hopped off the counter while I stayed right where I was and continued to play with my lighter.
"Yeah. I'm Megan." She said, running a hand back through her hair absentmindedly, "That's Anchal, but she always goes by her nickname."
"Which is?" Marluxia asked politely, maintaining his calm poker face while giving off the obvious impression that he really wanted to move this along.
"Fluke." I replied absentmindedly, more focused now on my Zippo than the Organization XIII members in front of me, "It's been my nickname since I was seven."
"Fluke?" Demyx snorted, trying not to laugh at my unusual handle, "I'm sorry girl, but I'm stickin' with Anchal."
"Soooo…why're you here, oh cute little figments of my imagination that Fluke just happens to see too?" Megan asked, grabbing her pizza off the countertop and taking a huge bite. I guess I wasn't the only one who felt as though I had fallen off the sanity wagon,
"For you two." Marluxia replied serenely, deciding that he may as well sit as he explained himself, "We have our orders from higher up."
Megan and I looked at one another then back at the three game characters in my living room. I stopped fiddling with my lighter and slid it back into my front pocket. My next move was to pull my cell out of my back pocket and dial nine on speed dial.
I knew that Marluxia, Demyx and Axel could see what I was doing and I didn't care. After all – game characters? What could they do? …aside from murder poor helpless house plants?
"…hey mom? Yeeeeah, remember how you said that video games would turn my brain to pudding?" I asked feeling the grin tug at my lips even as I spoke, "…well I have one better. Y'see, three characters from one of the games I play are in th' living room right now, an they're about to abduct Yargy and me. Say hi boys."
I held my phone out towards the living room. Axel called out his usual tagline of, "Th' name's Axel. Got it memorized?" Demyx just yelled out, "HI ANCHAL'S MOM!" and Marluxia just coughed and said, "Hello ma'am."
"So, if I don't come home ever again, now ya know why." I said with a shrug, knowing my mom was wondering why I was wasting precious minutes of her life with this lunacy, "But if I ever do? Don't touch my room…'kay. Love you. Bye."
I handed the phone off to Megan without even look. "Your turn." I smirked.
Megan dialed up her Dad's office and instead of taking a seat on the counter, she sat down right were she stood before sprawling out comfortably in the middle of the floor on her back.
"Hi Dad? Yeah, y'know how you said th' radiation off my consol was gonna kill me one of these days?" she asked as I squatted down to flick what would have been my lunch into her hair, "Well I gotcha beat! Organization XIII has popped out of Fluke's T.V. and they said they're taking us back with'em! We're probably gonna get killededed!"
By this point, I realize I had left my boiling water on the stove and so I rose to back up to turn it off.
"So yeah! I probably won't ever come home again!" Megan grinned, sitting up abruptly and causing the dried noodles I'd flicked into her hair to fly everywhere, "…cuz I'll probably get offed! Well, I won't be seeing ya…probably! Bye bye!"
She then hung up on her dad and tossed my cell back to me.
"Well…you guys are takin' this awfully, um what's the word I'm looking for, casually?" Axel said, looking a little suspicious.
"Well, we figure that whatever shreds of sanity we had left went fluttering out the window when the T.V. fizzled out, right?" I asked Megan, who nodded.
"Yup. That's about the size of it on my end." She shrugged listlessly, "So until the nurse come along to tighten the straps of my straight jacket, I'm gonna just go along with it."
"…okay." Demyx said slowly, opening the portal in my T.V. again…I think, I mean, the screen went a little bit warpy, but nothing too extreme.
"Well, let's get moving, girls." Marluxia said, motioning towards the T.V., "We have a lot to sort through once we arrive."
"Whoa, whoa there Sonny Jim." I said, pushing myself away from the counter, "We just said we accepted that we've gone insane. Where in that last statement did we ever say we we're going with you?"
"You think the upstairs T.V.'s working?" Megan asked, following me as I sauntered out of the kitchen, "I wanna watch Springer."
"Yeah and I need t' find and feed Aflac." I drawled, unaware of the fact that two rather pissed, cloaked men had snuck up behind us. Before we quite knew what was happening, someone, I'm pretty sure it was Axel, was shoving us head first through the T.V. I heard loud quacking and hoped Aflac would be okay...until my stomach shot into my feet.
Today's Life Lessons: Skipping School - Fun, but stupid; Watching T.V. - Fun and relaxing; Pissing off Axel - Fun, but hazardous to your health; Pet ducks named Aflac - Fun and cuddly!; Organization XIII spewing vortexes - SUCK!
(A/N: Megan and Anchal wake up, are confronted by Saix...and begin doin' what the Rugrats do best - 'splorin! And when Xemnas find out that Axel and Demyx have lost track of them...R&R!)