Lilly knew when it had started: their friendship
Lilly knew when it had started: their friendship. A cute Tennessee accent, big blue, wondrous eyes and Lilly felt wanted by someone other than her parents for the first time in her life. 'Best friends' was a term overused in Lilly's opinion, and for that reason she always thought of herself and Miley as more than just best friends. Their friendship was something out of the movies; sharing secrets, sharing clothes, sharing food, sharing love, sharing heat, sharing beds…
Lilly knew when it started to develop: their friendship into something more. Secret glances across classrooms, lingering touches during sleepovers, daydreams during the day, fantasies during the night…
Lilly knew the feeling: love. And it wasn't weird, or confusing or unnatural. Was she gay? Maybe. She wasn't attracted to any other female, but she wasn't interested in any boy either. Only Miley. Miley wasn't hard to love, she was perhaps the most lovable person Lilly had ever met. Miley loved her back. It was that simple. Friends turned into girlfriends turned into lovers. There wasn't a moment of truth or long declarations of love, just a mutual understanding, they had always understood each other without words, and they knew they belonged to each other. And it wasn't weird, or confusing or unnatural. See the stone set in your eyes.
Lilly knew it was never to be spoken of: their relationship. That was never a problem; they were experts at keeping secrets. The problem was the jealousy, the boiling anger in the pit of her stomach when Miley let another boy touch her. Like vile bubbling incessantly, building up, up, up, burning everything in it's path; stomach, intestines, liver, lungs, heart… The problem was the lust she had to suppress in the morning when Miley gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and a warm hug, when Miley linked their arms in the middle of the day, when Miley laid down beside her in the afternoon to tan on the beach, when Miley said goodnight in a low, husky voice… The problem was that Miley was not free to love her. She had a job, and even though Miley's music matured and her audience grew up with her, even though the world was becoming more liberal and gay marriage was legal in California, lesbians were not topping the music charts. See the thorn twist in your side.
Lilly knew it was enough: the love Miley gave her. Those few moments were cherished; a time when time stopped and Miley was only hers and words were not needed and actions were not actions but worlds and making love was like the end of the world. Feared and welcomed and the beginning of so much more. The culmination of all actions. It was enough for Lilly. I wait for you.
Lilly knew it was the end: when Miley told her she was getting married. A five year relationship, a five carat diamond ring, three words, the wrong three words, "I'm so sorry." It was that simple. A mutual understanding. Sleight of hand and twist of fate.
Lilly knew it would hurt: standing next to Miley while she declared her undying love for another. But she wasn't prepared for the anger. The jealously was replaced by rage and hatred. The kind of fury that makes you want to scream and cry and pull out your hair and kill, Lilly wanted to kill him. On a bed of nails she makes me wait.
Lilly knew it would never end: her love for Miley. She was incapable of moving on; the drugs and alcohol only numbed the pain, and her nighttime meetings with faceless strangers were never enough; she always compared them to Miley. And I wait without you.
This is my very first fanfic, so any comments or constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated and revered. The words in italics are from the U2 song 'With or Without You,' it is an amazingly beautiful song and I recommend you listen to it.