Ok, so our class just finished reading William Golding's Lord of the Flies. It was okay, but pretty boring. Then it was raining this afternoon so I was stuck at home, which was pretty boring. So I decided to try a Star Wars- Lord of the flies crossover, but not sure if it's good...please R&R with ideas/comments etc! If you haven't read LOTF you might not follow the plot, but since its all so mixed up anyway it doesn't make much difference XD!
Luke Skywalker walked onto the beach.
He looked around and realized he seemed to be alone. The sea shone bright and clear in front of him, and behind him there was some think forest undergrowth. He wondered if anyone else had survived the ship crash. He hoped they were all safe, wherever they were. He yawned, stretched, and set his course for the forest behind him.
Hetrampled across creepy snake like vine things for the next hour. Bugs and dirt and leaves fell into his hair, and he screamed in frustration. Pretty soon, spider webs glued the stuff to his hair altogether and voila, a makeover for free. He had a feeling Uncle Owen would be frowning disapprovingly up in heaven.
"Sorry," he said apologetically to the sky.
Suddenly he found his way out of the forest and found himself in the middle of nowhere. His fellow comrades were nowhere to be seen. It was very quiet and for once he missed having Threepio around to chatter needlessly about trivial and random things in that infuriating way of his. he sobbed and sobbed and was about to have a breakdown, but then he spotted a pretty shell lying a few metres across from him.
"Ooh a pretty shell" he said, and stopped crying. He ran across the sand eagerly, like a kid running for candy. Back on Tatooine there had never been shells. It was all desert and sunburns and bad tans. Picking it up, he saw it was swirly pink and round. It would look very pretty as a necklace for Chewbacca back on the- oh right they crashed. Anyway.
"Please excuse me sir for interrupting, but may I suggest you blow your conch?" a familiar voice sounded from behind Luke.
"Threepio!" Luke cried, half relieved and half dreadingly, realizing if they didn't find any other survivors he would be stuck with the annoying gold droid for perhaps the rest of his life.
"Yes, sir, yes! Oh I AM so relieved to see you alive, by the way, you wouldn't have had a chance to see R2 by any chance have you? I've been searching for that near-sighted scrap pile for the past hour, WHERE he's gotten to again I don't wish to even think about-,"
"WHAT did you tell me to do just before, Threepio?" Luke interrupted.
"To blow your conch, sir. I feel it may be of some use in this desolate place."
"Blow my WHAT?" Luke almost shouted.
"Your conch, sir, your CONCH! Blow it sir, blow it hard!"
"You are disgusting, Threepio. Even for a droid." Luke kicked the robot over.
"I AM sorry sir, I was only trying to help! My auntie back in etiquette school always told me I should be helpful and opiniate my thoughts out loud lest they be of any help-oh my R2-D2, is that you!"
Beep- R2 walked-er, slided over.
"Oh it IS you, you overweight glob of grease. I was oh so worried about you. R2 would you please explain to master Luke about the necessity to blow his conch?"
R2 beeped intelligently.
"Oh, to blow the conch SHELL! I thought Threepio meant- nevermind." Luke finished, disgusted by his own immature and perverted presumptions.
Luke raised the shell to his lips and blew. A long, monotone note sounded so dulling, everything on the Island fell asleep.
Luke frowned. "Hmm how about this, then." He blew the conch again, this time to the sound of the star wars theme song.
DA DAN DAA DA DA DA DAAA DANNN –
"Deafening and disturbing, that is. Change the tune, I suggest." Yoda popped out from behind a tree.
"Um, okay," Luke said, now quite confused. "How about this then?"
The melody of Hit me baby, one more time rang out and echoed amongst the trees.
"Better, much better," Yoda said, gleefully. "Turns me on, Britney Spears does. Get my groove on, I want to." He started dancing and grooving to the beat.
Luke was highly disturbed and concentrated all his mind on meditating while he waited for other comrades to arrive. Surely they couldn't have missed THAT. Meanwhile, he could hear Ol' Ben Kenobi laughing from his dead Jedi sanctuary.
Suddenly there was a large "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as who else but (oh the horror) Jar Jar Binks flew through the air and landed, dizzy, at Yoda's feet. Yoda immediately stopped dancing, his happy mood instantly disappearing at the sight of the floppy-eared gungan. Jar Jar got up, shaking his head violently. Ear wax flew out, covering the tiny Yoda from head to foot.
"Disgusted, I am." Yoda muffled under the thick blanket of wax. But it was really sunny, so the wax turned into like candle wax, and then the sun went back to sleep. So basically, Yoda ended up as a wax statue like in house of wax, only he was only two feet tall so no one noticed.
Jar Jar failed to notice also, and looked out curiously. "Whosa yousa? Yousa look'n so familiar Mister!"
"Errrr," Luke was at a loss for words. Of course he hadn't met the irksome gungun yet. And gladly so. " I don't think so mister ……"
"Meesa name Jar Jar! Jar Jar Binks mesa called! Whatsa yousas name mister?" Jar Jar babbled happily in his irritating JarJarvoice.
"Hi…Jar Jar. Errr I'm Luke…Skywalker. Nice to meet you…..sa." Luke said at a loss for words.
"Seen any of the others, have you Jar Jar?" Yoda inquired, muffled under his wax silhouette.
"Huh? Whosa say dat? Whosa talking to mesa? Stop hiding and come play with mesa!" Jar Jar said playfully.
Luke sighed. He kicked Jar Jar swiftly in his… and Jar Jar fell back and fainted. He had no choice.
"Thank you," Yoda mumbled.
Suddenly there was another crash in the undergrowth. Two girls came out, bickering loudly.
"YOU copied ME! You unoriginal FREAK!" one shouted.
"Oh yeah? Then how come YOU look exactly like ME!" the other shouted back.
"Er maybe because YOU copied ME so YOU look like ME because YOU copied ME, not ME copied YOU like you think because YOU copied ME! MEMEMEMEME!"
"So? I look prettier than you ANYWAY."
"You so do NOT. You're so disfigured you look like…like…"
"Ha you're insulting YOURSELF!"
"So are YOU!"
"Ladies!" Luke cried hastily. They both turned around, glaring. They looked exactly the same, down to the last hair strand hanging out of their crazy, gravity-defying hairdos.
"What?" They both snapped in unison.
Luke didn't know how to react to the two clones, so he decided to try the welcoming act Aunt Beru had spent every Saturday morning teaching him.
"Were you two in the spaceship before it crashed? Do you know anyone else who also survived? I'm Luke Skywalker, friend of Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon, the ship which sank-,"
"Er yeah. And if it wasn't for this..this FREAK here next to me we would still be on it-," the girl on the left said.
"Excuse ME, you will address me PROPERLY, with respect as I am SENATOR," the one on the right chimed in.
"Excuse ME your highly respected SENATORESS, but I was the one who was QUEEN-," the one on the left argued.
"Yeah as an impostor for ME! Incase you don't remember I was so important I was having people trying to KILL me, and all YOU were was a HANDMAIDEN-,"
"POSING as a handmaiden-,"
Luke tried again. "Perhaps we should start with names. I'm Luke as you know. This little droid is R2D2-,"
beep- R2 beeped.
"This wax statue here is actually Yoda, little green, two feet tall, 800 something years old jedi."
"Master, Young Luke. Jedi MASTER, am I, best lightsaber fighter am I too." Yoda cut in indignantly.
"Well for a jedi master his english grammar sure sucks," the girl on the left remarked.
"So does yours," the girl on the right snapped. "What's that gold lump there?"
"Hello, I am C3PO, Human Cyborg Relations-," Threepio began.
"Ow! What is THAT!" the girl who was on the right but who no longer was because she had tripped over Jar Jar, said.
"Actually, I don't really know myself," Luke admitted. "Anyway. What are YOUR names?"
"Padme," the girl on the right said.
"Sabe," the girl on the left said.
"Ok…well nice to meet you both!" Luke was very disturbed. They both looked and reminded him a lot of his sister Leia. "So er, how do I tell you girls apart? I mean you look exactly the same-,"
"Because SHE'S a clone of ME," Padme said, glaring at Sabe.
"But SHE copied ME-," Sabe glared back.
Luke rolled his eyes.
"Well, I am SENATOR of Naboo, while she is just my HANDMAIDEN-," Padme tried again.
"But I was QUEEN of Naboo while SHE was PRETENDING to be my handmaiden-," Sabe retorted.
"I think there's an easier way," Luke muttered, and pulled on Sabe's elaborate hairdo. It came loose and trailed down her shoulders, down her back, down her legs…..
"You..you..what have you done to my HAIR!" Sabe shrieked in fury, while Padme giggled in glee.
"Now Anakin won't mix us up and he's all MINE now! MINE!" Padme shrieked delightedly.
The two promptly decided to attempt to pull out each other's hair.
Luke couldn't express his relief enough when he heard a trumpet sound somewhere close by. He heard marching, loud chatter, and a choir like chant of voices. Meanwhile the trumpet was blaring out…none other than the Darth Vader theme!
DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN DUN…
Luke gasped and prepared for the end of the world.
The voices got closer.
"I'm sorry master," a voice said. "It was an accident! It won't happen again I promise!"
"Your innocent look doesn't fool me, Padawan. I fully know you did that on purpose."
"But I said I was sorry!" the voice said indignantly.
The other man sighed.
"Fine. I forgive you Padawan," he said wearily.
Luke stopped preparing for the world to end, and stood up.
"Hey! Where's Darth Vader?" Luke shouted out, embarrassed for having been so scared.
"Darth who?"
"Oh it's just you, Anakin. I heard the Darth Vader theme song playing, so I presumed he was coming to kill me. So I hid and prepared for the world to end."
"Heh." Anakin looked genuinely confused.
"Darth Vader doesn't appear until episode 3 when Anakin turns to the dark-," Palpatine, emerged from the shadows began. Obi-Wan Kenobi, standing next to him elbowed him sharply.
"Shh, don't spoil the plot," he whispered.
Anakin was REALLY baffled now.
Obi-Wan turned to face Luke.
"Ben! But you're dead!" Luke exclaimed, more confused than Anakin himself.
"Ben! But I'm not that old yet!" the man said worriedly. "I don't get called Ben Kenobi until I'm like, 60. I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi master."
"But Ben's dead," Luke insisted.
"I'm dead already? Oh dear." Obi-Wan/Ben also became very confused.
"Kid?" A familiar voice called out.
Han Solo! Luke thought.
"Han!" Luke exclaimed. Finally someone he KNEW on this island!
"How you doing, kid? We thought we'd lost you!"
"I'm okay. Just confused. Leia!" Luke went over to hug his sister.
Leia hugged him back, but hissed menacingly in his ear. "You're going to pay for leaving me with that stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder for this long. This isn't over yet, brother."
Luke retreated sharply from his sister and went over to greet Chewbacca instead.
"And for leaving me with that walking carpet too!" Leia hissed.
"Excuse me sir, but might I suggest-," Threepio began. (You lot were wondering where he'd disappeared to, hadn't you?)
Luke turned around wearily.
"-that we take down names, so as to know who we have and who's still missing."
Luke was surprised that for once what Threepio said was useful and not just plain annoying.
"Ok. So, do we have..Anakin?"
"Here."
"Ben? I mean Obi-Wan? I mean-,"
"Here," Obi-Wan cut in, exasperated.
"Palpatine? Hey wait. You're Lord Sidious! You're the Emperor! You-"
Palpatine waved a hand, bored. "This is simply Chancellor Palpatine, head of the republic."
"This is simply Chancellor Palpatine, head of the republic," Luke repeated.
"He is the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable, greatest person of all time." Palpatine waved his hand again.
"He is the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable- hey but your clothes clash with your skin tone!" Luke tried.
"How can BLACK clash," Padme said, rolling her eyes. "BLACK is like, the new WHITE."
"Oh," an embarrassed Luke said. "Ok then. Han?"
"Here, kid."
"Leia?"
"I'm going to kill you." Leia said.
"Okay, Chewie?"
"Gahhhh."
"Padme and Sabe?"
"Hey MY name comes first! How much better does Sabe and Padme sound than Padme and Sabe?" Sabe argued.
"What, you two lovers or something?" Han asked, bored.
Luke carried on.
"R2?"
beep-
"Threepio?"
"Here sir."
"Grievous?"
A cough.
"Yoda?"
Silence.
"YODA?" Luke cried.
"Get me out of this wax, someone must." A muffled voice sounded from the wax statue where Chewbacca was currently sitting on.
Palpatine used Force Lightning to release the Jedi Master, who came out disgruntled and complaining. Using the Force, Palpatine kept Chewbacca floating in the air while the little green Jedi hobbled across with his walking stick.
"And unfortunately Jar Jar looks to be dead so I suppose he doesn't count," Luke said, quite relieved.
Everyone cheered.
Suddenly the gungun jumped up, squealing delightedly.
"Oh my, oh my! Everyones here! Mesa so happy to see yousa all!" Jar Jar exclaimed. Then he caught sight of Obi-Wan, looking absolutely petrified.
"Obi? OBI! Mesa so happy to see yousa!" Jar Jar leaped over and squeezed a terrified looking Obi Wan into a big hug.
Anakin smirked. "It's nice to see you're so loved, Master."
Obi Wan flipped him off.
Yoda nervously hobbled away. "With caution, this creature must be approached."
Leia clapped her hands for silence.
"Seeing as we appear to be stranded on this island because somebody's ship-," Leia shot a meaningful look at Han Solo.
"Excuse me, your worshipfulness, but you were the one who kept insulting my ship. Ships have feelings too. The Falcon is very sensitive you know."
Leia ignored him and continued.
"-Failed to manage to jump into light speed at the right time, I think we should elect a leader, to uh, be the person in charge so we don't all go crazy."
"I agree," Padme said. "When faced with a problem, diplomatic solutions are always the way to go."
"I prefer aggressive negotiations," Anakin said, quirking his eyebrow.
"Yes well anyway. Seeing as this job demands leadership skills and knowledge of democracy and the demands of the public, it should be someone responsible, like a PRINCESS," Leia announced.
"Pardon me, your highness, but I feel that as a droid engineered to understand human emotions, understand 6 million languages fluently and understand everything technical, I feel I should be the leader," Threepio said.
"Yeah but I INVENTED you, so that makes ME the brains," Anakin said loftily. "Besides, I'm the CHOSEN ONE, doesn't that have ANY significance at all?"
Obi Wan, still struggling with an over enthusiastic Jar Jar shouted out, "But I'm the one who's TRAINING the chosen one! –struggle- He is still yet a Padawan!" he disappeared under Jar Jar's floppy ears.
"But I know the most about hairstyles and fashion, so I think I should be leader," Sabe said simply.
Everyone ignored her.
R2 beeped indignantly. –beep beep beep beepbeep beeeeeep-.
"Forget it, R2. No one can understand anything you say except for 'beep'."
"Gahhh," Chewbacca said.
"Neither can you say anything except 'gahh' too, Chewie," Han Solo said.
"Yoda, I am. Greatest swordsman alive, I am too. Given me wisdom, my old age has. Leader, I rightfully should be." Yoda said.
"No leader has grammatic problems!" Grievous injected.
"But have assmar, I do not," Yoda replied craftily.
"Mesa have an idea!" Jar Jar squealed, finally letting go of Obi Wan. "Mesa think dat wesa should all vote for whosa we think shoulda be leader!"
Everyone, even R2, who techinically had no eyes, stared in utter shock at the gungun who had just uttered something….intelligent.
Finally, when everyone had gotten over the shock 1233547342 hours later, Jar Jar had fallen asleep. They decided to vote.
"All right then. Who would like Master Ani for leader?" 3PO asked the audience.
"Memememe!" Sabe cried.
"And me too!" Padme shrieked.
"Me three!" Anakin yelled eagerly.
"I'm terribly sorry sir, but you're not allowed to vote for yourself. It would be an infringement to the rightful laws of voting," 3PO said.
"Aw, shucks," said the Chosen One.
"How about Master Yoda?" 3PO continued.
A few hands went up.
"Miss Padme?" 3PO asked.
Anakin lazily raised his hand. Everyone else had fallen asleep.
"Me?" 3PO asked hopefully.
Grievous snored mechanically.
"Oh all right, all right. How about Master Luke then?"
Everyone was still sleeping, but the ghost of Ben Kenobi got out a loudspeaker and suddenly yelled 'DARTH VADER SUCKS!' in everyone's ear really loudly, so everyone jumped up startled, their hands flinging wildly into air.
"Do not insult my appren-," Palpatine started.
Obi-Wan gave him a sharp nudge.
" I mean my apprehensive nature to be the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable chancellor of all time," Palpatine muttered hastily. "What does apprehensive even mean?" he asked Obi-Wan, who shrugged.
"Well then. Master Luke is leader then." 3PO announced.
"I'm WHAT!" Luke woke up suddenly.
"You're leader, Luke. Congratulations," a sulking Leia said.
"Nice job, son," Anakin grinned. "You're now in charge of everyone's life and what they do here on this island from now on. All your responsibility."
"Oh NO," Luke groaned, distinctively seeing Jar Jar and 3PO in the crowd. "Why Ben why?"
Jar Jar bounded over. "Mesa so happy for yousa Lukey! Yousa shoulda be happy!"
"AHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME JAR JAR!" Luke yelled, and for the rest of the day Luke ran around the beach, trying to evade the crazy gungun chasing him.
To be continued….