DOTTY DAUPHIN DASHES AFTER DAMSEL!
SHOCK! HORROR! CITIZENS OUTRAGED
PESSIMISTIC PARENTS PREPARE FOR PAUPER!
IS HE MAD? CRITICS ASK
100 MAIDENS PRESENTED – THE SEARCH CONTINUES!
"IT WAS ME!" OR WAS IT? FAKE FINACEE SCANDAL REVEALED
HOPLESS HUNK HEADS HOME HEAVY-HEARTED
"I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BUT SHE DISAPPEARED AT MIDNIGHT!" – THE INSIDE STORY
Dernier Cri of the Country Me
His Highness was seen earlier today in royal blue velvet with a veritable foam of white Chantilly lace at the cuffs and neck, his boots once again sporting the gold braided tassels that have become the number one must-have this season.
Speaking of what's hot, our new favourites are these plain muslin aprons printed with 'Here I am! Take me!' available from your nearest haberdashery. A sure-fire way to get some princely attention.
But Uh-oh! Seems like the young royal is in some trouble. Insiders close to the Queen say she is furious at her son for dragging out the search into its fourth week. "She still loves him but every day the arguing gets worse. She begs him to stay home, to find some nice noble girl to settle down with, and he keeps refusing. It's breaking her heart," says gal-pal, Raquel Green. With all this fuss, it's no wonder the mystery girl continues to allude discovery. Much as we love our prince – can you say 'headache'!
Editorial
Of course, we all know about the recent scandalous behaviour of our crown prince and it raises the question: Are we ready for a republic? Obviously, the royals have lost the plot; they are wasting the taxpayers' time and hard-earned money on a wild goose chase, and I am not the only concerned citizen asking: Is this an indicator of what is to come? Is this what we are to expect from the future king and his sons, so on and so forth? Madness, lunacy, and blatant disregard for the needs of his subjects. Is the monarchy in mental decline?
Enough is enough! Rally to me all you who believe in a free society where leaders are chosen not by some accident of birth but by the people whom they shall serve. To me all you who believe in liberty, equality and fraternity. Let it be known that all men were created equal and to have one so firmly under a woman's thumb ruling over us is an offence against our unalienable rights! Opium is the opium of the masses and obviously our prince has been indulging in some. We are desirous to establish a settled form of Civil Government with a view to avert the evil consequences which must result from the absence of our crown prince's wits. To me, all you free peoples! Off with their heads, I say. I say again, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
Citizens Speak Out
"I say good luck to him. It's nice to see their majesties are human for once" – Florence Mould (32)
"I have five daughters; you couldn't point him in my direction, could you?" – Marjorie Bennit (41)
"What's he doing checking out our good honest girls? Hasn't he enough baronesses and duchesses to keep him happy? I'm telling you it was hard enough to meet a lass when they weren't keeping themselves free in case the prince should call." – Benjamin Lee (26)
"In my day we would have had none of this gadding about with glass slippers on poufy cushions. A man would point to a woman, they would get engaged and she would like it. And they would walk sixteen miles barefoot through snow and ice to reach their wedding and then chop the firewood to heat the chapel with their teeth." – Gimpy Joe (94)
The People's Poll
Do you think the prince is:
1. Romantic
2. Desperate
3. Crazed
4. Star-crossed
5. Moon-struck
6. Tolerable, I suppose
7. A changeling
8. A lost cause
9. A sapphire short of the crown jewels
10. Other, please specify
To take part in our poll, simply yell loudly and someone will hear you.
Something fun before I embark on the final chapter of Sweet Rose and Wilde and lose you all in the embroiling mists of the Sea of Perplexity.
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