The ninth door.
I still wonder how I got here.
To me, life has always been something beautiful, wonderful and full of hope. But now that I find myself surrounded by suffering, fire, furies and torments; I cannot find a single ray of light which may grant me a reason to keep on living. Maybe, the problem lays there: I cannot find a reason to live because, surely, I have already died.
I don't know what happened. I remember the music I was listening to while I was driving. I remember the trees on the sides of the highway. I remember her, smiling by my side... and then, then I... was that an accident? I believe I saw this huge dark mass coming directly towards us. I believe I felt an unbearable pain. And after that, everything was at peace. I was surrounded by the brightest light I have ever seen. I found myself on this clean and quiet space. But I was alone. She was nowhere to be found.
Now -I do not know how or why- I am at this terrible place. Everyone here suffers, everyone is punished. I have walked way too much. I have already gone through eight doors, and all of them, has led me to a place worse than the other. More full of anguish and pain. I have crossed marshes, rivers and ruins. I have seen men and women -or what was left of them-, crawling through the mud, dipped in boiling tar, attacked by hungry beasts, carrying weights way too heavy to bear, covered in blood, in flames.
Every time I have entered a new place, its guardians -all in charge of the most devious tortures- have left their duties aside, have watched me with inquisitive eyes, have come to me -some with their prey still between their hands-, and then led me to the next door without saying a single word. I have begged for answers, but only sardonic smiles and pushes I have received, so I kept on walking. Not even the man who crossed me through the river to the sixth door was willing to talk. I am desperate. I am terrified. The little valor I had has slowly left my body. The sounds I hear around me, combined with the squeals, pleas and cries of the doomed, are, they are... I do not believe me strong enough as to bear this for much longer.
The door in front of me is so big. I do not believe I will be able to resist a place even worse. I have no strength left. Though, to my deepest surprise, I have not shed a single tear. The heat has risen after every step given. Where am I? Is this hell? No. it cannot be. How could it be? I have always tried to be good. I believe me in peace with God, I have always...
When the eighth guardian saw my panic and my willingness to go back, he pushed me away of his dwelling. The ninth door has now been left behind; closed and impenetrable. A door way too big, that someone like could never open. No one has come to greet me here. But, this cannot be hell; here everything is covered with ice. I do not feel the cold, but I am sure it is ice what I see. No one looks at me, no one comes close. No. This cannot be hell.
I have not stopped. I do not understand why I have not stopped. But now, in front of me there is a man -sitting on a throne of ice-, with three men at his feet, buried on the snow. They moan. They cry. He could not care less. He is young and beautiful, I can see that. He has his head down, but I can tell he smiles. He has something on his lap. No, it is not something, it is someone. It is a woman with marks like birds in her neck. She looks a lot like...
He has lifted his head, and his eyes are fiercely looking at me. His eyes, I know his eyes. I have seen them before. I... I remember!
When I was on that peaceful and bright room, a man with the same eyes of the one that now looked at me welcomed me and comforted me. But I could only think of her. I had sworn to protect her, but now she was lost. The man said that she had not been a good person, and that her actions did not allow her to share the rest of eternity with me. I begged him, I implored him, but he said that there was nothing he could do. Her judges were others and her destiny was different from mine. I cried. I cried with all the pain left by a broken dream. I believe I was so hurt, that it moved him, thus he gave me a bronze key, and then he opened the first door and said:
The man behind the ninth door will have the final call. If he allows it, you both may remain on the limbo; otherwise, this bronze key will be the safe-conduct that will bring you back here, with me. It will make the other eight guards lead you, safely, through their territories, and it is the only thing that can open all nine doors from the other side. Do not lose it. Only the one who possess it can cross the first door into this room. Never let it leave your side. If that man grants your wish, then you shall wait until the woman you seek is asleep, and then, only then, you will leave the limbo to return the key to me, after that, you will be free to go back to her. Do not give the key to any one, least of all her. Beware of her, I beg you. Beware.
Now I remember everything. And the man who protects the ninth door has her on his arms. I was not prepared for that. She is embracing him too. She is enjoying his company. She has turned around to see me. In her eyes I see no joy. She left his lap and is now walking towards me. She embraces and whispers something that I cannot understand. She holds me tighter and then, she pushes me away with all her strength. I lose my balance and fall. In her hand I see a small gleam. Then she laughs, "I was made to destroy you", she says, and I finally understand. She has taken the key from me. The ninth guardian walks towards me, lifts me from the iced ground, and imprisons me between his strong arms. She starts to walk away. And as she does that, for the first time I hear the man's voice. It sounds almost exactly like the other man's, but there is something on his tone that gives me goose bumps and makes my body shiver.
Someone has always been watching over you, my girl. Him from up above, and I from down below. She was strong when you couldn't. You created her, you know? She is the darkest part of you. And now, she will be the one to enjoy the eternal peace, because you two are one. In order to the equilibrium to be kept I have to have one part, and he shall have the other. While you remain here, with me, under my care, she will enjoy the paradise and glories that have been denied to all of us who live in the nine circles, but above all, to those behind the ninth door, the place where you can find the greatest sinners of them all: the traitors.
She and I are the two sides of the same coin, like birds from a feather. And as I sink on the snow, I watch her walk away, to her freedom, and she does not even look back. I embrace myself and can notice how her arms surround her shoulders. That will be our last and only farewell.
When I created her I betrayed my essence. Her faults, wiles, and wrongs are mine. And for them I shall spend the rest of eternity, on this ice prison, with my head down and her memory. Sharing this space with those three men I saw, under the throne of the first traitor of all history. Here, behind the ninth door of hell.