Okay I broke down and wrote my own story about the finale! Enjoy!

"Kate!"

He was moving before her name fully left his lips. To his horror he heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and watched her hunch just as his body connected with hers. Castle snaked an arm around her waist twisting so his body shielded hers in case any more shots were fired. The force of his body threw them back a good five feet from the podium and sent her hat flying to god knows where. They crashed to the grass and Castle heard the wind being knocked out from the woman beneath him. For a moment, Castle registered the screams and utter chaos that had erupted over the one peaceful funeral and then he looked down at Beckett. His heart stopped as the world around him ceased to move.

The detective looked up at him with an utterly confused expression trying to piece together what just happened in those few moments. Then slowly, Beckett lifted her white gloved hand and saw it streaked with red. Blood. "Castle." She tried to open her mouth to speak, nothing but a small whimper came forth.

"Kate." Gently as he could, he shifted his weight off her sliding his hand to cradle the back of her head. There was no way to mask the fear in his voice and it only added to the terror residing in Beckett's brown eyes, "Stay with me." Castle watched her head shift as if nodding in reassurance, "Don't leave me."

Beckett closed her eyes for a moment battling the darkness that was treating to take over her mind. Castle continued to beg with raw emotions flooding his words causing the sickening feeling to spread. This wasn't how it was suppose to go for them. They were suppose to have more time to sort out what was between them. She tried to speak, wanting to tell him everything that she had kept in her heart for so long, but she couldn't find the strength. It was leaving her at such a rapid speed and Beckett was teetering on the edge of oblivion.

Castle can see the war that was raging inside by the in the tears in her eyes. Reality of the situation hit him like a brick. This could possibly be the last time he ever saw her and damn it to hell he wasn't going to let this moment pass. "I love you." He bent his head until Castle could feel her ragged breath flutter over his face. "I love you, Kate."

The corner of her mouth lifted in a faint smile and a single tear slid down her face. Beckett wanted nothing more to tell him she felt the same. Her lids fluttered as it was becoming increasingly hard to keep them open. Castle spoke the words one more time throwing out the string of hope for her to cling on to. Beckett mentally grasped on to it hoping it was strong enough to pull her back from the blackness that took her over. Before she went under the words 'If only' flashed through the detective's mind.

He watched helplessly as he watched the light dim from her eyes and her head loll back. Gathering courage, Castle ripped his gaze from her face to her stomach and found blood oozing from her body. "Laine!" Crying out for the ME, pressed down on the wound his hand becoming instantly drenched in crimson. Please God don't let her die. He had never been the praying type or really acknowledged that there was a god. Right now Castle would sell his soul to the devil or rip out his own beating heart if it meant the woman before him would live.

Somewhere behind him some one was calling for an ambulance nearly screaming officer down into the receiver. Lanie sprinted across the grass no longer heading Espitio's warning to stay low. "How bad?" She tried pushing Castle away only to have him resist. "Rick I need to see."

With much resistance, he complied and shifted to allow Lanie the room she needed. Castle held her gloved hand for dear life almost as if he could transfer his life into her. "How bad?" He demanded once Lanie snapped open Backett's dress blues. The red was a bright contrast against her pale skin. Seeing it almost made his stomach turn. "Oh god."

"Don't let your mind go there." Lanie snapped reapplying pressure with her coat. "She's strong, we all know that. She's going to be okay."

Castle wasn't sure if she was saying it for his benefit or her own.

"The ambulance is here."

At the sound of his mother's voice, Castle jolted around as his surrounding came back into focus, "Are you all right? Alexis?"

Maratha heard the desperation in her son's voice and did her best to sooth it away, "We're fine. Alexis is with Kevin. "

"I should-."

"No." Martha cut him off, "you need to worry about her. I have Alexis we will be at the hospital as soon as we can."

Castle nodded turning his attention back to Beckett, "I can't lose her Lanie."

"Neither can I, so she's not going anywhere."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Somehow Lanie talked the paramedics in letting two people ride over instead of just the one. The only thing Castle really remembered about the ride over was trying to stay out of the way, but never letting go of his partner's hand. He did at one point remove the blood stained glove because if he concentrated he could feel a faint pulse in her fingertips. The little drumming beat was his life line. It was hope that kept him anchored instead of letting his emotions over run him. That was why he was so reluctant to let go as they wheeled through the halls of the hospital.

"Rick." Sensing his need, Lanie took a moment to place a hand on his arm, "I'm going with okay. I won't let anything happen to her and you know it. So let go because you're wasting time she might not have."

He nodded and bent to bring her limp hand to his lips, "I love you KB." And with that he let go and they wheeled Beckett through the OR leaving him staring hopelessly at the doors. What was he suppose to do now? Castle couldn't even fathom the idea of sitting and just waiting. There had to be something he could to for her. His mind was cluttered with so many thoughts he couldn't think straight. Shock was slowly wearing off, leaving him aching and dizzy. The writer barely made it two steps before his legs turned to jelly and thanks to the wall he slid to the floor instead of crashing to it. There, here buried his face in his blood caked hands and let his mind take over and it pulled him into a memory from the night before.

He couldn't sleep. Castle gave up even trying around one and now he was sitting in his office staring blankly at the computer before him. Once again words were hard to find when he really needed it. He figured writing would be a great distraction from the world that seem to be crumbling around him. He tried calling Beckett for about the hundredth time to no avail. It hurt that she was avoiding him though he could hardly blame her. First they have a huge blow out where hurtful things were said and then the man that was father to her turned out to be rooted to her mother's murder and died for his redemption for it. Just one more person that had let Beckett down.

Thinking of the captain had Castle reaching for his brandy. Even as a writer, who was suppose to think of ever possible outcome, didn't see that one coming. Montgomery had been so invested in helping Beckett solve her mother's case from the beginning. How did he think his secret would remain hidden? Castle tried to imagine the guilt the man must have felt when ever Joahanne Beckett's name was mentioned in the squad room. Again there were no real words.

Maybe it was time to find another profession, Castle dimly thought knocking back the rest of the drink as a soft tap at his door had him swirling in his chair to check the clock. There was only one person who would be knocking at his door at 3 am. Upon opening his door, his prediction was right. A very tired Kate Beckett stood on his door step.

"Did I wake you?" She softly asked trying to look past his shoulder to see if her late night visit had disturbed Alexis or Martha.

"No, I couldn't sleep."

Beckett twisted her hands, "I umm." Because Castle noticed her nervous movements, she hid her hands behind her back. "I just couldn't. I mean-."

This was something Castle didn't need words for because no matter what he could always seem to read Beckett's moods. "I was just about to make some tea."

She gave him a weak smile and slipped inside after him. She should feel guilt about being here. They really hadn't spoken since the fight. At least not directly to each other. They had to give statements to IA and, thanks to Castle, they came up with a very believable story to what happened in the hanger as well as to why only they were there. Beckett wasn't sure if she could keep the secret forever, but for now Kate would continue to let the world think that Montgomery died a hero. "I'm so tired, Rick."

Castle stopped halfway to the kitchen at the sound of his first name. Beckett only used it when she meant business. Abandoning the task of tea, he crossed the room and did the one thing she needed but would never come out and ask for. Castle wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as possible to his chest.

Tears burned the back of her throat as she pressed her face into his shoulder. He should be pushing here away, yelling at her and telling her to leave. After all the things she said to him that night, Beckett wouldn't expect anything else. But not from Castle. It was hard to find a bond like they shared these days. People came and went in her life, but Castle stood his ground and stayed by her side even when she pushed him away. He even fought for it at times. He was the only man, maybe person, who she believed wouldn't leave her.

"I'm sorry." The flood gates opened and there was no way to stop the sobs from taking over her body. It was strange to her that nestled in his strong embrace Beckett felt both protect and vulnerable at the same time. Being vulnerable was a reaction that only Castle could draw out of her. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

Castle stroked a reassuring hand over her hair, "I know."

"Everything you said was right and it hurt having it thrust in my face. If no one says anything I can just pretend that I'm okay with meaningless relationships. I'm okay with just being in that dark place where the only thing that matters is getting my mother's killer. Because you're right, Castle." Beckett bunched her hands as she tiled her head to look up at him. There was no gloating or I told you so's, he simply looked down at her with understanding. It made the tears fall even faster. "It's been a part of me for so long that trying to see who I am without scares the life out of me. I don't even know who I truly am anymore. At nineteen I became this completely different person. I look back on my childhood and think that's not me."

"Kate." He tried to tell her that she would still be the same, but she wouldn't let him get a word in.

"Do you know what terrifies me the most, Rick?" Beckett used his fist name again to make sure she had his attention. "That I lose that part of me that inspired you."

Castle caught the quiver in her voice driving home the extent of that fear. "Kate listen to me." A little too roughly, he took her face in his hands catching her tears with the pad of his thumb. "That won't happen."

"I'm a cop for one reason. My drive, my passion all came from that one night."

"No that night didn't define you, Kate Beckett." Castle gently rested her brow against hers, "You can do three things when something terrible happen. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strength you. That is what you did, Beckett. You say you don't know who you are, but I do. You're still that little girl who refused the nightlight not because you were afraid of the dark, but because it was something that needed to be taken head on. That's the drive that makes you move walls instead of crashing into them. It's one of the defining characters that make you great at what you do."

A water laugh escaped her, "how'd you know about that?"

The corner of his mouth lifted in one of his signature smiles that illuminated his whole face. "Your dad. He came here asking me to talk to you. He wanted me to point out that your life is more than your mother's death."

Beckett's eyes rounded in surprise, "that's was-."

"-The true reason for the ambush. I had all these people snapping at my ear, your father, Roy, and the guys, all saying that you were going to get yourself killed and I just couldn't let that happen." He didn't realize that his grip had tightened on her shoulders as fear washed over him. Just two days ago he came so close to losing her. If the captain hadn't called him, if he hadn't answered, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. "I'm so sorry Kate."

His admission had the detective blinking in confusion. "Sorry?" It was her turn to lift his gaze to hers. "What on earth do you have to be sorry for? For trying to be there for me? For caring enough to show up at the hanger to make sure I didn't so something stupid? For not backing of when I told you to? Because I'm glad you did all of those things. I wouldn't be here if you didn't."

Castle refused to look at her directly, "If I-." He swallowed the lump in his throat but it didn't stop his voice from shaking. The tears came so quickly it surprised both of them. "This is all my fault. You lost the man who was like your father because of me."

"Shh." Beckett reached for him just as sob over took his body bringing him to his knees taking her with. They had face death so many times and every time Castle remained in control and strong. So the site of seeing him breakdown had all her walls crumbling and this time she was the one who reached for him. "It's okay. This isn't your fault."

"If I didn't shadow you and reopen your mother's case, none of this would have happened." Castle wished he could go back and time and stop from knocking over that domino. That one choice started a change reaction of events that quickly spun out of control, altering lives for the worse, not the better. "I made you go back down the rabbit hole. I'm sorry."

"Castle look at me please." She softly begged and waited until his misty eyes met hers. They were blood shot from his tears, but still that brilliant blue that took her breath away. "None of this is your fault. This would have all happened eventually. Raglen still would have sought me out and then Lockwood would have found me. The only thing that would have change was you wouldn't have been there at my side through all of this. You shadowing me, Castle, changed my life. You can be a pain of the ass most of the time." That drew a small smile from the writer. "But I don't know what I did to deserve you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You showed me the beauty of life when all I could see was the darkness of it. There are no regrets when it comes to you. If I had to do it again, every time I would chose you. I never tell you enough how grateful I am that no matter how much I might push you away, you push back to stay at my side."

"Always." Castle whispered into the crook of her neck his heart overfilled with emotions. He never knew he meant so much to anyone, outside of his family of course, before.

Beckett ran her fingers through the thick mane of his hair feeling liberated. For so long she had trained herself never to open up. Lanie always tried to break her of the habit, but could only budge it so much. She was just so tired of keeping everything in, so far it brought nothing by pain and nights crying herself to sleep. She trained herself to be hard on the job and be one of the guys. Working with Ryan and Espito showed her it was okay to show some emotion. It just didn't really start happening until Castle joined the mix

"Roy told me that the only reason he let you stay was because you were good for me. He was right, Castle. You taught me how to have fun even in a job surrounded by death. You made me smile when I didn't think I could. Thank you for going into the rabbit hole with me to make sure I didn't get lost in the dark." A smile crept across her face when he lifted his head to look at her again. "You're my night light."

A poet nor writer couldn't have said it any better. Finally, they both had conquered their fears and put everything out in the open. Where they were to go from here, Castle wasn't sure. For now it could wait until after the funeral. They had already gone through a wide range of emotions and he knew that in a few hours they would have to go through them all over again as they laid the captain to rest. Castle felt Beckett start to slump against him as sheer exhaustion finally grabbed hold of her. Barely holding on to consciousness himself, he swept her up into his arms and made it as far as the couch. "Sleep."

Beckett curled into his lap as he lazily dragged a blanket over them, "Thank you." She tilted her head, smiling when she felt his lips brush over her brow. A small tingle started to work through her starting from her toes. How was it this man could invoke the strangest sensations from her? How did he work his way into her life making it so the moment she opened her eyes in the morning he was the first thing on her mind?

"Always." Castle whispered his lips lingering longer then necessary.

Castle was drawn out of his thoughts by someone calling out his name almost frantically. Blinking, the sounds and smell of the hospital came back into focus. The smell was a mixture of cleaning supplies, bodily fluids, and plastic. A smell that seem to reside in every hospital on earth. He always never could get use to the smell, Castle thought dimly finally focusing on the face before him and found Jim Beckett staring at him with horror in his eyes. "What?" He asked trying to block out the now present chatter of nurses from the station in front of him.

"Is Kate-."

"No." Castle quickly assured realizing now that sitting in the middle of the hall way covered in blood didn't give him the best impression. "Lanie took her into surgery."

Jim let out a breath of relief, "Why are you on the floor?"

Castle looked around searching for an answer and could only shrug. How could he explain to this man this has daughter was his lifeline. If they lost her- No! The writer shook his head clear taking Lanie's advice. He would not let his mind wondering into the darkness.

"Let's get you up." It took great effort on Jim's part to get Castle on his feet. To him it felt like moving a rag doll as they made their way to the small waiting room just down the hall. Thankfully it was empty and Jim deposited Castle into the nearest chair. "You would have taken a bullet for her."

Again, Castle had to make himself focus on the conversation, "I promised you I would protect her. And I'm her partner, it's what I'm suppose to do." He glanced down at his blood stained hands both knowing the reasons were far greater then a sense of responsibility. "Plus I couldn't live if anything happened to her."

"You love her." It was more of a statement then a question really. When his daughter first mentioned him, Jim was taken aback. Kate had never been one to open up to him about any men in her life. But after an hour, Jim knew that Castle was different from anyone that had come before. He could see it in the way her eyes would shine as she talked about their cases together.

"Beyond hope." Castle whispered.

"You're good for her, Rick." Jim said catching the writer by surprise. "When she wakes up she's going to push because that is her nature. She doesn't like help."

"Don't I know it."

"Don't back down or give up. She will need you through all this."

Castle was waiting for Jim to bear down on him for not keeping his promise. For allowing his daughter to get hurt when he was only a few feet away. But it never came.

"You bring out this light in her that I haven't seen since her mother died. She's calls me sounding happy, something I haven't heard in a very long time." Jim touched Castle's shoulder, "Just be patient with her because I know she feels just as strongly for you as you do her. When people are meant to be together they always find their way in the end, the journey is always the best part."

"I'm not going anywhere." Castle assured and if he had to wait until the end of time, then he would.

"Dad."

If Jim would have blinked he would have missed the smooth transition Castle went through. In a split second, the young man straightened up in his chair schooling his features so when he faced his daughter there was no trace of fear left on his face. You picked a winner there Katie. Jim thought watching Castle take the distraught Alexis in his arms while whispering words of comfort.

"Any word?" Alexis asked pillowing her head on her father's shoulder.

"She's in surgery that's all I know." Castle went to stroke her hair then remembered the blood. He cursed himself for not taking care of that before they arrived. "All we can do now is wait. I-."

Alexis reared back, "Don't you even try to tell me I should go home. I care about detective Beckett just as much as you do. So if you're staying I'm staying." And to stand her ground, Alexis marched over to the chairs near Jim and took a seat. "Hello Mr. Beckett."

Despite everything that had transpired in the last hour or so, a smile broke out across Jim's face. Steaming mad and the girl was still proper. "Hello Alexis." He replied still taken aback by her admission to her father. Jim silently wondered if his daughter knew how much she was loved. "Rick why don't you get washed up, we will wait for the others to arrive."

Castle hesitated for a moment and then complied, "Come get me if anything happens."

"Of course."

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Three hours later the small waiting room was filled with the entire Castle family, the two detectives and their respective partners, the captain's wife, and of course Beckett's father. Other service members that had been present at the funeral had come and gone not wanting to over step their place and said they would be back once Beckett was awake.

Castle, still clad in his bloody clothes, glanced at the watch wondering how much longer they would have to wait. Lanie had come out only once to give them an update and then disappeared. Being a writer his mind was going through every worse case scenario and it was slowly driving him mad. His mother had tried to get him to go down with her to get coffee, but he refused. He left once to wash his hands of Beckett's blood and he wasn't going to leave until he saw her face.

"Castle." Lanie rushed through the door a nurse hot on her heels causing the entire room to jump to their feet. "I need you."

"What is it?" Castle demanded already halfway towards the door, "Is she okay?"

The ME took a moment to address the room, "She came out of surgery stable. It went well its she is coming off the meds and it's making her very agitated." Now she turned to look at the writer whose brow was wrinkled with worry. "She keeps calling for you and we can't calm her down. We're trying to put a breathing tube in because her lungs aren't strong enough to do it on their own for long. I'm hoping-."

Castle didn't need to hear anymore, "Just take me to her." And just like that they were gone. He ate up the tile with his big strides that Lanie had to jog to keep lead.

The metals rings of the curtain gave an eerie shriek when Lanie threw open the curtain causing the nurse and doctor look up. The doctor scowled at the man lingering in the doorway, "Get him out of here."

"Trust me." Lanie ushered Castle to Beckett's bedside where the detective thrashed, reaching out for something that wasn't there, and calling out the writer's name. The ME frowned hating feeling so helpless she could help ease her friend that was caught in a violent drug induced nightmare.

"Castle." Beckett's face was twisted in pain. "Castle."

Careful of all the wires and tubes feeding into her body, Castle took one of her seeking hands in the warmth of his own, bringing it to her lips, "I'm right here, Kate." Gently, he brushed her hair from her ashen face needing the skin to skin contact as much as she did. He was doing his best just to focus on her face to terrified of machines she was hooked up to. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

At the sound of Castle's voice, Beckett's thrashing slowed. Her eyes fluttered open and as if they were too heavy to keep open the closed only a moment later. "Ca-castle." The detective slurred out his name caught in between dream and reality. The drugs were making it incredibility hard to string two thoughts together. She felt his hand on hers and found comfort in the familiar touch. The chilling fear that was racking her system dissipated from her in an instant.

"Hey there KB." Tears filled his eyes when she finally was able to open her eyes. Seeing the life swirling in them had him biting back a sob, but it didn't go unnoticed by the ME.

"S-stay with me."

Castle worked his way through the slurring having lots of practice with talking to drunken people. Beckett had her cry talk translator, he had his drunk talk one. "Always." He vowed letting the tears fall without shame, "Always Kate."

" 'sgood." Her body fully relaxed, Beckett let the drugs start to pull her back under, "love you twth by the way."

Castle watched as she dropped off and let sobs take over. Shaking violently, he dropped to his knees clutching her hand needing the contact. Here, not under the watchful eyes of anyone but Lanie, Castle let himself break down for the first time since the graveyard. He knew that her chances were still not at a 100%, but the fact that made it through the surgery gave him all the hope he needed.

The doctor looked on in wonder. In all his year of medicine he had never witness such a connection before. Just at the sound of the man's voice the detective's vitals dropped back down to normal and her thrashing stopped. He was thankful that something worked because the detective had come close in undoing all the work they did in the past four hours. "Lanie we need to move her into a room now."

Lanie touched a hand to Castle's shaking shoulder, his sobs slowly subsiding. "Come on Rick." She soothed.

"Only for a moment." The doctor assured wanting the writer nearby incase his patient became agitated again. "I promise I'll let you right back in."

"Thank you I know it's against the rules." Castle pushed onto his shaky limbs grateful when Lanie put an arm around his waist to keep him upright.

"Believe me I don't want you going anywhere far if you can do what you just did again. Give us a few more minutes to get her into her own room. We just want to make sure she stays stable before we move her. Then we will allow you back as well as a few visitors." The doctor informed shutting the door after the pair.

Castle took a moment to catch his breath, "She's going to make it."

Lanie squeezed his arm, "She's strong. Plus you think after what she just said she's going to give up."

"Won't remember she said it." He pointed out but just hearing it made his heart do flips in his chest.

"Let me tell you something medicine is like truth serum." Lanie smiled at him, "doesn't hurt I know for a fact that she loves you. Trust me." She added after seeing Castle raise his brow in wonder.

A/N: Okay some people may think that castle's voice was enough to calm down Beckett like that is a little far fetch, but let me tell you something. I lost my dad in December and he was in the ICU for five days and I never left his side. On the first morning after he was admitted I left to go to work and not even halfway down the hall my dad suddenly a hard time breathing and even after they put him under and on a respirator he was still very agitated and wouldn't sit still. I went back in there and me, my mom, and my two sisters sat with him taking turns reading a book he was reading. He calmed and even his blood pressure went some what back to normal, the moment we stopped or had to leave him alone his blood pressure dropped and his heart rate went through the roof. So I've seen it with my own eyes to know that it works.

So anyways I hope that you all enjoyed and hit that review button just down there!