Justice Served
Author's Note: A gift fic for alrtist for drawing me an awesome picture of Shikamaru!
Enjoy, my friend!
By the way everyone, The Uncertainty of This Life!Shikamaru, Kakashi, and Sasuke snuck their way into the story, so this is going to be my first The Uncertainty of This Life out takes story. Basically, a bunch of one shots detailing what went on between chapters, stories that wouldn't fit with the flow of the main plot.
"Hatake Kakashi!" Senju Tsunade's roar of anger has many within the Hokage Tower ducking for cover the instant they hear it. It's never a good sign when the temperamental woman raises her voice that much.
The woman in question has dragged the silver-haired Jōnin down by the collar of his Jōnin vest and she growls out, "I've had enough of your bullshit, Hatake. I've given you chance after chance to straighten out your behavior, but since you won't then I'll just have to ensure that someone else does! Kuma!"
The bear masked ANBU responds immediately, "Hai, Hokage-sama?"
"Find Umino Iruka for me. Make sure he comes straight here! Hatake, sit and don't move! Twitch and I'll make your punishment ten times worse," Tsunade hisses as her amber brown eyes flash angrily.
The ANBU disappears in a puff of smoke.
Kakashi sits, barely breathing, his one visible eye is wide in terror at the thought that Tsunade may actually try to kill him if he breathes too loudly. He's many things, but stupid isn't one of them and he doesn't want to tempt the Godaime Hokage. The silence is stifling and he contemplates pleading his case. A sharp amber eye landing on him makes him change his mind. Dying isn't worth the effort it would take to defend himself.
The last thing Iruka expects as he is sorting through the mess in the mission room is to suddenly be face to face with a member of the ANBU forces. He very carefully doesn't jump or jerk back away from the too close elite and, far too calmly to be honest, puts down the stack of papers that he is holding. With an even voice, Iruka asks, "Is there something I can help you with, ANBU-san?"
The masked Shinobi nods, "Your presence has been demanded by the Hokage, effective immediately."
"I see. Well, let me put these away and then we'll be able to go, ANBU-san."
The ANBU nods abruptly and waits silently as Iruka files the reports away according to rank. He can feel the operative's impatient eyes on his back as he mutters grumpily. He sincerely hopes that the woman doesn't have an actual mission in mind for him with this summons. The mission room is a disaster with all the late, miss filed, and jumped in rank mission reports. And all that on top of the fact that some new Chūnin has effectively messed up his well organized filing plans with the missions that have yet to be assigned.
"Ah, done. We may leave now ANBU-san."
The operative doesn't hesitate before Shunshining them out of the room. Iruka makes a mental note to impress upon the other Shinobi the importance of personal space and what happens at the subsequent invasion of said space as soon as they are settled in the Hokage's office. When the room comes into focus he turns to the ANBU operative with a deceptively benign smile and a mild look on his face. Then, in the calmest tone that anyone will ever hear from the man, Iruka says, "ANBU-san, kindly keep your hands to yourself from now on unless you'd like to lose the usage of said hands."
Despite the mild tone and smile, the sharp steel behind his his words and the hard glint of his eyes makes the operative lean away from the Chūnin as he realizes that he may have just made a very big mistake. A barked, feminine laugh has both Shinobi turning to the Hokage as she shakes her head.
"Well, it's good to know that you have what it takes to intimidate the unholy hell out of people that aren't pre-genin, Sensei!" The Godaime Hokage lets out a amused huff as she settles down behind her desk. "Iruka-sensei, how would you feel about having help in the mission room?"
"It would be greatly appreciated, Tsunade-sama. In all honesty, I don't know what you were thinking, assigning that new Chūnin there when I wasn't able to oversee his work," Iruka says with a scowl. "It will take far too long to get everything done in the time frame I've been given even with help, especially since I still have to teach at the Academy."
"Oh, you won't have to worry about that. I've got a substitute in mind to take over your class for the time being. I'm certain that you'll approve of him once he gets here," the woman says with a confident grin.
As if in response to her words, a quiet, but firm knock sounds at her door. She calls out sharply, "Enter!"
The door opens just enough to allow entry for the black-clad male that slides through the space between the door and the door frame. It takes Iruka a moment to recognize the extremely long-haired young man clothed in a waist length zip up jacket with kimono like sleeves that fits snugly across the shoulders - but loosely everywhere else - cargo pants with a weird, half cape-like piece of cloth that hangs and flows around him from his waist as he comes to a standstill, and the heavy combat boots. The dual katanas - one blade at each hip - don't go unnoticed either. The young man's chin tucks down into the high collar, effectively hiding the lower portion of his face(no doubt strategically designed so that the younger male could do exactly that when uncomfortable), as Iruka scrutinizes the familiar face.
"Shikamaru-kun?! My goodness, you've gotten tall since the last time I saw you!" His former student has gotten more than just tall. His long hair seems even longer than when he was a pre-genin or Genin and he's certainly changed how he dresses as well. Iruka can still remember the little pre-genin that had worn a miniature Shinobi uniform despite Ino's desperate attempts to 'liven up' his wardrobe when they weren't even preteens.
The fifteen-year-old gives him a short nod and a brief quirk of the left side of his mouth as he lifts his head to assess the rest of the room. His dark eyes settle on their leader calmly. Not even the slightest ripple of confusion or annoyance disturbing the odd stillness of the younger Chūnin's features. In a soft and husky voice, the Nara asks, "You called for me, Tsunade-sama?"
"Indeed," the woman agrees. Iruka gives her his undivided attention as she continues,"I have. For your information, Iruka-sensei, Shikamaru has only just recently been released from the hospital - four days ago, in fact - after sustaining an injury that would have crippled most Shinobi. It would have if not for the fact that he does have some training in medical jutsu. That's why I think he's the perfect substitute for your class. He gets to slowly work his way back to full health and you get the time you need to get the organization of the mission room completed."
Alarmed, Iruka turns worried eyes to the younger Chūnin. He hadn't even noticed that anything was wrong in the short amount of time that he'd been scrutinizing the other male. The Chūnin in question gives the Academy Instructor a mild, yet unreadable look as he says, "I'm fine. The injury is almost entirely healed and barely gives me any trouble."
The low groan from the Hokage has him believing otherwise as she growls, "Kami-sama save me from stubborn Shinobi. Nara, getting your right hip, part of your ass and upper thigh ripped open down to the bone does not equate fine! Even after a week in the hospital! The gashes in those areas are still tender and healing and even the slightest amount of the normal strain you put on your body could rip those wounds open!"
Even the Jōnin - that he's been ignoring with the intensity of hundreds of late and sloppy reports - straightens up from his usual slouch to eye the young Chūnin with worry. The first thing out of the eccentric Jōnin's mouth is, "Does Asuma know?"
That makes Iruka look at the older male in confusion. What does Asuma have to do with this?
Kakashi wants to bash his head against a wall the moment Tsunade-sama mentions Shikamaru being hurt. When she berates the young Chūnin over his health, Kakashi's heart sinks. The kid had nearly been crippled?! Oh gods, he's never going to get any rest now. Not with Sasuke coming back from his mission today(and boy, is he going to be pissed about his not quite older, unofficially adopted brother being hurt). And certainly not when Asuma is sure to try and recruit him into stalking the Chūnin 'for the kid's own good'. If Asuma doesn't try to convince him outright to help the Sarutobi wrap the kid in bubble wrap, that is!
Which reminds him, "Does Asuma know?"
Kakashi says this lightly, but even as he does the sense of foreboding gets stronger. It doubles as Tsunade-sama frowns at him and says, "He's been gone for two and a half weeks on a mission. He isn't due back for at least another week and a half. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason," Kakashi says with an eye smile. He continues with fake enthusiasm, "I was just wondering about whether or not I'd have to hunt down an AWOL Jōnin."
The look Tsunade gives him could melt steel, but Kakashi keeps his disarming eye smile. On the inside, however, he is thinking, 'You're scary, Kaguya is scary, the end of the world is scary. But a pissed off, overprotective, and homicidal Sarutobi is fucking terrifying.'
And truly, out of both the timelines he's lived and is living through, Sarutobi Asuma has become the very thing that gives the Hatake nightmares.
"And just why would he be AWOL, Hatake?" The Hokage is glaring now.
Finally, Kakashi pins her with a hard look, "You don't know Asuma very well, then. If you did, you'd know that Sarutobi Asuma has no qualms in murdering anyone who attacks his students in cold blood. I can only hope he never finds out-"
"It doesn't matter," Shikamaru's quiet, smoky voice cuts him off. A soft sigh, then, "it doesn't matter because my attacker is dead. I killed him - it - when it thought I was down for good. I don't remember much, but I do remember slapping an internal combustion seal on my attacker. Raido told me that there wasn't enough of my attacker to even bother bringing the thing home is a scroll.
"Apparently, all that was left was blackened bones that turned to ash when touched. Which means I have to rework that seal because it's too powerful. Mendokuse..."
A jittery laugh wants to bubble out of his throat at those words. He really doesn't want to know how hot the temperature had to be to burn a person? completely to ash. Nara Shikamaru is even more terrifying than his Sensei. It's not the first time he's thought that and it probably won't be the last time either. After all, the Nara Shikamaru of this timeline is made up of something much, much stronger than the past timeline's Shikamaru.
To be honest? The kid barely reminds him of the lazy Chūnin of before. Oh, he's still as sharp as the most well honed blade. He still has his moments when he just can't be arsed to get up and get going. But don't get him wrong.
It isn't because the kid is too lazy to move. It's because he's too much of a predator to give a flying rats ass about whichever pest it is that has chosen to buzz about his ear to try and make him move. Shikamaru is a large hunting cat in disguise; Something that is all lazy and deceptive lassitude while still being calm and confident in it's power. Kakashi doesn't ever want to be nearby when the Nara finally decides to shed that mask.
Tsunade sighs at the end of Shikamaru's to the point report of what he'd done to his attacker. While she's glad to know that Asuma won't be going AWOL any time soon, she does still have a annoying Jōnin to punish. "Right, Iruka-sensei, once we're done here, please make sure that Shikamaru gets your syllabus for your class. Plan out whatever is necessary to ensure that his time substituting will go as smoothly as possible. After that, you'll get back to fixing the mission room."
"Hai, Hokage-sama!"
"Shikamaru, go wait outside. And for the love of all that's sacred, try not to tear those wounds open!"
The Nara nods once, sharply, before somehow smoothly pivoting on a heel and gliding out on silent feet. How the teenaged Chūnin does that in those heavy boots is utterly beyond her comprehension. So is the fact that he isn't limping despite the wounds that should have crippled him, if not outright killed him! It's a mystery for the ages she supposes bitterly. She's grateful that the boy isn't dead, that he isn't being retired at the too tender age of fifteen(of which he'd only turned a month ago), but she wishes he'd stop being so-so... Composed.
Yes, that's the word. Nara Shikamaru is painfully composed. To the point that it makes her want to pull out her hair. The kid is everything a Kage could want in a Shinobi, but Tsunade knows how bad it can get when a Shinobi like Shikamaru breaks. It's never pretty.
(What she doesn't know is that Shikamaru won't completely break the way she thinks he will unless he looses everything for a third time. He's already been broken a thousand times over before this life began, and over things far worse than some paltry injuries. One more crack won't change much in the grand scheme of things.)
Tsunade sighs explosively when the door shuts behind the kid. The Nara is an unnerving little shit just like his old man, except worse. Maybe it's the eyes, but regardless...
She narrows her eyes on the silver-haired Jōnin as she says with a vicious smile, "Iruka-sensei, Hatake Kakashi has oh so kindly offered his services to you by being an annoying little shit. Since he doesn't want to turn in his reports on time, I figured You would appreciate educating him on the horrors of what happens when people don't follow protocol. And what better way to do so then to make him work with you for however long it takes to get the mission room back in order. On half-pay."
'You want to make my job and the jobs of my desk Chūnin harder, Hatake? Well let's play. I guarantee you won't win.'
The Academy Instructor gives her a startled look before grinning. "Why thank you, Tsunade-sama! I've been waiting for a very long time to give this miscreant the punishment he deserves! I would be even more appreciative if you'd hold on to him for just a little while longer while I work things out with Shikamaru-kun. I'll be back in no later than an hour to take Hatake-san off of your hands."
Tsunade nods one with a feral smile, "It won't be any trouble at all. He already knows that I will not tolerate any more of his antics, so, please, take your time."
The teacher bows and says, "May I be dismissed, Hokage-sama?"
"Dismissed."
Iruka gently closes the door behind him as he turns to look at the young man he had once taught. The Chūnin's eyes are closed, his head bowed, and his chin tucked into the high collar of his jacket - no doubt resting on his chest - as he sits not quite slumped in a chair. Iruka can now see the faintest evidence of dark circles under the teenager's eyes, a thinness to the boy's cheeks that he can't ever remember seeing on the younger male. Exhaustion clings to him, Iruka notices easily and he makes a note to talk to his class. He won't have them thinking they can get away with anything while Shikamaru is acting as his substitute.
"Shikamaru-kun," he calls from the safe distance between him and the younger Chūnin. The Nara's head lifts slightly and he turns his head to look at him as Iruka continues, "would you prefer to just go to the classroom and discuss everything or is getting something to eat after I grab what I need okay with you? It's pretty late after all."
"If it's not too much trouble, Iruka-sensei, I'd like to get something to eat. The ANBU who fetched me came just as I was about to make supper for myself," Shikamaru murmurs softly.
He smiles gently at the young Nara as Shikamaru slowly stands up. Tsunade might think that the boy is being stubborn about his injuries, but now that Iruka is taking the time to look at him he can see how careful the other male is with how he moves. It's in the little things, Iruka decides, in how his movements are slower, in how his weight is almost unnoticeably on his left leg as he stands. Shikamaru may be stubborn, but he isn't stupid. He'll take care of himself.
"Then it will be my treat, Shikamaru-kun. You're doing me a favor after all!"
The Nara gives him an odd look before saying, "You don't have to do that. I've got plenty of money on me to pay for my own meal. It's not like I spend it on a lot of stuff."
"Nonsense! It's been a while since I've seen you around, after all. Where have you been? How is Sasuke? Your mother says you're both doing well whenever I see her, but still... You've really grown up since the last time I saw you!"
That gets a faint smile from the reticent Nara and Iruka counts it as a win. He quadruples the amount of mental points when Shikamaru lets out a husky laugh. "One thing at a time, Iruka-sensei. It's not like I'm going anywhere, anytime soon. Tsunade-sama is probably going to have me on light duty for another two weeks despite the fact that I'll be completely healed in a week."
"That soon?" Iruka eyes the Nara in surprise.
"Always been a fast healer," the younger Chūnin says with a shrug as they head towards the steps that goes to the Academy level.
Iruka nods, "You never did stay sick very long when you would catch something. Though, I do remember you being the sickest child I'd ever seen when you were ill. I always worried about whether or not I'd hear about you being in the hospital when your mother came by to tell me that you wouldn't be coming to school for a while."
Shikamaru's brow furrows and he sighs, "I guess that's the downside to having a really good immune system. It crashes hard when it gets overwhelmed."
"That's true," Iruka agrees, turning them towards the direction of his classroom. "I don't envy you that. It must still be a nightmare."
The Nara tilts a hand back and forth, "Sometimes, it's not as often as it used to be. Though, it was pretty rare for me to get sick back then anyway."
Iruka hums thoughtfully as he unlocks and opens the door to his room. "Well, so long as you don't get as sick as you used to, I suppose I won't have to worry about that as much. But, Shikamaru-kun, are you sure you're up to teaching pre-genin? They can be quite unruly."
The Nara snorts inelegantly, "I'm sure that they don't have anything on Naruto and Sasuke. Remember, I grew up with those hellions."
Iruka laughs as he pulls out the paperwork he needs, "Oh, I don't need reminding! But in case you forgot, you were the sneaky one! I lived in perpetual fear of the day when Naruto would corrupt you into playing as many pranks as he did!"
He turns to see a true smile break out over the Nara's features, laughter bubbling up out of the younger man in hoarse, throaty chuckles. Faint laugh lines crease the corners of his dark, dark eyes - eyes that warm and lighten to a shade dark mohagany rather than remaining so dark as to be nearly black. If there is one thing that has always fascinated Iruka, it's the way a person's eyes can shift between shades and colors. Shikamaru's are perhaps the most startling in their changes. If anyone had spent as much time as Iruka did watching his students then they'd have noticed that Shikamaru's eyes ranged from a rather predatory golden brown color to burning obsidian depending on his mood.
Iruka smiles back at his former student, happy to see the other Chūnin relax enough to be honest with his emotions. 'If I can still do this even after he's an experienced Chūnin then I've done exactly what any teacher should strive for - making sure that my students trust me."
Kakashi knows that he can be a bastard. He knows that he sometimes goes to far with him antics, but he's never been uncaring. Which is why he chooses to ask the question weighing on his mind despite Umino Iruka's forbidding frown. "Is the kid okay?"
Iruka turns to look at him sternly before the question register, but then Kakashi sees comprehension dawn and the Academy Instructor softens slightly. "He'll be fine. Shikamaru isn't the kind of person to make a situation worse for himself. Try to have a bit more faith in him, Hatake-san. Shikamaru-kun is tougher than he looks."
"It's not that I don't have faith in him. I just don't want a homicidal Asuma going on a rampage. That man is terrifying when it comes to his team!"
The teacher chuckles, "And you're not? I saw the aftermath of that Kabuto fellow. I was informed that you and your summons tore him a part after he tried to kidnap Sasuke-kun. I certainly wouldn't want to be between you and your students if I were an enemy! Now enough of that."
The Academy Instructor's face hardens. "We've got a lot to do, Hatake-san. And I'd best not see you slacking, because I can guarantee you won't like the consequences!"
Kakashi winces, he really doesn't want to do this. But he'll be relegated to a desk ninja permanently if he slacks off. Which would suck... "Hai, Umino-san."
He watches as the Chūnin opens the door to the mission room and hears at least three other voices greet the teacher.
"Alright everyone, it's nearly time to close up! Those of you turning in reports, please ensure that your handwriting is tidy enough to be read without giving a headache to the reader, that your mission rank is clearly stated at the top, and whether or not it was upgraded in rank! Once you're sure that your report matches the correct criteria, line up in front of the closest Chūnin and get ready to hand over your report! There will be no shoving, skipping ahead of the person in front of you, flirting, or harassing of the Chūnin taking the reports! Move it!"
The Academy Instructor barks the instructions as if he's done it a million times before. Kakashi thinks that he might not be very far off the mark. There's a brief stillness in the room and then a mad scramble to get in line. Kakashi sees his own student making his way over to Iruka rather than one of the Chūnin at the desks.
"Sasuke-kun, it's been a while. I just saw Shikamaru-kun earlier," the younger man says in a friendly tone.
Sasuke nods in greeting, "Sorry about not dropping by. I've been busy with all the missions the Hokage has been piling on top of me. Something about keeping Orochimaru off my trail. Not that I'm not grateful for her ensuring that the freak can't lay hands on me, but it doesn't leave much time for a social life. I usually only get a day or two with my family before I'm out the gates again."
Sasuke turns to look at him and scrunches his nose(a habit that he had to of picked up from the Nara heir), "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
Kakashi coughs harshly to prevent himself from choking and he can hear Iruka protesting vehemently.
"Absolutely not! Your irresponsible Jōnin sensei earned himself a punishment from Tsunade-sama herself by being lazy! Which means he'll be working with me until I say otherwise!"
It's only as the teacher falls silent that Kakashi realizes how quiet the mission room has become. Then the snickering starts as Chūnin, Tokubetsu Jōnin, and even some of his fellow Jōnin turn to look at him with amused faces. This will be all over the Shinobi force by tomorrow afternoon, Kakashi mourns. No doubt his friends will drop by just to tease, poke, and prod at him with the metaphorical stick. Kakashi starts to pout.
"Did you really have to say it so loudly, Umino-san?"
Iruka snorts, "It's not like they wouldn't have figured it out when I put you to work, Hatake-san. Please get over yourself. As for the rest of you, are your reports turned in or would you like to join Jōnin Hatake and myself in organizing the mission room tomorrow morning?!"
The sudden silence is deafening and Kakashi can see how all of the Shinobi in the room quickly turn back to the desks. Kakashi wonders if he hadn't made a very bad mistake by not turning in his own reports on time. He doesn't always come to the mission room when the Academy Instructor is manning the desk, so he hasn't gotten the full force of Umino Iruka's temper. The last time he'd been on the receiving end of his temper had been when he'd signed up his former Genin for the Chūnin Exams in the previous timeline. He's beginning to regret not being better prepared for dealing with temperamental Chūnin.
Sasuke gives him a sympathetic look, but doesn't offer to help. Kakashi is almost proud, because he's the one who had taught his students that it is 'Every Shinobi for his/herself' in situations like these. Almost. He's going to teach his three monsters a new lesson when Naruto comes home. 'Never leave your Sensei behind'.
Instead of saying what is on his mind, Kakashi says, "You should get home, Sasuke. I'm certain your Aniki will appreciate seeing you tonight. Especially since I don't think Yoshino-san and Shikaku-san are home to make sure that he's taking care of himself."
"Taking care...of himself...?" Sasuke's eyes widen. "Is he hurt?!"
Iruka sighs from beside him and says with a kind smile, "He's more than just on the mend, Sasuke-kun. Like I said, I just saw him earlier because Tsunade-sama made him my substitute while I'm working on the mission room. I don't think he'd appreciate being fussed over at this point in his healing. Though I'm certain he'll enjoy your company."
Sasuke nods slowly, a frown tugging at his lips. "Okay, thanks, Iruka-sensei. Do you mind if I hand you my report? I'd prefer to get home as soon as possible."
Iruka holds out a hand and smiles, "Try not to worry so much. I wouldn't say that Shikamaru-kun is okay if I thought he wasn't. Your brother is a strong person."
"I know he is" Sasuke says, exasperation coloring his tone. He sighs, "and that's why I worry so much. He isn't the kind of guy to except help if he thinks he can go it alone. Damn stubborn is what he is, even more than Naruto and that's supposed to be impossible. Anyway, I'll see you later. Kashi-sensei, try not to make Iruka-sensei's work harder."
Kakashi pulls his most innocent expression and says, "Who? Me?"
Sasuke snorts at him, "Not fooling anyone, Sensei. I'm serious, though. Behave or I'll find Sakura and you know how she is."
Kakashi laughs nervously, thinking, 'She'd tear out my spleen and feed it to me without remorse.'
(The Next Day)
Kakashi pouts at the huge piles of paper in front of him as he wonders exactly what time it is. A member of ANBU had woke him up(and he'll be having a very long conversation with that person about the invasion of privacy and personal space very soon) and had only waited long enough for him to get dressed before bringing him here. The lack of food and coffee is wearing heavily on him and he starts, jumping a little as a mug clacks down onto the table in front of him. A take out box is set down as well.
"I'm not so cruel as to starve you or ensure that you don't get your caffeine fix. I'm about as addicted to tea as you are to coffee and I have no intentions of being trapped in a room with you without ensuring that neither of us will try to kill the other from caffeine deprivation," Umino Iruka says as he moves away to plop - rather ungracefully - down onto a chair. The younger man says around a yawn, "It's not like I like being up at the ass crack of dawn either, but this needs to get done as quickly as possible while still being done correctly."
"Aa. Arigato, Umino-san," Kakashi says with his trademark eye smile.
"Don't thank me yet, Hatake-san. If fact, I'm pretty sure that you will be cursing me by the end of the day. Eat your food and drink your coffee. We don't have time to waste."
Kakashi lifts an eyebrow at the Chūnin's curt tone, but supposes that he'd be just as snappy if he had to do this rather than doing what he loves. Which, in the Umino's case, is teaching. Kakashi just really wants to go back on missions.
(Two Hours Later)
"Um, Umino-san, I think I may have lost some of the papers?"
"Is that a question or a statement?"
"Ah, statement."
"What...?"
"I turned around to grab another stack and now I can't find the last ten reports I went through."
"HOW DO YOU LOSE PAPERWORK?!"
"I don't know! I swear, it was right there when I turned around, but it's not there anymore! I've checked four different times!"
"Oh my gods, why...?"
"I DON'T CARE HOW BORED YOU ARE! DON'T DOODLE ON THE DAMN REPORTS, HATAKE KAKASHI!"
The sharp sound of wood cracking down upon bone sounds throughout the mission room.
"OW! What did you do that for?! That hurts!"
"That's the point! You're not supposed to be sleeping on the job! Get back to work!"
"You're so mean!"
A growl rumbles out of the other man, "I'll show you mean if you don't hurry your ass up!"
This is the scene that Shiranui Genma walks into as he pulls out his report. He stops dead in his tracks and stares as Umino Iruka (who honestly is the scariest Chūnin ever) berates and snarls at his lover. A snicker bubbles up in his throat and then he is doubling over with tears pouring down his face as he howls with laughter. The sight of his tough as nails Jōnin lover cringing away from and whining at a Chūnin is the funniest thing he's seen in a long time. The fact that Umino Iruka is wielding a wooden ruler at the older man is just the icing on the cake.
What makes it all even better is Maito Gai. The man is carrying another stack of papers over to the desk that Kakashi is sat at with the biggest grin on his face, the kind that screams 'I'm being helpful!'. Genma knows that grin is really Gai's 'I'm fucking with you so hard, but you will only drag that truth out me when I'm dead' expression. He honestly can't breathe with how hard he's laughing.
"MY TEAMMATE, IT IS MOST UNYOUTHFUL TO LAUGH AT A COMRADE," Gai raises his voice as he looks over to look at Genma. He carefully makes sure that no one other then Genma sees his wink.
Genma is wheezing pitifully at this point. He knows that Kakashi is probably pouting magnificently, but he can't bring himself to care. This is the greatest thing ever! As Genma straightens up, he remembers that he has a camera on him. Quick as a flash, Genma whips out the camera and takes a picture before Kakashi can figure out what he is doing.
He knows that the little monsters Kakashi 'raised' will be appreciative of the blackmail material. They're pure evil and he's not above bribing them to keep himself in their good graces. He knows Tsunade will want pictures to hold over the Jōnin. She's just that sadistic of a woman. Hell, he'll be holding this over Kakashi for ages. And Gai? He's going to do the passive-agressive thing just for the fucking kicks. People forget that Genma was on the same Genin team as Gai and that he knows the other man very well for all that he is Kakashi's rival/friend.
Kakashi is still whining in the background as Genma ponders at all the potential blackmail material he'll have after today. The Tokubetsu Jōnin snaps another picture. This time with a grinning Iruka in it as Gai drops another stack of papers by the desk and Kakashi starts to whimper. Raido walks in then. He takes one look at the situation, shakes his head and sighs.
"Finally got busted, huh?"
"You're all so mean to me!" The Hatake wails dramatically as he drops his head down on the desk with a solid clang of his hitai-ate hitting wood.
Raido chuckles as he sets his report down in front of the Jōnin. "It's your fault for being such a massive dick, Hatake. Take your punishment like a man and stop whining like a child."
Genma tucks himself into a corner to watch the rest of the day play out with an evil grin. He's just waiting for Iruka to really get fed up with the other man. He's pretty certain that fur will fly then. Raido joins him to watch the fireworks.
It is nearing the end of the day when Shikamaru walks into the mission room with the written report Iruka-sensei had requested to access the behavior of his students. Neji is with him since they had run into each other on his way to hand in the report. Weirdly enough, the Hyūga had insisted on walking with him despite not having his report written up yet since he had only just been debriefed by the Hokage. Shikamaru is beginning to think that it's because of his injury, though. The older Shinobi has been eying his right hip quite frequently since they'd met on the stairs. He dismisses the thought as he looks up from the report he has ready to give to Iruka-sensei.
He halts abruptly and he vaguely hears prim and proper Hyūga Neji curse like a sailor from behind him as he takes in the horrific image of a full grown and powerful Jōnin trying to climb out a window to escape a ruler wielding Umino Iruka. A bunch of the said Jōnin's friends are on the ground laughing hysterically, tears pouring down their faces. Shiranui Genma is unhelpfully taking picture after picture.
Shikamaru can't look away from this train wreck even as he hears Neji whisper in shock, "What on earth...?"
'He's not doing a very good job at escaping,' his brain informs him oh so helpfully. Instead of choosing to announce his presence to the rest of the occupants of the mission room, Nara Shikamaru(battle tested Chūnin, genius extraordinare, and brave former member of AVALANCHE known as Hyo Strife) turns and walks out saying, "Yeah... Fuck the report. It can wait until tomorrow morning.. I'm not getting involved. I'm not dealing with this. It's not my problem."