Good To Be Home
He sat in the dark again as he did every night since that horrible day 6 months ago. Despite the fact that he had only returned from a date, What was her name…Janet, that's it, only about an hour ago he was already well into a new bottle of vodka that had spent the day chilling in the fridge. Janet was beautiful, no doubting that, tall, blonde and a model's build, yet she still bored Logan to death. She was not brunette, she was not smart, and funny, sweet, she didn't have those blue eyes and another million attributes that were sadly now lacking from every girl that crossed his path. None of them had the same personality, the smile, the laugh. None of them were content to sit in front of a T.V. all Saturday night doing nothing but eating junk food and watching terrible movies and consider it a night well spent. He had tried that with other girls and they seemed to think it was an insult. None of them had the addiction to coffee like she did. They were stupid things to miss, he had told himself this over and over, but it did not make his miss them any less. He had been on quite a few dates since they had parted ways. They all ended the same way, him politely but firmly dismissing them after only a brief dinner and maybe a movie, not matter how appealing or forward that night's girl might be. He had slept with the first one and he had felt like he was doing something wrong, that he was breaking someone's trust, that he was breaking some sacred decree by sleeping with someone that was not her.
He reached for the phone as he took another pull off the bottle in his hand. He had done this a lot since the end of their non-relationship. He quickly dialed a number that he knew by heart. After a few rings it was picked up.
"Hello" said the voice on the other end, the voice that Logan believed he would go insane if he did not hear every few days, that he missed hearing directed at him in sly jab or giggling as he tickled her as they lay in bed. "Hello" she said again, and after a moment the line clicked dead leaving him alone again. Another drink he thought, one more and maybe the memories would fade to a level at which he fall asleep, but they still burned worse than the alcohol that was sliding down his throat, they had since that day.
FLASHBACK
With a smile on his face Logan pulled the door to his dorm open already knowing who was on the other side.
"Morning, Ace" he started to say but the words died on his lips at sight of the somber expression on her face. "Uhhh...why the long face, Rory. Is everything OK," he asked with a slight hesitation in his voice.
"Logan, umm, we kinda need to talk." Rory answered, sliding into the room and looking anywhere but in Logan's eyes. "I hate to say this, but, umm, but….this… this isn't working anymore. I don't like this no strings thing we have going on. And it…it is not going to work, so I am here to say it is over, and that hopefully we can still be friends."
Logan felt a crashing feeling in his chest at this announcement. "What…What. Where is this coming from,' he snapped, his voice coming out harsher than he intended to be. "Why now, what happened, what did I do wrong," he managed to stammer out before she cut him off.
"It wasn't you, it was me. I thought I could do this no-strings thing, I really did, but I can't. I hate seeing you out with other women and I don't like being one of the many. I'm a girlfriend kinda girl, not a get together when ever you have no plans kinda girl and this is just not working for me and hopefully we can still be friends."
"No," he yelled. "I don't accepted this, I don't want to lose you. I can do commitment if that is want you want, if that is what…." He started only to be cut off.
"No, you can't and I am not willing to take that chance, have you mess up and end even more hurt than this already. I'm sorry but it is over" and with those final words she spun on her heel and headed for the door leaving him there standing in a stunned silence. Only when the door was almost shut did he manage to make a sound.
"Rory, wait, don't go" he managed to choke out, but she only turned to look at him once sadly, shake her head, shut the door and walk out of his life as quickly as she had entered it. He stood there for a full ten minutes staring at the door before spinning around, grabbing a bottle from the liquor cart and heading into his room slamming the door with a resounding crash.
He had spent the next two days locked in his room, completely ignoring his friends and school. He had emerged on the third day determined to win her back no matter what. He grabbed the phone and called her cell, only to have it go to voicemail. He left a message hoping that she would call back. He waited all afternoon and when she did not call back he started to call every hour on the hour not caring how stalkerish he had become. After a few days of this and no returned calls he decided to walk over to her dorm room. He felt nervous as stood on the doorstep and knocked lightly. The door was yanked open and he stood face to face with Paris.
"What do you want, Huntzberger" she snapped, annoyance and anger coloring her words.
"Please, just let me talk to her." he breathed.
"No, she has not stopped crying since she came back three days ago and she does not need any more drama, so please leave, NOW!" she barked. Logan felt a horrible clench in his stomach when she said that she had been crying.
"Please, just for a minute" he begged feeling all his hopes begin to fade.
"It's ok, Paris. I'll talk to him," a quite voice said from behind the girl blocking the doorway and she stepped back revealing Rory standing there. She looked sad, and it looked as if Paris had told the truth when she said Rory had been crying the whole of the last two days. "You have to leave, Logan. You need to stop calling and forget about me."
"No" he growled. "Please give me a chance, please" but then look in her sent cold dread straight to his stomach.
"I'm sorry, but no. And please stop calling me because I am not going to answer. I'm sorry Logan, but this is good-bye" with those final words she shut the door in his face and he felt his whole crack around him.
END FLASHBACK
After that moment he vowed never to let anything like that happen to him. He would never let someone work their way into his heart like she did again, it was too dangerous. He wandered back to his dorm and grabbed the phone, making a date for that night and from there things had just gotten worse. He felt had wrong asking them out. He had felt dirty and tainted for sleeping with first girl and eventually even touching them or looking at them made him feel that he was breaking the law somehow. The dates started getting shorter and shorter until they barely counted as more than a brief dinner. He hated this empty feeling. A sudden revelation hit him and he knew that he would never feel better with out his Ace and it was time to throw all down and take one more chance. Ten minutes later he stumbled up to her window. He sighed as he saw the light was still on and tapped sharply on the glass. After a minute the window was flung open and stood she there glaring at him.
"What is it Logan. I thought I told you to leave me alone" she snapped.
"I can't do that Rory," he said. "I can't walk away or forget about you. I tried to honor your wishes and do that but it didn't work. I hate my life without, I hate the empty feeling I get when I wake up in the morning and you're not there, and I it gets even worse when I realize that you won't be there at any time, and that you won't be there at any point of the day. I tried dating other girls but they are not you and every little thing about them and how they talk, and laugh and do everything they do just reminds more and more of that. I keep thinking that however they are doing whatever it is they are doing is wrong, that it is not how you would do. I slept with the first girl I went on a date with after you…whatever it is you did to end our thing." He faltered for second, partly not knowing what to say next and partly because of the pain that flashed in her eyes at his statement "And it felt wrong, shameful as if I was doing something to break your trust or doing something that I shouldn't be doing." He continued. "I told myself that you had broken it off, that I had tried to prevent it. I tried to tell myself that I had every right to move but I just could not convince myself of that. It got worse and worse and now I can't even hold a date's hand without feeling like I am cheating on you. My longest date in the last 3 months was about and hour and a half long. I was on a date tonight and I left her at the restaurant after fifteen minutes, I just got up and left because she said she did not like coffee. How stupid is that?" Here he stumbled to a stop again looking at the shocked and confused expression on her face. "What I am trying to say is I miss you, god I miss you so much. I the look on your face when you have you first cup of coffee in the morning, I miss that you are the only the girl I have ever met that can quote Three Stooges, Monty Python and Pushkin. I miss the fact that you are strong, that you weren't one of those girls that just flung themselves at me because of my name and money. I miss that you know how to put me in my place and kick my ass if I do something stupid. I miss the feel of your hair on my chest and most of all, I miss you and everything you do. Please, please, please, I am begging you once more. I want do commitment, but only if it is with you." With that he stopped and stared back at her with bare longing and hope in his eyes.
Rory slowly pulled herself out of the state of shock that she was and took a minute to study him. "You're drunk, you don't know what you want." She stated matter of factly, but the hope and yearning in his eyes and voice had rapidly started to dissolve her resolve not let him back into her life.
"Yes, I am drunk, this is what I do without you. If I am drunk enough I can sometimes make myself believe you are still lying next to me, but that does not change a thing that I said. You have ruined me for other woman; they are never going to be you or near to perfect as you are. I still want you more than anything and I am here begging one more time to give me a chance to prove it to you, and if I promise if you say no, and don't want anything to do with me you won't ever see or hear from me ever again, I promise, but just give me this chance, please and I will prove to you how incredible you are and important and precious you are to me."
His speech had almost broken the last of her resolution and his promise to disappear entirely from life sacred more than she thought possible and almost shook something loose inside her, but she still hesitated. But all it took now was the one last final, almost desperate "Please" that he almost whispered to make up her mind, reach through the window, pull him to her, drawing him into a gentle sweet kiss. It continued as he managed somehow to clamber through her window without breaking contact. Pulling her body firmly against his he deepened the kiss. When the need for oxygen became an issue they broke apart.
"Does this mean…" He ventured hopefully, a hopeful smile beginning to form on his lips. At her nod, the smile broke through completely and her spun her around and pulled her down on top of himself as dropping onto the bed. After a period of deep soul-filled kisses he smiled softly. "Come on, lets get some sleep." He said. Wrapped in each other's arms they drifted off to sleep, both smiling and content with the turn of affairs. Logan's last thought before giving in completely is how good it was to be home.