Still call it Magic
Disclaimer: do not own anything.
A/N: Coldplay – Magic; wrote this without Beta so please bear with me.
Philip couldn't believe it was true. Lukas was standing before Helen, showing her the gun he hid. Probably telling Helen the truth. He could hear their muffled voices coming through from outside. And then there was the moment both Lukas and Helen looked at him. Helens expression was troubled and he could see the guilt and something else he couldn't quite place on her face. Was it hatred? Or was that shame?
On the other side, Lukas' expression was quite clear, he felt remorse. Philip knew he was sorry but he wasn't sure he could stand the betrayal from both, his foster mother and the taller boy. But he was sure he didn't want to leave Gabe, which sighed with relief when the truth was told. Gabe always believed and trusted Philip, no matter what. He never have felt so connected with someone before he met his foster father. He'd never say it outloud but he appreciated him and his love so much, sometimes even more than his mothers love which has always been shadowed by her beloved drugs, her withdrawals. He appreciated pure and unconditional trust Gabe put in him.
He slowly pushed the door open and dragged himself towards them. Philip crossed his arms in front of him and sighed.
''Do you believe me now, Helen? Or do you still not trust me?,'' Philip quipped bitterly. He had to confess, he was dissapointed and sad that she rather believed Lucas over Philip.
''Look, Philip, I'm really sorry but without proof, I can't conclude anything, you can understand that?,'' she replied and looked to Gabe for help. He still sat in the car and watched the scene before him. When Helen almost pleaded her with her eyes to come and helped, Lukas spoke in quiet voice.
''It's all my fault, that I didn't tell when I should.''
Lucas looked down and nervously worried over the hem of his shirt. Philip just looked at Lucas. He knew he was scared and ashamed. But couldn't he understand that Philip felt the same? He was also scared that the murderer recognised him somewhere and came and kill them both. He still felt deep sadness when he thought about Tommy and his girlfriend. Still felt responsible for their death even if he was bribed into silence.
''You know what, Lukas? Fuck you,'' Philip hissed and angrily stomped towards the forrest. He was so angry and disappointed by both of them. He felt sorry for Lukas, that he was such a coward. He felt sad becouse Helen made him apologise to Lukas for somthing he didn't do. And he was mad at Lukas for placing his own faults on Philip. In front of Helen and Gabe. And Bo, who hated and despised him, and what hurt the most was that Bo said that he shouldn't come near Lukas. That not only he was fucking unwanted and fucking everybody avoided him at school and threw pitying looks or cans at him, that nobody believed him, that he was a fucking loser, but that he let himself down.
After everything that Lukas did to him, he still forgave him. And he forgave Helen. Because he was nothing and it didn't matter that he felt like the most disgusting trash. He always had to be strong for everyone in his life. For Lukas, for his mother, for Helen. And everybody stomped on him, because they knew he'd never leave them. Because he was so selfless. So depressed but at the same time so reliable. So understanding. So kind.
He slowed down and the tears run down his face without him even noticing. He looked around. His feet automatically brought him to his favourite spot. Before him, there was a field full of poppy flowers and high weeds. The rare sunflowers were reaching towards the weak November sunbeams. The meadow was rounded by tall trees which gave Philip feeling of comfort and he felt safe in that particular place. He sat under the high spruce and shuffled through his pockets in his bag. He kept that one cigarette with him. He didn't really like the smell and the taste of cigarette but it gave him that calm feeling. He rarely lit any but this time, he knew he needed it. Philip smiled sadly. The smell reminded him of his mother. He slowly exhaled and inhaled on the cigarette and his world was spinning. He put out the cigarette butt and stared at the flowers gently bending in the wind.
His mind began to clear. Philip closed his eyes and breathed. He loved the peace and quiet that Tivoli provided. Even if his world was crushing down, he adored the nature in the small city, the unique smell of the rain, the forrests and the trees. He loved the calm sound of the water stream nearby his secret spot.
Suddenly, he heard the unnatural roaring of the motorcycle. Philip jumped at his feet and swiped on his clothes to get rid of any dirt and leaves. He cautiously looked around and spotted Lukas' motorcycle riding in his direction. He turned around and began to stride quickly through high weeds and grass. He could hear Lukas kill the motorcycle and that Lukas was running behind him. He began to run himself and looked back. Lukas' steps were too long and he knew Lukas was going to catch him eventually. He slowed down and stood in the middle of the meadow and he looked around. The sun was shining, slowly setting down and clouds were bright pink and orange. He never saw that in the city.
''What do you want, Lukas? I really don't have patience for you right now. Or do you need to tell me that I should stay away from you in the school again?,'' he said quietly but his voice was filled with sadness and despair.
Lukas grabbed his arms and forcibly turned him around. He saw the dry tear tracks on Lukas face. He looked desperate and hopeless. He tried to hug Philip but the smaller of the boys pushed him away so Lukas stumbled back and the shock was visible on his face.
''Do you think that you can only hug me and everything will be allright and I will forgive you? You are a fucking git, do you know that? You put all the blame on me. And the drugs? My fucking mother is a junkie and you lie about that shit. That I MADE YOU STEAL FROM YOUR OWN FATHER?!,'' Philip yelled. That was it. He couldn't take it anymore.
''You think that you can have me and lie to me about how you like me and still date that stupid bitch, because that's normal? And you told Helen that I lied and she believed you? Like I'm some kind of shit that doesn't deserve trust? You know what, Lukas? I've had it. Just go and lie on, that's obviously what you want. Lie even to yourself if that comforts you. Just go away from me. You thought that I'm some kind of freak from the beginning anyways. Kindly fuck off now, I really don't want to see your face,'' he continued in harsh voice. He was letting it all out. Philip felt better than in a while now. He finally mustered some courage and told Lukas everything that was on his mind. He was relieved.
Philip looked directly at Lukas, his eyes cold and unforgiving. Lukas just stared at him and kept quiet. He didn't know what to say anyways. He knew he was acting irationally and he was a total douchebag. But he was so scared the whole time until now that he told everything to Helen. And broke it up with Rose through text. Yes, another douchebag move. Lukas knew that he couldn't bare to touch her anymore now that he actually looked at Philip again, anyways.
He was the best human beeing he met in his whole life. So fragile but so strong at the same time. So kind and loving. And he was so warm and understanding. And so fucking beautiful with his large innocent eyes, sensual lips and curly soft hair. He missed him so much. He loved him, even though he never admit that to Philip. He loved him more than anything, even motocross and his parents.
He couldn't believe his thoughts but they were true. And if he didn't say something quickly he knew he would lose Philip for good.
''I love you. I miss you. I'm so sorry, I'll do anything for you. I'm stupid I did all that shit just to protect myself because I am a coward. I told Helen everything. She's waiting for you at your home. Please, just come with me back so we can talk,'' Lucas begged. He was a mess but he realised that he hadn't have it hard compared to Philip when he talked to Helen about Philip. Lukas just stared at Philip and waited for him to do anything. He was never that nervous in his life like he was now.
Philip stared back at Lukas. He could hear that Lukas was desperate, that he was begging. He could see the uninhibited love that shone through Lukas' eyes. And the love was directed at him. He couldn't believe that was happening. Not a hour ago, his life was at the lowest point. Without his mother, who was in rehab, without his douchebag boyfriend Lukas, without Gabe, who he had to say goodbye to. And without Helen.
And now, Lukas was trying to convience him that everything was going to be allright?
Philips sight began to blurr and he felt weak. He collapsed on the grass and tried to breathe slowly. His heart felt like it was going to explode. He suddenly saw black and he fell to nothingness. The last thing he heard was Lukas' terrified voice calling his name.