Please be warned that there is major character death, suicide, and angst in this story. This is a Sheldon/Penny fic told from a Leonard/Penny shipper, and will focus mostly on Penny and some on Leonard. This story was very hard to write and is set to the song "Breakeven", by "The Scripts"
I own nothing other than my own mind (and that is debatable).
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Sirens, that is all the Leonard heard was the sirens, and some distant voices. The cold feeling had settled into him even worse. When had it started when had it all gone wrong.
He thought back to the fight, the thing that changed it all and changed his life forever. Leonard loved Penny, he still did, and it was just unfortunate that she didn't love him. It didn't take very long after the breakup to find out why.
The way he found out, hell they had all found out was so Sheldon like that he almost had to smile at it, almost.
Flashback
Leonard was still wallowing from the loss of Penny. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable and still made sure she was welcome to come for Thai and watch Battlestar with them. However he had a bad day at the office and was just tired. He sat in Sheldon's spot and stretched out. Sheldon was right; it was the best seat in the house.
Sheldon and Penny came in with the food, and Sheldon froze at where Leonard was. He walked over to the sleeping Leonard and stood over him. "Leonard…Leonard…Leonard," said Sheldon, "What," grumbled Leonard.
"You're in our spot," said Sheldon.
Leonard in his sleep deprived state didn't process this statement right away as he shifted over to his chair. Penny looked a bit uncomfortable in the background.
"Sheldon, you're going to have to get over this spot thing for people to be able to deal with you eventually… wait what? Our spot," asked Leonard as his mind caught up.
Sheldon simply sat down and pulled Penny into his lap.
"Yes Leonard, our spot, as Penny and I now engage in coitus similar to how you used to with her and we have established what I can only term as a relationship from what social convention has told me," said Sheldon in that way that just makes you want to hit him.
Leonard was speechless; a chasm had opened at his feet and swallowed him whole. Penny looked incredulously over at Sheldon and then nervously at Leonard.
"Wha..what," stuttered Leonard.
"I think that would be obvious, Penny could not respond with an affirmative to your statement of love because she obviously harbored some sense of feeling for me, it is only logical since I am a higher developed form of human life and all females are driven to mate with the male who has the highest potential," said Sheldon
"Leonard, I'm sorry," Penny started to say as Leonard raised his hand and cut her off. He quietly stood up and they both saw the despair on his face. He didn't say a word as he left the apartment and at that moment left their lives.
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no
Howard and Raj packed Leonard's things. Leonard would never set foot in 4A or 4B again. They tried to remain neutral with both sides but it was obvious without Leonard and Sheldon speaking that they had no involvement in that group any more and shortly after the incident both Howard and Raj moved. Raj back to India and to an arranged marriage with a woman he could actually talk to and Howard to Israel of all places to work for the military.
Leonard withdrew from everyone around him. His work began to suffer, especially when Penny started coming to see Sheldon at work. They both would try and approach him but he would look at them with a gaze that brokered pure agony.
He would see them smile at each other and watched as he saw Sheldon grow before his eyes to someone that could actually put another human besides Mee-Maw before himself. He died a bit every time he saw her smile at Sheldon, the smile that used to before him alone.
Leonard sank even further into his depression. Penny began to grow worried from the brief glances she saw of him. Sheldon didn't care enough to look into it. He didn't understand someone outside of himself and now that Penny filled the role that Leonard used to, he hardly thought of his former roommate.
Penny tried to reach out to Leonard's mother but she just congratulated her on upgrading to a better specimen in Sheldon. As she became the combined mother, chauffer, enemy, nurse and whore of Sheldon she began to wonder if she made a mistake.
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
Leonard sat alone in his small apartment. A bottle of scotch sat on the table in front of him. His cat, Schrödinger, mewled somewhere in the background of the apartment. This was the same scene every day, Leonard was drinking himself away. The difference today was that the University fired him. They stated it was because he hadn't contributed any significant research, but he knew the real reason. The tardiness, the drinking, and Sheldon. He apparently made Sheldon uncomfortable and while Sheldon was not favorite of Dr. Gablehauser, he was a prodigy that made the University look good.
He took another pull from the bottle and looked forlornly at the small photo of him and Penny at a happier time. It was his true precious, a small piece of his life that had made sense. He had tried early on to move on with Leslie Winkle, but it had just disgusted him. He loved Penny and he always would, no other woman could satisfy him physically or emotionally anymore.
Leonard had nothing left; he broke down and began to cry bitterly. While scientific reasoning in his house had scoffed at the concept of God, Leonard hurled his bottle into the wall and cursed whatever deity he could think of. He walked over to his 8th story window and looked out as it started to rain over the city, the tears of the heavens adding to his own. He yanked open the window and screamed her name into the wind.
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no
The voices around Leonard were getting louder. A bright light was shining in from somewhere above him. "He has a punctured lung, and heavy internal bleeding," a voice shouted. "Possible fractured spine, and serious alcohol poisoning, "called another. "We are losing him…..," came a third voice as darkness overtook Leonard again.
What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
The phone was ringing on Sheldon's bed side table. Penny rolled away from the vampire posture and picked up her phone. The screen said that Leonard was calling. Her heart soared a little bit as she answered the phone…"Leonard!"
"Ma'am, this is the Pasadena Police, there has been an accident and you are listed as the emergency contact for Leonard Hofstadter,"
Penny managed to listen for another few seconds before she let out a wail that would have made the devil understand heartbreak. Sheldon sat up quickly "Danger, danger…., Penny what is the matter," Sheldon asked?
Penny managed to get out the words Leonard, accident, hospital and dying.
"I fail to see why we would need to be awake or shedding tears for this during the middle of the night. We have no involvement with Leonard and it is unlikely that humanity will miss him as a whole?" questioned Sheldon in a way that had Penny looking at him in horror.
"Sheldon, I don't even know what to say to that, You are going to call Leonard's mom and I want you to have her come here and take you to the hospital," said Penny. Penny knew that Leonard's mother had divorced last year and had moved out to California to continue her research.
Penny made record time getting to the hospital. She rushed to the nurses' station and asked where Leonard was. The nurse asked her to wait while she contacted the doctor.
"Penny, I am Dr. Furling," stated the gentleman that came up behind her.
"Is he going to be okay," was the first thing Penny managed to say.
"I am so sorry, his injuries are too severe. He is on a respirator now and in a coma. We don't think he will come out of it," said the doctor with the sympathy evident in his voice.
Penny collapsed to the floor, giant sobs escaping her. The doctor frantically motioned at the nurse and a minute later she brought a cup of water and some pills over to the doctor.
"Penny I am going to need you to take these pills, they will help you calm down," said the doctor.
Between the nurse and the doctor they managed to get Penny to take the pills they held out to her.
"How did it happen," she managed to say.
"Based on what we have seen so far it looks like he jumped out of his window. The police didn't find any evidence of a struggle and he was found lying on the ground under his apartment on the 8th floor, I am so sorry Penny," the doctor said as he turned and walked away.
Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no
The doctor's told her that she couldn't see him tonight but that she could come back in the morning to make her goodbyes. She managed to drive numbly back to the apartment that she was now sharing with Sheldon. She wanted to meet Leonard's mother and have a female to commiserate with. As she walked into the apartment she felt her breath leave her as she collapsed to the floor for the second time in a few hours. Clothes were scattered around the living room and Sheldon and Leonard's mother were curled in a naked embrace on their couch, in their spot!
"Sheldon," a scream of rage erupted from Penny's lips.
"Danger, danger," said Sheldon as he started awake.
"Oh Penny your back, Leonard's mother has arrived," stated Sheldon simply.
"So while her son is dying in a hospital, you decided it would be a good time to have sex with her," screamed Penny.
"Well her mind is so wonderful, we had a great debate on my contributions and we just couldn't help ourselves. You understand that it's all a chemical basis, and her intellect increases those chemicals in me, just like your body does for me," Sheldon didn't seem to understand that what he had done was wrong.
"Penny, Sheldon is a remarkable individual but animal attraction exists on the most primitive level for everyone. Surely you experienced that some with my son," said Ms. Hofstadter.
"Your son is going to die, you knew that and yet you were here sleeping with my boyfriend, what kind of mother are you?" questioned Penny.
"I am a scientist; Leonard was at worst and accident and at best an experiment. It was unfortunate that he failed so spectacularly considering his genetics and his the company he kept," she said while pointing at Sheldon.
"Now if you will excuse me, I will need to go make arrangements so Leonard can be disposed of properly and then I have an early meeting in the morning, "she said as she started getting dressed.
"You're not even going to go see him?" Penny said, her voice hitching and she tried to fight back the tears from the injustice that seemed to encompass her.
"I don't see why I would need to, you have told me the doctor's are sure he won't wake and they are highly educated individuals. I don't see what me going there will do," she said.
"HE IS YOUR SON," Penny screamed at Leonard's mother.
"In biology only," Leonard's mother said simply as she turned and walked out the door.
Penny rounded on Sheldon, a look of pure loathing and disgust on her face. "Sheldon if I ever see you, ever again I will make sure that you suffer ever horror that Leonard had to before he dies, " Penny said in an eerily calm voice.
"But who is going to take me to the Comic Book store," Sheldon asked?
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and Oh it don't break even no
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Penny held her own private ceremony for Leonard. His death had changed her. Some of the brightness had gone out of the world now that he was gone and she didn't know if she would ever recover it again. Raj and his wife Anise made the trip, as did Howard and Bernadette, even Kripke and Leslie Winkle showed up to celebrate the life of Leonard Hoftstadter.
She moved back to Nebraska shortly after the funeral, she let herself be surrounded by her family and be comforted by them. A few years later she met Mark, he was a writer, but he helped her open up to her grief and heal from it. It took her a long while with Mark supporting her but they married 4 years later, 2 days after the anniversary of Leonard's death. Mark didn't question her at all when she named their first son Leonard.
A year later shortly before her son's first birthday, Penny made a trip to Pasadena to visit Leonard's grave. As she sat there looking with sad eyes at the granite headstone, she opened the note in her hand. It was aged and you could see bloodstains on it, but it was the last note he had ever left her and even though it made agony race through her every time she read it she would not forget it.
"Penny, I am so sorry. I can't stand it anymore, my heart is so broken and I can't stand to see you with Sheldon. He will never be able to understand or love you enough and I can't deal with that. I know this is a coward's way out but I don't know what to do anymore. I am so lost. Hearts don't break even do they? I love you Penny, and I wish I could be there when it ends with Sheldon to comfort you one last time but I can't do it. You were the best part of me Penny and knowing that you can't love me is killing me. Goodbye Penny, I will always love you. -Leonard"
"We are definitely even Leonard, " thought Penny, "I miss you so much it hurts, Mark is wonderful but he isn't you, I thought for a long time about joining you but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to give your name something back to the world. I managed to do it; your namesake will change the world. I know he will! Please Leonard, wait for me wherever you are. I lost you once but I am coming back to you. I will make sure the words of my love echo for you in the heavens."
Penny placed a gentle kiss to the smooth and cold granite surface. She folded her note and turned back to her car.
"Here Lies Leonard Hofstadter"
"Compassionate and Caring Man"
"Cherished Friend"
"Love of a lifetime"
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no