Title: A Mourning Interlude
Authors: Chrissy Sky and Terra Tenshi
Summery: AU of Episode 53 "Before the Storm! Overcoming Sorrow". Genkai is dead and Koenma speaks to Yuusuke. Shounen-ai (pre-slash).

Notes: (UPDATE!) This is a prequel to a larger story, To Serve and Protect. Recently I decided to revamp our little series and hopefully finish it up. Wish me luck. This one in particular has some minor grammar and POV edits.

It couldn't be real.

Sitting in front of the cave where Genkai had given him her Reiki orb just a few days earlier, it seemed to Yuusuke as though his teacher would reappear at any moment. She would bonk him on the head and tell him to stop being a huge baby. Then she would smirk and Yuusuke would joke back, maybe try to attack her and fail miserably.

It was impossible that she was gone. She was freaking Genkai! How could she just be…?

Agh, shut up!

He hurt too much. His heart hadn't ached like this much even after his temporary death, seeing his mom, Keiko, and Kuwabara missing him. It was unbearable and yet Yuusuke just kept replaying it over and over again in his head. Her small body in his arms as her life energy drained away, the smell of her blood, the desperate look on her face, her last words…

And Toguro.

He would never forget.

Night came before anyone came looking for his sorry ass. Yuusuke felt more than heard his approach.

"Koenma…"

"Yuusuke." Even, no inflection, slightly muffled by the pacifier.

The teen closed his eyes. "Go away," he said, not wanting to deal with the toddler now. He didn't even have the urge to insult. He didn't really feel anything except…

Koenma said nothing in reply, but he didn't go away either. He was just an irritating presence staring at his back.

The teen growled. "I'm not in the mood, okay? Baa-san's…" Still couldn't say it. "And it's my fault!"

"No, it's not," the godling replied, soft and firm.

It was irritating as hell!

In the blink of an eye, Yuusuke was on his feet, his hands fisting in the collar of Koenma's shirt. "Yes, it is! I wasn't fast enough and now she's gone!" he yelled, his throat choking on a sob.

Fuck, he was a mess.

Then Koenma did something that reminded Yuusuke he was a freaking God, though only a junior one. He gripped Yuusuke's hands and removed them from his clothes with little effort at all. His hands were almost gentle when he did it, which was the weird part.

"She knew she was going to die when she agreed to come with you," he said around the blue pacifier. Even though he was in the shape of a handsome teen, Koenma was still sucking on the damn thing.

"I know that! It doesn't mean that she had to!"

"If I told you someone had to," Koenma began slowly, "someone on the side of humanity, who would you have chosen to take her place?"

"Me!" was Yuusuke's immediate answer. "It should've been me, damn it!"

Because he was just a stupid street punk. Genkai was… She was…

She gave a damn about him.

"Then Toguro would win."

Frustrated, Yuusuke snarled and shoved Koenma away. He crouched down in front of the cave once more.

He'd almost died in that fucking cave, but all he could think about was what Genkai had told him before giving up her spirit orb, the thing that could have saved her life. He wanted to think of her alive, because that's what she had to be!

"How am I supposed to do this without her?" the boy asked, feeling helpless for the first time in forever. He wanted to grab Koenma again and demand how this was fair, or how Genkai's death served the stupid greater good. If Koenma didn't know, he'd take the matter straight to his gigantic bastard father.

"You focus on what she would want you to do," Koenma said, far kinder than he'd ever spoken to the teen before.

He started shaking, as if the gentleness had triggered something inside, and he tried not to. "But, I…"

"She died so that you could save everyone. If you fail in that, you are letting her down and dishonoring her memory."

"I know," said the teen softly. "I know that. But…"

"But?"

"But… I miss her…" He sounded small, the admission making him feel all kinds of stupid and weak.

"She wanted me to give you a message," Koenma added without warning.

This surprised the teen enough to make him look up. He blinked through tears and pretended he wasn't crying. It was dark, maybe Koenma wouldn't even notice. "What?"

Koenma's lips quirked slightly, crushing that hope entirely. "She said the last year of her life was crumby because as a student you were a pain in the ass, and she asked you to stay alive for a really long time so she could have some peace and quiet for once."

Yuusuke blinked owlishly. It certainly sounded like Genkai, so he didn't think Koenma was making it up.

The godling looked at him right back, unblinking. "And she added, 'Win.'"

She believed in him, Yuusuke realized, probably belatedly. He'd always been a little slow.

Genkai sacrificed everything for him, to give him this chance, not because she wanted to die but because she truly believed Yuusuke could succeed. As the words sunk in, the ache in his chest lessened. It was still there, would be for as long as he fucking lived, but it wasn't going to cripple him.

He had to get up now. He had to face the damn world again. Genkai was gone, but Keiko and the rest of his crazy friends were all on the island. None of them would get home alive if he didn't get his shit together and pull another victory out of his ass.

Genkai believed he could do it.

So he got up. His eyes were dry now and his head felt a lot clearer. Then he flipped in the air—just because he could—and landed smoothly, looking up at the night sky. It was cloudy, the stars out of sight.

He let his energy build up like a slow burn, in his chest where the orb rested, and letting it trail up to his outstretched finger as he raised his hands. He pointed his glowing index finger at the sky.

"Old hag!" He shot the huge blast into the sky.

He hoped she got it – his reply.

Koenma watched in quiet reverence, understanding Yuusuke's intent as he saw the blue streak soar into the distance above. This was his response, showing Genkai and everyone on the island just what he intended to do. Urameshi Yuusuke would win against all odds with the power his teacher had given him, with the courage his friends would fill him with now.

He would be stronger.

Watching the teen's upturned face, illuminated by the blue glow, he couldn't stop himself from noticing Yuusuke's beauty.

Which was all kinds of dangerous and not something Koenma should let himself notice, but there it was. Just like usual.

George shifted beside him, drawing Koenma's attention to his obvious fear. The oni had stood by loyally while the godling attended to his Tantei. He felt a little ungrateful for that kind of loyalty, when he had done nothing to deserve it. He was always yelling at the big blue dope, and working as his assistant wasn't an easy job.

He could take pity on the poor guy, just this once.

"You may leave us, George," Koenma told him quietly. His awe over Yuusuke's power kept him from speaking too loudly.

"Uh, okay!" George scurried off, heading back to the hotel, obviously relieved to be doing so.

After the oni left, silence fell over the clearing. Yuusuke fell to the ground and stared up at the sky, appreciating his handiwork. Koenma approached hesitantly, not sure how he would be received now. The Tantei's mood seemed much improved, but that didn't mean he wanted Koenma around anymore than he had before.

Koenma was used to being pushed away though. He wasn't here to win popularity contests with the people working for him.

But Yuusuke surprised him by smiling. It was tired, but it was definitely a smile. "Do you think it reached her?"

"I'm sure it did," Koenma answered confidently. He was beginning to wonder what the teen couldn't do, as foolish as that was. Everything had their limits, especially a teenager in mourning.

Genkai's death had hit Yuusuke so hard because she was more than a teacher to him. She was more of a mother to him than his real mom had ever been. He wondered if Yuusuke really understood that, or if it as just instinctive.

The teen smiled wider and sat up, watching as the blast disappeared into the darkness above. Koenma watched with him. Yuusuke had shot the clouds far away and they could now see the moon and stars. It wasn't at all like watching fireworks, but it was still weirdly pretty.

Like the teen himself.

"I'll definitely win," Yuusuke whispered.

"It's what she would have wanted."

Yuusuke nodded tiredly. "Yeah… It just hurts, yanno? Nothin's ever hurt this bad. Fuck, I sound like such a little kid. It just… really fucking hurts."

"It always does."

Yuusuke nodded, head hanging. "Well, that sucks, man. But… Thanks. For telling me her message, and putting up with my crap."

He wished he could see Yuusuke's eyes, or that he was one of the teen's friends who had the privilege to either comfort or insult him. But he wasn't really a friend, and it would be very dangerous if he were. For himself and for Yuusuke, and not just because it would open up an entirely new can of worms, but because it'd put them both in danger.

Koenma continued to sit with him, though he knew not what to do. Yet for all the dangers his little crush presented, he could never ignore Yuusuke.

Without any warning whatsoever, Yuusuke was suddenly leaning against Koenma.

Koenma stiffened. Studying what little of the teen's face he could see, he seemed on the verge of sleep. He didn't dare move, for all sorts of selfish reasons he'd promised never to give into again. (Because it had all gone so, so wrong, and it would never be better. That was why he had chosen someone so entirely different than Sensui to be his next Tantei. Which was not working, as it turned out.)

"S'nice," Yuusuke slurred. "Y're warm."

Koenma held his breath subconsciously as Yuusuke shifted against him. He waited for the teen to realize what he was doing, to snap awake and scramble away from him, but the minutes ticked away and it didn't happen. He tried to resist the hopefulness it gave him.

Hope didn't lead anywhere good. It was all the more stupid in this case—Yuusuke was destined to be with Keiko, for crying out loud! The boy loved her. Maybe one day he would even realize just how much.

Besides, even if he had a shot—which he didn't—Yuusuke was the least kind of person he needed in his life. He was rash, stubborn, crass, juvenile, and so woefully young. He was a good kid, down under all the masculine posturing, and he even let that good side come to the surface more often since becoming Koenma's Tantei. But he was still just a kid. He had a lot of growing up left to do.

None of that made him any less beautiful to Koenma, of course. In ways that Sensui hadn't been.

After a time, the teen spoke again. "Hey, Ko'nma? We're gonna need five guys t'morrow. Wanna come?"

Koenma blinked, surprised to even be considered. "Of course."

Yuusuke smiled, his eyes falling closed. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Yuusuke relaxed against him. Koenma supposed it was physical and mental exhaustion finally catching up with him. The teen had been through a lot in just a short few days.

He began to snore.

Koenma smiled in the darkness. The Tantei didn't stir at all as he stood with him in his arms, carrying him back to the hotel.

Kuwabara was at the front entrance, pacing, and Koenma knew he had been waiting for Yuusuke to return.

The two former rivals had an odd, almost co-dependant relationship. Kuwabara Kazuma was also technically someone Yuusuke was destined to have in his life, though the capacity of that was not as simple as a lover. It would greatly surprise him if either boy ever got confident enough to even acknowledge it without worrying that it would emasculate them.

"Urameshi!" Kuwabara gasped. "Is he okay?"

"He exhausted himself," Koenma assured. "He's fine."

"I saw that blast! Was he fighting?"

"No. He was mourning."

"Mo – Mourning?"

Koenma nodded, carrying Yuusuke into the hotel. Kuwabara held open doors for them as they passed, following close. The lobby was pretty empty by then, though Koenma doubted the kind of human scum that had come to the tournament was actually asleep.

"For who?" the tall teen demanded.

"That's for him to tell you." Koenma supposed that it would be easier if he said something rather than leave it to Yuusuke, but Yuusuke himself was still having trouble facing the reality. Just remembering Yuusuke's tortured expression made him tighten his arms around him just a little, before remembering the teen was not his to protect.

"Oh… Okay…" Kuwabara shook his head, muttering something about Koenma being weird. "Anyway, let's get the dumb bastard into bed."

Yuusuke had already spoken in his sleep before so neither of them were really surprised when he did it again. "Kuwabara's the dumb bastard… Always shooting off his mouth… Mm…"

It was the fact that Yuusuke seemed quite content to snuggle in his arms, and nuzzle his neck, that surprised Koenma.

He blushed.

"Urameshi!" Kuwabara growled, oblivious. He helpfully unlocked Yuusuke's bedroom door despite his irritation. "Here. I'm gonna head for bed. Can you take care of him?"

Koenma nodded. "Of course." As much as he was allowed.

"Cool." Kuwabara hesitated, some of his concern showing again. In the end, he walked to his room, grumbling about Yuusuke's weird sleep talking as he disappeared inside.

Shaking his head, Koenma took Yuusuke into his room, setting him upon the unmade bed. He was surprised again by the teen when he noticed Yuusuke's hand fisted onto his shirt. Blushing, Koenma gently unclenched his fingers again from his clothing.

It didn't mean anything, he told himself. Yuusuke was asleep. The teen had started doing strange things in his sleep since his second round of training with Genkai. That was all.

"Mrmph…" Yuusuke gave in, settling down in the bedding.

Sitting up, Koenma fussed with the blankets for longer than necessary. It was highly doubtful that Yuusuke would catch a cold anymore, not with Genkai's orb inside him. He could probably walk around naked in a blizzard and hardly get frostbite.

He was not thinking about that. He was not thinking about Yuusuke, shivering and naked and devastatingly sexy, and of the ways Koenma could keep him warm. Absolutely not.

Yuusuke curled up on his side, seeming to fall into deeper slumber. The grease was coming out of his hair and it was falling loosely into his eyes.

"Goodnight, Yuusuke," Koenma whispered, gently brushing the hair away.

"G'night, Koenma," the sleeping boy answered.

Koenma nodded, knowing he probably wouldn't have heard that note of gratitude if Yuusuke had been awake, and left quietly.

Continued in Serve and Protect. Any feedback is appreciated, especially if you read the original version.