Jeff and Lester hit the road and tour across California, playing at multiple pubs, in this epic oneshot.
SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA, IN THE TRUCKJeff was sitting in the back of his truck, drinking whiskey. He looked like an oversized baby, happily sucking his bottle of milk, thought Lester, as he sat thinking about their next gig. They were going to be touring pubs around California for the next month! Each of them were saying that this is their next big career move. Jeff was mostly there for the drinks, but Lester…oh no, Lester was there for much 'greater things'.
"After this tour is over, Jeffrey, we need to get some Jeffster! merchandise," said Lester, who might have well have talking to himself, because Jeff was too busy drinking.
"I'm talking hats, shirts, pants, boxers, toys. Don't you see, Jeff? The list is endless," continued Lester, lost in his own dreams.
"How about Jeffster's! own brand of whiskey?" asked Jeff. "We could have the logo on a bottle of whiskey, call it Jeffster! Whiskey and then sell it to countries everywhere!" He started to laugh like an evil god, but really it was just a drunk Jeffrey Barnes.
"You're making that sound like a plan to dominate the world, Jeff. No," at this point Lester sighed, dramatically, before continuing, "I'm talking about something for the kids."
Lester stood in the back of the truck and looked all heroic as he thought of all the luxurious merchandise they might, no, will create. Jeff frowned. But whiskey is something for the kids, he thought to himself.
"But-"
"Whiskey is not something for the kids, Jeff," said Lester, hurriedly, like he had read Jeff's mind. "Whiskey is an adult dream, not to be touched by kids. Do you understand me?"
Jeff looked at Lester, with a look of sympathy on his face.
"You can get really mad, for a Buy-More employee with no future," Jeff smiled sadly, as he stroked the whiskey.
"This IS my future, Jeff," insisted Lester. "The band, Jeffster!, us!" He pointed at him and then Jeff quickly.
"Buy-More is your future. I'm going to be a drinking champion," said Jeff with a drunken smile forming around the corners of his mouth.
"Jeffster! is our future", argued Lester.
"Buy-More," said Jeff as he nodded sincerely.
"Jeffster!"
"Buy-Ster?"
"No, Jeffrey, JEFFSTER! IS MY FUTURE!"
"Jeff-More?"
"JEFF-STER!" shouted Lester with a wave of his arms, as if to say 'that's- IT'.
The driver took his eye off the road to look at the arguing couple. He hurriedly went back to driving as he heard a sudden "SQAWK!" from beneath the truck.
THE GREEN APPLE PUB, CALIFORNIAJeff was getting his Keytar (KEYBOARD LIKE GUITAR) ready, when Lester appeared by his side, obviously quite excited.
"Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. There…" he looked down at the floor.
"What, is something wrong?" Jeff asked, speaking quickly. "Are there no chicks, or something? It's the beer isn't it? There's no beer? Or it's really weak beer. God, I hate really weak beer!"
"No, no Jeff, it's not the beer, but it is something really important," murmured Lester. He suddenly started crying. "Why? Whyyyyy? Why is life so cruel?"
"Lester. Pull yourself together and just TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG? I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S THE BEER!"
Lester whimpered. The last time Jeff had shouted was when a customer gave him 4 out of 5 stars in the sales competition at Buy-More. That was something that Lester did not want a repeat of. The sales competition. He didn't actually mind the shouting. That's what Big Mike does all the time.
"Jeff. My mother is in the crowd," whispered Lester, with evident fear in his voice. "My mother."
Jeff looked shocked. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I don't know if I can go through with this, man. Not with…no with her watching my every move."
"The show must go on, mate, the show must go on," said Jeff, nodding all the while.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Jeffrey Barnes," said Lester as he wiped away a tear. "Let's do this. LET'S DO THIS!"
He continued to shout "YEAH!" and "C'MON!" as he set up his microphone and went through last minute rehearsals.
THE TRUCK, DRIVING TO THE NEXT PUB, CALIFORNIA
"Well, that went well," said Lester, in what he thought was stating the obvious.
"Aside from that bar fight at the end, everything went pretty well," smiled Jeff, as he stared at two bottles of wine. He sighed and decided to drink both of them at the same time.
"And I can't believe that my mother is a prostitute," said Lester, defeated.
"Eurghglug," gurgled Jeff as he continued to drink both bottles of beers.
"I mean, she decides to show up now, when I'm at the highest point of my, err I'm sorry, our career," said Lester, a little sadly.
"Eurghglug!" gurgled Jeff, as he still didn't put the bottles down.
"It's not that I don't want to see her, ever, but now," sobbed Lester, with a hint of 'woe is me' coming into his voice now. "It doesn't matter. What matters," he sighed and sat down as he said: "The band."
"EURGHGLUG!" Jeff continued gurgling, apparently oblivious to his partner-in-crime's misery.
2 minutes had gone without a word, before Jeff finally cracked, and had to stop drinking. He coughed and spluttered, before looking up, smiling and giving Lester and the driver, who had turned around to look at him, a big thumbs up.
The rest of the tour was pretty much the same. No more fights, but some quite bad reviews on their gigs. No more Lester's mother, either. That was good. They played 'Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark – Enola Gay', 'Talking Heads – This Must Be The Place', Toto – Africa' and many more.
BURBANK, BUY-MOREDAY AFTER TOUR FINISHED
"So, my fellow musician, where should we tour next?" questioned Lester. "We could go to Vegas, Washington, Barstow, hell we could even go to Europe."
"Jeff listened carefully, then licked his lips. "Hmmm, so many tasty options."
"Well, we can, err, talk about this later," said Lester quickly, because he was afraid that his friend might be going into pervert mode at any second.
"Well, what have we here. A customer! How great. I'll just be talking to the customer, and talk about customer things, you just sit there and do whatever you like doing," rushed Lester, stumbling on the last sentence.
He could see Jeff out of the corner of his eye and saw him sitting there with his mouth open and staring into space. 'I'll reason with him later,' thought Lester as he strolled over to the customer and, as promised, started talking about customer things.
Author's Note: Sorry the ending was quite rushed. I kind of wanted to just get this done, so yeah. Review and stuff.