Just a short attempt at humor. Nothing more. Nothing less. Enjoy folks.
The Printer
"I'm telling you. The thing is broken! And I'm not paying you if it's not going to print!" Andy practically shouted at his partner.
Provenza shook the money jar at him one more time anyway before setting it down on his desk. "It was working just fine last night when I left, Flynn! So unless the Captain broke it..."
"Broke what, Lieutenant?" Captain Raydor asked seeming to appear out of nowhere.
"Flynn, broke the printer, but don't worry he's going to get it fixed!"
"What!" Flynn shouted, and Provenza was about to remind him of his blood pressure, but his partner didn't give him a chance. "I didn't break anything! I told you. It was broken when I got here an hour ago!"
"Well, then who broke it, Flynn?" Provenza asked, leaning forward and raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Because the only person here when I left last night was the Captain, and you were the only person here when I arrived this morning. Not to mention, only the people in this division have the wireless password for it."
"It wasn't me," Flynn ground out between clenched teeth.
Provenza rolled his eyes.
"Lieutenants," Raydor spoke calmly, and Provenza had a strange feeling she used the same tone with her children when she caught them arguing. He glared at her for good measure.
"Lieutenants, have either of you tried to fix it? It might just be a paper jam." Raydor walked over to the printer, and her Lieutenants joined her in front of the offending device flanking her sides. She pulled open the drawer where the paper was loaded and froze.
"Is that…" Provenza trailed off, staring down into the now open paper drawer.
Flynn began to reach inside the drawer, but Provenza smacked his hand away. "Don't touch it! You don't know where it's been!"
"I could take a guess," Flynn replied as he withdrew his hand and caught sight of the Captain's face.
It took a great deal to shock Sharon Raydor. However, as she stood there staring down into the drawer, her hand still resting where she'd pulled it open just moments before, the absolute horror on her face was evident for all to see.
Provenza snorted catching sight of her expression. "Haven't you ever seen a pair of purple lace panties before, Captain?"
The comment seemed to snap her out of whatever she was thinking because she straightened up and cleared her throat. She could feel a slight flush rising to her cheeks. She internally scolded herself for that; she was too old to be embarrassed by this situation. "Never inside of a printer's paper drawer, Lieutenant."
Flynn shrugged. "At least we know what the problem is now."
Both the Captain and Provenza gave him a look.
"What?" he raised his hands in confusion.
"Your powers of deduction are truly amazing, Flynn," Provenza snapped.
Sharon reached inside of her purse and pulled out a black crime scene glove and an evidence bag. Using the glove, she picked up the underwear and dropped them in the bag.
Flynn chuckled. "We should leave them on Amy's desk where she can see them as soon as she walks in. With a note asking if she forgot something last night."
"Don't be an idiot." Provenza rolled his eyes. "They're not Amy's."
"How do you know?" Flynn asked, his brow creasing.
"Two reasons: they're at least two sizes too big and she left much earlier than I did."
"So whose are they?" Flynn asked.
"They could belong to anyone." Sharon stated, gripping the bag and looking rather furious in Flynn's opinion. "Any police officer could come in here at any time. But if I were you, I'd disinfect my desk…and chair."
Provenza stared at his desk, horrified, realizing that it was the most likely spot from which the panties could have landed in the printer.
"Captain," Provenza's head snapped up as she began walking angrily towards her office, he growled, "I do hope you're taking those to your friends in FID."
Sharon glanced down at the bag in her hand. "I'm not sure how much good it would, Lieutenant." She sighed. "And it's hardly worth the money for a DNA test just to give this person a warning regarding professional conduct." At his look she added, "I'll…keep them…somewhere… though in case it happens again."
Provenza seemed almost satisfied with that answer and left with Flynn arguing about where to look for cleaning supplies.
Sharon went into her office closing the door behind her and took a seat behind her desk. Picking up her phone, she quickly dialed a number while dropping the evidence bag and panties into her bottom desk drawer.
The person on the other end of the line picked up.
She growled, "You hid my underwear inside of the PRINTER!"
Any idea who she was on the phone with? :D