by: tlgirl
Category: Angst/Romance
Pairing: Joey/Charlie
Rating: PG
Music Credit: "My December" by Linkin Park (http://www.linkinpark.com)
Dedication: This is for the other five CJers! There may be only six of us out there, but may we always keep the Charlie and Joey shipper alive! ;)
Summary: Charlie's POV. After he left Joey behind to tour with his band, they get a record contract and they are the hottest new artists in the music business. Feel Love Fury are on their U.S. tour and they do a gig in Boston, causing their lead singer, Charlie, to reflect on his fling with Joey. There is also a bit of a Dawson's Creek/Gilmore Girls crossover.
Disclaimer: Yes, I own Chad Michael Murray. I hide him in my basement and keep him as my love slave. Ha! Yeah, I wish. Everything other than the plot and story idea isn't mine.
Feedback: tlgirl2@hotmail.com
The hard rock beats and the grinding sound of the guitar blast out of the earphones positioned on my head. I turn up the volume to the maximum in hopes of drowning my thoughts in midst of the music. Screaming vocals follow moments later, belting out the angst-ridden lyrics. I attempt to relax and close my tired eyes, hoping to find some comfort in the vibrations of music surging through my body. After a few moments of peace, my head is violently struck and hits the cold window. I roughly tear off the headphones and begin rubbing the spot of impact on my forehead. I turn my head slightly only to find a pair of puffy, red eyes glaring at me. It's one of my band mates, Stan.
"Do you have to listen to it so loud? We could hear that crap from the back of the bus, besides you're gonna blow your headphones and your ears out." He stops for a moment and gives a look of fake thoughtfulness, "Hmmm . . . I don't think the girls like deaf guys, don't you think?"
I raise my hands above my head in signal of defeat, "Sorry, dude. I'll turn it down. Don't get your panties in a bunch."
He rolls his eyes, un-amused, "Whatever, man. Oh yeah and here's your fan mail." He throws a bag at my head but I duck out of the way just in time.
"Watch it!" I call out.
He grunts in response and makes his way to the back of the bus.
I position the headphones back on my head and turn the volume lower. As I begin to open my letters, a new track begins to play. It's unlike most of the songs on the CD, it has a simple beat yet haunting lyrics and vocals. I stop reading and begin to listen intently to the song, giving the music my full attention. I look out the window and watch the light poles whiz by in the darkness. My thoughts consume me.
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
December. Christmas. Presents. Family. Oh, how I hate this month. You would think that I would be at the top of the world. Don't get me wrong, I am. I'm so thankful for all the success we have gained. Years of hard work have finally paid off.
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
Being on the road, you are surrounded by so many people, how come it feels so alone? I've tried to fill that void with sex. I'm a guy, I'll admit that it's fun. Every gig it's a new girl. They're all the same: tall, hot, and sleazy. Sometimes, it's just way too easy though. There's no challenge. I haven't met a girl that challenges me in a long time.
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you
Rory. I smile at the thought of her. She was my first love, though she never knew it. She gave me hope, strength, and she drove me crazy. She never knew what she meant to me. Her life of rainbows and bluebirds couldn't have included me. I would have been a sore thumb in her picture perfect life. No matter how much I needed her, I couldn't taint her with my life, with my sins. She deserved better than that, she deserved better than me. So I ran away like the coward I am and moved to Boston, changed my name from Tristan DuGrey to Charlie Todd. It's not like my family would miss me. They were actually happy to get rid of the black sheep. I had a fresh start and I was determined to make Rory proud of me. I planned on changing my womanizing ways. But being good was so hard! Only a month after moving to Boston I was back to my old ways and dirtied the Charlie Todd reputation. The last I heard about her, she was engaged to some guy named, Jess, Luke's rebellious nephew. I had to laugh aloud when I heard that. I knew she had a thing for the "bad boys."
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
I could go on pretending, like this is all I need: the money, the fame, the girls. But *gasp* it's hard to believe that Charlie Todd isn't all shallow and superficial! I'm living the dream, hundreds or even thousands of guys would kill to be me, yet it feels so incomplete. No matter what I do, that empty feeling just won't go away.
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to you
Joey Potter. She was definitely a challenge. It was weeks before I got laid with her. Sorry for my crude language, but nothing about our "relationship" was the fairy tale that you read in books. It seems so ironic, that she was the best-friend of one of the girls I screwed over – Jen. But nothing in my life ever seems fair. Her group of friends were a complicated bunch. They hated me, though I don't blame them. It's not like I expected them to welcome me with open arms. I was just Joey's sex partner, someone whose sole purpose was to scratch her itch. But oh how I wanted in on their tightly woven inner circle. That's my weakness, I just want to be accepted, acknowledged. But they were too wrapped up in their own self-inflicted drama to care about someone else, so I just watched from the outside.
Joey Potter had a fire inside of her, I guess it was what attracted me to her. After she blew me off at the club, like most guys I should have taken a hint and moved on to another conquest, but I didn't. Like a fool I kept coming back for more. Like a moth to a flame. I was obviously unwanted, my advances were obviously unwelcome but I took each blow to my ego with a smile on my face. All I was to her was a meaningless fling. She told me to get lost and treated me like a stray dog. She brought out the real me, yet all she saw was the façade I worked so hard to build. How desperately I wanted her to see the person behind the mask, I needed her to shatter that mask. She didn't know that she was my lifeline, my last chance of survival.
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
Music has always been my solace. It's the only thing in my life that make's any sense. Standing here on this stage and playing my guitar, it's the only time I don't feel like a failure. I sense someone looking at me so I look up. I squint my eyes in an attempt to shield them from the blinding glow of the spotlight. And then I realize who it is, Joey Potter – the smart girl from Worthington. She gives me one of her half-smiles and I involuntarily laugh aloud. I can see Pacey and Audrey making out like there's no tomorrow in the background.
Looking into her eyes, I don't feel that empty feeling anymore. But there's still that nagging voice in the back of my head saying that I'm worthless, saying that no woman as amazing as she is could ever come to love me, and that in the end I'll be left with nothing but a broken heart. It's hard to love with your heart out on your sleeve, to be fearless and ignore the possibility of repercussions. But sometimes, that's the only way to love. I see her in the middle of a sea of people. She's my lifeboat. I could stay here and drown in my fears.
Or I can take the plunge.
I give her another brilliant smile as I decide to dive in. *splash*
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
what do you think? i know, the ending was bad. i might rewrite it later. that's it for this fic guys, but if persuaded, i might, MIGHT continue this. ;) -tlgirl-