Dreams in Which I'm Dying

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, Kishimoto-san owns all. Credit to Donny Darko for title inspiration.

Notes: If anyone was as touched by this as I was…then I hope that reading this is worth it for you.

Summary: At the Valley of the End, Sasuke and Naruto find their own finalities, and Sasuke has some revelations about his best friend. Slight shounen-ai implication.

Enjoy.

-------------------------------------------------------

And then, it was over. Everything froze in that moment in time, the chakra consuming them like a physical manifestation of darkness itself. Memories wrapped themselves around Sasuke's mind, flashing like pyrotechnics as they assaulted his mind.

Fingers wrapped around his own, making human contact willingly for the first time in years. With a warmth that only he could display, Naruto smiled so widely his eyes became slits, teeth glinting in the sunlight. Sasuke looked at him; wondered why. Why Naruto was what he was…how he was what he was. But then, the fingers tightened on his own, and, gradually, a smile nudged up the corners of Sasuke's mouth, and Naruto could see the defenses drop behind his eyes…

Life was beginning to dwindle in Naruto; Sasuke could see it in the boy's eyes. Even through all the rage that Kyuubi displayed, even through the maelstrom of emotion that rolled off of the fox boy like a chakra all its own, Sasuke could see it.

Naruto was dying.

Looking more deeply into his rival's eyes, he could see something bleeding away. The anger and fury that had raged so deeply within the scarlet irises slowly ebbed away like the blood in the water beneath their feet. Finally, after all the red had bled away, only blue was left. Blue that showed the real drive beneath Naruto's fury: the pain, the hurt, and the sadness that had driven him to risk letting the Kyuubi out at all, for the slightest chance of saving Sasuke. There was fear there too, swimming in the ocean iris, though Sasuke didn't understand why.

The sound of thundering water raining down upon them barely registered in the Uchiha's ears, but he was more than aware of the tears leaving burning trails down Naruto's wet and dirty face. Slowly, Sasuke extracted his hand from Naruto's stomach, hating the feel of blood sticking his fingers together. The distinct, copper odor hit his nose, and more memories engulfed his mind, different ones…of a time before Naruto. That day…that day…

"Sasuke…" Naruto tried, and the look in the blonde's eyes made his stomach wrench. He looked like a beaten child, one that didn't understand the violence against him. Couldn't understand, Sasuke thought.

"Sasu…" he shook his head slowly. "Wh-why…" A dry sob shook Naruto's body, before he threw back his head and let out a scream that chilled Sasuke's very marrow. Before that moment, he hadn't thought it possible to let out that much pain, that much feral emotion in a single sound. Naruto sounded as though he was being torn apart from the inside, heart tearing itself into pieces.

Sasuke's stomach wrenched as he saw his best friend writhe, let out a moan, and finally, look him in the eye. Those eyes…those eyes…so many memories…

He couldn't see anything. The chakra globe had begun to glow so brightly that sight was impossible, sharingan or not. He closed his eyes, let blackness take over, only to find the inside of his mind already wallpapered in memories.

The thrill of rushing toward the Konoha outcast, chidori outstretched, rasengan ready to meet it, completely ignoring Sakura's screaming to stop. The shock when he'd seen the back of the water tower completely obliterated.

"I wanted to talk to you sooner…but…"

The indignant anger in Itachi's eyes as he evaded the question of the death of his best friend, his drive to protect his own self promotion as he went down and beat the hell out of the inquirers. The secret of Mangekyou Sharingan…

"I don't want Orochimaru to take you!"

The curious, barely hopeful look in the young Naruto's eyes as he looked down on Sasuke from the main road. Sasuke drew his legs up from the side of the pier and glared back at him. Damn people…always staring…Naruto made a face back at him and kept walking…but…there had been something different. Something…the same in the dobe's eyes…

"Didn't Team Seven mean anything to you?"

The alternating cheers and disgruntled noises of his teammates the day they had been strung together…their first training exercise, when he realized that they were in a team for a reason…it had been those two, especially Naruto, that made him realize people were together at all for a reason.

"Sasuke…"

Those fingers wrapped so tightly around his own…the young, innocent Naruto in his cream shirt with the spiral on it. And Sasuke himself, in his black, oversized shirt, with his tentative eyes. There was trust, and a little bit of…care in that small, two-fingered embrace. It was a feeling he would never forget. The warmth in Naruto's eyes, the warmth that always assured him he would take care of them. Not just Sakura…but if push came to shove, he would protect Sasuke with that same ferocity. The same concern, the same care…if not more, he wondered at times.

The light had faded. Sasuke hadn't been aware of his feet touching the ground, but they were now, as he stood over Naruto. He felt the flesh-wings recede back into him, melding and blending flesh and muscle until only the holes were left in the back of his shirt. His hair shortened, and became dark once more. He felt the markings on his face disappear, felt the sharingan fade away. The power slowly receded back into the dark shadows inside of him, and then…he was just Sasuke. And in front of him, the Kyuubi was gone. Leaving just Naruto.

Naruto stretched out in front of him, laid very deliberately. As though…as though for a funeral, Sasuke's mind whispered to him. For a few moments, he felt numb. He couldn't feel the cold, wet wind across his skin, couldn't feel the breath coming in or out of his nose. The headband tied to him was very loose, and he bowed his head. Fabric slid over fabric, and then it dropped to the ground beside Naruto's mess of blond hair. The band was stained in sweat and blood, and the metal surface had a deep gauge right through the Konoha symbol. This proved it, he realized with a pang. Piece by piece…he was becoming his brother. From their manner to their headbands…they were becoming the same.

Sasuke's breath caught in his chest. The last thing that had been tying him to Konoha, his home…had finally disappeared from him. Was no longer a part of him.

"Naruto," he murmured, looking down at his rival, a sad panic beginning to rise in his chest. "I…"

Training together, eating together, always running, always fighting, always…always together. He didn't even remember when it was that they became so close. When it was that he could read Naruto's chakra and emotions like his own. When it had come to the point that he couldn't rest properly at night without knowing where Naruto was, without knowing he wasn't in trouble. When Naruto was in trouble, or was too busy training to eat, he always found distraction came easier, his concentration slipped. When had this all happened?

When had Naruto gained the ability to break his heart?

The cold drops of rain that fell onto Sasuke's sweaty forehead made him gaze skyward in to the never ending clouds. Why…why had this happened?

Was it worth it? Sasuke's inner voice taunted him. Was it worth it, you bastard? Was it worth killing your best friend, just to gain a power your brother – your twisted, homicidal brother - told you you should have? Sasuke hated it…not the thoughts themselves, but the fact that he honestly couldn't give an answer either way.

He looked down at Naruto's face, cold and blank, and for the first time in four years, he felt tears burning behind his nose, and beginning to blur his vision. He could almost feel the pain flood into his gaze, the sorrow, and the desperation. The desperation at needing to understand himself, the need to be forgiven by someone who had the most right to never do so. Naruto…

"Augh-" he hissed as his hand flew to his arm, the pain there so great that he fell to his knees in the now-muddy ground, closer to Naruto's face. He coughed out blood, drops of it splattering in his rival's sun-stained blond hair. The dry sobs that had plagued Naruto in the chakra sphere now infected his own chest, and he found his mouth screwing up against tears that he was trying so hard not to let fall. After a moment, his mouth relaxed, and he forgot whether it was tears or rain running down his face. He stared down into the closed eyes of the fox-boy, trying to understand. Trying to understand himself, and trying to understand Naruto.

With one hand, he wiped the blood from Naruto's hair, and braced himself directly above the fox-boy's face. His eyes scanned every part – the dark blond lashes that always framed the bright blue eyes like thick plants around a pond…the tan skin born from the sun exposure, each and every brown birthmark on his skin, down to the unsmiling mouth, which looked so wrong on the exuberant boy's face that Sasuke couldn't stand to look at it for too long. For some reason, the memory of their "accident" came back to him…their first kiss. It had been Sasuke's first and only, but on nights when the Avenger left him to ponder his softer side, that memory came up again and again. Even there, Naruto had been warm.

One hand came up, and stroked the three whisker-scars on Naruto's left cheek. Sasuke let his fingertips glide over the skin, remembering. They had always been oddly affectionate for rivaling boys. Affectionate in a competitive, brotherly nature. But…he knew they weren't brothers, despite what Naruto said. Their relationship went deeper than that, deeper than anything he'd ever seen before. He wasn't sure what it was, but that didn't matter, not now...not anymore. His face screwed up again, holding back a sob in his throat.

The dobe had been his best friend. His complete opposite in each and every way, down to their appearance. People could always tell Naruto's healthy suntanned skin from Sasuke's pale moon-lit complexion; his raven colored hair as opposed to Naruto's golden strands. Even their clothing was different, with the fox's affinity for orange, while unwritten Uchiha code nearly demanded he wear downplayed tones. Yet, apart from being his complete opposite, the dead-last had been the closest thing Sasuke had had to an equal, and had retained very, very scary similarities to the Avenger himself. Someone had once told Sasuke that eyes were the window the soul…wasn't it funny that when both Naruto and Sasuke were in their element, fighting, their eyes turned the same color?

He leant down and pressed his forehead to Naruto's, feeling the wet, cold metal cut into his skin. It wasn't worth it…this…pain…his felt his teeth gather the skin of his lip between them, biting down hard in order to stop more tears from flowing down through Naruto's hair. Naruto's scent, warm and familiar, was already invading Sasuke's clothing and nose, and he knew that it would be a long time before he forgot that smell. He ran his fingers over the scars on his cheek again, and moved his face up farther, so that his cheek rested against the dobe's.

"Naruto…I'm sorry…I…" He drew in a deep breath, and drew his lips over the metal guard of the headband, leaving his own beside his best friend as he walked away, leaving the rain to wash his trail away into memory behind him.