A/N: Hello, this is my first iCarly fic, it's a series of related seddie oneshots, basically a series of awkward moments ( although not necessarily awkward for Sam and Freddie), they will be in order of occurrence in this timeline, it starts in the middle of junior year. Disregards the shows seddie arch.

Chapter 1

Malfunction

Carly POV

Another web cast down, and I am beat. This week was nothing but tests and assignments, I may like school but midterms can go do something inappropriate to themselves. I just want some peace and quiet time, maybe a nap now that the weekends here although at the moment that seems anything but possible.

Exhibit's A and B : Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson, my best friends in this world and beyond and of course there they are right after the show glaring at each other, heatedly speaking, and by the look of Sam's annoyance and the redness of Freddie's face they are on the cusp, yes cusp, of starting a most likely petty argument that I'm too tired to get in the middle of, so I just resign myself to watching from the bean bag I had launched myself on the moment Freddie said good show.

By the looks of it I had the best seat in the house to another good show, Sam vs. Freddie, the show comes on every day and everyone knows the rules, stay out of it no matter what, the only person that can survive an interference is the referee i.e. me and right now I'm on break and the gloves may very well be coming off.

Freddie got up and walked toward Sam quickly calming his demeanor as he spoke " Give me the remote Sam." He gestured to the blue remote in Sam's hand, a staple to every iCarly web cast and one of Sam's prized possessions. Because of this calmly asking for it was going to get him nowhere.

Sam narrowed her eyes before retorting. "My remote dipthong, I don't have to give you squat."

"The sound's messed up Sam, just let me check it over." Again Freddie was keeping up a cool demeanor he hadn't yelled or screamed or even looked frustrated, and good for him on that I'm glad to see one of them can keep a cool head with the other now. I guess we are growing up.

" I think its hysterical." Then again maybe not all of us.

" Yeah, I'm sure you do Sam but we can't have millions of kids running around talking about random pantsing when it should be random dancing just because you won't let me fix the damn remote !" Well that lasted no time at all! I rolled my eyes at the scene, way to go Freddie I think two minutes is the record for how long you and Sam can avoid getting shouty during a argument.

I saw Freddie run his hand through his hair in an exasperated Freddie sort of way as he looked over for Sam's response. I followed his lead looking at Sam for her reaction but I couldn't find a trace of her prior anger, in its place was a smile of amusement as she said " I don't know Freddork we could just randomly pants you next week, you know a segment that's embarrassing for you and hilarious for all others." I watched as Sam laughed at her own thought and Freddie oddly enough just cocked an eyebrow and smirked, his patented "oh really" look before responding.

" Wow Sam, I didn't think you would go to so much trouble just to get me out of my pants." Freddie Benson, please tell me you did not just say that...honestly, I'm really starting to think that Freddie doesn't value his life as much as he should.

I looked over at Sam who again just smiled as she walked a few steps closer to Freddie. I started to get up to intervene as Sam lifted her arm.

What would it be? A slap, a punch, she was going slower than normal or maybe my mind put the scene in slow motion for me either way it lead up to nothing. No hit, no slap, she put her hand on his shoulder and I could see him flinch as though he was hit not trusting that he was in the clear, and I'm sitting back down on the bean bag wondering where Sam is going with this.

I watch and then wish I had looked away.

Freddie seemed to swallow a breath as Sam ran both her hands down his chest, hooking her fingers into his belt loops as she brought him in closer by the hip. She looked at him her voice dropping to a register I'd never heard her use before.

" Fredward, if mamma wanted to get you out of your pants, they'd be off." Freddie just stared down at Sam his eyes darting up and dow…oh my, he's checking her out isn't he I mean they are an inch apart and he's looking down which means he's looking at, uhh never mind, time to look away.

I turned myself around, some things I just don't need to see, or apparently understand because whatever they are doing now literally behind my back I can't begin to unravel.

Sometimes I think they forget I'm here, right here. Five feet away while Sam tells Freddie how good of a pants dropper she is.

I can't wait on this, I turn to get them to stop " Guys…" All of a sudden there's a respectable three feet between them and there is no inappropriate touching.

Sam just looks at me smiling as if nothing just happened " Hey Carly I'm starved can we order some pizza?"

Freddie scoffed " Nothing new there Puckett"

"Shut it nub!"

Way to ignore the elephant in the room you guys, I looked over at Freddie hoping to get something out of him as Sam exited the studio " Anything to say Freddie?"

Nothing, a blank stare as he keeps his eye on the studio door Sam had just walked through. He just smiles at me, that last smirk still gracing his lips.

" Nope, but pizza sounds good."

I think I need a shower, and possibly some new friends.

A/N That's it for now, this first chapter was a bit short but most will be a bit longer.