I made a choice once, and some will say I chose wrongly. It was a choice
between love and loneliness, a choice between happiness and misery. Others
will tell you I made a different choice, choosing evil over good. They know
nothing. Good, evil, they were just side effects, conditions. They weren't
what it was all about. And I chose love. Tell me, wouldn't you do the same?
It seemed so easy at the time, though I wonder now, knowing what I do if I was right. I wasn't prepared for so much of what happened, the changes in him, the distance. Expecting my lover I got someone I barely knew, and even with that I still loved him, gave him all I had. I gave my soul to his dark queen, direct enemy of my prince, of the prince he was supposed to serve. Even that, that ultimate betrayal I did gladly for him. I wonder what I expected in return? I can't remember. Certainly not what I got, cold touches, and condescending smiles, control and expected perfection. I learned slowly to accept this icy god who had once been my proud but romantic companion, eventually I forgot there had ever been anything else.
I suppose before speaking of what it became I should tell you what it once was, of the love we once had. How to describe it? Should I tell you of how standing next to me, his calm words would tame my own fire, how more than once he was all that kept me under control, all that kept me from doing harm to those who did not deserve it? Let me remind you this is before he used those same words to push me further. Shall I speak of all the times, late at night, that I would wake up shaking from dreams and memories of the past and his arms around me would tell me that I was safe, that he would murmur soft reassurances until I remembered I was loved. How strange to think of what it became, how reassurance turned to impatient dismissals, how his arms stopped meaning safety and started meaning ownership. How once his beloved I became simply his.
It seemed so easy at the time, though I wonder now, knowing what I do if I was right. I wasn't prepared for so much of what happened, the changes in him, the distance. Expecting my lover I got someone I barely knew, and even with that I still loved him, gave him all I had. I gave my soul to his dark queen, direct enemy of my prince, of the prince he was supposed to serve. Even that, that ultimate betrayal I did gladly for him. I wonder what I expected in return? I can't remember. Certainly not what I got, cold touches, and condescending smiles, control and expected perfection. I learned slowly to accept this icy god who had once been my proud but romantic companion, eventually I forgot there had ever been anything else.
I suppose before speaking of what it became I should tell you what it once was, of the love we once had. How to describe it? Should I tell you of how standing next to me, his calm words would tame my own fire, how more than once he was all that kept me under control, all that kept me from doing harm to those who did not deserve it? Let me remind you this is before he used those same words to push me further. Shall I speak of all the times, late at night, that I would wake up shaking from dreams and memories of the past and his arms around me would tell me that I was safe, that he would murmur soft reassurances until I remembered I was loved. How strange to think of what it became, how reassurance turned to impatient dismissals, how his arms stopped meaning safety and started meaning ownership. How once his beloved I became simply his.