One day, baby Goten was lying in his cot staring blankly at the ceiling, feeling rather discontented with his life so far. Hardly surprising when you consider that his average day consisted of this; food goes in, food comes out. Neither of which he had any control over. The somewhat unappetising slop that he was being fed, and later using to decorate his nappy with, was hardly a sufficient diet for a young half-Saiyan lad.
With Goku... well, let's not beat about the bush here, dead, and Gohan locked in the basement working through a mountain of study books, Chi-Chi had all but forgotten that her little son was practically a monkey. She had been feeding him regular, everyday, supermarket baby food. Unacceptable. Goten had been considering an escape from this wretched existence, to go in pursuit of finer things, for some weeks now. Unfortunately, he had struck upon a problem in his calculations; one vital thing was evading him, the ability to walk.
His list of achievements so far had included learning to scream so bloody loud the walls shook, and learning to crap his pants. Walking, it seemed, would prove quite the challenge. Grabbing the bars of his cot, Goten summoned his strength and hauled himself to his feet. Still holding the bars, he bounced up and down a bit and gave out a little giggle, much in the way a baby would, to signify that he was pleased with this accomplishment. That done, he decided to attempt the next step. Leaping high in the air, he performed a double back somersault and landed on his hands on the floor. Leading out of this, he executed a series of backflips that led him right out of the window. If only it had been open...
Goten now sat outside the window looking rather bemused as he brushed the shattered glass out of his hair. Another babyish giggle denoted that he found his progress satisfactory. Now, after that astonishing feat, walking doesn't really seem like such a tall order, does it? Well, unsurprisingly, (and very conveniently for the purposes of this story), it wasn't. Goten stood up and walked off.
A little way down the road, Goten stopped, realising he had absolutely no idea where he was going. He sat down in the middle of the dirt track road to contemplate this point and settle upon a direction to take. With a rumble of his stomach, he remembered his cause and, just as he decided to make his quest one for a decent feed, he was hit by a car.
Now, whereas a normal baby would have been decapitated on impact from this head-to-bumper collision, Goten, taking after his father, has a head as hard as diamond. The car bonnet smashed open, much in the way it would if it had hit ... oh say, a tree. The driver, who quite obviously hadn't been wearing his seat belt, (let this be a lesson to you), was catapulted through the windscreen and landed several feet in front of where Goten sat.
Goten was still in deep thought, and it wasn't until he saw the rather crumpled looking man land in front of him that he realised the cause of the slight tickle in the back of his head. He scratched it, and brushed out some more broken glass, before walking over to the man, who was now lying face down in the dirt, apparently unable to move.
'Help me...' the man croaked as Goten approached him. 'Please...' he coughed as he spoke '...help me.'
Goten cocked his head to one side and looked sympathetically into the man's eyes. His tiny mind could not yet comprehend the pain that the man was in. He giggled as he stole his wallet and mobile phone. For a second he could have sworn he saw a little cricket dressed in top hat and tails giving him a disapproving look, but he put it down to the funny smelling smoke that comes up from the basement where Gohan 'studies'.
He walked a little further down the road, just far enough so he could no longer hear the pained cries of the dying driver, and stopped to examine his new toys. Inside the wallet Goten found lots of pieces of paper with peoples faces on them, they didn't taste good, but he liked the pretty pictures so he closed the wallet and stuffed it in his nappy. Looking at the phone, Goten vaguely recognised the numbers as something that Chi-Chi had tried to teach him shortly after his birth. It wasn't a fond memory, Goten mashed the keypad with contempt. This having been a rather mindless act, he was surprised to learn that it provoked a response, the phone began to ring. As Goten edged closer to the phone, intrigued by the ringing noise, he heard a voice...
'Hi, welcome to the Get-a-Date chat line, we have thousands of hot girls waiting to take your call...'
Goten's eyebrows raised as the tone of the woman's voice struck a chord. He quickly pressed the red button and disconnected the call. He sat back and blinked a few times before adopting the same bemused look he'd been wearing most of the day. He leant forward and tried again, pressing the keys more carefully, but still completely at random. Purely by coincidence, (and because this story's going nowhere fast), it was a familiar voice that answered.
'What do you want?' snapped Vegeta, dispensing with the usual pleasantries.
Goten recognised the voice as the father of his play pal, Trunks. 'Chunks.' he replied, in an infantile attempt to pronounce his friend's name.
'Urgh, I don't have time to waste talking to a stupid baby.' growled Vegeta as he threw the phone over his shoulder and stormed off to wax his legs. Quite by chance, (I know this is weak), the phone landed in Trunks' playpen.
Now, just for argument's sake, let's pretend that 'Rugrats' is true to life and that babies really can understand each other.
'Hello?' Trunks said into the UFO that had just landed at his feet.
'Hi Trunks, its Goten.'
'Oh, hi Goten, what's up?'
'Um...' Goten thinks back to just before his head became a car park '... I want food.'
'Huh, doesn't your Mom feed you?'
'Um... I want good food!'
'Oh, okay, sounds like fun, where are you?'
'Um... on a road, near my house.'
'Okay, wait there, I'll be there real soon.'