"So Shaggy, what do you think about Scooby Snacks?" Asked a show host "Well to be honest" said Shaggy "Scooby Snacks have like a lot of like side effects like that we didn't know about." "Please elaborate Shaggy." said the host "Well, turns out 99% of the ingredients in Scooby Snacks cause cancer" said Shaggy "Did Scooby know about this?" asked the host "Why don't you ask him yourself?" answered Shaggy "EEEARAFUFKVLKUVLKDGLIGISCLI!" sputtered Scooby, who has been reduced to a shriveled corpse with two enormous testicle tumors that had become sentient and also have legs "The doctors say that he's like totally fucked like that's not hyperbole, those were their exact words." said Shaggy "They were like Yo this dudes more fucked than a trip to the bar with Bill Cosby, but somebody cloned him and the clone was the bartender, but there are more clones filling the entire bar, there is no one else, just Bill Cosby, also the police are clones as well, also an army of clones have eliminated all other human life and now have the power and resources to do whatever they want, and they're all on super viagra, but god and satan are also Bill Cosby, so even if you're fucked to death then you still get fucked in the afterlife, but there's only hell, and the ultimate punishment is having to go to the bar with bill cosby, but the only drink they have is Hawaiian Punch Berry Blue Typhoon, THAT'S how fucked he is, except as it turns out, all of the Bill Cosby's are omnipotent time lords who trap you in an infinite timeline of such complete and total ass fucking that you lose all mind and body function." "Oh god, not Hawaiian Punch Berry Blue Typhoon." said the host "I know right?" said Shaggy in response "Of course you know." said the announcer "Everybody knows what Hawaiian Punch Berry Blue Typhoon is used for, it's just obvious." "Like of course" said Shaggy "I like, didn't mean to like, imply that it wasn't, like, obvious, like, everybody knows how serious that is, my bad dude." "It's alright Shaggy, but I do have one last question for you." said the host "What is it?" asked Shaggy "Why don't you have cancer?" "Well" said shaggy "It's cause I smoke like, a dickload of marijuanal." "Ummm…" said the host in confusion "How did that help?" "You didn't know?" asked Shaggy "Weed cures cancer proportional to the the severity of the cancer and the amount of weed." "Wow" said the host "That was surprisingly intelligent. Wait, but you said it was 99% cancer causing." "Yeah" said Shaggy in response "But you ate hundreds of thousands of Scooby Snacks ™ during your life." said the host "Yeah" said Shaggy "That would mean that you would have had to smoke, according to our calculations, 12,000,000 oz of weed." said the host "Yeah" said shaggy "Um Shaggy." said the host "Yeah" said shaggy "Smoking weed is illegal." "Yeah" "We've already called the police." "Yeah. Yeah. . . . . . . ."Shaggy continued on without end, his countless marijuana uses had completely fried his brain, the police arrived 5 minutes later and Shaggy was deemed insane by doctors and was sent to an asylum where after 10 years of constantly saying "Yeah" he was finally lobotomized after all other methods failed, Scooby Doo's scrotum however, went on to find international fame as a mystery author. Shaggy Died at the age of 43 because the only thing he ever did since the lobotomy was mumble gibberish and occasionally beg for death, a doctor euthanized him illegally and was arrested, he had done this with many other patients and had never been caught, he was responsible for one of the largest mass murders in history with 39 victims. His sentence to death sparked a movement for legal euthanization, but they were met with a lot of opposition, this began a genocide of all people that believed in euthanization but gradually went out of control and they just started killing everyone who believed in killing, hypocritical I know, but they wouldn't see reason, their leader was as charming as the devil himself, it was Scooby's scrot, who was enraged at the murder of his life partner. Today, we live in a controlled environment, no one can harm anyone else or express any controversial thought or face life imprisonment, however, if one were to harm another, no one could stop you without breaking the law themselves, even though there has never been a case for this so far, it is an interesting theory about the flaws of our society, and a reflection of the human microcosm that is error. And that concludes my thoughts on american History." said Billy "Very interesting speech Billy." said Mrs. Betsy, Billy's 1st grade teacher, "Well that's all for today class, the remaining speeches will be given tomorrow." "Awww man." said the other students "Mrs. Betsy I don't wanna!" complained one of the children, but the bell rang and the kids all went home. "Hmmm." said Mrs. Betsy "Very interesting indeed." she opened her laptop and opened up a private call with somebody "What is it?" asked the man on the screen "It's one of my students." said Mrs. Betsy "He's been expressing some controversial Ideas." "Will he interfere with our plans?" asked the man "I don't know, it's too early too tell." said Mrs Betsy "Well" said the man "Keep a close eye on him, phase 3 is almost complete, we don't need anymore setbacks." "Of course sir." said Mrs. Betsy who ended the call.