A/N: I know I said I wouldn't write another story before the S5 finale, but with RL being weird & complicated I needed an escape, so here it is :) This is an unbetad, spur-of-the-moment fic, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. When I was proofreading it I noticed I kept writing Denzo instead of Enzo, so anything is possible lol
Summary: Post 5x13-ish. Damon and Elena have to deal with pervasive consequences of all the damage Katherine has caused, including the tragic turn of events that now makes one of them a lethal threat to the other. Enlisting Enzo's help, Elena will stop at nothing to prevent the worst from happening, but is love and friendship enough to save all of them? Sometimes it's the right choices that turn out to be deadliest. DELENA.
I'm skipping over the technicalities of Katherine dying/Elena coming back, because a) we all know that's going to happen anyway, b) OK, the real reason is that this story would be too long if I didn't haha, c) & I want to post all the chapters (there are just 5 of them anyway) before our show returns on the 27th, d) I think right now we all crave DE together angst more than DE apart angst ;)
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries belongs to L.J. Smith & CW. The title is a paraphrase of a line from Robert Frost's poem Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.
Before We Sleep
Chapter 1
"Elena..."
Damon repeated her name for what felt to Elena like a hundredth time.
His voice was barely audible, but persistent, a breathless whisper that seemed to beckon her in the darkness like a faint but inextinguishable ray of light and each time she heard him say her name she found it a little easier to breathe, easier to hear, easier to move.
When Elena opened her eyes it was still dark around her. The cold wind was brushing over her skin, lightly tugging on her hair, but she couldn't feel anything apart from the intensity of his gaze, his eyes boring into hers, dark with determination, hope and so much pain and love that she just wanted to wrap her arms around him and stay like that forever, never letting go.
"Damon," she mouthed his name, drawing a breath. Her hands curling up, she noticed that he was holding her hands in his.
There was a grimace that passed through his face that nearly broke her heart, because it seemed to convey everything she had felt for the last several weeks when she had been locked up in complete darkness, in unbreakable silence, only able to be a powerless witness to everything that was happening around 'her'. All the hurtful words that 'she' had said that weren't hers. All the damage 'she' had caused that wasn't her doing. All the pain 'she' had inflicted she would've never allowed for. And she didn't know if it was a curse or a blessing that this state hadn't lasted and soon she had lost any consciousness of what had been happening around 'her' and was just left hanging in the darkness that seemed to stretch in all directions, drowning her in solitary silence.
One of Damon's hands slipped out of Elena's grip and she felt panic rise up inside her like it had risen up that night in his arms when she had suddenly felt excruciating pain tear through her. It had felt like she was being pushed out of every part of her body, out of her every thought, all at once.
But this time the panic subsided and the darkness didn't drag her into the empty abyss. Instead, Damon just used his free hand to pull the dagger that was stuck in her chest out of her body. He tossed it away, his hand returning to hers, his eyes fixed on her face with attentiveness that used to puzzle her before it became the most reliable aspect of her world.
When Elena whispered his name again, Damon wondered how he could have ever missed the lack of this warmth in her voice that night when 'she' had told him that they were over. It seemed so clear now, so obvious that it wasn't her, that it couldn't have been her, that she couldn't have said it.
He looked into her eyes that were now filled with tears, with dismay and sadness that suddenly transformed itself into breathtaking relief, into silent elation and without thinking, ignoring the guilt of the last weeks weighing on his shoulders, with hands that felt so dirty he knew he shouldn't dare touching her right now, Damon grabbed Elena by the shoulders and pulled her into an embrace, crushing her to him, sliding his fingers into her hair, cradling her head against his chest, kissing the side of her face, whispering her name.
Elena's arms locked around him and Damon's heart clenched when she clung to him, whispered his name between stifled sobs, shuddered in his arms. His breath caught in his throat. There was no other feeling in this world he knew equally well as the feeling that rushed through him when he was holding her. The familiarity of her voice, of her words that she had been saying, shouting between laughs, panting, whispering to him all summer was now enveloping him anew and he couldn't help sinking into the sensation, into the safety of her closeness, of her feelings emanating off her eyes when she looked at him, pulsating on her lips when she kissed him.
They both seemed to forget that there were other people around them.
Bonnie glanced at Caroline whose thoughts must have been mirroring hers, she thought, when she noticed the expression on Caroline's face. They both wondered how they could have ever believed that lightheartedly indifferent, detached post-break-up attitude. Jeremy closed his eyes, trapping the tears of joy under his eyelids. Bonnie squeezed his hand and he looked at her, returning her smile as radiantly as he could. Matt draped his arm over Caroline's shoulders half-jocularly ordering her to smile. She bit her lip, trying to fulfill his request, but failing miserably and bursting into tears instead.
Stefan watched the scene in front of him through half-hooded eyes, a part of him so completely at peace, so indescribably glad and relieved – but another part unable to stop replaying the last weeks' events with bitter acknowledgment of his wishful thinking-induced naivety.
Elena looked up at Damon and smiled through her tears, her hands clenching around his shoulders.
Stefan wondered what she was going to say when she would learn about all the latest events, about threatening Bonnie, Jeremy almost dying again. About Aaron Whitmore.
But then Damon pressed his lips to Elena's, not exactly kissing her, but just keeping his lips on hers while holding her in his arms and she cupped his face in her hands, nails digging in his skin hard enough to draw blood, tears rolling down her cheeks, and Stefan thought that maybe they were all underestimating what was between Damon and Elena, that maybe there was nothing they wouldn't forgive each other for.
Elena's lips skimmed across Damon's face and she whispered into his ear: "I heard every word." She pressed her cheek to his, tears trapped in between their skin. Damon opened his eyes wide for a second before a smile that flickered across his face turned into a wry, resigned grimace and he closed his eyes again, pressing Elena as close to him as possible. She snuggled her face into his neck, her lips grazing his skin when she whispered the words she had wanted to say, the words he had hoped to hear that night when they had been torn apart.
Out of the corner of his eye, Stefan noticed a movement and shifted his eyes to Enzo who took a step backwards as if suddenly feeling out of place, that cynical glint gone from his gaze, replaced by some kind of confusion, regret, maybe envy, Stefan wasn't sure what exactly, but he was sure all their problems were most likely not going to end with Katherine's long overdue demise.
"That's really heartwarming and all, but I really think we need to go now," Enzo said, squinting.
"Well, fortunately, no one really cares what you think," Stefan replied immediately and Caroline's eyes darted to him. She exchanged a look with Bonnie and Jeremy before slowly making her way toward Stefan who held Enzo's gaze without blinking.
Enzo's lips stretched into a crooked, humorless half-smile. "I think they need an update," he said, catching Damon's grim gaze.
Elena glanced between them. "What's going on?" She asked quietly, her hands still anchored on Damon's shoulders.
"Our latest nemesis Dr. Wes stabbed me with his super-serum," Damon said with a wry grimace, his hand lingering on Elena's arm a moment longer before it slowly slid off her hand.
Elena widened her eyes at him. "What?"
Damon stood up, helping Elena rise to her feet as well, her eyes never shifting away from him in the process.
"What serum?" Bonnie asked, confused, looking to Jeremy who shook his head and shrugged, not knowing the answer either.
"A cannibal serum," Enzo said, looking between everyone. "Makes vampires feed on vampires. Although 'feed' is probably a slight understatement," he added with a mirthless snort.
Caroline looked at Stefan who was glaring at Enzo as if he was somehow responsible for what had happened.
"Is there an antidote?" Elena asked, turning her gaze back to Damon, grasping his shoulders.
"Not any that we know of," Enzo replied. "And apparently, a true love's kiss can't do the trick either," he snarled weakly.
He wanted to add something yet, but was caught off guard when Stefan suddenly zoomed toward him and snapped his neck.
"Sorry, I just can't stand the guy," Stefan said in a low voice glancing grimly between everyone. Caroline gave him a faint smile. "Let's go home and talk there."
"That's a great idea," Caroline agreed. "But I need to do something first," she added in a suddenly faltering voice and with a teary grimace on her face threw her arms over Elena. Damon took a step back.
Bonnie quickly joined the hug. "We're so sorry," she whispered.
Caroline nodded. "We should've figured it out sooner."
"It's OK," Elena said, smiling through her tears and drawing back, freeing one of her hands and grabbing Damon's hand before he stepped further away. Their eyes locked and Bonnie and Caroline exchanged a look, releasing Elena from their embrace.
Jeremy nodded, giving Elena quick hug as well. "It's good to have you back," he said and snorted brokenly at the sentence that both conveyed exactly what he felt and yet couldn't possibly describe the extent of how happy he felt in this moment.
Elena smiled back before shifting her eyes to Stefan who took a few hesitant steps toward them. "It is," he seconded Jeremy's words with a faint, warm smile. "And I wanted to apologize," he added with a small sigh. Elena shook her head in confusion.
"She... I... I didn't want to... I mean, it wasn't my fault, I wasn't-"
"Stefan, it's OK," Elena said with a soft smile, sensing the utter discomfort in his tone. "Whatever happened, it's OK," she added, hoping that this would settle the matter, whatever it was, but then Damon cut in.
"Excuse me, but... what wasn't your fault, exactly?" Damon asked acidly, tilting his head to the side.
Stefan averted his eyes for a second before glancing at Damon and then looking back at Elena with a slightly embarrassed frown. "She... kissed me and I... kissed her back."
And then Bonnie and Jeremy just rolled their eyes while Caroline's widened in indignation when Damon, without removing one hand from around Elena's, used his free hand to punch Stefan in the face.
"Damon," Elena said in what Caroline considered to be way too mild a tone of mere exasperation.
"Seriously?!" Caroline exclaimed, glaring at Damon. "Did you just punch him because he kissed fake Elena who broke up with you?!"
"He didn't know it wasn't Elena," Damon snapped.
"But he knew she broke up with you," Caroline retorted parodying the melody of his voice.
"She didn't," Damon said through his teeth and then drew a sharp intake of breath and seemed to hold it without breathing out for a long time.
Elena looked at him and felt a wave of warmth cascade over her at the expression that flashed through his face, as if it was only now, when he had said the words out loud, that he realized what they meant.
"Caroline, I kind of deserved that," Stefan said in a reconciliatory tone.
"No, you didn't," Caroline insisted.
"Weren't we suppose to go home?" Bonnie intervened, shooting Caroline a meaningful look.
"Should I put him in one of the cars?" Jeremy asked, gesturing to Enzo.
Damon gave him a small nod before sweeping Elena into his arms and carried her away.
She gasped in surprise, but then just slid her arms around his neck and rested her forehead against the side of his face, feeling him relax under her touch.
"You shouldn't have hit him," Elena said softly, her lips brushing against his cheek as she spoke.
"I know," Damon replied immediately with a brief grimace and she smiled weakly.
She watched his profile for a while, tracing with her eyes all the lines on his face like she was mentally tracing memories, all the dark moments when he was always by her side and all the bright mornings they had shared this summer.
"I'm all yours, only yours," Elena whispered against his skin. On an impulse, feeling a tremor run through him, she moved her mouth to his ear. "Every piece of my heart, every inch of my body-"
Next thing she knew, she was back on her feet, locked in his arms, her lips captured in a passionate kiss that she returned with desperate ferocity, through this kiss letting go of all the fear and grief she had felt these past few weeks petrified that what she had lost was lost forever.
Somehow it was only now, with Elena trembling in his arms, her lips molding into his, that the full realization came upon Damon, that what had marked the end of hope and happiness had never actually happened, that it hadn't been real. That it was this moment now that was real. Elena kissing him, clinging to him, whispering that she loved him. That was real. She was real. They were real.
"Great," Caroline said dryly, looking toward Damon and Elena while Matt was putting still unconscious Enzo into his car. "She's practically back from the dead and instead of being taken care of she has to be taking care of his jealousy issues."
"That's the way they were behaving all summer, I'm not sure it has anything to do with jealousy specifically," Jeremy muttered non-committally.
Bonnie snorted. "Yeah, when I was a ghost, spying on them was kind of traumatizing."
Jeremy grimaced with disgust and stepped into the car.
xxxdelenaxxx
Once they got to the boarding house, Stefan carried Enzo downstairs to lock him up in one of the cells, but before Elena had a chance to start questioning the validity of exact reasons for that, her attention was drawn to Stefan opening another cell and shifting his mildly questioning gaze to Damon.
Elena blinked, when Damon's fingers began sliding out of hers.
"Wait, what are you doing?" She asked, quickly closing her hand, refusing to let go of his.
"Elena..." Stefan started gently. "Until we find the way to fix this- until we find the antidote, it's better-"
"No," Elena interrupted him, her eyes darting to Damon, who wasn't looking at her, his expression grim, but there was more to the look on his face than just sadness and Elena's heart clenched painfully as she started wondering what else, what more had happened during those weeks that she had missed. All she knew was what Katherine had been doing. She had been aware of her every move, of everything she had done and said while pretending to be her, but she had no knowledge of events happening when and where Katherine had not been present. "I just got you back," Elena whispered, feeling fresh tears well up in her eyes when he looked at her with that glint of decisiveness in his eyes that she knew only too well.
Damon gritted his teeth, tearing his eyes away from her. "Stefan's right," he said in a strangely even, hushed voice. "Although instead of staying locked up, I think it'd be better if I went to find it myself. I'd rather you stay away from Dr. Hyde," he said wryly.
"He already knows about us," Stefan said with a shrug. "Doesn't matter if you're out or not. But I think limiting the number of dead vampires while searching for the antidote might help keeping a low profile."
"Yes, but we can search for the antidote together," Elena said earnestly.
"Elena, I can't control it," Damon said tonelessly. "I can hurt you."
"You won't," Elena replied immediately and Damon winced, a mirthless, bitter snort passing through his face.
Stefan exhaled slowly, but said nothing.
"Could we go upstairs and just talk for a few moments?" Elena asked, sensing that there was something hanging in the air that they weren't telling her.
"Frankly, I don't think that's a good idea," Stefan said dejectedly.
Elena looked at Damon who seemed to agree with Stefan and somehow this frustrated her more than anything.
"I just spent six weeks knowing people I care about suffer and being unable to do anything about it. Please don't make me feel like this nightmare hasn't ended," Elena said in a firm, determined voice, looking between them.
She braced herself for an argument, but neither of them said anything, so with cautious relief she tightened her hold on Damon's hand and pulled him with her out of the basement.
When they walked into their bedroom, she closed the door and turned to him.
"You didn't try to feed on any of us just yet, so maybe it's not that bad?" She asked hopefully, deciding to tackle the most urgent matter first.
Damon turned toward her, but his strangely listless gaze kept wandering off, as if he was afraid to look her straight in the eye. "Not being hungry helps. But it doesn't last for long. An hour at most," he added with a sour, self-loathing half-smile that began to upset Elena more and more.
She looked at him, wondering why now, after everything that had happened, now that they were finally alone, he was standing a few feet away from her, not even looking directly at her, that ardent joy she had seen in his eyes when she had returned to herself, now transformed into this perplexing, utter sadness that seemed so engraved into his features, making it almost hard to believe he had ever been able to smile in a happy, carefree way.
Biting her lip, Elena marched up to him and slapped him.
Somehow he seemed simultaneously startled and not surprised at all. But at least his eyes glided to her and remained focused on her and he didn't look away when she spoke.
"How could you believe what she said?" Elena asked, hoping to say everything she wanted to say in a steady voice, but as it turned out, her voice broke in the middle of the very first sentence. "How could you think I could say those things to you?" Elena drew a breath, trying to blink back the tears, but causing them to roll down her cheeks even faster instead. "How could you think that after running to you, throwing myself into your arms, clinging to you, after listening to what you said, how you said it, I could possibly respond in such a cold, matter-of-fact, cruel way?" She trailed off, failing at stifling a sob that seemed ripped out straight from her soul.
Damon stared at her with tears in his eyes that wouldn't fall, but were making the mournful, dismayed, disconsolate look on his face even more striking. "I don't know," he said in a barely audible voice.
"I love you so much," Elena whispered ardently, choking on her tears. "How could you not see that I wasn't looking at you that night the way I'm looking at you right now?" She asked in a trembling whisper, shaking from crying, her eyes shining with what only for a moment seemed like anger, but then it melted into the expression of agonizing pain.
There was so much he needed to tell her, so much he thought she should know before even wishing to speak to him again, but in that moment everything ceased to matter and nothing seemed capable of undermining what burned with such strength between them.
And so without giving it any proper thought, Damon flung himself forward, pulled Elena into his arms and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. His fingers tangled in her hair when he angled her head to the side to deepen the kiss.
Elena kissed him back with unrestrained passion that sent hot shivers across his skin when she slid her hands under his shirt, impatiently pulling it off his shoulders.
He dragged his mouth across her cheek, tasting her tears that seemed to remind him about something and he broke another heated kiss, seizing her by the arms and whispering with as much coherence as he could muster that there was something he needed to tell her, that there was so many things he needed to tell her-
But she shook her head, silencing him with a kiss, pressing herself closer to him. He held her face in his hands and sprinkled soft kisses all over her cheeks, eyelids, her forehead, not sure anymore if telling her about what had happened in the last few weeks was dictated by the desire to do the right thing by her or rather just a selfish wish to soothe his conscience, solicit an absolution before-
"I need this," Elena breathed against his lips, as if reading his thoughts and when he looked into her eyes he saw that she was at least suspecting the dark words or deeds he wanted to confess, but deliberately wished to postpone hearing about them. "I need this right now. I feel so..." she trailed off with a broken sigh, clutching his shoulder with one hand, her other hand skimming over the skin of his neck, "dirty," she said almost inaudibly. "It was so disgusting, horrifying, having her be me. I can't explain it, but it was just... I just... I need to feel that this is me again, Damon. I need to feel like myself again," she whispered in a faltering voice, looking between his eyes and his mouth.
Damon looked at her, a lingering doubt that he was taking advantage of the situation evaporating under the intensity of Elena's gaze. Without breaking the eye contact with her, he traced the outline of her face with the backs of his fingers and she leaned her head into his touch. He pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders and starting at the corner of her mouth, brushed his lips across hers and then began kissing his way down her neck while disposing of the remaining pieces of fabric separating them.
Tenderly, she brought his head back to the level of her face and kissed him. He leaned his forehead against hers and they both opened their eyes, looking at each other with their lips inches apart, their breathing becoming more labored with every second.
"I missed you," Damon murmured, trailing his fingers up her back. "I missed telling you that I love you." He sifted his hand through her hair with a small grimace. "I love you, Elena," he whispered and Elena gave him a brief, bright smile that made the remnants of tears escape from under her eyelids. She blinked and then closed her eyes when he drew back only to slant his lips across hers, crashing her to him and shutting off the darkness around them with kisses that ignited brightness under her eyelids and brought tranquility despite their feverish harshness.
xxxdelenaxxx
Bonnie gave Caroline a questioning look when she came back into the room, slumped into a chair and said nothing.
"Is Elena OK? Are they still talking?" Bonnie prompted, glancing at Stefan, Jeremy and Matt who were also looking at Caroline.
Caroline huffed in slight exasperation. "Well, whatever they were talking about, it looks like Damon failed to mention that his friend put a plastic bag over Jeremy's head and tried to choke him to death," Caroline muttered sourly.
Matt raised his eyebrows, hearing the story for the first time. Stefan seemed a little confused and so did Bonnie, but only until Caroline shot her a look that made Bonnie raised her eyebrows and then squeeze her eyes shut for a second.
Jeremy glanced between them with his brows furrowed, but then rolled his eyes throwing himself against the back of the couch. "So what do we do now?"
"How can you be so blasé about all of this?" Caroline demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Honestly, after you get murdered five times in one year you don't really pay attention to attempted murders anymore," Jeremy said with a brief smile.
"That and try to talk Elena out of being with him," Bonnie added, resting her head on Jeremy's shoulder.
Caroline leaned her head on her elbow and sighed.
"Do we know for sure that this doctor guy has an antidote?" Matt asked after a moment of silence, leaning forward with a thoughtful frown on his face.
"We don't even know if there is an antidote," Stefan said somberly.
Bonnie sighed. "I couldn't perform a spell even if I found one. But of course I'll try to find something anyway."
"Can't we just drain him, vervain him and compel him not to drink vampire blood?" Caroline asked matter-of-factly with hopeful glint her eyes as she looked to Stefan for approval.
Stefan looked a little skeptical. "I don't think we can compel him-"
"I know," Caroline cut him off, gritting her teeth in slight discomfort. "I meant 'we' as in... I meant that we could ask... Klaus... or Rebekah," she added quickly, her eyes darting to Matt.
"Actually..." Matt said, drawing a breath. "I already called her. Or tried to call her," he amended before Caroline's smile returned. "She doesn't pick up. I left her a message, but she didn't call me back yet."
With a resigned sigh, Caroline pulled out her phone and after glaring at it for a few seconds pressed the call button. She waited to no avail, shrugging in response to everyone's questioning looks and repeated the action a couple of times, before leaving a voice message and hanging up.
"How about Elijah?" Jeremy asked and Stefan nodded slowly before making a call.
No response.
"Did all the Originals dumped their phones or something?" Caroline huffed in annoyance.
"Rebekah did mention they had quite a bit of trouble in New Orleans," Matt said with a hint of worry in his tone.
"Yeah, trouble," Caroline snorted humorlessly. "It's not like they can be killed, right?"
"Witch trouble, Caroline," Matt said, glancing at Bonnie. "Anything is possible."
"Oh, come on," Caroline crossed her arms over her chest and gave her phone another stern look before allowing the idea to even enter her mind, but when it did, a worried frown appeared on Caroline's forehead despite her best efforts to look merely irritated.
xxxdelenaxxx
Damon gathered Elena into his arms, her tousled hair tingling his skin when she softly leaned her head on his chest, a small smile tugging on her lips when she whispered his name in half-sleep without opening her eyes.
Lowering his lips to her cheek, Damon moved his lips along the side of her face before burying his nose in her hair, breathing in her scent, her presence.
Elena snuggled as close to him as possible and he tightened his embrace around her, feeling her skin under his open palm splayed over her back. He lifted his head and pressed small kisses to her shoulder.
Gently, he brushed a few strands of hair off her forehead and looked at her sleeping face, tracing the contour of her lips with his fingertips.
"But you know what the best part is?" Dr. Wes Maxfield tilted his head to the side, his face becoming increasingly blurred with every split second until it was nothing but an amorphous shadow uttering the words in distorted tones. "That within 72 hours it will all end anyway." He smiled sardonically, stepping away with the syringe still in his hand. "Because 72 hours from now, you will be dead."