A/N: For Sami, because she's going to be just as obsessive over the poor silver haired vampire as me. And if it doesn't make sense sometimes…well it's Zero's thoughts, which don't make sense a lot of the time. Improper sentences are done on purpose, cause Zero cares not about grammer.
SUNSHINEYou are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey.
I hate how it comes at random times. She's doing the most mundane thing; washing the dishes. But she leaned over to grab the dishrag, and her hair slid past her neck.
Suddenly I was gone.
Fine one moment, crazed the next.
My throat went dry, my eyes ran over the long expanse of her ivory throat and my heart thudded in my chest. The chair legs scraped against the wooden floor as I pushed away from the table and walked to stand behind her. My chest pressed against her shoulder blades and I could feel the heat from her warm blood radiate off of her body. She was so small, so tiny and yet so dangerous to me. My right arm snaked around her waist, my fingers dug into her hipbone.
Her head tilted up towards me, her soft brown hair brushing past my collarbone. Her large, gentle eyes met my desperate gaze. She didn't look afraid. She didn't look at me like I was some villain. She smiled, that gentle Yuuki smile, and lifted up a hand to pull her hair away from her neck. That same hand fell and stroked the arm that was looped around her waist.
"Drink, Zero."
My nose buried in her shoulder, sliding along her skin as I inhaled her. God this was sick. When the hell did I become so disgusting? Other boys will old and inhale a girl's scent and feel comforted. I hold and inhale Yuuki and feel hungry. Disgusting. Sickening. Monstrous. My tongue comes out against my will and slides along the column of her throat, tasting her. Nimble fingers clench in my shirtsleeve as she shivers against my mouth, and some frighteningly deranged part of myself actually enjoyed it. It was starting to frighten me that I couldn't distinguish the boy from the monster at times like these. My throat throbs and I feel her clutch my wrist in anticipation. God, she smells so good and she tastes so sweet and she's just so damn trusting. I become starved and my throat throbs and I hate every single inch of myself.
But I don't stop.
Fangs sink into the soft flesh where her shoulder and neck meet and she gasps softly. Rich, tangy liquid flows into my mouth and I gulp it down like the starved freak that I am. It's euphoric, and I drown in it, sweep after sweep of my tongue to those open wounds. My mind is reeling and I can't stop myself, it's too good. My head starts to pound and somewhere in my bloodlust haze I feel her hand cup mine and lace our fingers together.
Then the boy over powers the beast.
Because this is Yuuki.
Yuuki.
She is Yuuki. She is life. Innocence. Joy. Laughter. Comfort. Light. Yuuki.
She is so fucking bright that it blinds me sometimes. She is warm and safe and lovelovelove.
…I love you.
I love you so much that it drives me insane.
My mouth rips off her skin and I throw myself away from her because she is too warm and too bright and it burnsburnsburns.
I hate myself. Every time I do this I taint her and take some of that gorgeous light away. If I love her as much as I think that I do then I would leave. I would pack my shit and just go. I would grab bloody rose and put a bullet in my head and finally be with my parents again.
What would my Mother say if she could see me?
But Yuuki turns around and faces me. She stares at me with a soft smile, as if she knows my thoughts. I always thought I was a hard person to read, cold, aloof…these are words I hear students use to describe me. So how is it that with one simple look she just knows everything in my head. My name passes through her lips and I never heard anything more beautiful. She is cheery and smiley and just as sunny as always. Like I didn't just hurt her. Like I didn't just suck down her blood. Like she isn't in the same room with a disgusting sin against nature.
Her hand reaches out and lightly calloused fingertips slide along the corner of my mouth. Her blood is on the pads of her fingers and she stares at it in wonder before bringing her fingers to her lips. I watch, not daring to look away, as a small tongue comes out and licks the horrible crimson off and good God I shudder at how innocent it is.
Her caramel eyes turn upwards to the ceiling and I can tell she's trying to find a word for the taste of her life. The question she asked a few weeks ago rings in my head. 'What do I taste like, Zero?' I didn't want to answer then. How could I say that she's everything I dreamed about?
Her nose scrunches up and the tip of her tongue sticks out as she giggles lightly.
"I taste like pennies."
Then there is silence. I smile, because…because it is so her to say something like that. To act as if it's normal.
My smile falls.
I suppose it has become a normal thing, hasn't it? It used to be that normal was patrolling and making sure that she didn't fail Algebra. Now normal has become attacking her in a dark hallway once a week.
I probably would have pondered this more if a dirty dishtowel did not just smack me in the face.
I narrow my gaze at her, but of course it doesn't affect her at all. She playfully glares right back at me and pokes a small finger to the middle of my chest.
"Stop right now, Zero. I don't like that look on your face. If it bugs you so much, I may have to just make us even."
My eyebrow rose. What the hell was she talking about? Make us even?
The hand that was poking my chest grabbed hold of my shirt collar and she pulled me down to her level. I had to laugh inside because she really was suffering from a height deficiency. Her other hand fisted into my hair and pulled my head to the side, I didn't have time to be shocked. Small teeth bit into my neck and I had to clench my hands into fists to keep from reacting. A tongue swept over my skin and she actually began to suck.
I gasped and grabbed her shoulders roughly, pushing her away from me.
"Yuuki, what the hell?!"
Her glare was just as defiant as always. "There," she huffed. "Now we're even."
"How exactly does this make us even?"
"Well, you know, you bit me. I bit you. You sucked my blood I...um…well I guess I didn't draw blood, but still. You left a mark, so did I. We're even."
She left a mark? I lifted a hand to touch the spot that her mouth once laid, because if I feel it then I'll obviously see it, right?
I blinked at her and her glare turned into the sunny Yuuki grin I had known for four years.
"Don't hurt yourself, okay Zero? Because…if I wanted you to stop, then I would make you stop. I like helping you, it makes me feel like I'm good for something other than failing math."
I sighed and stepped forward, enveloping her in an embrace. Her arms looped around my middle and her voice was muffled against my chest.
"Zero is Zero. Yuuki is Yuuki. We are no different then how we've always been. So please…don't hurt yourself anymore. It makes me sad."
I nodded against the top of her head, smiling into her hair. "Well, we can't have Yuuki sad, can we?"
She laughed, and I felt safe, and shook her head.
"Nope. I guarantee you my wrath will be worse than any Vampire you've ever faced."
I snorted, tightening my hold on her. Because she WAS Yuuki and she made me feel like I wasn't completely worthless even when I was at my worst.
I mean hell, I just had her blood on my mouth and she still smiled at me, brighter than the sun.
I had made my decision then, in this single moment. It didn't matter if I would go insane one day. It didn't matter if I remembered her name long after I forgot my own. It didn't matter if one day she would leave me for that prissy shit Kaname. Right now, I held the warm sunlight in my arms.
And I don't care if I get burned.
You'll never know, dear. How much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.