Title: With You
Autor: Arldetta/Knight_MysAri
Chronology: JA - Obi is about 15. This takes place shortly after Melida/Daan.
Disclaimers: ok, I don't own SW. Chacters created by George Lucas. The song, I'm With You was written by Avril Lavigne and can be found on her debut album Let Go, distributed by Arista Records. Was that good for the legalities?
Author's Note: Thoughts are in italics. Song Lyrics in bold and italics.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you"
Droplets of icy rain fell from a dark evening sky. The heavy clouds were ominous and foreboding. Why was this night so different from any other rainfilled evening you ask? Because not every night saw a lone figure walking through the underbelly of the prestigious metropolis that thrived within the upperlevels of Coruscant. Especially one so young or so lost. No, it wasn't because the traveler didn't know where they were going. On the contrary, they knew what direction they were heading and the possible trials that he may face. But it was something that was only vaguely referenced as he walked aimlessly.
At that moment the figure wondered why he had ventured out that evening. Why hadn't he stayed in his warm sleepcouch under a number of soft blankets? But he heard a voice answering, Trapped. You felt trapped. Sighing heavily, he watched his breath crystallizing, creating a milky cloud in front of him. A shiver ran down his spine forcing him seek what little warmth he could from his cloak. Pulling the garment tighter around him, he knew it was of little use. He could feel that the cloth was soaked through and threatened to seep into the clothes beneath. It was already frighteningly cold out, it was worse when the occasionally gust would pass through slicing through anything it came in contact with.
The oversaturated puffs floating high above could no longer retain their hold and the scattered drops soon became an oppressive downfall. The youth looked up toward the starless sky before hiding his face and hurrying along. If anyone had been around, they would have marveled at the perfection of such a creation. Soft russet spikes had been flattened against flawless creamy skin. A single ginger braid, adorn with a few coloured beads, rested lovingly along the boy's shoulder and chest. Luscious pink lips were tautly drawn into thin lines. There was a slight indentation on the young chin. The face was the picture of innocence and honesty. Only the captivating sea change portals of the soul betrayed the image of serenity that the form otherwise personified.
There deep within the rolling seas floated pain. And so many different facets of pain were displayed one by one. Memory of physical pain resided there for a brief moment before being overrun by the emotional and spiritual agony that warred for control. A heart struggling to continue pumping, denying itself from breaking apart. Somewhere it still held on to a shred of hope, that it clung to and desperately sought to nurture. Oppressed by doubt and mistrust, but most of all by betrayal. No, he wasn't betrayed, he had betrayed another. Are you sure? Yes, yes, he was positive he had been the betrayer. Doubt reared its ugly countenance again causing the boy's step to falter as he shook his head in denial.
Instinctively, he clutched at a nearby railing doing his best to beat back the insinuations that cluttered his mind. Closing his eyes he dove deep within himself. Things were going to work out. They had to. Everything would be fine. A tear traced his cheek and jawline, but it was indistinguishable in the storm. You honestly believe that? A mocking voice chided. You were never wanted to begin with. It was only sympathy and duty that permitted you to come back. What made him accept you back. You were never worthy. A hiccuping sob escaped him. Quickly, he glanced around him taking in his surroundings. Searching for a place to run and hide from the condoning voice.
Looking over the railing, he could see he was over a large chasm. Dark and inviting, a void that could swallow any pain, hide him from any voice. And for a moment he considered taking up the invitation into darkness, but his heart refused to give up. Instead he hurried from the bridge, taking one more look back. He could see no one, hear nothing except the steady splashes of water that engulfed the area. A biting wind swept through the passageway, causing him to shiver once more. He sniffled then thought he would probably get sick from his little adventure. He knew it would displease his Master to learn of his wanderings, still he walked on. His thoughts drifting back to the comforting halls and gardens of the Temple. And how most of the occupants were sleeping soundly, adrift on the wings of pleasant dreams. Master.
Suddenly, he felt trapped again. Caught between the desire to get away, not to disappoint anyone again, to hide from the pain and misery. While on the other hand longing, no desiring, more than anything to be wanted and most importantly to be loved. To feel that he was where he belonged, right at his Master's side. And yet that had already been shattered once. Even worse, originally should never have been. It was only luck that saved him from a life of pointlessness. He hesitated, glancing back down the shadowy avenue hoping. His heart hoped to find his Master seeking him out to bring him home. His mind hoped to find nothing, allowing him the chance to keep running. Unfortunately (or was it fortunate?) his mind was the victor.
"I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is there anybody here I know?
Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you"
With loneliness as his constant companion, he trekked on into unknown territory. The bonechilling cold freezing him to the core, he sneezed. He didn't know how long he had been walking, only that it had been hours since he left the confines of the Temple. The storm had come and dropped its load over the sleeping city and left, leaving the residual numbness in its place. Fleetingly, he thought how wonderful it would be to numb a heart or mind as easily as one could a body. Then he realized that there was a way. Spices and liquors all provided a numbing of both heart and mind, but he had also witnessed the horrible aftereffects of such methods. It was something he was not yet willing to do.
It was then that he stumbled upon a plaza where a few others like him had gathered. He looked over each individual that occupied the small square, maybe about a dozen others. As he caught each of their gazes, he could see the same thing he thought was reflecting in his own eyes. A heart aching. And the despair of being forgotten. These people had at one time held onto the hope that someone cared for them but in the end had been cast aside. When he first entered the common he was heading toward a barrel that had a fire blazing from it. He had wanted to get enough warmth to carry on, but now he found himself drifting farther away. Afraid that if he lingered there any longer he might end up like them, dreams lost and heart damaged beyond mending.
More time passed as he walked on, but now the cold had worked its way through him causing his small frame to tremble. When a coughing fit ended, he clenched his jaw tight to stop his teeth from chattering. He pulled his useless robes closer to him. Vaguely, he realized that he had not seen many others walking the streets. More amazing was the fact he had gone, so far, unencumbered. Why has no one bothered to attack me? There were constant reports of gangs robbing and molesting those unfortunate souls who had wandered into their territory. Was it possible that for the first time he would not be inflicted?
No, it's because they thought you were worthless as well.
The voice laughed. Nothing of value to anyone. You should have stayed in the square. At least we would be warm.If I had, then I would have ended up like them. I couldn't live like that.
So you wander the lower levels in hopes that a gang would put you out of your misery?
No.
Then why are you here? Obviously you went out searching for something. An end of some sort. That you would be attacked. Maybe then you would be killed. And along with you all the anguish and suffering you deal with endlessly.
No.
Yes, that they would do what you don't have the courage to do yourself.
That's not true. I'm not afraid to die. I know what would happen. I would be one with the Force, there would be no pain anymore.
If you're not afraid to die, then what is it you fear so much that you came down here?
I. I was afraid to live.
Afraid to live?
I don't want to let anyone down again. I don't want anyone else to suffer from my failings.
But you can't help it. That is what you are, a failure.
And suddenly the world came crashing down around him. Gasping sobs racked the meek form as the realization of his fears came true. Instantly, he fell to his hands and knees, the weight of such misery more that the ailing body could handle. Tears coursed down the smooth skin leaving trails of despair across the perfect cheeks."Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yeah
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you."
Is that truly what I am? A failure? He was caught in a flurry of disbelief. It couldn't possibly be true. Yet somewhere in the back of his mind, he had no doubts. Turning haunted eyes up toward the twinkling indigo canopy, he silently pleaded with an unknown being that it all be a lie. He was disappointed when there was no response.
Exhausted, he crumbled to the ground. The long journey and the emotional torrent finally taking its toll of the young body. He prepared himself for the coming darkness, and prayed that he would not wake. The last remnants of hope dwindling into nothingness. Curled up on his side in the middle of nowhere he conceded to his fate, shutting his eyes, he was alone.
Slowly and ever so gently, he felt a tendril of warmth trickle through him. And suddenly, there were hands touching his shoulder and back. Expecting that luck had worn off, he waited for fists to pound away at his weary form. Instead, he was drawn up into an awkward hug. A soothing baritone cut through the deafening silence he had been in, "Padawan, it's time to go home." Not enough energy to protest, he huddled closer to the prominent presence that found him. Held within a cozy secure embrace, he slipped into a hazy slumber.
It was a few days later when he finally awoke from his fever beneath soft blankets in a comfortable and familiar place. A dozing figure rested in a chair next to him. Moving slightly, he turned to watch the sleeping person. Many minutes passed before the being stirred under a wary gaze. Stretching for a moment, clear blue eyes found sparkling hazel gems staring at him. A smile crossed the otherwise stern features and he leaned in close. Before he had a chance to speak a culture voice cut in, "I'm sorry Master."
"Don't be. You gave me quite a scare."
"I know. I didn't mean to. I just thought…" He was at a loss for what to say. So much had gone through his mind during his trek and he didn't know where to begin.
"Obi-Wan," his Master gazed at him compassionately, "I know that things have not been ideal from the start. We both have had our issues to deal with. I want you to know that if you ever need to, please talk to me."
"I know, Master. It's just I'm a disappointment to everyone."
Qui-Gon reached out and collected the smaller hand of his Apprentice between his own. "I want you to know, you are everything to me. Never doubt that. That I am proud of you and I look forward to standing beside you when you become a Knight. You are and always will be a Jedi, and I can think of no one more worthy of the title than you."
Tears swelled in blue-green eyes. His bottom lip quivered from the wash of affection that poured into him over their shared bond. He managed in a trembling voice, "Master…" but could not finish his thoughts.
His own eyes began to water as he watched the young boy. His heart finally opened up to accept how much this child had meant to him. Unable to retain his emotions, he reached out and pulled the youth to him. He steadied his own voice before adding, "You will forever be my Apprentice, my Padawan, my son."
The fading ember of hope that had almost snuffed out suddenly flared and blazed anew. Another spark of realization lit in Obi-Wan's mind. Over the short time they had been together, there was still so much to be discovered. That everyday taught them new things. And he looked forward to the exploration that awaited them.
"Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, now please don't forget to review!!!! I always want to know what you think about my stuff, be it good or bad!! PLEASE!!!!!!! :)