Title: Blondes, Dumb and Otherwise

Rating: K+

Characters: Cloud and Elena (Final Fantasy VII), Sanji (One Piece), Naruto, Temari, and Deidara (Naruto), Demyx and Larxene (Kingdom Hearts), Zell (Final Fantasy VIII), Tamaki (Ouran High School Host Club), Elwyn (Shining Tears), Edgar (Final Fantasy VI), Joey Wheeler (Yu-Gi-Oh)

Pairings: None

Spoilers: Mentions of the Wall Market (Final Fantasy VII) and stuff from Naruto chapter 249-ish (though it's all so old that it can't really be called a spoiler…)

Notes: Hello all! I decided to step outside my norm and do some crossover junk! Except… this is all mostly crack! It's based on thoughts I have about similarities between plots, characters, etc. from my favorite fandoms. This first one is from the observation that blondes in anime and video games tend to be loud, temperamental, have short attention spans, and be generally stupid. Except Cloud; he's the odd-ball. Like Squall, but less broody (and less cool; I know, I just insulted the main character of one of the biggest video game fandoms in the history of forever… so let me dig a bigger hole by saying I find his character dull). So this is about said blondes and Cloud. Demyx's hair is more of a light brown, but go with it.

Summary: Cloud wouldn't mind his hair color so much if the other blondes didn't give it such a bad name.

Blondes, Dumb and Otherwise

By Dandy Wonderous

Cloud was trying to enjoy a drink in peace, something he should have known was never meant to be.

At first the bar was empty besides the lone bartender and the ex-Soldier, and he was okay with that.

The door opened and a suited figure entered. Sanji, the perverted cook from the Thousand Sunny. Well, since Cloud wasn't currently in drag, the other blonde ignored him and slumped five stools down.

They drank in silence, oblivious to the other. It was peaceful, and Cloud was enjoying the break from saving the world from some new doom.

Then a certain blonde ninja burst through the door, followed by a rather irritated looking kunoichi.

"I want raman!" Naruto yelled at the bar owner, slamming down next to Cloud.

"You're so annoying," Temari chided, knocking him upside the head. "I thought you were supposed to be escorting me; instead it looks like I'm the one babysitting."

The previously quiet patron at the end of the bar was immediately on his feet, twirling over and giving Naruto a good kick. "Lout! Don't go causing trouble for such a beautiful lady!" He turned heart eyes on Temari, who smiled broadly.

"Thanks; he needed that."

"Anytime, Temari-chan!"

About that time two swirling orbs of darkness appeared and two cloaked figures stepped out.

"Told you this would be a great place for a drink," one, a male, said, throwing back his hood and revealing spiky blonde hair.

"It better," complained the other, female, with blonde hair that fell to her shoulders, two strands of it flying back oddly like rabbit ears. "Or you'll pay for it."

The male, one Demyx by name, visibly gulped. "Now, Larxene, please don't be hasty…"

Sanji the love cook spotted the Nobodies and was off in an instant, pouring all kinds of sweet words on Larxene that were swatted away like flies.

Cloud sunk lower onto his stool and wished they would just go be annoying elsewhere.

"Hey, Cloud!"

He jumped, then turned around at the familiar voice. Elena had just walked in. Oh, the night just got better and better.

She sat down on his other side and ordered a drink. "So what're you doing here?"

"Just made a delivery and killed some monsters, so I stopped in for a drink."

"I see. Well, I just got back from an assassination… Oh, wait, it's highly confidential."

Cloud sighed. A few sips of that daiquiri and I'm sure I'll hear all about it.

Another blonde ninja walked in and sat down, only to be almost immediately assaulted by Naruto.

"Hey, you're that freak that killed Gaara!"

"And you're the kitsune brat," Deidara replied coolly.

Temari glared at him. "I oughta give you a piece of my mind…"

Meanwhile, Sanji had noticed Elena and was now showering her with affection.

Demyx had produced his sitar from nowhere and was playing in a corner.

The door was all but kicked in and a man with very spiky blonde hair and a huge tattoo on his face flipped in. "Looks like there's some fun going on here."

Oh good lord, not Zell. Why isn't he off bugging Squall?

Larxene was yelling at Demyx to shut up, her point accentuated by kicks from Sanji.

Elena had loosened up and was now telling about her "highly confidential" assassination in great detail.

The door opened again, and a blonde high school student wearing fancy designer clothes waltzed in and immediately fell to cooing over the first girl in sight. As though Sanji weren't enough.

The bar was falling further into chaos.

Naruto grew bored with arguing with Deidara (after several miner explosions) and was now starting a hot dog eating contest with Zell.

Tamaki's background roses were piling up fast.

Demyx had been reduced to a whimpering sap in the corner, Larxene contentedly sipping her drink.

Temari was listening to Elena's story with empathetic nods.

A beautiful blonde elf entered and gained the immediate attention of Sanji and Tamaki.

Apparently two love struck idiots weren't enough, as King Edgar waltzed in to see who might be around to pick up.

Zell and Naruto were choking on the hotdogs.

That Elwyn girl was way too loud for a dainty elf.

Something someone said had ticked Larxene off, because now lightning was flying everywhere.

Elena's tale now had sound effects.

Deidara was playing with his clay, and explosions rocked the tables.

Demyx had picked up his sitar playing again.

Temari slammed her mug down and loudly demanded another drink.

Joey Wheeler had entered and was annoying everyone with his Brooklyn accent.

Zell and Naruto had recovered and resumed their idiot consumption of processed meat.

"ENOUGH!!!"

Cloud was up, Buster Sword raised high.

"You guys are too freakin' loud!!! All I wanted to do was drink in peace, and then you show up and…"

He trailed off as it registered that he was standing on the bar counter. From this angle, he could see down Temari's shirt. And Elwyn's. And maybe Elena's, if she loosened her tie a little…

Man, those hot dogs smelled good…

He froze.

Oh no. I'm turning… into… one of… THEM!!!

Slowly, he got down from the counter and laid money on it for his drinks. Then, without a word, he walked between the stunned faces and exited the dead silent bar.

Behind him he heard the noise start up again as Elena said, "So anyway…" and Zell choked on another hot dog.

I'm dyeing my hair black.

The End

A/N: I know, it was completely pointless! But then, I didn't promise you anything good or inspiring; I promised crack, and that's exactly what it is. Poor Cloud…

This is Dandy Wonderous, blonde and proud of it, signing off.