Sharpshot: Crazybird101 is currently asleep so I'm in control of her phone now!
Kickback: Crazybird101 dose NOT own Fall of Cybertron.
Me: Will you two just shut the f**k up so I can f*****g sleep.
XoX
Perceptor was humming a cute little tune he walked down the sidewalk happily through a burning section of Iacon. Even though there's a big war going on and Cybertron is falling apart, he was in a really good mood this morning. Just then he gasped excitedly when he saw some hot chick walking in his direction. Time to get my groove on, he thought lustfully before proudly walking up to her. Clear his throat, he said "Good morning my fine lady."
"OH MY GOSH YOUR- Oh. Wait. Sorry I thought you were somebody else." the lady said disappointingly.
"And who might you have mistaken for?"
The lady shuffled her feet shyly "Well. I was looking for Shockwave."
"What?" Perceptor said in sudden dismay just as a vehicle exploded behind him with screaming civilians. "But he has one opti- You know what, never mind. Why Shockwave? In case you haven't notice I am a proud Autobot scientist."
"Well, you are cool and all Perceptor. But Shockwave has such a hot voice. Every time I hear that accent of his I just get so... Tingly." the lady then giggled. "In fact, I'm gonna have a Megatron star in a fanfic of mine, as Shockwave's b***h."
"... Your evil." Perceptor said.
XoX
Back in the Autobot base Jazz was playing a round of Mario Kart with Bumblebee. "Ha. You can't beat me motherf****r. I'm so good at this game. I'm so- wait. How'd you?!" Jazz watched helplessly as Bumblebee crossed the finishing line in first place. "What the f**k?! Primus damn it! You always win. You always win, you never give me a chance. YOU NEVER GIVE ME A CHANCE!" Jazz spazed out before running to his room crying.
Bumblebee looked over the couch in dismay. "What a fragging b***h." he said before turning back to the game. Meanwhile Perceptor was on the main computer looking up some random Shockwave fangirl site. He was surprised when he found one. There was a fanart picture of FOC Shockwave. being propped up on his left elbow while holding an energon cube with his other hand with some strange language written in big white words. "Damn he's popular." Perceptor muttered to himself
"What's this? A link to a Movieverse Shockwave/Optimus fic. What's that bondage word? Why the frag would their be "toys"? Oh well. It might not be that bad. A quick read wouldn't hurt." Perceptor said before clicking the link.
7 paragraphs later
"OH PRIMUS! *Puke*." Perceptor vomited in a trash can. "W-WHO THE FRAG-? *Puke*. *Pant, pant* T-that has got to be the nastiest thing *Puke* I have ever read! I don't think I'll look at strawberry milkshakes the same ever again!"
5 weeks of trauma and recovery later
Perceptor was lying on his side while he had his head propped up on his hand before switching to the Science Channel on the tv. "Hey Perceptor," Jetfire said, walking up to him "Me and the guys are going out to get ourselves strawberry milkshakes. You want one?"
"No thanks." Perceptor said calmly.
"Suit yourself then." Jetfire shrugged before leaving. Primus damn it! I can't even get one fragging girl to hook up with for a night all thanks to that damn mad scientist Shockwave! Perceptor cursed. Just then a light bulb switched on above his head. "I HAVE AN IDEA!"
XoX
"You want me to do what now?" Bumblebee asked.
"I told you Bumblebee, I'm going to have a big party here and invite all of Shockwave's fangirls by posting a notice on the website that Shockwave himself would be there." Perceptor said.
"But Perceptor! Shockwave hates us and the fangirls." Bumblebee said.
"I know that! Which is why I'm having you sneak in Shockwave's tower, and steal his diary."
Bumblebee looked hesitant "But Perceptor! What if Shockwave's insecticons get me?"
"I don't give a s**t just get me that DIARY!" Perceptor roared.
XoX
Bumblebee crawled through the air shaft to reach the level where Shockwave's quarters were located. "Hmp. Perceptor didn't have to be so mean. He kept calling me a retardedbot." Bumblebee whimpered to himself. He suddenly stopped when he heard the voices of Sharpshot, Hardshell, and Kickback below him. He looked over a glass window in the ceiling to see the three watching Transformers Prime.
"Frag. Shockwave looks scary in this one." Kickback muttered to himself.
"Yeah, but you have to admit his voice sucks." Sharpshot said.
"Yeah. And he got his aft whooped by a femme." Hardshell snickered.
Bumblebee then continued down his way. He then finally arrived at Shockwave's quarters. The only problem was... That Shockwave was doing something private.
... Very, private.
Once Shockwave finished cleaning up his bed and taking a quick shower he finally left the room. Bumblebee finally snapped out of it and carefully opened the shaft entrance before falling and landing face first on the hard floor.
"Owie." Bumblebee whimpered, rubbing his nose. He then found a black diary on his desk. Bumblebee quickly snatched it before scurrying the frag out of there.
XoX
Kickback settled himself on the couch between Shockwave and Sharpshot as they watched an episode of Falling Skies. "Hey Shockwave I gotta tell you something." Kickback said.
"What Kickback?" Shockwave sighed.
"Perceptor has just invited you over for a party." Kickback replied.
"Another party? And why the Pit would he invite me? He fragging hates me!"
Kickback thought for a moment before grinning "True. But he said that it's really important if you and you alone came along."
"Frag him. I don't party. At least... Not since two months ago..." Shockwave shuddered.
"Maybe Perceptor likes you." Hardshell snickered.
At that moment Sharpshot suddenly stiffened slightly.
"There is no way in Pit that I'm going to some Autobot's Primus forsaken party. Even if my life depended on it!" Shockwave growled.
"But he has your diary." Kickback finally laughed crazily.
"M-my diary? AW SCRAP!" Shockwave cried before jumping from the couch and running out the front door.
"I-it's not true right?" Sharpshot asked shakely. "T-that Perceptor likes Shockwave?"
Hardshell merely shrugged before drinking his cube.
XoX
"Perceptor, how the frag did all of these teenaged human femmes get here?" Ratchet asked, overlooking the sea of Shockwave fangirls chattering.
"I simply used the Space Bridge we were saving for the Ark. Heh, too bad we have to look for energon. AGAIN." Perceptor laughed.
Ratchet's left optic twitched before he left the Rec Room muttering curses. Just then Shockwave angrily walked up to Perceptor "Where. Is. My. DIARY?" he hissed in a deadly tone.
Perceptor had a cool expression on his face before he sipped his energon cube "Somewhere only I know."
Flashback
"Bumblebee I need you to put Shockwave's diary in Grimlock's room." Perceptor said, shoving the black diary into Bumblebee's hands.
Flashback ends
"Yep. Only I know." the red mech sighed to himself. Perceptor was then surprised when Shockwave got to his knees and folded his hands together. "PLEASE!" he begged, "Give me my diary back! It means the world to me!"
Perceptor merely blinked before a sinister smirk appeared on his lips "Oh I'll give it back. On one condition though."
Shockwave's optic suddenly brightened "Yes! Anything!"
5 hours later
Shockwave growled to himself as he ate a sandwich he got from the snack bar. The only problem was the fact that he was sitting in a table full of fangirls! It brought him great annoyance whenever they commented him or asked him questions like why the f**k did movie Shockwave die? Not that he gives a scrap of course. All he wanted was to have his diary back and go home to his lonely, sinister, tower in Kaon.
"One time, I like totally written this fic about Animated Shockwave and Blurr getting it on in almost every chapter. You know, hint. Hint." A 17 year old fangirl with blonde hair said with a giggle.
"OMFG! I love that pairing!" A 15 year old fangirl with black hair said. Well... Actually that fangirl is me. "I was thinking of writing a Shockwave/Sharpshot fic. But I don't know if it's a good idea." I muttered to myself bitterly.
"Oh it'll be fine CB." A 20 year old fangirl with red hair said assuringly.
"One time. I was like, reading this movieverse Shockwave/Perceptor fic. And they were like, making love hard." a 14 year old fangirl with green hair said.
"Aren't you a little to young to be reading that kind of stuff?" Red hair fangirl asked.
"You guys, have GOT to read those Shockwave/Megatron fics. They are the bomb!" a 18 year old fangirl with purple hair said excitedly.
"Hey. Did you guys read that totally legit movieverse Shockwave/Optimus fic in the Transformers movie section? I. F*****g. Love that fic." I said, by eyes shining with excitement.
"Holy crap I love that fic too!" some random fangirl squeeled.
"Ugh. Primus, I hate you all." Shockwave growled before standing up and walking towards Perceptor. "Perceptor. Please. I have been here for five fragging hours now. Just please give me my diary back." Shockwave was close to sobbing now.
Perceptor smiled evilly "Sorry. But you must stay here for at least another four hours." he said, sipping his drink.
"I'm going to kill you for this Perceptor. Kill you." Shockwave said in such a deadly tone that not even movie Shockwave could have spoken.
Another 4 boring long hours later
"Alright Shockwave, as promised here's your diary back." Perceptor sighed.
Shockwave immediately snatched the black diary from Perceptor's hands and flew off without saying another word.
Perceptor watched him disappear into the night. "He looks p****d." Bumblebee said, suddenly standing beside him.
"Shut up."
XoX
Sharpshot looked over his shoulder when he heard the front door open and slam shut. "So, how did it go?" he asked.
"Terrible." Shockwave grumbled before walking up to Sharpshot. "Sharpshot there's something I need you to do for me."
XoX
Perceptor eagerly entered the community center, excited when he found out that he just won 500, 000, 000 credits for life. However, when the lights switched on...
"OMG IT'S PERCEPTOR!" a bunch of teenaged femmes suddenly screamed.
Perceptor has never recovered since.
End.