The following is set up as a script for comic newspaper format, Sunday
through Friday. Warning – this gets kind of political...
SUNDAY (Color Strip)
TITLE PANEL: (Bird's eye view of ancient Roman gladiator arena filled with spectators)
PANEL TWO: (Calvin shown in Roman Emperor's clothes entering arena)
CALVIN: The crowd gasps as the Emperor Calvin unexpectedly chooses to enter gladiator combat in the arena of doom. A visage akin to that of a Roman God, he walks fearlessly unknowing of what horrors await...
PANEL THREE: (Looking across arena the Emperor Calvin sees a great gate lifting. All that can be seen in the blackness of the portal is a pair of huge eyes and immense white teeth with giant fangs)
CALVIN: What beast lies in wait for the Emperor Calvin? Even the darkness cannot hide its ugliness. Its foul stench can be smelt from halfway across the arena. Show yourself vile creature! Face the Emperor Calvin lest I be unkind in your death!
PANEL FOUR: (Immense ugly tiger-monster appears with teeth larger than Calvin's whole body)
CALVIN: (Ready to pounce on creature) EGAD! The creature is uglier than it is foul!!
CREATURE: (Speaking creepily) *Ugly? Foul?*
CALVIN: ZOUNDS! The creature speaks! This can only be the foul magic of the evil witch next door they call Suzius!
PANEL FIVE: (Shows Calvin on top of Hobbes in living room. Calvin has Hobbes in chokehold)
HOBBES: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? First you call me ugly, then I'm smelly. Now you're choking me. Get off!!
CALVIN: Silence, bewitched creature! You have no chance against the Emperor Calvin without your demon-witch to help you!!
PANEL SIX: (Shows Calvin and Hobbes tumbling and fighting, worried look on Calvin's face)
HOBBES: The only help I need with you is directions to the psycho- ward, nutcase!!
CALVIN: ...GASP!...This beast must have enchanted strength! The crowd gasps as the Emperor loses ground!!
PANEL SEVEN: (shows Hobbes on top of Calvin, eyes angry and grinning teeth close to Calvin's face)
HOBBES: You know the best thing about Roman crowds? They're bloodthirsty!
CALVIN: It looks like it could be the end for Emperor Calvin! Will the beast devour him? Or will the heroic Emperor turn the tables? Tune in next time to find out!!
LAST PANEL: (Hobbes still on Calvin, face even closer to Calvin's, Calvin struggling/grimacing)
CALVIN: GASP! I...AH...GASP...I SAID...T-TUNE IN...GASP!...N-NEXT TIME...
HOBBES: I hate cliffhangers. Let's see what happens now. Oooo!! Look! I see thumbs-down from the crowd!!
MONDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE: (Calvin seated at dinner table looking at bowl in front of him)
MOM: (off camera) Stop staring at your lunch and eat it Calvin.
CALVIN: What is this, soup? Emperors eat grapes. And you're supposed to pluck the grapes and hand-feed them to me.
PANEL TWO:
MOM: Calvin, you ate all the grapes yesterday. Now eat your soup before it gets cold.
CALVIN: Well then at least pluck the soup and hand-feed me.
PANEL THREE:
MOM: Calvin, I couldn't "pluck" the soup if I wanted to. You need a spoon to eat soup.
CALVIN: SIMPLETON! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING?? Freeze it into cubes, THEN pluck them and feed them to me!!
PANEL FOUR: (Calvin fuming in bedroom)
CALVIN: And so the Emperor Calvin is exiled to his own dungeon. The irony. Hmmm...His Excellency is hungry. Where did he stash those fruit roll- ups?
TUESDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: Hobbes! Look at these new cool Roman swords and stuff I got from Kids-"N"-Toys! We got these just in time! Rosalyn is coming over to baby-sit tonight. Now we have the arms to fight off her tyranny!
HOBBES: We're Romans now??
PANEL TWO:
CALVIN: I'm Emperor and you're 1st Centurion Hobbes. Now put on this gear and...
HOBBES: Wait a minute, why do you get to be Emperor? I think "Emperor Hobbes" has a better ring...
PANEL THREE:
CALVIN: (Examining what looks like a scroll) Because as it says here in ancient Roman law and provisional governmental scrolls, "A tiger or any other animal shall not hold the rank of Emperor within Roman lands."
HOBBES: So where does it say that a tiger can be Centurion?
PANEL FOUR:
CALVIN: My first act as Emperor will be to amend Roman law making it possible for you to serve me as Centurion! Isn't that great?
HOBBES: Okay then, my first act as Centurion will be to amend my foot into your butt.
WEDNESDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: Well I told Mom that Rosalyn is an evil dictator who needed to be deposed, and asked her if I could use my Roman Legion to remove her from power. She got mad and sent me to my room. So here's how we're gonna to get rid of Rosalyn...
PANEL TWO:
HOBBES: Wait a minute, we're still deposing her after all that? Then why did you bother even asking her??
PANEL THREE:
CALVIN: Hobbes, you couldn't possibly begin to fathom the intricacies and complications of Roman politics. You should just be glad you have a strong leader like me who will stand up to evil tyrants like Rosalyn! That's why the people love me as their leader!
PANEL FOUR:
HOBBES: But the people didn't choose you. This is a dictatorship.
CALVIN: Of course it's a dictatorship! Could you imagine what moron would be in charge if we let the people decide?!
THURSDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: (Studying map with back to Hobbes.) You know the secret to a good Emperor is strategy. Yes sir. See here Hobbes, this is a map of the layout where Rosalyn will be downstairs. Always prepared, Hobbes. That's what Emperors are. You know, that was Caesar's problem. All ambition but no preparation. See, that's what got him assassinated. That and his narcissistic megalomania with thinking he was God-like and all. (Hobbes shown taking toy sword out of scabbard behind Calvin)
PANEL TWO: (Hobbes shown behind Calvin with sword in the air about to stab Calvin)
CALVIN: Yes sir, those closest to Caesar did not like him as Emperor one bit. He was actually killed by those closest to him and...HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SWORD??!!!?!!!
PANEL THREE:
HOBBES: (pretending to study sword) ...Oh, er, ah, just admiring the workmanship. Was this, uh, model forged in the downtown district?...Um, looks pretty good...
CALVIN: ...(Looking at Hobbes with worried face)
PANEL FOUR:
CALVIN: Okay fine you can be co-Emperor.
HOBBES: Alright! Will you show me that Emperor look you give where you act like everyone around you is a moron?
CALVIN: Sure, I'm looking at you that way right now.
FRIDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN:(Studying map with Hobbes) Okay, here's where Rosalyn is always talking on the phone downstairs. Step one of our assault will be the "Shock and Awe" campaign. So for step one I am running downstairs, jumping on the table in front her, and pulling down my pants. That will really shock and awe her!!
PANEL TWO:
HOBBES: Okay, so she's shocked. What next?
CALVIN: Next starts the "Ground Assault". So when she reaches to grab me, I jump to the ground and assault her ankles! Hobbes it will be your job to push her over then.
PANEL THREE:
HOBBES: Hmm. Sounds good so far. What's next?
CALVIN: Well after the "Ground Assault" we need to "Secure the Area". So I'm going to secure her up with her own telephone cord! HA HA!!
PANEL FOUR:
HOBBES: This might work. But what happens if she breaks free?
CALVIN: "Exit Strategy". We run for the hills.
*end of week 1*
So there you have it. If reaction is good I may do another week.
-Kalvin
SUNDAY (Color Strip)
TITLE PANEL: (Bird's eye view of ancient Roman gladiator arena filled with spectators)
PANEL TWO: (Calvin shown in Roman Emperor's clothes entering arena)
CALVIN: The crowd gasps as the Emperor Calvin unexpectedly chooses to enter gladiator combat in the arena of doom. A visage akin to that of a Roman God, he walks fearlessly unknowing of what horrors await...
PANEL THREE: (Looking across arena the Emperor Calvin sees a great gate lifting. All that can be seen in the blackness of the portal is a pair of huge eyes and immense white teeth with giant fangs)
CALVIN: What beast lies in wait for the Emperor Calvin? Even the darkness cannot hide its ugliness. Its foul stench can be smelt from halfway across the arena. Show yourself vile creature! Face the Emperor Calvin lest I be unkind in your death!
PANEL FOUR: (Immense ugly tiger-monster appears with teeth larger than Calvin's whole body)
CALVIN: (Ready to pounce on creature) EGAD! The creature is uglier than it is foul!!
CREATURE: (Speaking creepily) *Ugly? Foul?*
CALVIN: ZOUNDS! The creature speaks! This can only be the foul magic of the evil witch next door they call Suzius!
PANEL FIVE: (Shows Calvin on top of Hobbes in living room. Calvin has Hobbes in chokehold)
HOBBES: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? First you call me ugly, then I'm smelly. Now you're choking me. Get off!!
CALVIN: Silence, bewitched creature! You have no chance against the Emperor Calvin without your demon-witch to help you!!
PANEL SIX: (Shows Calvin and Hobbes tumbling and fighting, worried look on Calvin's face)
HOBBES: The only help I need with you is directions to the psycho- ward, nutcase!!
CALVIN: ...GASP!...This beast must have enchanted strength! The crowd gasps as the Emperor loses ground!!
PANEL SEVEN: (shows Hobbes on top of Calvin, eyes angry and grinning teeth close to Calvin's face)
HOBBES: You know the best thing about Roman crowds? They're bloodthirsty!
CALVIN: It looks like it could be the end for Emperor Calvin! Will the beast devour him? Or will the heroic Emperor turn the tables? Tune in next time to find out!!
LAST PANEL: (Hobbes still on Calvin, face even closer to Calvin's, Calvin struggling/grimacing)
CALVIN: GASP! I...AH...GASP...I SAID...T-TUNE IN...GASP!...N-NEXT TIME...
HOBBES: I hate cliffhangers. Let's see what happens now. Oooo!! Look! I see thumbs-down from the crowd!!
MONDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE: (Calvin seated at dinner table looking at bowl in front of him)
MOM: (off camera) Stop staring at your lunch and eat it Calvin.
CALVIN: What is this, soup? Emperors eat grapes. And you're supposed to pluck the grapes and hand-feed them to me.
PANEL TWO:
MOM: Calvin, you ate all the grapes yesterday. Now eat your soup before it gets cold.
CALVIN: Well then at least pluck the soup and hand-feed me.
PANEL THREE:
MOM: Calvin, I couldn't "pluck" the soup if I wanted to. You need a spoon to eat soup.
CALVIN: SIMPLETON! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING?? Freeze it into cubes, THEN pluck them and feed them to me!!
PANEL FOUR: (Calvin fuming in bedroom)
CALVIN: And so the Emperor Calvin is exiled to his own dungeon. The irony. Hmmm...His Excellency is hungry. Where did he stash those fruit roll- ups?
TUESDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: Hobbes! Look at these new cool Roman swords and stuff I got from Kids-"N"-Toys! We got these just in time! Rosalyn is coming over to baby-sit tonight. Now we have the arms to fight off her tyranny!
HOBBES: We're Romans now??
PANEL TWO:
CALVIN: I'm Emperor and you're 1st Centurion Hobbes. Now put on this gear and...
HOBBES: Wait a minute, why do you get to be Emperor? I think "Emperor Hobbes" has a better ring...
PANEL THREE:
CALVIN: (Examining what looks like a scroll) Because as it says here in ancient Roman law and provisional governmental scrolls, "A tiger or any other animal shall not hold the rank of Emperor within Roman lands."
HOBBES: So where does it say that a tiger can be Centurion?
PANEL FOUR:
CALVIN: My first act as Emperor will be to amend Roman law making it possible for you to serve me as Centurion! Isn't that great?
HOBBES: Okay then, my first act as Centurion will be to amend my foot into your butt.
WEDNESDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: Well I told Mom that Rosalyn is an evil dictator who needed to be deposed, and asked her if I could use my Roman Legion to remove her from power. She got mad and sent me to my room. So here's how we're gonna to get rid of Rosalyn...
PANEL TWO:
HOBBES: Wait a minute, we're still deposing her after all that? Then why did you bother even asking her??
PANEL THREE:
CALVIN: Hobbes, you couldn't possibly begin to fathom the intricacies and complications of Roman politics. You should just be glad you have a strong leader like me who will stand up to evil tyrants like Rosalyn! That's why the people love me as their leader!
PANEL FOUR:
HOBBES: But the people didn't choose you. This is a dictatorship.
CALVIN: Of course it's a dictatorship! Could you imagine what moron would be in charge if we let the people decide?!
THURSDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN: (Studying map with back to Hobbes.) You know the secret to a good Emperor is strategy. Yes sir. See here Hobbes, this is a map of the layout where Rosalyn will be downstairs. Always prepared, Hobbes. That's what Emperors are. You know, that was Caesar's problem. All ambition but no preparation. See, that's what got him assassinated. That and his narcissistic megalomania with thinking he was God-like and all. (Hobbes shown taking toy sword out of scabbard behind Calvin)
PANEL TWO: (Hobbes shown behind Calvin with sword in the air about to stab Calvin)
CALVIN: Yes sir, those closest to Caesar did not like him as Emperor one bit. He was actually killed by those closest to him and...HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SWORD??!!!?!!!
PANEL THREE:
HOBBES: (pretending to study sword) ...Oh, er, ah, just admiring the workmanship. Was this, uh, model forged in the downtown district?...Um, looks pretty good...
CALVIN: ...(Looking at Hobbes with worried face)
PANEL FOUR:
CALVIN: Okay fine you can be co-Emperor.
HOBBES: Alright! Will you show me that Emperor look you give where you act like everyone around you is a moron?
CALVIN: Sure, I'm looking at you that way right now.
FRIDAY (B&W Strip)
PANEL ONE:
CALVIN:(Studying map with Hobbes) Okay, here's where Rosalyn is always talking on the phone downstairs. Step one of our assault will be the "Shock and Awe" campaign. So for step one I am running downstairs, jumping on the table in front her, and pulling down my pants. That will really shock and awe her!!
PANEL TWO:
HOBBES: Okay, so she's shocked. What next?
CALVIN: Next starts the "Ground Assault". So when she reaches to grab me, I jump to the ground and assault her ankles! Hobbes it will be your job to push her over then.
PANEL THREE:
HOBBES: Hmm. Sounds good so far. What's next?
CALVIN: Well after the "Ground Assault" we need to "Secure the Area". So I'm going to secure her up with her own telephone cord! HA HA!!
PANEL FOUR:
HOBBES: This might work. But what happens if she breaks free?
CALVIN: "Exit Strategy". We run for the hills.
*end of week 1*
So there you have it. If reaction is good I may do another week.
-Kalvin