Title: Anniversaries
Fandom: LOST
Pairings: Sawyer/Kate
Rating: pg-13
Word Count: 1,042
Disclaimer: You still know the drill. Sawyer, Kate, and any other characters and situations from LOST are not mine. I've just borrowing them to avoid studying for finals.
Summary: Sawyer remembers the important dates that have passed since the plane crashed on the island.
Author's Notes: This was inspired by the recent anniversary of Sawyer and Kate's first time making love. I wanted to write it back then, on December 2nd, but put it off because of finals. Yet, here I am, not studying for my Chemistry final on Friday. Thanks a million to Lost-Forum member AliceKarben for making her skate timeline, which was a great help to me while writing this story. Also, a trillion thanks to Jenny (jennehh at LF) for reading over the fic for me. It only took a bit of begging. ;)
Constructive criticism is always appreciated!
---
He'd burned the letter on a whim one day in January.
Sawyer had woken up in the pre-dawn with the idea implanted in his head. He'd lain, unmoving, in between his Oceanic standard blue flight blankets for minutes, maybe even hours, trying to drive the idea from his head. Then Kate had shifted in his arms, her curls tickling his cheek. He'd known then that it was time to let go. So he'd lightly kissed her cheek and pulled away from her. She hadn't woken up, but only rolled over and moaned quietly in her sleep.
Filled with a sense of resolve, he'd walked along the beach, flicking his lighter on and off. On. Off. Flame. No flame. He'd stopped walking only when the sun had risen over the island. He'd pulled the letter to the real Sawyer out of his pocket. It was crumpled and slightly torn, a little damp from lying in his back jean pocket while he slept. Sawyer brought the flickering flame closer to the letter. And then it had been done. The fire ate away at his letter and his grudge until all that was left was the scent of the smoke, and the crash of the waves.
He'd walked back to his tent and climbed back under the covers, wrapping himself up in her warmth.
---
The greatest surprise after burning the letter was how light and free he'd felt…at least for awhile. In the following weeks and months, Sawyer would wake in the middle of the night, irritated, restless, and drenched in sweat, filled with an overwhelming sense of emptiness. He'd pinpointed the cause one night when he'd turned over with an angry grunt and reached for his jeans. Half-asleep and feeling in the pocket, he'd looked for the letter, but then realized that it wasn't there, and hadn't been for months.
---
He'd awoken one day in September to find Kate missing from his side. It was a rare occurrence- usually Sawyer woke long before Kate- but it was no cause for concern. She'd probably just gone for a walk. After getting up, he'd dusted some sand off his jeans, slipped them on, and walked outside into the sunlight. It had been a particularly beautiful day, but very warm. Sawyer had decided to go to one of his favorite spots to cool off. The waterfall. If he had been lucky, like he'd been on many a trip to his favorite spot on the island, Kate would have been there waiting for him, wearing nothing but her birthday suit and a playful smile. Instead, the sight that had greeted him when he'd reached the spot was a particularly sullen looking Hurley, watching the falls.
He'd buried his annoyance, something he'd been getting better at since being with Kate, and asked, "Why you lookin' so blue, Jabba?"
Hurley had turned to look at Sawyer.
"Dude. Don't you remember what today is?"
Sawyer had thought for a moment before responding, "Thursday?"
"We've been here a year, man. A year."
Hurley's words had taken a moment to sink in. When they had, he'd stumbled back a few steps. A year. Without a second thought, he'd turned and ran back to the beach. Sawyer had desperately needed to find his Freckles. He'd needed to hold her. His mind raced. "Freckles. A year. Kate. Kate. A whole damn year."
He'd found her, sitting by the fire and talking to Jack. Jealousy tore through him, and he had grunted angrily, "Kate."
She'd turned to look up at him, and the anger had melted away when he saw the glistening of tears in her eyes. She got up from the log she'd been sitting on, and walked towards him. They had wrapped their arms around each other, not speaking. There had been nothing to say. Sawyer had felt so conflicted that day. A whole damn year on the island. He'd thought of what he'd missed back in the "real world." Not that he was being missed by anyone but those he owed a debt to, and perhaps the Tampa police. But he still missed it. A warm bed. Fast food. Television.
But none of that compared to what he'd gained on the island. He'd gained Kate.
He'd pulled her tighter to him. With wide eyes, she'd looked up at him then. She'd opened her mouth as if to explain, but Sawyer needed no explanation. He knew that Kate hadn't been crying out of sadness, or regret.
Sawyer had grasped her hand, and pulled her wordlessly towards their tent, where they'd made love, desperately grasping each other from the first kiss to the last.
When Kate had fallen asleep next to him, he'd quietly rummaged in his stash for a notebook. He wrote on the first blank page, "Thursday, September 22nd, 2005. One year since the crash." Then he'd torn it as quietly as he could from the notebook, placed it in his back pocket in the place formerly occupied by the letter, and crawled under the covers next to Kate. That night he'd slept better than he had in eight months.
---
Sawyer hadn't meant anything by it. But the crumbled bit of paper stayed in his back pocket. Nine days later, he'd pulled it out again and written, "Saturday, October 1st, 2005. One year since our first kiss." He'd felt somewhat ridiculous writing it, so he'd quickly stuffed the paper back into his pocket.
But his shame was not enough to stop him from writing in other dates. The day of the launching of the raft. They day she'd cut his hair. The day they'd been caught by the others. It became a compulsion; He'd even began writing in dates before they'd happen, and would catch himself looking at it when he was alone by the beach, or in his tent.
---
That is what Sawyer remembered that morning as he woke up with Kate in his arms, like he had every day for the past two years. Today, he didn't need to pull the paper from his pocket. It was a date he was convinced he would remember until he was an old man. Friday, December 2nd, 2006.
He gently pulled Kate closer, buried his face in her hair, and whispered, "Happy Anniversary Freckles."