Disclaimer: I don't own 'Death Note' - Õba Tsugumi & Obata Takeshi do.
Dedicated to MxMSupporter.
Self-Examination
Why?
Why?!
Why?!
Why had he done it? Why had he thrown his life away?
Nah, that didn't matter that much.
Why had he thrown Matt's life away?
Why couldn't he have left him for good? Why had he come back for him? He could have taken care of the wound himself. Why had he screwed up the life of his friend (he was more than a friend, Mello, a lot more) for his childish cause? And why had he always fought for that shit anyway, since he'd been a kid? It didn't really matter who ruled, it never had. He and Matt could just had crawled into some hole and they would've been happy. Because they would have themselves, right? Why bother with fighting the wrong then?
He looked in the rear-view mirror, now decorated with a large crack (the hit was stronger than he'd expected). How ironic, he thought, two parts of himself visible on the surface. On the left side of his face, there was a large scar made by fire. The right side was perfectly fine. The perfect metaphor of his fucked up mind. Always struggling to make the parts cooperate, when he couldn't even work together with the weirdo. Why had he always fought him? He'd always admired Matt's easy-going approach, why couldn't he copy that? He knew the answer to that. Even if he hated to admit that, he'd never wanted to fight himself, 'cause that would mean losing himself. And losing oneself would be equal to simply not existing at all.
So now, he thought as he gripped the wheel tighter, waiting for Kira's final move, up to the only questions left.
Why Matt? The answer came so quick and was so obvious that he was surprised he hadn't thought about it earlier. 'Cause leaving Matt behind would be like ripping his heart out and bleeding out. 'Cause the stray dogs were as good as dead without each other. Yeah, an egoistic cause, he knew that. But trying to give up on Matt would be like trying to give up on breathing oxygen. And he had always believed those feelings weren't one-sided. Why not..?
A sudden train of memories approached him. He and Matt were sitting in their last hideout, himself munching on a chocolate bar and the redhead playing video games. (Like an image of home neither of them had ever had.)
"Matt, tell me..." Mello interrupted his eating "Why do we even do this? Why do we fight for the good? Knowing it won't bring us anything..." Matt furrowed his eyebrows and put his console down.
"Dunno... I guess it's 'cause we are good..?" Mello'd almost chocked on a chocolate piece.
"What?!" he croaked out.
"I mean that feeling the need to protect the good comes from our hearts. We were kinda... born good? We'll protect it even if it doesn't make sense." he smiled at Mello (what a sweet, sweet smile he had...). Mello looked at him in confusion but then returned the smile.
"You're even a poet, huh? That side I haven't known yet!"
His lips forming into a smirk when his heart gave it's last beat.
"You were probably right, Mattie..."
ZJeM, 12.11.13
From author:
I'm sorry it's shitty & doesn't make sense. -_-''