Hi there. I know I should continue with my other story "Kate's hidden secret." I promise...I'm working on it and I'm trying to upload the next chapter by the end of next week.
Until then: My second Castle fanfic. I hope you'll like it and leave a review. It would mean alot to me. Thank you. :)
Chapter 1
"Mommy. Wake up."
Kate growned and opened an eye. She had to work late last night and was tired, but that angelic voice kind of made it easier.
"Hey baby. What time is it?"
The little girl grinned.
"I dunno. I couldn't sleep anymore. I wanna play. It just snowed and I want to go outside."
Kate smiled. The happiness of her daughter always made her heart jump. The way her big brown eyes lit up in exitment made it hard for her to say no.
"Ok ok I'm up."
The little girl shrieked and jumped up and down.
Madeleine Castle was just like her father. She loved adventures. She loved stories and she was curious. She had everyone wrapped around her little finger with her bubbly and open personality. She was a social butterfly and had alot of friends.
She was also absolutely beautiful: She had brown, long locks and big brown eyes. Especially Castle found it very hard to say no to her as soon as she looked at him with her "puppy-dog-face."
Kate leaned down and picked her daughter up. She placed a kiss on her forehead and grinned when her daughter giggled.
"So...do you wanna wake up your brother and ask if he wants to join us?"
The little girl frowned.
"No. I wanna play with you. Only you. Boys are ewww."
"Honey. We should really ask him. He might feel left out."
The little girl sighed.
As cute and adorable as she was, she also had a very demanding side. She hated it to share things with others, especially her parents. She was the "baby" in the house and really loved to have her parents for herself. Rick and Kate often had to lecture her when she would throw a fit, when she didn't get what she wanted, but that was part of her personality. She was a drama-queen and often let the people surrounding her know that.
"Mommy pleeeease. Just let us have some alone time. Just you and me. We can built a snow man and when Daddy and Ethan are up we can show them."
Kate sighed. She really didn't know if this was a good idea. She felt like she'd spent more time with her daughter than with her son in the last couple of months, because Madeleine reached the age where she started to get very clingy. Kate didn't have that much time anyway. Her job as captain of the 12th precinct was very demanding, because even though she spent alot of time in the office, she was still part of investigations for very demanding cases.
She was the best after all.
"Ok baby. Let's have some breakfast first and then we can go outside, ok?
Again Madeleine had won.
Big blue eyes stared at the black spot on the wall. The black spot that was moving around. The black spot with eight legs.
"Don't move", the little boy whispered.
"I gotcha." He gasped when the little creature started to move and crawled across the wall at a very fast speed.
"Nooo wait." The little boy tried to catch the spider with both his hands, tried to block it's way, tried to cup it with both his hands but he wasn't fast enough. The bag crawled behind his dresser.
"Dammit." Ops
The little boy pouted and went back to his desk where he'd started a puzzle 15 minutes ago. He loved puzzles. They were fun and challenging and everytime one was finished it made little Ethan proud.
Ethan Castle was a very curious boy. Not the way his sister was. He liked to learn things. He was smart beyond his age and liked to read books, even the "grown up" ones, loved to watch documentaries about animals and the universe and he loved school unlike his sister who just went to school to be with her friends.
Ethan was also very shy. The total opposite of his sister. Both his parents were very concerned, because for their taste, he was a little bit too shy. He liked to talk to others, but mostly only to the ones he knew.
When he meets new people he loves to figure them out. Find the truth behind their facades. How they act. How they talk. What they do.
Castle often joked that he had that from his mother.
He was also very honest and blunt. Most kids were honest but "normal" kids often didn't know that brutal honesty could hurt people. Kids normally don't calculate what they do and say. Ethan was a different story. He knew exactly what he said and when he said it. His parents weren't always fond of his attitude, because he often came across as unpolite and they OFTEN needed to ground him, because he'd hurt someone's feelings even if it wasn't really his intention to do that.
But that's who he was.
He was just as beautiful as his sister. He had dark brown hair, chubby cheeks and an adorable smile. Everyone turned to puddle when he smiled. The most special feature of the boy were his eyes though. They were bright and blue like the ocean but had some dizzling green in them as well. People often asked Rick or Kate if those were his own eyes. They were a mystery.
Castle was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. He was suprised when he woke up and didn't find his wife lying next to him. When he walked into the kitchen he found the note Kate had left him, saying, that she went out with Madeline. He was confused because Ethan wasn't with them. He loved the snow.
"Hi daddy." Castle turned around and smiled when he saw his son. He had a big grin on his face.
"Hey buddy. Whatcha doing?"
"Well I just finished my puzzle. It was an easy one", the little boy stated proudly. Castle shook his head and smiled.
"I bet it was. Are you hungry?"
"Like a bear", the little boy squealed.
Castle grinned and started to set the table. Ethan ran towards his dad and asked him if he could help.
"Sure. Just take these and put them on the table."
Ethan grabbed the cartons of apple and orange juice and put them on the table as he was asked.
"Where are mom and Maddy?"
"Oh they went out. I think Maddy wanted to play."
A pang of jealousy ran through the little boys body. It wasn't the first time that either of his parents did something without him. He often tried to tell himself that they did that because he never felt bored and that all they wanted was to leave him alone...but it wasn't difficult to ask, right?
Ethan sighed and nodded. He was really mad at his mom right now and he wanted to make sure that she'd feel that. That is who he was. Blunt and honest.
His dad tried to spend time with him but his mom? He couldn't remember the last time they both did something together. Just the two of them.
"Can I watch some tv?", the little boy asked quietly and Castle just nodded because he was busy preparing breakfast.
The little boy turned on the tv with a pout. Although, his eyes lit up like a christmas tree when he turned on the discovery channel and saw that a documentary about dinosaurs was on.
Everything he'd felt a few seconds ago seemed to be gone. Kids could be distracted way too easily.
After Castle had called his wife to tell her that breakfast was ready he and Ethan spent their time watching the documentary. Castle was proud because he used to love dinosaurs when he was a kid... still loved them.
The front door opened 20 minutes after Castle had called Kate and both his wife and daughter came into the loft laughing. The little girl, as well-behaved as she was, had gotten out of her wet shoes before they entered the apartment and carried them over to the bathroom.
"Hey", Kate whispered and gave her husband a kiss.
"Hey hot stuff", Castle grinned and returned the kiss eagerly.
Kate got out of her shoes and coat and followed her daughter to the bathroom. Ethan, who was sitting on the couch looked at his mother with a pout and then turned back to the tv. He was VERY upset.
When Kate returned her little girl was dressed in dry clothes just like her. Maddie ran to the kitchen table without a second glance at her brother and sat down in one of the chairs. She was about to grab some pancakes but Castle took her arm and looked at her sternly.
"Uh-oh. You are going to wait until everyone is here, ok princess?"
The little girl pouted.
"But daddy, I'm hungry."
"Doesn't matter. I'm sure you can wait 5 minutes baby girl."
The sweet girl sighed and nodded.
Kate sat down next to Ethan on the couch and smiled.
"Hey buddy. How are you doing?" She didn't get an answer.
"Are you having fun watching the documentary? The dinosaurs look really dangerous."
Again, no answer. Kate's heart sank.
Castle watched the scenery from the kitchen counter and his heart went out to Kate. He knew that Ethan was mad and disappointed because Kate went out without him-again-but he also knew that Kate didn't want to hurt her son. She had such a busy life and tended to forget...things.
The problem was that it was their son who had to suffer for it...
"Buddy?"
Ethan turned around and looked at his father.
"Breakfast is ready. Lets eat ok?"
The little boy nodded and without a second glance towards his mother he ran to one of the chairs and took a seat.
Kate was on the verge of tears. She KNEW that she should've asked her son to join them but she just couldn't say no to her daughter...she wanted to have her mother all to herself.
Pull yourself together Kate...you can make it up to him later.
Kate was devastated. Ethan hadn't spoken a single word to her the whole evening. She knew that she deserved it but she had no idea how she could fix it. She'd said several times that she was sorry that she didn't ask him to join her and Maddie but he hadn't given her an answer but just looked at his plate and ate in silence. It was as if he just blocked her out.
It was no 9 o'clock in the evening and the loft was quiet. Rick and Kate were cuddling on the couch and watched tv. Maddie and Ethan were both already in bed.
"Hey...are you ok?"
Castle leaned forward and kissed his wife's forhead. What a stupid question. He knew that she wasn't ok...he had witnessed everything that happened today and didn't know what to say or do.
"Ethan hates me", Kate whispered brokenly.
"Sweetheart, that's nonsense. He's a kid. He's just mad at the moment but it won't last long. Believe me."
"I just couldn't say no. Maddie wanted me to go just with her and I couldn't say no. I don't treat them equally Castle. I know that but...I just have the feeling that I don't know how to connect with him. He...he seems to be content with himself...he always seems to be busy with something...I..."
"Kate...don't get yourself worked up over this ok?"
"But what can I do?"
"Why don't you ask him to do something with you instead of assuming that he's too busy or occupied with himself? You might be suprised. He was upset which means that he WANTS to spend time with you. You just need to ask him."
"God...I feel so horrible."
"Honey, sometimes parents have a much stronger connection to one child than to the other, but that never ever means that they love one child more than the other. I think you two just need to warm up. That's all."
"You make it sound so easy Rick."
Castle smiled.
"Well...it IS easy. You just have to realize it."
Kate smiled and managed to smile. Her husband was right. Again.
"I...I think I'm going to look if he's still awake...and then...and then I'm going to try and talk with him, ask him if he wants to go to the zoo with me tomorrow. Just the two of us...I hope you are ok with it?"
"Sure. Then I can spend more quality time with our baby-girl and in the afternoon we can go the park...all the four of us. No splitting teams all the time. You are free tomorrow right?"
Kate nodded happily.
She placed a kiss on her husband's lips and went upstairs.
She was afraid.
Every human being knew that feeling. It was a part of life. It was part of the range of feelings that human beings experience on a daily basis. In our culture fear has come to be experienced as negative. However, the truth was that fear was a perfectly normal feeling to experience and we would all feel a lot better if we simply allowed ourselves to feel it fully. If we wouldn't we would have somatic symptoms of fear that would be much more painful than simply allowing the feeling to be felt.
It seemed to be so simple...
Why was Kate so afraid?
Was she afraid that Ethan would reject her?
No. He was her kid. She was his mom. She was overreacting, right?
Kate wasn't used to fail...no matter what she did...she was used to excel at everything she did...but with her kids it was different. She was afraid that she would fail as a mom as soon as she learned about their existence and now...now her son was mad at her. He has never been mad before. Not for long at least.
Kate stopped in front of her sons room and put her ear on the door and started listening. She didn't hear anything.
She slowly opened the door and went inside. She stopped in her tracks and felt her heart break.
An empty bed and a wide open window were the only things to greet her as she fell to the carpet, distraught and broken. The white curtains, like vails of sadness drifted in the summer wind, catching her agonizing cries and stealing them into the night sky. The one thing she feared had come true. The one thing she and Castle had wished would never befall their family had found its dark way into their lives.
Castle stumbled into the bedroom and trambled at the sight in front of him. His bravado was shattered and he felt to the carpet where his wife knelt, her forehead to the ground.
Fear was only the beginning of this story. Strengths needed to be its consequence.
Soooo...what do you think? This story is NOT only about Ethan. The rest of the family will all play an important part in this story and I hope I'm going to do a decent job at including everyone and their feelings equally. PLEASE tell me what you think!