A/N: Thank you so very much for everyone who took the time to review 'Darkness'. Yes, it indeed was in Heero's perspective about his life with Dr. J. (smiles happily) You people so very perspective! ^ ^ Oh and anyone who had sent me emails regards to the story, please sent them again. One minute they were in my inbox and next minute they were gone.
**WARNING** Rated R for suicide and character death
It also contains shounen-hinting though you can look it at it as a really close bond of friendship.
Oh comments, criticism and flames( though I find them rather ridiculous) appreciated since it's the first time I ever did something like this. Now on with the story!
Heaven is Calling
All my life- all fifteen years of them- I never once had been happy. Well, not truly happy anyway. Not the special type of happiness that just reached down to one's soul, the type of happiness that's caused by the people that one holds dear.
At one time, I was an uncaring person, not thinking about anyone but myself. Father, seeing this in his only son sent me to Earth in hopes that I would see how beautiful things can be, if one only sees it with different eyes. For you see, he was a pacifist; the Winner family is noted for its belief in pacifism. What my father didn't count on was that I would make a life changing decision… but a decision that I had made for a cause I truly believed in.
I, Quatre
Raberba Winner, had fought in a war that brought new meaning to my life,
but a war I didn't really understand. A war filled with pain and loss;
one filled with senseless deaths and destruction. A war that had killed
my father. Nevertheless, it was a war to signal a new beginning. A beginning
that four other pilots and I like me believed in.
I wasn't
the selfish person I once was, no the war had changed that. That and Trowa
Barton . Trowa was one of the pilots that I had worked with, but he was
more than that. There was something about her that always brought out the
best in me. But every time we started to become closer he always disappeared
somewhere, off to complete another mission of sorts.
Even after the war, we had lost touch, no matter how hard I had tried for that not to happen. But I still live on the hope that perhaps one day I shall find Trowa, and fill that hole that still occupied me. Maybe I'll find that we are not only friends word wise but to be much closer than that, to actually share a deeper bond of friendship. Perhaps even more…
If I had only known.
= ~ * ~ = ~ * ~ = ~ * ~ =
It was another typical day; another boring day at the office( though I would never have admitted it). Months had passed since the war had ended and I had finally fallen into the routine of things. Negotiations, which were lead by Relena Peacecraft, ex-Queen of the World, was running rather smoothly and both the colonies and the Earth slowly returned to its previous state (though if you ask me, it seems a bit forced).
It was a little hard at first to accept this long sought peace. After fighting in the war for so long it was hard to believe that I was no longer preparing to go into battle. It was also incredibly hard to accept the loss of my father and the fact that since he was gone I, as the reinstated heir of the Winner family fortune, would have to govern what my father had worked for his entire lifetime and then some.
It was also much harder to accept the fact that I might never see the other pilots again…Trowa and Duo and Heero and Wufei. It really would be much easier to accept all this if they had been here but like Trowa, they each had went their separate ways.
But I put all of that behind me as I looked over some bank statements, trying to also keep my mind off the really important business dinner I had to attend. Yes, I knew my life was hectic, but I was used to responsibility, after all, the existence of both the Earth and colonies had once depended on me.
A knock then sounded from the heavy wooden door before him so with a youthful smile, I called out, "Come in."
My guardian and friend, Rashid, stepped into the room, bowing politely before me. "I am sorry to disturb you Master Quatre but I am afraid I have some grave news."
"What is it Rashid?" I asked concerned, getting off my chair.
Rashid, a morose look occupying his face replied sadly, "It seems that there was a shuttle crash on Earth yesterday. I just found out that Trowa Barton was on that shuttle… I-I'm afraid he's dead Master Quatre."
I couldn't believe it… This cannot be happening! We were talking about Trowa Barton here. He, he just can't die… Not after surviving the war, not after living through all that…To die in a shuttle crash mere months after? No, no it was not possible…
"Master
Quatre?" Rashid asked tentatively, almost a tender look passing over his
features.
"You
can go," I murmured monotone, a familiarity with Heero's voice.
"But Master
Quatre…" Rashid said urgently.
"Please
Rashid," I almost begged, " I need to be alone now."
After
a quick look of worry, Rashid obediently stepped out, leaving me alone
in my office.
I was
numb. I couldn't feel anything… but I really didn't care at that point.
All that was clear to me, through all the haze that shrouded me both physically
and mentally, was that Trowa was dead.
Dead.
Dead. Dead.
That
single word pounded through my entire being as I blindly moved my arms
trying desperately to get that horrible word out of my head. Stationary,
important documents, porcelain objects, framed pictures went flying through
the air and landed on the floor with loud crashes.
As I
paced frantically around the room, arms trashing wildly, knocking several
objects to the floor, my fists came in contact with a full-length mirror
and it broke into a multitude of pieces on contact. The pieces glittered
and sparkled as they ran down on me and I giggled almost insanely, not
once noticing my fists, where blood flowed from the various cuts.
As the
giggles lapsed, something caught my eye. A particularly interesting looking
shard of glass. I crouched down and picked it up, fingering the sharp,
uneven sides, rather enjoying the red streaks it left on my fingers. A
manic gleam came over my eyes as a wonderful thought came over me. A beautiful
thought really.
Holding the shard of glass in a firm grip, I slowly pulled it across my wrist, a slight smile on my face. I reveled in the short pangs of pain I felt as I pulled the shard along a vital artery, pushing it deeper with every millimeter I covered.
After I paid the same attention to my other wrist, a wide grin appeared on my face, as I saw the crimson blood flow freely from the cuts, running down my arms in rivulets.
"Soon Trowa…soon, I'll be with you," I whispered softly, pushing on both sides of the two bloody streaks, as more blood issued from the wounds.
Darkness
soon seeped to the edges of my vision as my sight blurred my present surroundings
into unrecognizable shapes. I could feel my brain slowly shut down as I
slowly swayed to and fro, my legs not having the energy to support me any
longer.
All of a sudden, I felt
myself fall backwards, surrendering to the inky blackness of unconsciousness.
A small smile, a rather peaceful one, lingered on my face as I thought
of what awaited me on the other side.
As the darkness took over me, a frantic voice shouting "Quatre" filtered through my hazy mind, before I was thrown into the world of unconsciousness.
= ~ * ~ = ~ * ~ = ~ * ~ =
Streaks
of sunlight entered through my closed eyelids as I heard myself slightly
moan.
'This
just has to be some sort of nightmare… It just has to be! I'll just wake
up and I'll be back in my room and all the pilots will be there, doing
what they do.' I convinced myself, almost persuading myself as I gradually
opened my eyes. At first the light was unbearable, and was relentless and
I winced as pain radiated from my body, originating from my arms.
"Hiya Quatre! Glad to see that you're alive bud!" a cheery yet familiar voice penetrated my thoughts.
"Duo?" I muttered unintelligibly as my blurry vision focused on a teenage boy.
A bit more subdued, Duo softly said, "I really am glad that you made it through, Quatre." As if not used to being so openly sincere, Duo played with the tip of his waist long chestnut braid, trying to avoid eye contact.
I really did want to say something in response, but it hurt too much to talk. I managed to give a half smile as I pointed my wire clad hand to my mouth and made the gesture for 'no'.
"Oh… You can't talk right now, Quatre?" Duo asked, fully comprehending my message. "Well just to fill you in, since you're really in no position to go anywhere," he stated obviously. He then looked pointedly at our tedious surroundings: a heart monitor, IV fluids, various tubes crisscrossing my body, the drab colour of the paint.
"You're in a hospital room. You're lucky that I came by your office when I did…" He let the sentence drop off, looking at me thoughtfully as if contemplating what to say next.
What came out next surprised me. " What were you thinking?! Committing suicide? That's just a permanent solution to a temporary problem," Duo shouted, compassion filled in his eyes. "Do you think Trowa would have wanted that? You are still needed on Earth and the colonies. Don't you see that Quatre?" he ended softly, hoping for me to see it his way.
For reasons unknown, my gaze then fell to the window behind Duo and I looked to the clusters of stars before me for the advice I needed. To my surprise, I could almost see Trowa, waving slowly, sorrow in his eyes as he faded rapidly. But I knew the message he sent me, though it was a message spoken through silence.
Turning
to the anxious Duo, I opened my mouth and spoke, voice slightly cracked,
"You're right, after all."