Help Me Feel
"Margaret?" B.J. asked the voice on the phone.
"Yes, B.J., it's Margaret Houlihan. I'm in Mill Valley and was wondering if you'd like to meet me somewhere and catch up?" The former Major explained.
"I'd love to. There's a little place on Main Street that we can meet." B.J. gave her the directions and almost hung up when a thought occurred to him. "Hey Margaret, how did you get my number?"
"Hawkeye; who else?" She told him in her playful and sarcastic tone.
"Figures. I'll see you soon." B.J. smiled; of course it was Hawk, no one else knew what his new number was.
As B.J. walked towards the bistro he was meeting Margaret at he started to get nervous. I wonder how much she's changed. Should I tell her the news? She would understand the most. His inner monologue ended when he saw her. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan; she had on a black pencil skirt, white blouse, and black heels. Her hair hung loose as it flowed in the breeze. She looked stunning.
"Margaret!" B.J. called to her and waved his hand in the air.
Margaret turned to see B.J. in khaki pants, his blaster Hawaiian shirt, and converse shoes. "Hey B.J." She waved back.
The two embraced when he reached her. "You look good Margaret. How have you been?" B.J. asked with his signature goofy grin.
"I've been well. I decided to take a vacation and visit some old friends. How have you been?" She asked with a smile.
"That's a long story, we should sit down." B.J.'s smile vanished. He led the way into the bistro and to his favorite table. They gave their orders to the waitress and sat in silence as B.J. gathered his courage.
B.J. looked to Margaret and saw the concern that she no longer hid from others. He opened his mouth and the closed it again. He folded his hands on the table and tried again. "Peg divorced me."
Margaret covered his hands with hers. "Oh B.J., why?"
"Peg said that she'd seen a change in me ever since I'd come home. She knew that Korea had changed me, I told her as much in my letters, I guess she underestimated just how much." B.J. looked at Margaret with sorrowful eyes.
"I'm so sorry. Does anyone else know?" She tightened her grip on his hands.
"Only Hawkeye. He was the first person that I called when Peg told me she wanted to get a divorce. He'd been the only one at the 4077th to see me cry, and he's the one that broke me in, taught me what life would be like there. I felt he was the only one I could talk to until you showed up. I forgot all about you and Donald." He explained.
"How long ago did it happen?" Margaret asked him gently.
"Six months. It was a month before I could tell Hawk that the papers had been signed. I guess I didn't want to accept the reality of it, and when I did…" B.J.'s voice cracked and a tear fell down his cheek.
Margaret moved to his side and put a hand on his shoulder. "I understand B.J. I wish I had known, I would've been here sooner." She wiped away the lone tear.
"I wish I had thought of you sooner. Hawk did what he could, but between his family and his patients, he hasn't been able to come down. I'm so glad to see you Margaret." B.J.'s eyes were still watery as he smiled at his friend.
"I'm glad I can be here for you. You're my friend B.J., one of the few shining lights from our time at the 4077th. Is there anything I can do for you?" Margaret was showing a side that few had seen; she was being kind and compassionate. The former head nurse hated seeing her friend, who was once quite the smiling prankster, in such a heart-breaking state.
"You could come with me to my apartment. I don't want to break down crying here." B.J. tried to smile like he was joking but Margaret saw that he meant it.
"Alright B.J., lead the way." Margaret stood and waited as B.J. paid for their untouched lunch and walked with him as he led the way to his apartment.
The walk was quiet, and a bit awkward, but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable. At one point Margaret took B.J.'s elbow to make sure he knew she was still there. When he looked at her she knew it had been a good idea, he was thinking too much and when she touched him it had brought him out of his head. B.J. gave his friend a thankful smile.
When they reached the apartment B.J. unlocked the door. "Sorry for the mess." He opened the door and allowed Margaret to enter first.
She looked around the room and smiled. "It's not so bad, the Swamp was worse." Margaret turned to look at B.J. who was still by the, now closed, door.
"I guess so." B.J. smiled weakly at his friend and walked to the couch. "Please sit, is there anything I can get you?"
Margaret walked over to B.J. Always the gentleman. "No thank you." She sat down and waited for him to do the same. "I take it that you haven't been holding up well."
"Depends on the day. I've been doing fine since I talked to Hawkeye. I thought I had cried it all out of my system, but now you're here and I can't seem to shut off the water works." B.J. almost looked ashamed or embarrassed of his confession.
"That just means you know you can trust me and that you feel safe talking to me. You know I'll understand. I have shoulders for you to cry on, so feel free." She smiled softly at her hurt friend.
This broke what was left of B.J.'s resolve. The doctor gave in and let everything spill out; his tears, his thoughts and feelings from the time he got back home to Peg. B.J. told Margaret that his ex-wife at least let him have shared custody of Erin.
All Margaret could do was hold him and soothe him with her soft words. "I've never seen you in so much pain. I wish there was something I could do to help ease your pain." She looked down at B.J., whose head was now resting on her chest.
"Margaret." B.J. looked up at her with eyes that said he wanted something.
"Yes?"
"Well you do something for me?" B.J. sounded nervous.
"Anything."
B.J. sat up and looked at Margaret, then took a deep breath. "Feel free to say no when I ask you. I mean, I noticed that you are wearing a ring but that doesn't mean that you're still single, so I'd understand if you said no."
"B.J., slow down. I'm single, but why does that matter?"
"Margaret, oh I don't even know how to ask. I've been so lonely since Peg left. I want to feel like a man, no, simpler than that, I want to feel human again. I want human contact; I want to feel something other than pain. I know this is a lot to ask of you Margaret, that's another reason why you should feel free to say no, but I trust you, not just as someone from 4077th that I went through hell with, but as a dear friend that knows me and what I'm going through." B.J. wore a pained expression.
"How can I say no? I wanted to run to you with everything after my divorce but I was afraid of what could happen and that's why I went to Hawk instead."
B.J.'s mind flashed back to the night he spent "comforting" nurse Donovan. It wouldn't have been like that if Margaret had come to him; he had wanted to help her back then but he knew what could've happened. Thank God for Hawkeye. "I felt that fear too Margaret. I wanted to hold you and let you cry like you just did for me. But I knew what could happen, because for me it had, and it wasn't with Aggie O'Shea, it was with nurse Donovan after her marriage fell apart. But, as wrong as it was, I wanted to take your pain away, even if only for a night."
Margaret didn't know what to make of these confessions, what she did know was that they felt something for each other that was no longer forbidden. Margaret knew that if she simply told B.J. that she'd take his pain away he'd try talking too much, so instead, she kissed him.
B.J. was shocked at first but soon returned the kiss. Margaret leaned back on the couch and brought B.J. with her. He wrapped one arm around her waist to bring her body closer to his. He placed his other hand on the back of her neck to deepen the kiss. Margaret ran her fingers threw B.J.'s soft hair and moaned softly into the kiss.
"God Margaret, I want you so bad." B.J. breathed when they broke for air.
"Then take me." She gave him the most seductive look he'd ever seen.
"Yes Major." B.J. kissed Margaret passionately before removing her blouse and bra.
Once her flushed chest was exposed he latched onto one nipple and sucked. Margaret shuddered at the wave pleasure that racked her body. She made quick work of his shirt and undershirt. When B.J. began working on Margaret's other nipple she dug her nails into his back.
B.J. kissed and licked a trail down her stomach, pausing to pay special attention to her bellybutton. When he made it to her skirt he looked up at her to make sure she still wanted this. The look he got in return was one of lust, trust, and something else.
B.J. unzipped her skirt and slipped it off her along with the panties that matched her bra. He removed his pants and boxers before returning to Margaret. She ran her hands up and down his fairly sculpted but hairy chest. B.J. hovered over her with lust, trust and something else in his eyes as well.
"B.J. please take me, I want you." Margaret said in a breathy voice.
"I want you too Margaret, so bad, but what about protection?"
"I take birth control, now please take me."
B.J. nodded before settling between her legs and positioning himself. He leaned down and kissed Margaret's hot lips as he plunged into her. She moaned into his kiss and ran her fingers through his hair. B.J. started slow, holding back his immense urge to show no mercy.
The pace quickened as they set a rhythm but Margaret knew he was holding back. "B.J., please don't restrain yourself."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't, now let go." Margaret whispered in his ear.
B.J. nodded and adjusted the angle before letting his self-control fall to the wayside. He gripped onto the arm of the couch and pounded into Margaret like his life depended on it. She dug her nails into his back as she took everything he had to give and enjoyed every second of it. Both were panting and moaning and covered in sweat.
"B.J. I'm so close. Just…a little…more." A few thrust later and she was screaming his name.
The feeling of Margaret's muscles contracting sent B.J. over the edge. He came moaning her name. Once he was spent he collapsed on top of Margaret and tried to catch his breath. When they had both come down from their highs they looked at each other. B.J. kissed Margaret before moving so that she was lying on his chest.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked gently as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"No, not at all. B.J., that was amazing and I regret nothing." Margaret kissed his chest.
"I don't regret it either Margaret. But what I want to know is if this was just for a day or…"
Margaret cut him off with a kiss. "I'll stay here for the rest of my vacation, no one was expecting me, if you still want me to stay after that then I guess I'll just have to arrange a transfer."
"I can tell you now that I'll want you to stay. I love you Margaret, I think I have for a while now." He smiled warmly at her.
"I love you too B.J." She kissed him again then layed her head on his chest and fell asleep.
B.J. grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and draped it over them before giving into sleep himself.