Lois really hated her life anymore.
All the screaming, the fighting, and the general misbehavior of her children. The horribly rude customers, the even worse supervisors. That fool not realizing that he was making everything worse for her.
Yes. She would do something to make them behave.
Lois had a particularly bad day at the Lucky Aide, as some stupid old bat flooded the mens room (God only knows why she was in there at all). Craig's attempt to help in an effort to please her only lead the store to be evacuated. She didn't hold it against Craig; she knew about his obsession with her, and frankly she liked it to an extent. At least one person genuinely adored her. But, nonetheless, she was in no mood for further nonsense from the boys after all that.
Hal was gone for a week on a business conference, so she was stuck...er, alone with the boys.
Lois began cutting up tomatoes for dinner when she was interrupted.
"MOM!" Dewey called.
"What?" Lois barked.
"I can't fly," Dewey sniffled.
"Excuse me?" Lois asked, hoping she had misheard.
"I can't fly like the talking airplanes on TV."
"And this concerns me why?" Lois demanded.
Dewey pondered. "I guess it doesn't."
Dewey walked away happily. Lois growled and stared at the knife as she washed off tomato juice, and had a vision of herself gutting Dewey with it. She quickly dropped the knife in horror, appalled at having such a thought.
You letting this day get to you. Don't let it get to you.
It was a meaningless image, Lois decided. Plenty of people had irritated thoughts of killing someone they actually loved, but never really wanted to. That was probably the case now. She would never do that to any of her children, not even Francis. She knew that. No point dwelling on it.
Having calmed herself, Lois picked up the knife from the floor and tossed it in the sink. She had agreed to make them cheeseburgers tonight, mostly because they were actually behaving when they asked. Since the only vegetable they would ever agree to eat were tomatoes, she put one in each burger. Wait, Lois thought, aren't tomatoes actually fruit? Okay, so they never ate vegetables voluntarily. Go figure.
"When's Francis going to be here?" Malcolm asked, excitement evident in his voice.
Lois felt a wave of annoyance at the mere name. She had forgotten that today was when he was coming home from military school. Lois wanted nothing to do with him tonight. So then why deal with him? He could just stay at the bus station tonight. Lois gave a false smile. "Oh, no, Malcolm, that's tomorrow."
"But yesterday you ordered us to behave today when he got here!" Malcolm countered.
Why must this child remember everything! "There was a accident with scheduling," Lois lied, "you'll see him tomorrow."
"Oh," Disappointment filled the genius's face. Lois never understood why her kids actually liked Francis. Well, at least he wouldn't ruin her night.
For the next fifteen minutes, everything went just fine for Lois.
"GIVE ME THE REMOTE!" Reese roared.
"NO! YOUR TO STUPID TO KNOW HOW IT WORKS!" Malcolm snapped.
Lois swore under her breath then raced into the living room. Malcolm and Reese were tackling each other, each desperately trying to grab the remote control.
"WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING?" Lois roared.
"I need the remote," Reese argued.
"No, I need it. He shouldn't have it," Malcolm responded.
"FOR GODS SAKE NOBODY CARES! YOUR TOO OLD TO FIGHT OVER WHAT TO WATCH!"
"We aren't," Reese said, "we both agreed to watch that show where people have robots battle. We're fighting over what to watch when it's over at 5:30."
"YOU MEAN YOUR FIGHTING OVER SOMETHING THAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET?"
"It's a commercial break," Reese said, "seemed like the perfect time."
"He wants to watch the dumbest show at 5:30," Malcolm argued, "It's stars this unskilled actress-"
Before he could finish, Lois walked over to the TV and ripped out the cord. "No TV until after dinner."
"But Mom, we'll miss-"
"Did you hear me? None! Go to your room!"
They walked out of the living room. Lois could hear Reese said "Well, thank's a lot, Malcolm."
Lois suddenly imagined herself calling Reese and Malcolm out of their rooms, then firing a gun into both of them. She shook the thought out of her head.
"MOM!" Dewey called again, "Reese hit me!"
The doorbell rang. "Wait right there," Lois ordered Dewey. This better be good, Lois thought as she left the living room. When Lois opened the front door, she saw a drenched Francis staring in anger.
"Gee, Mom, thanks for not picking me up at the bus station," Francis deadpanned.
"You could have just spent a night alone," Lois pointed out, "but since your here, I'll let you in."
"Unbelievable," Francis cried in outrage, "you leave me at a bus station and act I'm-"
"Nobody gives a shit, so leave me alone!" Lois ordered. Francis was now red-faced, but his rage burned out when Dewey, who had heard the commotion, ran out crying "Francis your home!" Francis pulled his youngest brother into a hug. Malcolm and Reese ran out of their bedroom and similarly greeted Francis.
"Francis, I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow?" Malcolm asked as he hugged his brother.
"Who told you that?"
"Mom."
Francis glared at Lois. "You wanted me at the bus station? Why?"
"There is nothing to discuss," Lois insisted.
Dinner was unpleasant. Malcolm and Reese bickered over who got the burger with the most cheese, while Francis answered all questions his brothers had with extremely unsubtle references to the fact Lois had not bothered to pick him up. Dewey smeared mustard on his face. She plugged the TV back in after dinner, where Dewey and Reese fought over the volume. Eventually they went to bed.
The phone rang. Lois picked it up. "Yes?"
"Lois?" It was Craig.
"Oh, hello Craig," Lois answered, "how are you?"
"Mom!" Lois was about to confront Dewey, but saw it was actually Francis.
"I'll call you back Craig," Lois hung up, "this better be good."
"It is," Francis said, "Me and some of the guys have been talking about opening up a bar and grill and I want you to be our first investor."
"You want a loan," Lois answered bluntly, "for a place that would go under by week five."
"Your always doubting me! First you leave me to get hypothermia at a bus station, now-"
"Francis, the whole idea is stupid."
"Oh, sure, everybody in military school must be an idiot," Francis sneered, "you know-"
A scream from the other end of the house interrupted Francis. Lois ran to the boys room and smashed the door open. "I AM DONE WITH THIS MISBEHAVIOR! I AM DONE WITH IT FOREVER! YOU WILL STOP!"
Her three youngest sons stopped fighting and looked with apprehension. Lois face was outright purple, something they had never seen at her angriest. Lois was seething with rage, burning with hatred. She hated her life. She hated herself. She hated this house. She hated Francis, and she was beginning to hate Reese, Malcolm and Dewey too.
Lois ran into the living room and began smashing everything in sight. The television, the chairs, the coffee table, the hutch-all of it was her enemy. Lois then ran into the kitchen and began throwing glasses out of the cabinets.
"Mom, stop!" Francis called. Lois, infuriated, grabbed a kitchen knife and threw it at Francis. He fell over violently and hit the floor with a thud.
Lois stared in disbelief for a moment. Francis couldn't be dead just because of a small toss. She hadn't even planned on hitting him.
She looked up and her heart sank as she realized that her surviving sons had left their room to see what was going on. All three had tears rolling down their face and looked drained. Dewey looked close to a breakdown.
"I want you boys in bed, now," Lois whispered dangerously. They complied with the order.
Lois buried Francis in the backyard, and force the boys to swear secrecy at knife-point. As the days went by, the boys were behaving quite well. They ate breakfast without fighting, they didn't fight over the television, they weren't ruining anything. Sure, they had that traumatic look on their faces, but it was worth the quiet.
I should have done this years ago, Lois thought.
She should have known their would be consequences.
To be continued.