They had watched what had happened for the last 10 minutes. But this wasn't just any transformation. He was their colleague and their friend. All they could do was stand by and watch as he changed in front of their eyes. Finally it was over. And the person they had known was gone. All that remained was a bright glowing light. It hovered above the bed, shinning the light on all of them. It moved around the room slowly, seemingly stopping as it greeted them one by one. Each of them, in turn smiled. He couldn't be exactly sure, but for a moment, O'Neill thought that he could see Daniel's face looking back at him. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.
CHAPTER ONE
Only a week had gone past since Daniel had gone and members of the SGC felt as though a huge part of their lives were missing? SG1's mission had been delayed for a few days until they all adjusted to the fact that one of them was missing. But for one of them, he just couldn't get used to the idea. Jack O'Neill had known Daniel for longer than of them and was missing him the most. He had sat at his home for the last few days trying to think of there was something he could have done differently and knowing that the answer was no. No one could have changed what had happened to Daniel. Now he was just left with the fact that his friend was gone and this 'other' person was going to take his place. He had taken an instant disliking to him and felt that the feeling was mutual.
He stood, looking out of the window. Being friends, Daniel had hardly ever been to the house, which Jack regretted. They never seemed to have the time to socialise, which was because of the job they both did. If Jack had had to pick anyone of his colleagues to socialise with, it would have been Daniel, or possibly Carter, or even Teal'c. The truth was that he never saw any of them out of work. Which made him a little sad. There had been so many things that he never knew about him. Now, he wouldn't get the chance to ask. His reminiscing was broken as his front door bell rang, interrupting his train of thought. He didn't even both walking over to answer it.
'It's open.' He shouted across the room.
The door began to open slowly. Major Carter emerged from outside, entering the house. She looked around the room, trying to locate the Colonel. She saw him standing on the opposite side of the room, starring out of the window.
'General Hammond said that you haven't been answering your pages?'
'That's right. I guess I just don't feel like saving the planet today, Carter.' He said, abruptly.
She moved towards him, stopping at a nearby chair, not wanting to go any further. Or, not feeling the need too.
'I think we all feel like that. But we have a mission tomorrow. SG7 are going to be back early to brief us before we go.'
'SG7.' O'Neill whispered, turning back towards her.
Carter nodded.
'That's right.'
'Shelley is with SG7.' O'Neill said.
Both of them finally realised that with everything that had happened over the last few days, they had forgotten about Jack's little sister. She had been away with SG7 for the last four weeks.
'I thought you'd already told her?' Carter said.
Jack shook his head.
'No. I was going to, but Hammond ordered me not to.'
'Why not?'
'He said he didn't want this mission jeopardised by Shelley's emotions.'
'Didn't you explain to him'?
'Of course I did. But he wouldn't change his mind. I'd forgotten that they were coming back so soon.'
Carter moved towards him.
'Do you want me to tell her'?
O'Neill shook his head slowly.
'No, Carter.' I have to do this.'
'It's going to be difficult. I don't envy you.'
To be honest be honest, he wish Carter would tell her, because he had absolutely no idea what he was going to tell his sister about what had happened to Daniel. They might have not been together, but there was still this strong bond between them. Jack had seen it even if the others hadn't. Even when it looked like Shelley might die, Daniel still sat at her side whilst she was in the coma. That was when he had told Jack that she had decided that they shouldn't be together anymore. Which hadn't been Daniel's decision, but Shelley's. But it was a decision that he didn't agree with.
'I just don't know how I'm going to tell her.'
All night he had tried to come up with a way to tell Shelley that Daniel was gone. At one point he had almost considered asking Carter to do it, she did offer before. But had decided that it was his place. She was his sister and his responsibility. Sometimes he wished that she wasn't here. He already had enough to contend with, without her adding to the equation. Although it was at time like this when she would be pleased to have somebody there with her. It wasn't going to be the easiest news to break. That's why he had to tell her before anyone else got the chance.
The walk to from the gate room to the gear-up room wasn't too far, but was far enough for someone to tell her what had happened before he had a chance too.
Colonel O'Neill stood on the edge of the ramp, waiting for his sister and SG7. He had been dreading this moment since Major Carter had reminded him that Shelley would be coming back soon. He just wished that he had longer to prepare himself. He would just have to explain it was best as he could. Jack looked behind him, seeing Carter and General Hammond looking down at him from the control room. Neither of them envied him in his task to tell what they were still having a hard time to come to terms with themselves. Finally, the moment was upon him. The last chevron locked and he stood back. The four members of SG7 emerged from the other side, quickly followed by Shelley O'Neill.
She appeared, flustered. Gate travel never really suited her and avoided it whenever she could. Her last few trips through weren't exactly the best time for her. She had been taken over by a personality inside an alien computer, nearly been bludgeoned to death by the Shar're clone and had the ability to heal and read peoples thoughts. That was just before she was supposed to die after a week after having the 'gift'. So she was forgiven for not wanting to go, until this time. General Hammond himself had purposely picked Shelley and SG7 for this assignment. So, she had to go.
She moved down the ramp slowly, standing in front of her brother, wondering what she had done to warrant such attention.
'Jack.' She said. 'What's going on'?
He swallowed hard, hoping to delay the inevitable.
'I need to talk to you.'
'Does it have to be now. I have to do something first.'
'This can't wait, Shelley.'
She shook her head.
'Are you sure, because this is really important. I have to speak to Daniel before I do anything else.'
Jack bowed his head and rose up again, slowly.
'This is about Daniel.' He said.
Shelley was puzzled. He took her arm as he pulled her back towards the ramp. They sat, facing each other.
The view from the control room was a difficult one to watch. Both of them knew that it had to be done. Sam looked away for a moment, as though she was intruding on something important. Everyone in the control room watched as the news was broken. Carter watched as the realisation finally struck Shelley's face. Her head shook refusing to believe what had happened. Jack stood, trying to make her understand, gripping her arms with his hands. Still, her head shook; refusing to believe the truth he had told her. Finally, she fell silent, finally excepting Daniel's fate. She looked up at her brother. Knowing that what he was telling her was the truth, just by the look on his face. It said it all. He was just as hurt as she was, but like General Hammond, he had to remain as detached as he could. But this situation was different. He wasn't talking to any officer under his command, he was telling his sister what had happened to somebody she cared for. This was the only occasion when he could afford to be as understanding and caring as it was deemed appropriate. Carter watched as he held his sister. She knew that it was the only way Shelley would understand the way he felt, without actually saying it. They stood in the gate room for at least 2 minutes. Jack wanted to be as supportive to Shelley as he could, but couldn't escape the feeling that he was being watched from the command room. Although, this time, he really didn't care who saw him.
Shelley sat in the gear-up room with the only other female member of SG7, Captain Justine Miller. Over the last month, the two of them had become friendly and Shelley had told her what had been happening in her life over the last few months. Justine kept telling her how lucky she was to be in the position she had been in. But Shelley had felt far from lucky. Her life relationship with Daniel had fallen apart through no fault but her own and her career was far from the one she had envisaged for herself 3 years ago.
Maybe her time at the SGC had come to an abrupt end. She looked around her, the other members of SG7 had already been told about Dr Jackson and had left Shelley alone. But, Captain Miller had remained to offer some female support. The two of them sat there, without saying anything. Shelley didn't say anything and Captain Miller didn't know what to say to make her feel any better. They just sat in total silence, trying their best not to break the silence with insignificant chatter. The moment called for complete silence. Shelley had hardly any real time to think about what Jack had told her. So this was her quite time. She was sure that everyone else had there's over the last week or so since it happened. Still, she couldn't believe it. It was as though she was dreaming at this was the nightmare at the end of the night that made you feel uneasy about going back to sleep once you had awoken from it. But this wasn't a dream, but it was still a nightmare and she wasn't going to wake up realising that it wasn't real. There was a moment in the gate room as she looked up to see Major Carter and General Hammond starring back at her that she had thought that she had somehow fell asleep during her journey back through the Stargate. Which still wouldn't have made what Jack had told her any easier to face or to cope with. No, this was reality. One in which Daniel was gone and she never got the chance to answer his question. Miller smiled at her, trying to understand what she must be feeling, but somehow not being able to. It was no secret to anyone at the base that the two of them had been seeing each other out of the base. In fact, Miller believed that everyone that was anyone knew about it. That was one of the reasons why she was a little hesitant in working with her. She believed that she was spying on them. But over the four weeks she had gotten to know Shelley and really liked her, for a spy. Captain Miller was just glad that she never told her about to suspicions. The young women smiled back, only giving her the smallest smile she could manage. She took in a deep breath and removed the pack from her back. In all the confusion she had still remained in the SGC uniform she had been wearing since coming back through the gate.
'I have to get out of these things.' She whispered.
Heading towards the back of the room. She let the pack slip from her hands onto the cold floor. Shelley gazed down at it, not caring that it carried some samples she had brought back with her. Both of them heard them smash as the pack made contact with the concrete floor. Shelley sighed, picking it up and placing it on the bench next to Carter Miller.
'Could you take them to my lab for me. I think that Major Carter would want to see these first.' She said.
'Of course, I'll do it right away.' Miller said nodding.
'Thank you.'
The Captain held the pack open, taking out the bottles and the glass vials that hadn't been broken when Shelley dropped them. She starred at Shelley, who was more interested in staying where she was than taking them to Carter. Miller opened the door, and looked back. Shelley stood at the back of the room, not moving, just starring at herself in the mirror. Miller closed the door quietly behind her, leaving the young women to her thoughts and the realisation that he was gone and wasn't coming back.
The last few hours had gone from one crisis to another for Shelley O'Neill. Due to her carelessness the samples she had brought back with her had nearly all be destroyed, thankfully a few had remained intact. No one seemed to blame her for the miss-hap, which wasn't what she wanted. She wanted someone to shout at her. They were all trying their best not to make the moment any worse for her than it already was. She sat in the briefing room, just listening to Captain Miller and Major Arnold tell SG1 and General Hammond their report on the planet they had just come back from. She just sat, looking at everyone, seemingly all uninterested in what they were doing, but not being able to think of another way to cope with the feeling of loss they all felt. Only Shelley looked as angry as she felt. No one wanted to confront this situation.
It was all just too soon to deal with. Colonel O'Neill looked across the table as she fumbled around with the report in front of her she had just written. He didn't have to ask her how she was coping with the news, it was written all over her face. She looked around the table. One face immediately stood out from the others. He was unfamiliar to her. He was about 5" 7" with mousy hair, and rather geeky looking. This new man around the table starred back at her, wondering who she was too. But as she studied him more closely, something clicked. He was wearing the usual SGC uniform, as she was, but her badge did not read SG1. So, she thought, this was Daniel's replacement.
Shelley never usually went on first impressions, but this time, she was going to. She didn't like him. Maybe it was because he was Daniel's replacement. Jack saw her staring at him, knowing full well what she was thinking. This was going to be a difficult transition for all of them, most of all Shelley and the rest of SG1. But from the moment Shelley had arrived back at the base, she hadn't seen any evidence of them feeling as bad about Daniel's departure as she did. It seemed that she was the only one who seemed to care about the fact that he was gone. Shelley missed him and the person sitting in front of her was not going to take his place, not now, not ever. She just had to try and find a way to make them remember that he was their friend and colleague for five years, and for one of them, more than that. It was going to be difficult, but she had to do something before they forgot him completely. The rest of them carried on with what they were talking about. Shelley seemed less and less interested as the moment dragged on from one long boring point to the next. She fiddled with her pen, under the watch full eye of her brother and Major Carter. Their heads turned towards her from time to time, watching her as the frustration grew on her face. They were waiting for her to snap at a moment's notice, especially when the newest member of SG1 stood up for his part of the briefing. The youngest member of the group starred at him. But for some reason, she didn't seem as angry as she did before. Something was changing and she didn't like it. Shelley wanted to remain angry. Angry with anyone, it really didn't matter. Just as long as it focused her thoughts on something other than the fact that the person she most wanted to see sitting around the table, was absent. What Shelley failed to realise is that this was the first time that these people had come together since Daniel had been gone. She could tell from the way they reacted to each other. They still felt that there was something they could have done to help him before the transformation had taken place, but knowing full well that there hadn't been anything they could have done to help him. It was as though they were just going through the motions. Believing that this is what they should be doing. The only thing they could, was to work. Get through each day as best they could without thinking of what might have been. Shelley sat and watched as usual, half the time not knowing what they were talking about. She guessed that she wasn't the only one. She looked across the table towards her brother. The glazed look on his face said it all. He was just as bored as she was, but she sensed that there was an underlining excitement about the mission that they were about to embark on in a few days. This was what they had been building up to for the last five years. A secondary SGC base. Shelley and SG7 had spent the last four weeks conduction scans and mineral surveys, surveying the animal population. Making sure that there wasn't anything too dangerous on the planet. Luckily there wasn't any serious threat. There wasn't even any local population to contend and with added with the fact that the Goa'uld probably had no knowledge of this planet, it was the perfect site for the second base. All the tests Shelley had run had been a clear indication that there wasn't anything poisonous on the planet. It was through her recommendation that General Hammond had agreed to proceed with a more detailed re-con mission. She, along with SG1 would go back in a few days. There was a more serious mission Hammond wanted them to undertake first.
After the meeting, Hammond stood, turning towards the rest of them. His head bowed for a moment, then turned upwards.
'Before you go, I'd like you to travel to Abydos to inform Dr Jackson's father in law of what happened to him. I think he deserves to know.'
'Abydos.' Shelley called out.
'Yes.' Hammond nodded. 'I understand if you do not wish to accompany SG1 on this occasion.'
Shelley thought for a moment, thinking back on her last trip to Abydos. She nearly didn't make it back alive. Although that was a totally different situation to this. Despite the fact that she was still a little nervous about gate travel, she had to agree with Hammond. They did have a right to know what happened, even if it did mean going back there to tell them.
'Of course I'll go Sir.' She said, forcing a smile on her face.
SG7, Major Carter, Teal'c and General Hammond all left the command room. Shelley stood in front of the huge window that looked down onto the gate room. She starred at it. The thought of going back there was bad enough, but actually going back there to tell them that Daniel was gone unthinkable. She heard Jack moving behind her, trying not to disturb her, but failing.
'I know what you're going to say!' Shelley said.
'And what's that.'
'That I don't have to go. That I can stay here.'
'That's right. I was going to say that.' Jack said, looking at his sister.
'But I do have to go. It might help me to lay my ghosts to rest.' She said, turning towards the door.
She headed towards it.
'Are you sure about that?'
Then she stopped, turning back towards the window.
'What does that mean?'
'I don't know. But there's something more to you missing Daniel that your letting on.'
'I don't know what you're talking about.'
Jack moved towards her, hoping that she was going to tell him the truth.
'Yes you do. What happened to the two of you when you were held by the NID?' He asked.
Shelley shook her head.
'Nothing. I can't remember anything about it, you know that.'
'Do I. All I know is that you told us afterwards. Did you tell us the truth Shelley?' Jack asked.
'Of course I did.'
'Are you sure about that. I know that something was going on when you came round. But Daniel wouldn't tell me what it was.'
'Then there was probably nothing to tell. Your just thinking that something exists, when it really doesn't.'
Shelley said, turning back towards the door and leaving the room. For quite some time now, Jack was suspicious of why exactly the two of them had decided not to continue their relationship. It was just the fact that he was sure that Shelley's feelings for Daniel had not changed. So, maybe it had been Daniel who had decided to end it. But that didn't seem to fit either. Whilst Shelley had been in the coma, he had seen Daniel sit with her for hours on end. If he hadn't cared for her anymore, Jack didn't see how he could have sat there with her.
Something had happened between them they neither of them wanted to talk about. Colonel O'Neill had absolutely no idea what it could be, but he was going to make sure that Shelley told him.
Chapter Three
The journey to Abydos was brief, as always. But the journey for Shelley seemed to take forever. She stepped out, her whole body still shaking, now even more so. Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter and Teal'c had already made it down the steps towards the entrance of the pyramid. They looked back at her, waiting for her to hurry up. Her eyes were firmly transfixed on the spot where the clone had knocked her down. She couldn't take her eyes off it. Jack walked across, taking her by the arm.
'It's ok Shelley, let's go.' He said.
Shelley followed him out of the pyramid towards Carter and Teal'c who were waiting for them outside. Shelley raised her hand, trying to shield them from the blinding sunlight. Carter and Teal'c watched her as she emerged.
'Are you ok?' Carter asked.
'I'm fine. Let's just get this over with.' Shelley said, following Jack towards the village.
It was at least ten minutes walk to the centre of the village. Shelley remembered the trip well. The last time she had been there she had walked from the village to the site where Shar're had been buried, then back towards the stargate. She had been very tired when she had gotten there and had rested on the large stone steps before getting to her feet again. It was at that moment that she had spotted someone in the corner of the room. It had been dark and she only saw the clone before it was too late and she was lying on the floor of the pyramid, unconscious. As the village approached, she became more and more agitated. It wasn't the because of the last time she was there. It was because she was the one who killed the Shar're clone. Now it didn't take a genius to realise that she was about to come face to face with her father and brother. They might not take too kindly to having her here. That was why she hesitated when Hammond had asked her to attend. But, she had to do this. She never felt guilty about what she did. If it hadn't have been for her, both of them would have been hosts by now, Daniel too. She had been lucky though. Jack had come through the gate in the nick of time to help them. Shelley just had to be careful about what she said to them. She didn't want an intergalactic bust up on her conscience. All four of them stepped into the village. The children of the village who clambered onto them, tugging at their clothes, immediately met them. One of the children called out to his father, who immediately came over to them. He pointed into the direction of a nearby tent. They walked over, seemingly knowing where they were going. O'Neill opened the tents flap and went inside. Kasuf sat in the middle looking at them as they entered.
'My friends welcome.' He said.
From behind them they noticed that one of their party was missing. Shelley stood outside in the bright sun watching as the children played their games. They laughter filled the air with joy. She didn't understand why they could be so happy whilst she felt as though her world was falling apart.
'What are you doing out here?' Jack asked as he disembarked the tent.
'Nothing, just watching.'
'What?'
'The children. You know one of them could have been Daniel's if I hadn't have come back here the first time. The clone would never have hurt me. Then he would still be…'
Shelley struggled to find the appropriate word.
'Alive.'
That was the only word she could think of.
'He is alive Shelley. Just not as you and I are alive.' He said.
'That still doesn't make it right.'
Jack didn't know what to say to her. All he knew was that she wasn't responsible for what had happened. She just, was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
'We should get inside. There going to have some sort of remembrance for Daniel.'
'Are you going too?'
Jack shook his head.
'No. That falls to a family member.'
'His father-in-law.'
'Yes.'
'Well we'd better get it over with.'
Shelley turned opening the flap and went in side.
It had only taken half an hour word to spread through out the village of the fate that had befallen Daniel Jackson. Shelley had mingled into the burgeoning crowed of people that had gathered for his 'memorial.' In fact she had been quite surprised by the number of people who had gathered for it. Thankfully she seemed to disappear in to the crowed quiet easily. For ten minutes now, her brother had been looking for her, without much success. But couldn't look for her any longer as the memorial was about to start. Despite the fact that this had happened nearly a week ago, neither of SG1 had said anything about it. They had been quiet. It wasn't because there weren't feeling the loss of his presence but because they didn't know how to express it, unlike the people of Abydos and Shelley O'Neill.
Kasuf stood in front of the crowed. The number of people who had travelled to hear him speak about his son-in-law astonished him. He didn't know where to begin. What he had thought he would say didn't seem appropriate now. He would just have to think of something else.
The first half on his memorial was so overwhelming. Most of the villagers were in tears. Shelley stood in the middle of them, listening carefully. Each of them had their own story about Daniel to tell each other.
At first they thought of him as just as an outsider who came to their planet to destroy it. But that wasn't how he ended up in their eyes. He was their friend, the one who had saved them from Ra and Apophis. The one who had brought one of their sons back from the Goa'uld. The one who had married one the women of their village.
'What about me?' Shelley thought to herself. 'What about me. Don't I count?'
But no one called out to her. They were all focussed on Kasuf and Skar'ra and how terrible they must be feeling to have lost a member of their family. The last link to their daughter and sister. Shelley turned away from the crowed. Making her way back towards the Stargate. She didn't belong there. This memorial wasn't meant for her, but for Daniel's family and for the people he had lived with. But not for someone like her. Someone who had thrown away their relationship because of the feelings she thought Daniel didn't have for her any more. Now she would never know if she had been right. Although they had been a chance.
After half an hour of tracking her down, Jack finally caught up with his sister in the pyramid that housed the colossal stargate. She sat on the steps, just staring at the spot where Carter and Teal'c had found her.
'What you do' in?' He asked.
Shelley looked up at him.
'Nothing. Just thinking.'
'Of what happened to you here?'
She nodded.
'How long have you been here? I've been looking for you.'
'Well here I am. What did you want?' Shelley said.
Jack didn't like to tone of her voice and gave her the usual look that expressed his annoyance with her.
'I just wanted to know if you were ok?'
'Well as you can see, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be.'
Jack moved towards her, sitting on the step below her.
'Consider what happened to you here, I'm amazed that you came back here at all.'
Shelley thought for a moment. There was only one reason why she came back here.
'I had to pay my respects to Daniel. Coming here seemed like the obvious choice.'
'Is that the only reason?' Jack asked.
'What do you mean?'
'I know you. There was no way you could have wanted to come back here, if you had a choice Why don't you tell me what it was.'
Shelley looked away, not falling for her brother's tricks. She wasn't eight years old anymore. That might have worked once before, but not now.
'I don't know. Maybe I was looking for something that wasn't here.'
'Like what?'
Shelley turned back, now sitting on the step below her brother.
'Answers to why I did what I did.'
'Which was.'
She took in a deep breath, letting it out, along with all the frustration and anger she was feeling.
'Telling Daniel that I think we should stop seeing each other, when I really didn't mean it.'
'Then why did you do it?'
'Because I was confused. When we were locked in that room together I could feel that there was someone else in there with us.'
'Shar're.' Jack said.
Shelley nodded. This was the first time she had told anyone the real reason why she had decided to 'split' from Daniel.
'Even before that. I heard what he was thinking. Most of the time, it wasn't about me.'
'So that's why you feel guilty now. Because you wish you had the chance that change your decision.'
'Yes I would. But it's not just that, before I left, we had this argument. He wanted to get me to change my mind. But at the time I couldn't. That's when I said something horrible.'
Jack was curious as to what Shelley said that would make her feel so angry with her self.
'I told him that being away would give me time to think about things. Then he got persistent. And I said that as far as I'm concerned I wish I'd never have to see him again.'
'Then when you got back you found out that it was true and that you weren't going to see him again.'
Shelley nodded.
'If I could take back what I said, I would. Whilst I was away I decided that I was wrong to let it come between us. I knew that he did care about me. When I came back I was going to tell him. But I know I'm not going to get the chance to.'
'That's why you came here. To try and make peace with yourself.'
Shelley looked up at her brother. In rare occasions like this, he would normally say the right things. This time, he was absolutely right. She wanted to make peace with herself for what had happened over the last year or so.
'Yes.'
'That's the only thing you can do.'
Shelley smiled and looked up at her brother.
'I guess so. Everyone else seems to have gotten over it pretty quickly, why can't I?'
Something stirred around in Jack's mind.
'Hey. Just because it may look like we've gotten over it, doesn't mean that we have.'
'I know. I'm sorry. I know that this is difficult for you too.'
'And it's going to get worse.' Jack said.
Shelley didn't know what he meant.
'What do you mean?'
'General Hammond wants to us pack Daniel's personal belongings. They've done all of the security risk stuff. I think you should come.'
She got to her feet quickly.
'I can't do that.'
'Yes you can.'
'When I was there last we didn't have the most pleasant conversation.'
'Then this might give you the chance to put the ghosts behind you.' Jack said.
Shelley turned towards him.
'I guess your right.
For the first time in a few days, she smiled at her brother. She hoped going back there would finally help put her past behind her. Feeling the way she did right now was not the best thing for her and didn't want to spend the rest of her life feeling like that. Everyday, regretting her decision. There had to be some sort of closure. It wasn't that she wanted to forget about Daniel. She just wanted to forget about the argument they had and forget those words she said. Shelley hadn't meant them, she was hurt and angry. But, whilst away she had time to realise that no matter what his feelings still were for Shar're, she wasn't there anymore, but had been. That's why when she had come back through he gate she had wanted to see Daniel straight away, to tell him that she had changed her mind and that she wanted them to be together again.
Chapter Four
All four of them stood outside the door to Daniel's apartment silently deciding who was going to go in first. They looked at each other, waiting for someone else to take the first step. It seemed that no one was going to venture inside. Neither of them wanted to come here, but they didn't want someone else to pack away Daniel's belongings. To them it would just be a job, but to his friends it would be something more. It would be their last chance to say goodbye before every last trace of Daniel was erased and stored away.
"So," Jack said. "Who has the key?'
Carter shook her head.
"I thought you had it." She said.
"Nope."
Shelley stepped forward, a small key in her hand.
"Is this what you're looking for."
Jack took it from her, just about realising why she would have a key to Daniel's apartment.
"When did you..?'
But Shelley didn't say anything. For a start, it wasn't any of his business and why should she tell him. It didn't really matter now.
".... Never mind."
He opened the door slowly and stood in the doorway just looking a few feet in front of him. Jack turned, looking at the others who finally followed him inside. Carter and Teal'c disappeared inside. But one of them was missing.
"Shelley." Jack said. "Are you coming?"
Shelley just stood there, not wanting to go any further. The last time she had been here it hadn't been in the most exceptional circumstances.
"I er, I don't know.""Come on Shell."
Her feet moved towards the door, wanting to stop, turn around and get her as far from this place as she could. But she didn't and followed her brother in the apartment. She stood by the door, watching Carter and Teal'c moving around, looking at everything and deciding what to put away first. None of them wanted to do this. It was just as though when the apartment was cleared that it mean that Daniel was really gone and neither of them wanted that. No matter how hard they tried to deny it the fact was that he was gone. Gone somewhere where they weren't able to follow him to make sure that he was ok. That's how they all felt, well all of them except one. Shelley didn't want to accept it.
"Why don't were start in here. Shelley, why don't you start in the bedroom?' Jack saidShelley looked up at him, shocked at what he had said to her. What did he mean by that. Surely he wasn't implying that she had been in there before. She just nodded and headed into the direction of the bedroom, seemingly knowing where it was without being told. Jack watched her as she entered the room, stopping for a moment to look behind her at the others. Neither of them was looking at her now and went inside slowly.
On the other side of the door, Shelley stood for a few minutes just looking around the room. Nothing had changed since she had last been there. But on the bed lay two big boxes that the air force had already left a few days before in preparation for the clear out. She pulled them off onto the floor and sat down. It was strange being in here without him. But whilst the others were going about their own business, Shelley was in here, doing nothing. Thinking about the last time she had been in the apartment. It had been the day before she had gone with SG7 and two days before he had gone to Kelowna. And they hadn't parted on the best of terms. In fact they had the biggest argument Shelley had ever had with anyone before and it hadn't been pretty. He wanted them to continue with their relationship. All he wanted was to know why she hadn't talked it over with him first. Only Shelley had known why. It hadn't been an easy decision for her to make, but she had made it to preserve whatever friendship was left from their relationship. She didn't want him to hate her for it; she had just felt that she had already been hurt by what he had felt. Looking back on it now, Shelley wished she hadn't left that day shouting those nine horrible words that were still ringing in her ears even now. Shelley had wanted it to be like it was a few weeks ago, when the robot, Reece was killed. She had been worried about him and had gone to see him. Events had seemed to take a turn for the better, but the next morning everything was the same again, wanting her to change her mind about where their relationship was going. And she couldn't. It may have been selfish on her part but she didn't want to share him. Even if it had been with his dead wife.
Shelley sat on his bed, looking around her, remembering when she had been here last. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Everything looked and felt the same, but he was gone and wasn't coming back. She stood opening a nearby closet. A thousand different memories hit her instantly just from the smell of his aftershave that was still lingering inside. Her eyes closed for a moment, remembering one particular memory back in her apartment. Everything had felt so right that night. But nothing good in her life had ever lasted for too long. Something would always manage to get in the way. Her hand reached up slowly, touching one of his jackets, holding it in her hand. Shelley leaned over breathing in the smell of his aftershave on more time hoping to make his memory last a little longer. The door creaked behind her and she turned quickly, releasing the jacket. Jack stood behind her, watching as his sister grieved for his friend. Neither of them said anything. There wasn't anything he could say to her that would make her feel any better or make the pain go away. He wished he could make it better for her. A day hadn't gone by that he hadn't thought that he could have done something to prevent it. Shelley began to move towards him, waiting for him to say something to her. Telling her that she was being stupid, anything, just as long as she knew that he was thinking about her. But he said nothing. As Shelley appeared at his side, she stopped. She felt Jack's hand in hers, holding it tightly. He may not have been very good with words but Shelley knew that it was his actions that told you how he really felt about you. Then he let go, letting Shelley go back into the other room with Carter and Teal'c. He would clear out this room for her.
Chapter Five
Shelley had spent most of the afternoon at the base, just hanging around the lab, getting on Sam's nerves. She didn't say anything of course; she was far too polite for that. But Shelley had seen the look in her eye. So Shelley had left her in peace and had decided to go and see what her brother was up to. But, he had gone home and promptly followed him there. As she stepped out of her car, Shelley noticed that the whole house was in total darkness, except for a light in the living room.
'Jack.' She called out as she opened the door and stepped inside.
Shelley noticed him sitting on the other side of the room, next to the window.
'Why are all the lights off?'
He looked up at her.
'Shelley, what are you doing here?' He asked.
'I don't know. I just came to see if you were ok. I know this afternoon wasn't easy for any of us.'
'I'm ok, why wouldn't I be. Nothing every affects me right?'
Shelley moved closer towards him, sensing that something was wrong.
'I wouldn't say that.' She whispered.
She stood next to him by the window, wondering what was so interesting out there. But whatever it was out there, it was nothing to what she saw on her brother's face.
'What's going on Jack?' She asked.
'Nothing's going on.'
Shelley looked around the house. It was a mess and probably hadn't been cleaned for weeks.
'What happened Jack, sacked your cleaner again.' She said, trying to make light of a potential tense situation.
He looked back too, not bothered by the state of his house.
'No. I just, haven't gotten around to doing it.'
'This isn't like you Jack. Your usually, so tidy.'
'Then what am I like Shelley. All I do is pretend that things aren't happening.'
'That's not true.'
'Yes it is. I did it when Charlie died. Staying in his room all the time, hoping that he was going to come back.
Shelley sighed.
'Well I wouldn't know about that. I wasn't around, remember.'
'That was my fault too. If I had been able to see how it had affected you, you might still have been in my life for the next 5 years.'
'That's all in the past Jack. It doesn't mean anything now.'
'Then what about Daniel?' Jack asked.
For most of the afternoon, she hadn't thought about him. But now, as Jack mentioned his name, it brought the realisation back to her that she was never going to see him again.
'What about him?'
'You've seen this place Shelley. Tell me I haven't let this affect me?'
'It's been hard on all of us. I don't know. Maybe its because you' knew him longer than the rest of us.'
'That doesn't mean anything.' Jack said, looking at her.
'Then what do you want me to say. Do you want me to tell you that every time I think about it I have to stop myself from crying again? That there's this big gap in my life now he's gone.'
Jack looked up at her, beginning to see the tears in her eyes again.
'There must have been something I could have done Shelley. If we'd have seen what they were doing before, we might have gotten them to change their mind.'
Shelley shook her head.
'I doubt it, not from what Sam told me. They wouldn't listen to anyone Jack. You can't blame yourself for their mistake.'
'Why can't I. Their mistake killed my friend and your….'
'I know.' Shelley said, softly. 'But thinking about it is only going to make you crazy Jack. Believe me, I know. At least you had the chance to say goodbye. I never did and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. You know something, someone told me once. 'It never goes away. You just have to find a way to deal with it.' I can't remember his name. He's very wise and I love him like a brother.'
'Really.'
Shelley nodded.
'I'm sure he loves you too. Even if he doesn't show it.'
'I know he does. He doesn't have to tell me.'
Jack looked up at her.
'I miss him Shelley.'
'I do to.' She said.
Without even thinking and for the first time in her life, Shelley opened out her arms, holding her brother. It was usually him that comforted her. But he had done it so many times over the last few days. No one, even her, had stopped to consider how he was feeling about Daniel's ascension. Now she knew that he was hurting as much as the rest of them. Ever since she was a kid Shelley had always believed that nothing could get to her big brother. But she had been wrong. He missed Daniel too, maybe even more than she did. It just made him seem more real to her now. When she was growing up, he had always been there for her, even more so when her mother had died, protecting her against anything that would want to hurt her. Now he couldn't stop the hurt of missing Daniel for either of them.