Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: This is crack. Enjoy. ;P
The day Shawn Spencer got in touch with his sensitive side was also, coincidentally, the day the world ended.
It all started with Gus on his sales route. He was quite happy, because he never got to be on screen while working at his sexy pharmaceutical job. It was good that the writers knew what the audience truly appreciated.
He was just lugging around that really heavy sample case, disgruntled at having such a heavy prop, when Shawn jumped out from a bush and tackled him to the ground, in what could only be described as a glomp.
"Omf!" Gus grunted as he was slammed to the ground by his not-as-muscular friend. The sample case was flung from his hand and it dropped right on his head, because a bit of comic relief would be needed for such a dramatic moment as the one which would soon followed.
"GUS!" Shawn cried in all capital letters. He hugged Gus around the waist, even though they were still on the ground and looked to be in a compromising position.
"Shawn!" Gus hissed. "Stop encouraging the slashers!" He shoved Shawn off of him. Not knowing his own strength, Gus accidentally flung him ten feet into the air, but this being a comedy, Shawn landed safely on the ground, kind of like a Little Boy Cat.
"I'm sorry, Gus. But I just watched a marathon of Oprah, and I've gotten in touch with my feelings. I'm trapped in a glass cage of emotion!" Shawn wept, crying unsettling tears of both happiness and sorrow. as he made some obscure pop culture reference. He was feeling so many conflicting emotions that the writers couldn't keep track of which it was anymore.
Gus blinked. He blinked again. He took off the glasses which were conveniently there so that he could wipe them on his shirt and put them back on his face (which he then proceeded to do).
"Shawn," he said slowly. "You have to calm down. You don't know what could happen if you make such a sudden character change like this."
Shawn wouldn't listen to reason however, and clutched Gus' lapels with his hands, shaking his friend back and forth in a truly dramatic fashion. As you may have guessed, Shawn was quite liking this new dramatic turn the show was taking.
"But, GUS. This is my time to show the fangirls that I care about everyone, and am mature, and that I don't use a nightlight!" Shawn sobbed.
Gus was disturbed by all this emotion. He wasn't used to more than a serious line an episode, and wasn't quite sure what to make of all this. Plus, he knew for a fact that Shawn had stolen his Green Lantern nightlight just last week.
Suddenly, Lassiter and Juliet came to the scene, because the author felt like putting more of the main characters in the story and forgot to write them into the beginning.
"Spencer, I've had a report of an out of character, emotionally unstable white guy prowling the streets. Please say it isn't you," Lassiter said in his usual brisk, super cool cop fashion. He took off his sunglasses (dramatically). Juliet rolled her eyes, but followed suit.
"HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?" Shawn cried, a wreck of emotional instability and out of character emotion.
"Shawn, you have to be careful," Juliet said, bitchslapping Shawn, because bitchslap is a fun word and the author wanted to use it at least once in this story. She kind of wanted to use it twice, so Gus decided to bitchslap Shawn as well.
"Why?" Gus said uneasily, as Shawn expressed anger by moving his eyebrows around a lot. His friend didn't seem to be quite used to displaying all this emotion, and wasn't the best at it yet. But his eyebrow movements soon grew more sophisticated, and it was clear that Shawn was a quick study.
"Do you know how out of character this is for him?" Lassiter said, shooting at a cat as it walked by (it was launched for attack however, so it was justified).
"Lassiter's right. His character's never displayed more than one emotion an episode. Who knows what all of this could do?" Juliet said, as Shawn's eyebrows began to do crazy eights and a roller coaster, and all sorts of things that expressed many an emotion. There was even a sliver of a pout forming on his lips.
"Please, as if the world's going to end because he suddenly gets in touch with his feelings," Gus said, but he wasn't quite sure. There was a vortex forming above them as the universe worked to restore the balance to nature. It looked menacing, and most have cost a heck of a lot of money with CGI.
Shawn looked up at the vortex and displayed pure terror. Screaming an utterly manly (not really though) scream, he ran around in circles. This, at least, was in character.
As the four main characters were sucked up into the vortex, the writers wept, because it was going to be such a good plot before this fanfiction writer infused it with crack.
"I'm too young to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!" Shawn said, drawing out his words dramatically.
Gus only glared.