Impostor

The case is dragging. The day is dragging. She is dragging.

It's been 5 days, 3 hours and 47 minutes (but who's counting?) since she last saw her partner. Or at least the man who had been her partner. She's unsure of the status now. Not since he arrived at the crime scene in a Ferrari full of flight attendant, that is. When he had left the precinct at the end of the case for another date, she'd been hurt. And confused. Castle had texted her the following day saying that he had a series meetings at Black Pawn, on top of owing Gina three more Nikki Heat chapters, and he would be unavailable for a while.

She knew it was a ruse. When had book deadlines and publisher meetings ever kept him out of the 12th Precinct? No, this was his way of saying something without saying something. An unfortunate habit they had both fallen into over the years. Why couldn't they just say what they really mean?

Staring at his chair, she couldn't figure it out. They had been getting closer, opening up more to each other, letting their hands linger when the coffee cup got passed. Her walls had been coming down. Were probably already down, if she was being completely honest. During the Boylan Plaza bombing case, she'd been certain he was going to say something real, to force the next step for them –a step she had been wishing and hoping for—and one that spread terror through her bones. How did this man always provoke these diametrically opposed reactions in her? Fear and excitement, annoyance and amusement, hate and ... (Oh come on Kate, at least admit it to yourself - hate and love.)

Lanie had been right –she and Castle didn't have a relationship. They had a holding pattern. And she was ready to land. She was. She just needed a little more time. But from the looks of things, especially the looks of that flight attendant, she'd waited too long. The look of indifference in Castle's eyes when he'd said he wanted uncomplicated and Jacinda was uncomplicated – that sealed it. She was too complicated. She was too late.

She had tried to focus her attention elsewhere. The handsome, intelligent Detective Inspector Hunt – they had a connection. Similar stories. Same dedication to the work, to fighting the good fight. She couldn't deny there was an attraction there, a mutual attraction if she was reading Hunt correctly. She'd enjoyed drinks with the Brit, felt an ease with him and found herself smiling more than she had thought given her parting interaction with Castle.

She could see herself with someone like Colin. He was handsome, but not vain. Intelligent and down to earth. He possessed the same dedication to his work that had attracted her to Will Sorenson all those moons ago, but it was tempered with a deep respect for her own work and her skill as a detective. He knew her job was just as important as his and that made her like him all the more.. And she didn't miss that he appreciated her looks too, although he was too much of a gentleman to say it out loud.

Being with Colin had helped. She had been able to forget about Castle for a moment, to put the heartbreak of seeing him leave for another date with Jacinda out of her mind. But the reprieve didn't last long. Castle's face kept coming back. The eager face with the loving eyes that he'd been showing more and more, and the indifferent face he showed as he left the precinct the last time.

Colin had offered to escort her home, had shown how much he would have enjoyed that. But she declined. She liked Colin, she really did. And it was a relief to spend an evening with someone who clearly enjoyed her company. But she didn't want to lead him on. She'd made that mistake with Josh, pretending to be in it with him when she really wasn't. So they'd said goodbye outside the bar, with a demure kiss to the cheek, and he went on his way. Back to DC, back to London. And she went back to her Chelsea apartment. Back to her life.

In the next weeks, life at the 12th went back to normal, or at least as normal as it could be without the presence of her shadow. The boys were wondering where he'd gone, but they were wise enough not to ask. Castle's "I'll be busy for a while" seemed to be lasting. He hadn't called or sent a text. And she hadn't either. She knew when she wasn't wanted. So she focused on her work. Did her best to solve the cases without her sidekick around. And she did. She solved the case, went home, took a bath, read a book (but not his books, that she couldn't bring herself to do).

It was over. That was that. She was moving on. That's all she could do. She was a survivor. When life required her to move forward, she plowed ahead. She survived.

Then, about six weeks later, she got a surprising call. He called to say he was coming back to the 12th. He'd been asked to assist on a case. Detective Inspector Hunt was on his way back to New York.

TBC …