Prologue

Once upon a time there was a prince and princess. They had a great life until one day a bad witch came and destroyed it. They were not happy, but then a fairy came and saved them, she made everything right again. And the lived happily ever after. The End.

Yeah right, what a bunch of crap. This whole day I wished for the sun to come out. But I guess the fairies don't work in the winter.

So, just a normal winters day for me yet again. But still, all of my days are always full of joy…

Well, most of them anyway…

Okay, some of them….

Okay, I'm miserable all the time. You happy now? Oh, God, I'm talking to a piece of paper. This feels so stupid…. Why am I writing this journal, or whatever I'm supposed to call it, anyway? This is all the fault of my stupid therapist. It's supposed to help me think. Yeah, really helpful, as if I wasn't going crazy already, now I'm talking to myself… Okay, maybe I can't stop myself from going crazy, I mean, It is in the family, after all. Nah, just kidding.

Okay, okay, enough with the babbling. I'm supposed to dedicate this to a person. Not that anybody would read it, but let's just humour my shrink, shall we?

Well, if I'm going to dedicate this to someone, I should probably introduce myself, before you think I'm crazy, too. My name is Randy Taylor and I'm 19 years old. Right now I'm living home again, not quite ready to start college yet, I barely finished High School. But anyway, yes, my last name is Taylor. I am Tim Taylor's son, the tv-star. You know, Tool Time, you watch it? No, me neither. Well, only if I really can't sleep, helps every time, I can recommend it. If you want to watch because you want to know how to actually fix something in or around your house, I recommend you watch Bob Vial, I'm sure he's never glued his head to a table before.

But, hey, this was about me. So, my mom lives here, too, of course, she's a psychiatrist. She's good at what she does, she sometimes just doesn't understand that she can't help me with my problems anymore, she would get emotionally involved. Not good, of course. Not that it doesn't stop her.. or her cooking.

I have two brothers also. My older brother Brad is 20 and was the popular jock in High School, he was always popular, before.. oops getting ahead of myself there, sorry… and next to that is my younger brother Mark, just 17. He's always been the one my parents worried about, you know, the one who would get on the bad side of the road. He did, I guess for a little while. But while they worried about him, a lot of other things happened. He came around, turned back to normal, well, normal for him. He's still weird. But he's family.

And me? Well, I've got a semi-normal family, a normal life, I was going to school, I had the right friends, everything was going great. Now, everything's messed up and I'm, like I said, miserable. I can't sleep, I can hardly eat and my head is pounding so much I feel it's going to burst any second now. It's just that I keep thinking about all the stuff that happened in the last couple of years. My emotions are especially running wild. I don't know what I feel, or rather: I don't know what I DON'T feel. Just think of an emotion, I swear, somewhere in the mess inside of me, I'll find it.

It's scary. Everything seems to be getting worse every second, even though I didn't think that was possible. It's like my life is spinning out of control fast and I can't stop it.

All I can do is keep wondering how all of this happened, when did it get this bad? You know the feeling like you're dreaming and the world just keeps going, but in slow motion? T feels like that all of the time right now. Only I'm wide awake and things are getting worse…

Everything's so screwed up. I don't get it. What the hell happened? I'd just like to float out of my body to be able to look at everything I did, but I don't think I would believe it. When I think back at all of it, I can't help wondering: Is this really who I've become?

My whole life has changed. I think I've lost everything but my family, even though I know most of them have turned against me as well. Who can blame them? I mean, sometimes I've turned against me. What am I saying, I have.

The scary thin is: I don't know how to fix this. I can't undo the things I've done. I can't take back the things I said. I can only hope I have enough time left to make it better. I'm running out fast, I know, but I have to try. My life is depending on it….