Super Secret Scythe

By Toki

AN: Lol. Yet again, I have spit out a Miyuki/Wilhelm fic. I know you probably all hate me by now, but hey. There's not nearly enough Wilhelm as a whole. I'd appreciate him a lot more if he weren't always angsting and snogging chaos/some other male. Kthxbai.

Suggestive scythe is suggestive.

Disclaimer: Don't own Xenosaga, duh.

X X X

Today, I nearly lost my eyebrows, and my job. Explosions and various chemical-based threats are the norm in weapons research, though normally not on the programming end. Except if you're uh…me.

I happen to have been working on one of my secret underground ninja KOS-MOS projects. Smeared with oil, work vest singed from previous whoopsies, I knelt by the handle of the scythe, scrutinizing my own work. I am my own worst critic, of course.

…

It looked beautiful, my opinion. Why am I so wonderful?

Milky-white metal, gleaming in the bright lights of the clean room, the scythe seemed carved out of light. It was diamond coated, with a single vine of inch-thick silver twisting up it, detailed lovingly with tiny leaves. I sighed at it, running my finger down it with great adoration. The fruit of my labors, if you will. I had toiled into the wee hours of the morning on it, trying to make the weapon as beautiful as the android that would wield it. Hopefully.

All that was left was to inject the ether plasma. When superheated within the core of the handle, it would manifest into the immaterial blade itself. Hopefully.

The tricky part was channeling it just right, unfortunately. It had to be injected and routed at such an angle that it wouldn't…explode.

So here I was, holding something that looked like a ten-pound cake froster, except it was filled with pulsing, electric blue fluid. Also, it happened to be of precious commodity and rather expensive. The amount I would be injecting into it would probably even out to well…about three months of my cushy Vector pay.

So yeah, if I was caught, I was pretty much fucked. Normally, we have realians specially attuned for this sort of thing performing this particular task, but this was a secret, ninja project. There could be no record. I'd done most of it in my own lab at home, but this was as far as I could go without needing my work tools. The other thing I brought from home was my little radio, to keep me conscious during the tedious hours. It hummed softly in the background.

I was about halfway done with the injection at this point, trying to keep my hand from trembling as I watched the silver line begin to glow blue from the bottom, snaking its' way towards the top like fresh blood to the brain.

Closer and closer the blue liquid stretched to the top. I was shaking from excitement, now. Oh, it would be so wonderful to see the look on Shion's face when this beamed onto the Elsa at some random point in time. In fact, it would be nice to see Shion's face, period. I missed my friend, dearly.

The cartridge clicked and wheezed when it was empty, and I carefully pulled the nozzle from the bottom of the scythe, pulling the welder in my left hand over to seal the fluid.

Marvelous. Perfection. How am I so small, yet so full of glory and intelligence? There should be some sort of amalgamation of glory and intelligence. Glorigence? Naw. Sounds more like a disease…

So anyway, you may be able to predict what happens when I decided to pick it up and test it for the first time. I wouldn't be able to hold it longer than maybe a minute before it got too hot for a human to hold, but still. My finger hovered over the switch ---

Just as the clean room door behind me swished open, and none other than my boss stood there. I think the Dammerung could have fit snugly in my mouth, it hung open so wide.

How did he know? I had scrambled those cameras to make the room look empty myself! I'M GOOD AT TRICKERY.

"Good evening, Miss Itsumi. Working late?" He smiled, dulcet tones floating across the room at me. The room felt cooler, I noticed. I'm not sure if it was creepy or relaxing.

"U-uh-huh." I nodded, still in the heavy welding apron, scythe sheathe still held in both hands, raised slightly off the floor. Over his shoulder, the mirror-shiny walls of the room reflected me. It was both hilarious and sad. My eyes were completely huge. There's mistaking them, as they're so dark compared to my skin. My mouth had reverted from its' whole fish phase, thank God, but that didn't change the fact that I looked like a complete idiot. A guilty one.

He tilted his head, snowy pieces of hair sliding across his equally pale skin. "That…is a beautiful weapon, Miss Itsumi. Very, very beautiful."

His hands, which had been gracefully folded behind his back, now reached slowly forwards to touch the weapon, slender fingers outstretched. He took it from me, rotating it to inspect it, burgundy eyes soft and contemplative. "Stunning. You did the detailing of the vines yourself? They didn't even melt when you injected the plasma. Masterful."

"Yea, I—Er."

He tilted his head ever so slightly, and blinked at me. "Pardon?"

"I couldn't have injected the plasma, sir. I mean, I'm—".

"Human."

"Right! And that stuff is—".

"Expensive." He smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. Oh my God I'm so fucked. In every sense of the word—well maybe I wish every sense of the word. Oh, my. No, I didn't go there. Anyway, back to being terrified.

If I was the type of person to get nervous and bite their nails, I would have been chewing on the bloody stump of my thumb right now. The fear and downright OH SHITTERY of the entire situation was pushing me to system overload.

He tilted the scythe at a slight diagonal angle, across his chest, holding it with two hands and looking towards the top. His thumb slid deftly, flipping it on. I watched in both fear and intense satisfaction as the electric blue liquid did its' job. I felt the light flare of heat across my face and bare arms as the blade materialize, pulsing electric blue and azure, sparkling. Oh, KOS-MOS…It will match your hair so well!

"Exquisite. What's the battery's life span?"

"Fou-fourteen hours sir."

"Nicely done." He nodded, waving it back and forth a bit, red eyes watching the blade. In his black suit, he looked a bit like the grim reaper to me. Well, grim reaper of my paycheck. "The blade is a beautiful color."

"I'm fond of blue!" I tried to seem chipper. "I'm also fond of red. Like my uniform. And roses. And blood. And your eyes – great contacts? When I mention my blood, I like it all in my body, by the way!" It fell on seemingly deaf ears as he continued to scrutinize it, longer fingers handling it carefully.

The thought remained as I watched him swing it lightly, safely backed away from me. Beautiful and dangerous, and scary as all hell. Death. I looked at the clock behind him. He'd been holding it a good minute since it had been on now. By all means, his hands should have been blistered, swollen and red. But no, he held it firmly, carelessly. His gaze switched to me quite suddenly, eyes cat-narrow, pupils dark. He took a step towards me, soft step the only sound in the room. The slight ease I had started to feel fell away from me, leaving a slow numb sensation. There was a primal fear to this, I decided, taking a step back. A hawk closing in on a rabbit. The superior being looming over the inferior. Something satisfied and predatory lurked behind Wilhelm's eyes. It disturbed me, it was so…not...

Human.

The clock ticked and chimed once, a weak little tinkling sound. Four o'clock. I jumped at the sound, my heart palpitating in my chest as I stared in what I soon realized was now physical fear of my boss. I took a step back, slowly raising my hands in front of my chest. His lips were curled in the slightest of smiles, dark eyes half lidded, scythe held slightly past his waist. The blue blade burned bright and warm, seeping heat and death even from a good two feet away. That thing could slice through the outer wall of a spaceship with ease, never mind a human body. "I must say though," he said, voice muted, "that I prefer pink."

I took a deep breath as he reached out very slowly towards me, one pale finger resting just ever so lightly on my bottom lip. He had closed in on me now, his right arm held out to keep the scythe away from me, though I could still feel the heat. Oh my God, I am going to die. He really isn't human, is he? He's some sort of Realian-in-a-Blender-with-Satan-Juice Thing.

"Miss Itsumi," he said at last, after what seemed an eternity. "Did you really think you could manage to manufacture an S2-Class android weapon without me realizing it?"

I blinked. "Yes."

Hey, I'm not one for blatant lies when I'm already pinned between wall and CEO holding a scythe.

Heh. Heh…heh.

He rested his forehead on my collarbone, putting his arm on the wall behind me, and chuckled somewhere around the area of my breast. I shuddered, fighting the urge to start giggling insanely. "Humans," he laughed quietly. "I've been here so long, and I honestly forget."

I blinked, trying to steady my breath. Easy there, girl.

"That we're dumb? Yup. Very dumb. Miyuki is very dumb. Hontou ni baka." I added in, just for good measure. BEHOLD, UNIVERSE, I HAS TWO LANGUAGESESES! Look at Miyuki, she is smart, a contributing member to society, DON'T SCYTHE MIYUKI.

Okay, my thoughts are derailing. I think I'm about to be killed, or fired, or both. My super hot and definitely not human boss is sort of casually leaning on my shoulder with a 300-degree-to-the-touch android weapon sort of frying happily, and we're just kind of hanging out. Sweet.

"No, just so very determined." He whispered to my neck. "Miss Itsumi, you are one of my favorite examples of that. Time and time again, you defy and defy, to do what you think is right, despite consequences. This strange sort of selfish brand of courage is exactly what makes me want to free you people. Your potentiality exceeds all things."

"Yeesh, it's a nice scythe, but I didn't think it was THAT nice."

He pulled his head up, flipping the scythe off and kneeling to set it down on the floor. "You'll understand this all someday, Miss Itsumi. For now though…" he put his hand on my cheek, smiling slightly at me. "Good night."

He's nuts.

"Wha-" I opened my mouth to complain, and I took the opportunity to kiss me, cold lips shutting me up quite efficiently.

And hey, I really did sleep. Or maybe "pass out" is a more accurate description.

Alarming.

Still more alarming? I woke up two hours later, slumped over the work station, ass in the air, snoring. Togashi was laughing at me over his morning coffee, telling me to just call in sick and go home. I stumbled around snorting like a pig in heat, blearily searching for my scythe. It was there, balanced across a crate, same place I had been working on it. The fluid was in there, but it still needed a cap and a formal switch and---Did I never finish it? Did I fall asleep, and dream up the whole Wilhelm thing? My head rang with questions and a violent need for a latte.

In the end, I went home for a hot shower and a good nap. The sound of the water coming on, pre-calibrated to the exact temperature I like at the flip of a switch, was a welcome sound. Peace. I pulled off my tights, mumbling about razor burn, and grabbed the edges of my collar to pull my shirt over my head when I caught something glinting on the seam of my shoulder. I paused, carefully picking up whatever was being shiny and distracting.

Some sort of silver thread? I squinted, and then my heart promptly fell to my feet. No, it was a perfectly snow-white hair.

AN: Done with my usual "rushed, I just wanted to write it" attitude. HOORAY. Delicious, delicious crack…