"What, is baby going to cry, now? Hmm?" Itachi teased his little brother mercilessly, giving him an evil grin, cupping his face in a harsh grip. He chuckled, seeing his brother fight the urge to cry.
Itachi had, for the umpteenth time, called Sasuke a 'fag' in front of all his friends. Then, on their way home, relentlessly asked him obscene questions about 'liking cock' or 'how hard' he liked to be taken. Just one more day in Itachi's life. And, unfortunately, Sasuke's.
"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled through his tears. "I'm not crying! Just leave me alone!" He shoved Itachi and ran up the stairs to his room.
"Hn. Baby," he muttered, calmly climbing the stairs, heading to his own bedroom.
*
Later that night, Itachi heard a small gasp, as though someone was in pain. He heard another a few seconds later. He crept closer to the bathroom to see what Sasuke was up to.
"Oooowww!" The boy was trying not to yell or draw any attention to himself. It was obviously very difficult. His voice broke every time he made a sound.
What is that little idiot doing? Itachi peeked through the crack in the bathroom door. He saw Sasuke sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his back to the door. He couldn't see what was causing him pain, but he noticed the boy was naked.
He looked up, into the mirror above the vanity to see what Sasuke was doing. He almost ran away. Instead, he burst into the room, yelling.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing! Sasuke!" He hit the razor blade from the boy's hand and turned him around to see the full extent of his damage.
"Itachi!" Sasuke sounded surprised, humiliated, angry and hurt that Itachi was there. His face was puffy, his eyes were red and his face was more pale than usual. He'd been crying long and hard. As well as hurting himself.
"What are you doing!" Itachi grabbed Sasuke's wrists, pulling them away from his crotch, trying to assess the damage he'd done to his thighs and penis. "Oh, Sasuke... why?" He felt like crying. Sasuke had cut several lines along each of his thighs and two along the length of his penis. His hands were shaking and covered in blood.
"G-go aw-wa-way!" Sasuke was so distressed that he was starting to have trouble breathing.
"No! What the fuck is wrong with you!" Itachi pulled the boy closer, hugging him to himself tightly, not caring about getting blood on his clothes. He received no answer. "Sasuke, why would you do this?" He gentled his tone, stroking gently at Sasuke's hair. Sasuke sobbed and wrapped his arms around Itachi's waist needing any and all kindness from his only living relative.
"I-I'm a f-fre-eak..." he blurted out, sobbing harder against Itachi's chest.
"What? What makes you say that? You're not a freak... usually."
"Y-you call me that e-every day. I-I like b-bo-boys! There's something wrong with mm-me!" He burst into a new fit of tears and sobbing, clinging to his brother, even after everything he'd just said. Itachi couldn't believe it. He was the cause of this. He made his own brother cut himself. His only brother. Cut his penis. Hot tears escaped down his cheeks, dripping off his chin and onto Sasuke's hair.
"Oh, Sasuke! I'm so sorry..." He buried his face in the silky black locks and hugged the boy even tighter. He was absolutely disgusted with himself.
"W-why? If you d-didn't mm-mean it, you wouldn't have s-said it..." he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "You hate me," he whispered, pulling away.
"No, Sasuke... No. I don't hate you... I... I'm just fucked up." He wouldn't let the boy pull away. "There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all." He pulled back, turning Sasuke's head so they were facing each other.
"B-but--"
"Nothing. I love you."
"Fag." Itachi chuckled softly at that.
"The faggiest." He let go of Sasuke, allowing the boy to cover his shame.
"I'm sorry." It was barely above a whisper, but Itachi heard it.
"Don't be." He went to the bathroom cabinet and pulled out bandages, antiseptic and cotton balls. "Here, we have to clean that up." He knelt in front of Sasuke and parted his legs gently, trying not to stretch open the shallow, but horrific-looking cuts. He winced as he saw the ones on his brother's penis. "Why here?" he asked as he dabbed as tenderly as he could at the thighs with the soaked cotton balls.
"Seemed appropriate," Sasuke muttered.
"Why?"
"It's what got me into this, in the first place."
"How?"
"You know how."
"I got you into this. You want to cut me?" Itachi muttered, trying to concentrate on his task. Sasuke didn't hear him. Thank the kami...
Sasuke hissed. "Ow!" Itachi had started on his penis.
"Sorry." He looked up and saw his brother blushing enough to light a candle. "What?"
"I think I can do... that myself..."
"I'm almost done. Besides... I thought you liked guys handling your junk." Itachi teased, trying to make the tension disappear.
"Shut up," Sasuke whispered, turning his face away. Itachi saw a few tears escape.
"I didn't mean... I mean... sorry." He felt his own cheeks heat up as he finally pulled out the bandages for Sasuke's thighs. "I... I won't say anything... anymore... I... I'm an arsehole... and... I shouldn't have said anything. It's... your business, not mine... and... I'm... you know... sorry." He couldn't look Sasuke in the eye. He was too ashamed of himself.
"It's... ok. I... overreacted. Bit psycho, huh?" He tried to make light, but to no avail.
"No. And yes. Next time... just punch me if I make you angry." Itachi finished bandaging Sasuke's thighs and sat back on his heels, checking he'd wrapped them sufficiently.
"You won't punch back?" Sasuke closed his legs, wincing, and covered himself with his hands. They were still shaking badly.
"Promise." Itachi stood up and bent down to hug Sasuke one more time before leaving him to recover. He hesitated a moment before placing a very light kiss on Sasuke's cheek before pulling away again. "Please don't do this again." He left without another word.
*
"Good morning. It's Uchiha Itachi... well, thank you. I'm calling to excuse Uchiha Sasuke from school, today... Yes, I'm his guardian... he's quite ill... no, I'm afraid he won't be in for another week. At least... thank you.... alright... good bye." Sasuke chose that moment to hobble into the kitchen.
"What're you doing?"
"I called your school to inform them that you won't be there for the next week."
"Why!"
"Look at you. You can hardly walk. You aren't going to school until you can walk properly." It looks like he's taken a big, hard cock up the arse all night. What! Damnit! I don't have time to think like that anymore! He scowled at himself, pushing the thoughts away.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Huh? Sorry. Look, I have to go to work. Be good, eat whatever you want and don't go anywhere. I don't care what you watch on TV. Just don't go in my room." He sculled the last mouthful of his coffee before picking up his briefcase and rushing to the door, giving Sasuke a quick kiss on the cheek as he passed. He scowled at himself again as he shut the door behind him. Sasuke was left stunned in the kitchen, his hand touching his cheek, over the kiss. His skin was tingling.
*
Hmm... what does Itachi have hiding in his room? Sasuke wondered to himself as he turned off the television, finding nothing of interest. He sounded like he has things in there he doesn't want me to see... porn? No... he wouldn't care about that... I don't think he'd be embarrassed... hmm... Sasuke pushed himself up and hobbled to and up the stairs, determined to snoop. He won't know... he won't be home for hours...
He finally got to Itachi's door. He opened it quietly, as though expecting Itachi to jump out and catch him at any moment. Once it was open enough, he slid in and made his way to the large desk parallel to the right of the king bed. He rolled his eyes at how tidy it was. His brother thought he was gay.
He opened the drawers one by one, top to bottom, trying to find something interesting. All he found were stationery supplies and old textbooks. He rolled his eyes again, moving on to the bedside table.
There was one drawer and a small cabinet that made up the bedside table. He opened the drawer first, finding it to be empty.
"Odd." He bent down and opened the cabinet. He rolled his eyes yet again. Itachi's porn collection was alphabetised, organised by date and stored neatly in a row. Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle. I thought I had issues! He closed the cabinet, not interested in large-fake-breasted women with bleached hair and teeth. He walked over to the large chest of drawers parallel to the right of the king bed. Going through it, top to bottom, he found nothing but neatly folded clothes, organised by colour and material and type of article. Why is he so boring?
He finally made his way over to the walk-in wardrobe, after finding nothing but air under the bed. Clothes were organised much the same way in the wardrobe as in the chest of drawers. Shoes had their own shelf per pair and there were two average-sized boxes on the very top shelf. Finally!
He pulled down the first box; a luxurious, antique-looking mahogany chest with their family crest in gold and silver in the centre of the lid. He opened it reverently, not knowing what to expect. He hadn't known their family owned something like this. Inside was lined with deep red velvet, still soft and vibrant, even after such a long life. In the centre of the box was a photo album. He picked it up, setting the box down on the floor, gently. He sat down next to it, in the middle of Itachi's wardrobe, and opened the photo album.
Each picture was of him or him and Itachi. The very first one was him as a newborn and Itachi holding him for the first time. There were a few with a little Itachi holding a baby Sasuke. As he progressed, the photos showed the two boys getting older and older. The last one was a recent photo. It was taken a few days ago. He and Itachi had been in one of their rare brotherly moods, and were posing for the camera. He was grinning widely while crossing his eyes. Itachi was smirking and looking as cool as ever. They were sitting on the couch, hugging each other around the waist. Itachi had the camera set on a timer, letting them pose properly.
Sasuke traced the lines of Itachi's face, under his eyes. He's so beautiful. He smiled and put the photo album away and replaced the box. He turned his attention to the next box. It was smaller and not as luxuriant, but still looked as though it was special. He settled back down on the floor, the box in front of him. He gingerly opened the lid, noticing the inside wasn't lined like the other one.
He frowned. They're just books. He pulled the top one out. It was a small, black journal. The year was written on the spine; 2008. Last year. He frowned, opening to the first entry.
It's been a year, now. Sometimes I don't think I can take it. Why did they have to die? Why did they have to leave him in my care. It makes everything so much harder.
Sasuke stopped reading. So, Itachi hates having to take care of me. He didn't know what to feel. He closed the journal and put it back into the box. He returned the box to the shelf and walked out of the room, still unable to decide upon a dominant feeling.
He went to his room and curled up in bed, hoping sleep would make him feel... anything.
*
"Sasuke... wake up... Sasuke..." Itachi poked Sasuke's shoulder, trying to wake him up as nicely as possible. "Sasuke!" He gave up on nice.
"Mmn... what?" Sasuke rolled over to face his brother.
"Dinner. I brought pizza home. And ice-cream. And a movie." He smirked at Sasuke's look of childlike joy. "You lazy bastard, did you sleep all day?" He laughed as he lead the way downstairs, to dinner. Sasuke almost said yes. Then he remembered what he'd been doing prior to going to bed. Sadness overcame him. He paused, not sure whether to follow Itachi or not. He pushed himself on. I can't let him know I was in his room.
"Shut up," he muttered, thinking it was as good an answer as any. He'd used it often enough.
"Come and eat. How do you expect to get a man if you're so thin?" Itachi piled three slices onto a plate for Sasuke and poured him a glass of Coke. Sasuke scowled. Why's he like this all of a sudden? Why does he even bother being civil? He hates me. He's such an arse. He sat down and sullenly took the plate and glass offered.
"Thanks." He took a small bite, not looking at Itachi. He didn't want to be in the same room as him at that moment.
"What's up your arse?" Itachi noticed the mood Sasuke was in.
"Funny, Itachi. Really. Fucking hilarious!" Sasuke snapped. "Yes, I like cock. Yes, I'm a fag. I like it hard. I like it over and over again, all night, every night. Is that what you wanted to hear!" Itachi's eyes were bulging and his mouth was slightly open, slack, in his surprise at the outburst.
"Um... no?"
"Fuck you." Sasuke pushed away his pizza and ran back upstairs, slamming his door as he entered his room. Itachi didn't understand what had just happened. He furrowed his brow in confusion and followed his little brother.
"Sasuke?" Itachi knocked on the door to the boy's room. "Sasuke?"
"Go. Away."
"I'm coming in." Itachi opened the door, glad that he'd never gotten around to fixing the lock.
"Haven't you ever heard of privacy?" Sasuke growled, not turning around to look at his brother.
"I think I deserve an explanation."
"For what?"
"Well, I don't think I deserve to be treated like that. I know I've hurt you Sasuke... and... I'm trying to make up for it... but... I didn't mean anything by what I said. It's just an expression. I meant 'what's bugging you?'" Itachi sat on the side of the bed, his hands between his knees.
"Stop lying to me! I know I just make your life harder! I know you wish you didn't have to take care of me!" He yelled it all out before he realised what he was doing. His eyes went wide, his hands flying to cover his mouth, as though to stop anything else from escaping.
"What did you say?" Itachi whispered, frozen at the wording of Sasuke's accusations. "What. Did. You. Say?"
"N-nothing."
"How much did you read?" His voice was deadly calm.
"I-I didn't..."
"How. Much. Did. You. Read. Sasuke?" His voice was like ice.
"J-just... just two lines..." Itachi nodded and walked out. Sasuke didn't know whether to follow him or not. He decided it was safer to stay put.
Itachi returned half a minute later, carrying the box of journals. He dumped it on Sasuke's bed, letting the books spill out. He said nothing. He simply turned around and left.
Sasuke looked at the spilled journals before picking up the one with the earliest date and started to read.
I don't know what's happening! I... I'm getting hair! And... it.. it's been getting bigger. And... it stands up! But I don't think that's a bad thing. It felt nice to touch it. What's going on?
Sasuke stared at the page for several moments, not believing Itachi was allowing him to read such personal entries. That very first entry was those two lines. It was when Itachi was eleven. He turned the page to the next entry, dated a few days later than the first.
I had 'the talk' with Kaa-san and Tou-san, today. I'm in puberty. Wow.
It felt so good to touch it. It kept getting better and better. I pulled and pulled... and then... I... I don't know. It was awesome! White stuff came out! At first I thought I wet myself... but it's all white and creamy. And it doesn't smell like pee. I want to do it again.
Sasuke chuckled at Itachi's naiveté about masturbating. Who knew Itachi could be like this? Like a vulnerable child. He read the next entry. His birthday, a month after the last.
Sasuke is six today. He's so cute. I keep having dreams about him. I dream that I'm touching his private area... and... and he does the same as I do when I touch myself. Kaa-san said it's an 'erection'. He gets big... and I keep touching him. Then he wets himself... like I do. With... is it semen? Then I wake up and I'm wet and sticky. What does that mean?
Sasuke was completely dumbfounded. Itachi had had a wet dream about him. When they were little kids. He couldn't put the book down. He read and read and read, not breaking for anything.
It was two in the morning before he realised he was tired. He'd read three of Itachi's journals so far. One for each year. He'd read about how cute Itachi thought his little brother was, how he kept having the 'strange dreams' every night and how Itachi liked to picture him while he was 'touching himself'. He realised he was painfully hard.
He groaned, as though the thought of masturbating was too much. Normally, he would be fist-fucking himself in the blink of an eye, but because he'd sliced his penis the day before, he couldn't touch it without it stinging. He hated having to pee with it.
He'd have to let it deflate on its own for the time being. As soon as I'm better, I'm going to make myself come until I'm dry and shrivelled! He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid as to cut himself in such a place! Itachi was right. Next time he got angry at his brother, he'd just punch him. Hard.
*
It took the whole week to finish reading all the entries in Itachi's journals. Sasuke was finally up to the most recent entry. The night he cut himself.
Fuck. Fucking shit! I'm the worst person in the whole fucking world! I've gone too far! I... I made him cut himself! I made him cut his fucking penis! What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm such a fucking arse!
I was walking down the hall... and I heard a noise coming from the bathroom... so I decided to see what the brat was up to... and he was fucking slicing his thighs and penis! It's all my fault! I should just keep my stupid mouth shut! Kami... I can't believe I've been such a dumb fuck!
Oh, Sasuke... I love him so much... I can't believe I said all those things to him. If he ever found out how much I really do love him, he'd kill me... slowly. If he can do that to himself, I shudder to think what he can do to me... My poor otouto... he's such a sweet boy... I have to make it up to him. I'll give him a week off school...
Sasuke was speechless. He couldn't believe what Itachi had written! I-Itachi... loves me. He sat there staring at the page, not seeing anything, for about five minutes before chucking it to the end of his bed. He checked the time on his alarm clock before leaving. Twelve-thirty. He's probably asleep... He shrugged his shoulders and left for Itachi's room.
The door was closed, but that didn't stop him from opening it and slipping in quietly. He gently closed it behind him and made his way over to the bed in the dark, only able to see faint outlines of objects by the light of the moon.
He crawled into the bed, leaning over Itachi. He could make out the gentle features of his brother's face. He touched a soft cheek with shaking fingers, surprised to feel the wet trails of tears. Recent tears. He's awake.
"I know you're awake, Aniki." He took his hand away, replacing his fingers with a soft whisper of a kiss. "I love you too." Itachi finally opened his eyes.
"What?"
"I love you too."
"But--"
"I. Love. You." Sasuke smiled, hoping Itachi would see the truth in his words. He brought his hands back to cup Itachi's face, tracing circles with his thumbs, under beautiful black eyes shining with unshed tears. He finally leant down and kissed the soft lips.
"S-Sasuke... stop."
"Why?" He pulled away, reluctantly breaking contact. He looked Itachi in the eye. "Why?"
"Because it's wrong. I never acted on any of that because it's wrong. So fucking wrong..." he whispered the last part, tears finally falling. "We're brothers, Sasuke. Brothers. It's incest."
"Who cares!" He became frustrated now. "You spent years hiding this, writing about how much you love me! Fuck! You had wet dreams about me! You fucking jerked off to me!" He grabbed Itachi's pyjama top and roughly pulled him up so their faces were centimetres apart. "I love you. I want you. I always have! And now that we know, you're going to run away from it! What the fuck is wrong with you! If you're worried about people finding out, I won't tell anyone! No one needs to know! Goddamnit! Itachi!" Sasuke crashed his mouth to Itachi's, forcing his tongue inside, kiss-raping his big brother until the idiot got it through his head that Sasuke wasn't going to give this up. Ever.
"But... Sasuke..."
"Shut up. We love each other. What's wrong about that? Don't we deserve this? Don't we deserve to be happy? If other people can't see that we deserve to be happy, how are we the bad guys? Please, Itachi? Please?"
Sasuke wrapped his arms around Itachi's waist, hugging him as tight as he could, resting his head on his aniki's chest.
Finally, after a few moments, he felt strong arms wrap around him, reciprocating the hug.
"I'm sorry, Otouto... you're right. I love you." Itachi kissed Sasuke's head and lay back, bringing the boy to lay atop him. "Sleep now." He rubbed Sasuke's back soothingly until he felt the boy fall asleep. It wasn't long until he followed.
*
It was early the next morning when Itachi woke up. He looked to his alarm clock; it read six thirty-five. He groaned. It's the weekend, damnit! He looked down at his brother, still sleeping in his arms, breathing deeply and evenly. There was a look of relaxed contentment on the boy's face, making him look so young, so beautiful. Itachi smiled and hugged the boy tighter against himself. He finally had what he wanted. He didn't have to hide his desire anymore. He didn't have to hide his love.
He held Sasuke for about ten minutes before the boy stirred and woke up. He watched as Sasuke blinked and looked around, trying to remember what had happened only hours previously. He held in a chuckle when he saw a light blush grace Sasuke's cheeks. He'd finally remembered.
"Good morning, Sasuke." Itachi pulled his brother up so he could hug him properly. He buried his face in Sasuke's neck, inhaling deeply. He placed a gentle kiss below the boy's earlobe before pulling away. He stroked Sasuke's hair, soothingly, as he gazed into the beautiful black eyes before him.
"Morning..." Sasuke said softly, shyly smiling back.
"Hungry?" Sasuke nodded, the faint blush still upon his face. "What do you want to eat?" Itachi thought he'd better get something in their stomachs before they discussed their new relationship. Sasuke shrugged his shoulders and leant back down, tucking his head under Itachi's chin, hugging him tightly, as though he were afraid it was all a beautiful dream.
*
"Sasuke..." Itachi didn't know how to start this conversation. He never thought he'd have it. He just looked at Sasuke, lost for words.
"What?" It was later the same day and the boy was flopped on the couch, flicking through the many channels. He didn't even look at Itachi.
"Do you think you could look at me, while I'm trying to talk to you?" Itachi took the remote from his brother and turned off the television. He sat next to Sasuke, taking the boy's hands in his.
"Itachi, I was watching that!" Sasuke scowled, but let his hands remain in Itachi's.
"You were flipping around. You know there's never anything good on. Now shut up and listen to me. I'm trying to discus... us. Don't you think we should... I don't know... talk?"
"Why?"
"Well... don't you think it's all kind of sudden? I mean... just last week, I made you upset enough to mutilate your... self. And now... we're trying to be... I don't know what to call us. But, do you know what I'm trying to say to you?" He looked helplessly at his brother.
"I don't think even you know what you're trying to say, Aniki." Sasuke smirked. He leant forward and kissed Itachi's cheek. "Don't worry. There's nothing to worry about. We're brothers... we know each other and we already love each other... let's just see where this goes, OK?" He sidled closer and leant against Itachi's side. "What're you so worried about?"
"For one thing, we don't know each other as well as we should, we have to discuss whether or not we're going to let anyone know about us and I want to establish some kind of... boundaries.
"Boundaries?"
"Yeah... like... you know... boundaries," he was becoming very flustered. Very unlike himself, he thought.
"Boundaries... like... sex boundaries?" Sasuke cocked his head, trying to understand what Itachi was stuttering about.
"Yes. Exactly. I don't think we should... you know... until you're... ready. Until you're older."
"Older? Itachi... I hate to tell you this, but... Neji and I... last year. We... well, we were each other's firsts. You know?"
"Oh. I see." Damn. He's got more experience than me... shit. Itachi felt his heart fall to the pit of his stomach. He wanted to be Sasuke's first. He'd never been with another man, either. He wasn't sure why, but he always subconsciously saved himself for Sasuke.
"Is that... a problem?" Sasuke saw Itachi's face fall for a second. He thought he looked a little regretful. "Itachi?"
"What? No. No, it's not a problem... I guess. I just... we'll talk about it when the time comes. OK?"
"OK. Is that all?"
"Yeah... for now." Itachi went to get up, but Sasuke pulled him back down. The boy made himself comfortable on Itachi's lap, wrapping his aniki's arms around his waist, lacing their fingers together, his head resting on Itachi's shoulder. "Otouto?"
"What?"
"What're you doing?"
"Getting comfortable."
AN: Chapter 2? What do you think? Should I leave it without the smut? Or should I write a whole chapter dedicated to yummy ItaSasu/SasuIta yaoi goodness? Review if you like. I love hearing from you guys! XD