Title: Special Features: Hunter's Commentary
Summary: Dean Winchester hates being sick, but what Dean Winchester hates even more, is scary-movie marathons.
A/N: Before we start, I have to let this all of my chest:
THIS STORY IDEAL IS ORIGINALLY SHANANDOAH77'S, NOT MY OWN.
It was put up in the Plot Bunny Adoption Center Thread and try as I might, I did not get a response, but I wrote it anyway. So, I do not take any credit for this idea. The writing sure, but not the plot. :)
Also: any movies, actors, television channels, television programs, or any other publicly recognizable thing is not owned by me. (This includes Supernatural) Only borrowing.
Oh, and I did not mean to offend anyone with anything written in the following text. If I did, I am sorry, but… it's Dean's fault! ;)
MOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNT
Dean Winchester hates being sick.
Now, when he says 'hates', he doesn't mean: "man, I hate it when somebody cuts you off on the freeway," or "man, I hate it when an ugly chick thinks you're hitting on her, when you're actually goin' for her hot friend." No. He means: "man, I hate it when somebody sticks an ice-pick that's been soaking in salt water for three days in my eye, all the way through to my brain." That kind of hate.
But what Dean Winchester hates even more, is scary-movie marathons.
You might think that's kind of ironic, but it's true. He hates scary movies. Absolutely hates them. It's not that they scare him (as Sammy so often likes to tease) but, that he can't stand how idiotic they are. What with their ridiculously hot girls, the screaming up the wazoo, the horrible misinterpretation of monster/apparitions/demons, not to mention the stupid fan bases and cults. Seriously, considering Dean did this stuff on a daily basis, shouldn't he be the one with the ridiculously large fan base, and hot girls swooning over him?
Now, you might find this a strange thing to be pondering about, but being bed ridden by a sickness all day, while emptying what he was pretty sure was this entire years worth of food from his being, while be stuck next to his, literally snot-nosed little brother on Halloween can do that kinda thing to ya.
Maybe he should start from the beginning.
His brother and he had been attracted to Bigfork, Montana, do to a string of unusual deaths. Four men-all varying in age, ethnicity, social rankings, etc.- had died, all in brutal accidents. At first glance they had seen no connection, but upon closer inspection, they found that all four men had worked at one of the local bed & breakfasts. That had been enough for them to a least head over and check the place out, but there were also claims from the locals that there was something 'supernatural' going on, and if that ain't a hint, Dean wasn't sure what was.
After spending two days at that very same B&B, they decided nothing was wrong with the place, besides some superstitious and overly-eager-to-share yokels. They decided to stay the night, and head out the next morning. That would be their fatal mistake.
Okay, maybe not fatal, but way fuckin' annoying.
They had dinner at one of the town's smaller diner's. Damn fine Mexican food, but, unfortunately, one cook with a damn horrible cold.
So, to sum it up, he and his idiot brother ended up on a wild goose chase to Montana, only to end up cold turkey, and had been sabotaged by the infected-but ridiculously good- Mexican food. Wouldn't daddy dearest be proud?
But, back to the scary movies: there very, very, very few that actually passed Dean's expectations, and made it to the 'Acceptable Scary Movies' list. Unfortunately, on this list, there were about… two movies.
With this said, it is quite easy to see why currently, Dean was pissed.
It being Halloween, every single channel was playing a stupid scary movie marathon. With the exception of Cartoon Network. That lovely station was playing a marathon of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (which he will freely admit: is a pretty awesome show) until that was replaced with some little kid movie. He searched every channel for other options, but, after two hours of Mythbuster's: Halloween Myths on Discovery, one hour of Halloweens History on the History Channel, and (of course) Charlie Brown's Halloween special, there was nothing left.
He had to succumb.
So, he put it on channel 13 (he thought it only appropriate, considering his current luck…) and watched.
The movie they had landed on was some B-list leprechaun movie, with the mind-boggling title: The Leprechaun. …bet that one took them hours to think up. So, for the next one hour and thirty-two minutes (yes… he was counting) they watched some creepy ass, fugly-lookin' Leprechaun kill people. Fun.
"Dude, I so woulda kicked that ugly thing's ass, and exorcised its ugly mug right back to hell already."
His brother laughed at that, before being cut off by the insatiable urge to cough up one of his own lungs.
Next up: Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The movie itself wasn't scary, but the general plot? Well… just hits a little too close to home…
Dean watched as Jessica Alba (boy was he glad this was the seventies, and no one wore bras…) tried desperately to out run that ass-faced (possibly literally…) red-neck inbred.
"…so Dean, who do you think is hotter? Jessica Alba running away from this skin-headed inbred, or you?"
"Ha-ha, very funny. You're just lucky I saved you before you got your leg chopped off, and you were hung up on the ceiling all pretty like."
Sam just laughs and goes back to the movie…
god damn red-necks…
So, a little while later, and the movies over (until another day, Jessica…). Next is some movie he'd never heard of before: 'Ghost Ship'.
The beginning was kinda boring… "yay, were dancing… look at me, I'm a little girl… I'm so rich and- " holy shit!...did that guy just get cut in half?? Oh man! That woman is trying to literally put herself back together…
That… was… AWESOME!
"Heh, hey Sammy, you know, when you become a hot-shot lawyer, you'll probably be goin' on lots of fancy cruises like that"
"Shut up, Dean…"
Unfortunately the movie went down from there. It wasn't nearly as bad as some movies he'd seen, but still, not worth the trouble.
"Ah come on! Just friggin' salt 'n' burn the body already, would ya?"
Eventually the movie ended, and they moved on to the next one: 'Signs'. He, of course, promptly changed the channel.
"Hey!" Sammy protested.
"Yeah, Mel Gibson? Just not exactly for me, 'k?"
So, a few minutes of channel surfing later landed them on 'Dawn of the Dead'. A pretty good thriller.
During the sniper-shooting zombie's scene, Dean decides to gloat:
"You know, I once hit a werewolf in the head from 500 feet… without a scope, might I add."
"Wow… that's amazing. (Insert Dean's "fake modest grin" here.) … now, when the zombies start invading earth, I know who to call."
"…Shut up."
So, after hours of watching (and criticizing) scary movies, and having children come trick-or-treating (of whom they, of course, promptly ignored.) Dean decides: maybe scary movies aren't half bad after all…
And maybe being sick isn't- '…wait… that doesn't feel normal… uh-oh…'
…during the four minutes it took Dean to purge his being of anything resembling food or nutrients, Dean decides:
Being sick still sucks ass.
MOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNTMOPNT
Hope you enjoyed it! Please R&R:)